Favorite Quotes of Veterinary School Professors

[MassDVMMPH]

There are quotes from various vet school profs that are permanently implanted in my brain. Thought many of you may have the same, and thought we could share them. Here are a few of mine:

A moving animal seldom dies. (Anesthesiology professor)

Age is not a disease. (Oncology professor)

If it ain't s**t and it ain't garbage, it doesn't belong on the floor!!! (Equine professor during a bandaging lab, where, yes, some students were placing bandaging materials on said floor)

OK, your turn...

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[orca2011]

"You guys suck. You let me run over." -- Med/Surg professor in regards to her lecturing into our break.

"With enough lube, you can fit anything, anywhere." -- Repro

 

[NStarz]

Haha great idea.

From today, an ECC professor. "All you need for an EKG is a lead above the heart and a lead below the heart. You can do the fancy smoke over fire thing blah blah...but I'm not XXXXX (badass cardio professor) and I don't care. Get the EKG on, get a rhythm, and do CPR."

 

[allieh8607]

Some from my favorite professor who taught physiology:

"The liver has more functions than you can shake a dead cat at."
"If it weren't for hepatocytes, the proximal tubules of the kidney would be the sexiest cells in the body."
"A person is 60% water, so just remember the next time you tell someone you love them, you are in love with water."
"Ah, the great ship multicellular!"

 

[Frozenshades]

"If you happen to cut people open with a chainsaw, that's hemorrhage by rhexis"

"If you see a chihuahua with opiate withdrawal in a dark alley...back away"

"Some teachers like apples on desks, we like sh*! in the mail"

 

[Trilt]

A pretty standard one, but I really like "Everything stops bleeding eventually."

 

[that redhead]

A moving animal seldom dies. (Anesthesiology professor)

Ours says, "You can fix a little bit light, but you can't fix a little bit dead."

 

[variegata]

A pep talk during a particularly rough week first year:
"Just keep showing up, and one day it will be over."

 

[StartingoverVet]

no breathe, no live.

-pulmonary physiology

 

[MassDVMMPH]

Every drug is a potential poison. (Pharmacology professor)

 

[Coquette22]

Path prof in first year: When we see pus, we usually like to describe it as suppurative or purulent exudate. We avoid the word "*****". It sounds okay, but looks really bad when it's written, so we don't use it.

A different path prof second year: So this area of the adrenal controls glucose and this area controls sex hormones and this area controls electrolytes. In this condition, all three are going to be negatively effected. Now, of sugar, sex or electrolytes, which do you think will kill you first? Electrolytes of course. You can live without sugar or sex. Whether it's worth living is another story...

Therio prof: Inhibin is the Justin Bieber of hormones.

Ophtho prof: All cats have herpes.

Small animal internal med prof: The liver is kind of a pansy. If there's lots of inflammation elsewhere in the body it's like, "Oh there's all these cytokines and I'm really unhappy and all these toxic products and oh I just wet my pants!" And then if there's concurrent hypoxia, it's like "Guys, I've got all this metabolism I need to do and I'm not getting enough oxygen and oh I just wet my pants again!"

 

[Thelemic]

professor describing a prolapsed uterus in a cow: This is just like as if you were having a baby, except you're not having the baby and you're shoving it in there with your arms.

 

[katryn]

I forget who said it (probably one of the anesthesia people): The only animal that doesn't benefit from supplemental oxygen is the one that's on fire.

And my mantra for all things panic inducing when I'm working alone....."it will be OK!" Said in the extremely calm, level voice of one of our surgeons, while talking about the fact that if you nick the aorta during abdominal surgery, you just put pressure on it until you stop panicking long enough to fix it.

 

[dyachei]

"all god's chillens has herpes" virology professor. She says the same about poxviruses

 

[Jamr0ckin]

About adrenals: "salt, sugar, sex. The deeper you go, the better it gets!"

 

[primatevetjess]

I don't remember which professor it was, I think our GI prof: "There are only 2 reasons to not do a rectal exam. Either you don't have a finger or the dog doesn't have an anus."

 

[Minnerbelle]

"If you don't quick at least one nail during a nail trim, you're not trying hard enough!"

"Would you like your dog to burn alone, or with others?" (re: individual vs. group cremation) - Neurologist at Tufts, a very funny man. who also refers to euthanasia as "TTJ," as in transfer to Jesus.

I'm sure we've all heard the "All bleeding eventually stops"

 

[Minnerbelle]

"ProparaCAINE takes the PAIN away, and TropicaMIDE opens the eyes WIDE"

 

[that redhead]

... who also refers to euthanasia as "TTJ," as in transfer to Jesus.

Omg, snorted/giggled out loud in the silent computer lab...

 

[NStarz]

I don't remember which professor it was, I think our GI prof: "There are only 2 reasons to not do a rectal exam. Either you don't have a finger or the dog doesn't have an anus."

I've heard this one!

 

[Jamr0ckin]

I've heard this one!

Me, too!

 

[psilovethomas]

equine surgeon: "the definition of a double blind study: two orthopedic surgeons trying to read an ECG"

 

[devyn]

Equine surgeon "Cattle are very sturdy creatures and can handle surgery well. You can open a cow up, ****e inside of it, and then stitch it back up and the cow will do fine. As long as the surgery is done fast you can put anything inside of a cow."

 

[Caia]

Equine surgeon: "Don't hold the forceps with more than your thumb and index finger. Anything more is called the caveman grip. Also known as the bovine practitioner's grip."

 

[Skimble]

Hope it's ok to add an undergrad prof. Comparative anatomy prof "Sure there is more than one way to skin a cat, but in this class, there is only one."

And on the topic of herpes, my Chinese micro prof "Student say, 'I'm so sad, I have herpes.' It's ok, we all have herpes!"

 

[Squeaksmom]

Equine surgeon: "Don't hold the forceps with more than your thumb and index finger. Anything more is called the caveman grip. Also known as the bovine practitioner's grip."

Yup, heard that one!

 

[psilovethomas]

equine surgeon...again...talking about correct handling of tissue forceps: “I watch to see that you’re doing this correctly. If you do it wrong once, I correct you. If you do it wrong a second time, I kill you. Which is frowned on by the administration, because then they don’t get your tuition . . .”

 

[WelshCob]

Our injectable anesthesia lecture in pharmacology refers to an overdose as "clay paw time".

 

[dyachei]

One clinician I worked with would say a pyoderma case had a "cephalexin deficiency" or similar for steroids

 

[KCgophervet]

Intro to today's urinary pathology lecture:
"What is man, when you come to think upon him, but a minutely set, ingenious machine for turning, with infinite artfulness, the red wine of Shiraz into urine?"

 

[orca2011]

In regards to iguanas excreting excess salt through their nasal salt glands, "They're just blowin' their coke." - exotics professor

 

[NStarz]

"If you look in the eye without dilating the pupil, you're a pervert." (ophtho prof, as in looking in a key hole in someone's hotel room instead of knocking on the door and asking to be let in...)

 

[MassDVMMPH]

"A reptile's not dead until it's warm and dead."
- visiting exotics professor

 

[Sillouetta]

"I know you're excited, and I am too!" -Embryology professor

 

[Coquette22]

"I know you're excited, and I am too!" -Embryology professor

Lies. You could not pay me to go back and retake first year embryology. (Well you could, but it'd probably be a pretty substantial amount...)

 

[Trilt]

Not a quote, but these surgery notes make me giggle. Bleeding? Stop it. Leaking? Stop the leak. Etc.

 

[Coquette22]

From our small animal pharmacology NAVLE review:

Prednisone
- Lymphoid cells hate it: It makes them “go away”
- Side effects include…: Don’t make me repeat myself
- Best not to give it by itself first with full chemo later: Gives tumor cells a heads-up on what’s coming next

 

[MassDVMMPH]

On the importance of a thorough physical exam:

"More things are missed by not looking than by not knowing."

 

[Squeaksmom]

Looking at a histo slide....
Student: "Where are the juxtaglomerular cells found?"
Prof: "In physiology textbooks."

 

[that redhead]

On the importance of a thorough physical exam:

"More things are missed by not looking than by not knowing."

This was repeated ad nauseam throughout our education...not exactly one of my favorites anymore.

 

[Coquette22]

This was repeated ad nauseam throughout our education...not exactly one of my favorites anymore.

Right up until fourth year when they spend 11 months reminding you it doesn't matter how hard you look, you still don't know jack.

Although I did have a clinician say to me the other day: "Hey, look what you found that I missed!"

 

[bbeventer]

"Unlike love herpes lasts forever" - Virology Prof

 

[chickenlittle]

"Never let 'em die without the benefit of the Silver Bullet." (steroids)

 

[Coquette22]

"Never let 'em die without the benefit of the Silver Bullet." (steroids)

The oncologist phrased it as "Nothing should die without trying Vitamin P."

 

[Glammyre]

I'll list my memorable phrases.

Across all classes, all professors:

"As you know..." or "I looked at your class notes last year and I know you covered this." I'd say at least 80% of the time, I don't have any memory of the lecture to which s/he is referring.

Then there's the ever-popular "In your spare time...", usually said when the professor wants us students to read the supplemental reading. One is okay, but three or four professors in a row is not.

As far as clinics - I forget whether I heard this at the hospital or from somewhere else, but, in clinic shorthand, there's BDLDLDL. = "Big Dog, Little Dog, Little Dog Lost."

 

[thepidog]

Our virology professor tells a dutch joke before every lecture. I'll paraphrase my favorite so far:
Hannah and David were newly married and honeymooning in America. They were driving across Minnesota and David reaches over and rests his hand on Hannah's knee. Hannah giggles. David moves his hand up a little farther up her leg. She laughs again. He moves it ever so slightly again, and finally Hannah says "we're a married couple now, David, you can go even farther." So he drove all the way to Duluth.

 

[KCgophervet]

"With great compassion, extract the feces."

 

[Coquette22]

Anesthesia prof: I can fix too light. I can't fix too dead.

Community practice vet, during a neuter while I was squeezing the testicle through the tunic: Be aggressive! Be be aggressive!

 

[Trilt]

Today in a review we talked about Hickam's dictum - a corollary to Occam's razor, and which states "Patients can have as many diseases as they damn well please."

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Looking at a histo slide....
Student: "Where are the juxtaglomerular cells found?"
Prof: "In physiology textbooks."

Dem granules.