Feminine-presenting interviewee wearing a tie?

[queerMD]

This is my first time posting, but I have an upcoming interview and would like to get opinions on my interview attire.

First off, let me say the med school at which I’m interviewing is LGBTQ friendly, asking applicants their gender identities and preferred pronouns. On my application, in addition to acknowledging that I’m gay and talking about my interest in LGBTQ health, I put my gender as gender-fluid, which is as it sounds, I don’t nicely fit into one specific gender identity, but rather fluctuate between genderqueer and female (most often towards genderqueer).

So, my interviewer will be able to see my preferred pronouns are she/her, but with an open file interview, they can also see I identify as gender-fluid. Which finally brings me to my question. I would like to wear a tie to my interview, but am slightly hesitant it could be perceived negatively and I don't want to jeopardize my future over a tie. Still, I have consistently heard the importance of going into an interview feeling comfortable and confident, and for me, that means wearing a tie.

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[efle]

I would like to wear a tie to my interview, but am slightly hesitant it could be perceived negatively

Why would wearing a tie be perceived negatively?

 

[ChymeofPassion]

No tie. If people could just wear what they felt comfortable in there would be a lot more purple suits and sockless dress shoes. It could be perceived negatively, the best thing that could happen is nothing.

 

[Lawpy]

No tie. If people could just wear what they felt comfortable in there would be a lot more purple suits and sockless dress shoes. It could be perceived negatively, the best thing that could happen is nothing.

Why would wearing a tie be perceived negatively?

Wat. What's wrong with wearing a tie ? Sorry confused here

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Wat. What's wrong with wearing a tie ? Sorry confused here

Not sure, but if the op is female, a woman wearing a tie could be viewed in a weird way. If the op is a guy who identifies as female, that could also be confusing. Either way, probably safer to just avoid it.

 

[Cointoss]

I'm simply a practicing physician, so don't take my opinion as the gospel, but I would advise that you attire yourself conventionally unless that would make you uncomfortable.
Interviewed candidates should not attempt to express their individuality by their manner of dress.
I understand that you wish to be authentic and be appreciated for who you are, but the reality is that you are likely being judged by conventional standards.
My guess is that what makes you unique need not be highlighted by clothing anyway.

 

[Lawpy]

Not sure, but if the op is female, a woman wearing a tie could be viewed in a weird way. If the op is a guy who identifies as female, that could also be confusing. Either way, probably safer to just avoid it.

? Sorry not understanding the weird/negative perception about this. I thought it's acceptable/fine/normal for women to wear ties? Then again, i don't know women's fashion

 

[Goro]

This is a medical school interview. How do you think that you should dress?

This is my first time posting, but I have an upcoming interview and would like to get opinions on my interview attire.

First off, let me say the med school at which I’m interviewing is LGBTQ friendly, asking applicants their gender identities and preferred pronouns. On my application, in addition to acknowledging that I’m gay and talking about my interest in LGBTQ health, I put my gender as gender-fluid, which is as it sounds, I don’t nicely fit into one specific gender identity, but rather fluctuate between genderqueer and female (most often towards genderqueer).

So, my interviewer will be able to see my preferred pronouns are she/her, but with an open file interview, they can also see I identify as gender-fluid. Which finally brings me to my question. I would like to wear a tie to my interview, but am slightly hesitant it could be perceived negatively and I don't want to jeopardize my future over a tie. Still, I have consistently heard the importance of going into an interview feeling comfortable and confident, and for me, that means wearing a tie.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

? Sorry not understanding the weird/negative perception about this. I thought it's acceptable/fine/normal for women to wear ties? Then again, i don't know women's fashion

It's definitely not conventional for a woman to wear a tie.

ETA: Just for the record, I don't give two ****s what someone wears. I'm just being realistic here.

 

[redsox93]

No tie. If people could just wear what they felt comfortable in there would be a lot more purple suits and sockless dress shoes. It could be perceived negatively, the best thing that could happen is nothing.

That doesn't sound comfortable at all

 

[Lawpy]

It's definitely not conventional for a woman to wear a tie.

ETA: Just for the record, I don't give two ****s what someone wears. I'm just being realistic here.

That's surprising! I guess i learned something new today

 

[sammiesings]

as a native San Franciscan millennial, i can say with complete confidence that if you showed up in the city in a tie, no one would think twice about it. it wouldn't be a positive, or a negative, it would just BE. however, we do have to be realistic in our assumptions that most of the country is not completely there yet. and b, the older generations are definitely not there yet (as a whole). i understand and i feel for you, but it might be best if you just don't wear the tie to be "safe" (which is a disgusting thing to say, but i hope you know what i mean.) a lot of people may not "get it" and when people don't "get" things, they tend to react strongly in a negative way. especially when judging/comparing you to others who didn't make them feel uncomfortable or confused.

 

[queerMD]

Sorry, let me clarify some things. While my gender identity is gender-fluid, my sex is female and I am most often perceived as female (I have a chest binder that I wear when presenting as genderqueer, but I’m not going to wear it to my interview). Because I’m more often perceived as female, I use she/her pronouns; I’m fine with they/them pronouns too and friends use them with me, but I don’t want to spend my entire career explaining gender neutral pronouns to patients.

So, basically, yes, on interview day, I would be perceived as a female in a tie. I know this goes against the notion of dressing conservatively for interviews, which is why I’m only considering wearing a tie to this one specific LGBTQ friendly school. Also, on my app, I talked a lot about my interest in LGBTQ health and LGBTQ representation in medicine, so more likely than not, those topics will come up, tie or no tie.

I’m not trying to be unique or stand out. But, generally speaking, for any business or formal event where men are expected to wear a suit and tie, I also wear a suit and tie. So, before I amended my usual attire, I wanted confirmation from others that it’s probably the safer choice. Which is what seems to be the general consensus.

 

[Lucca]

I couldn't imagine anyone really caring about this given that you dress well and conservatively. Suits are not necessarily male outside of the weird early-twentieth-century time warp that is SDN fashion threads. The important thing is that you dress well and interview well. I imagine you will interview better if you feel comfortable in the way you present yourself. That's just my 2 cents most likely won't be the consensus

 

[QueenAudrey]

This is my first time posting, but I have an upcoming interview and would like to get opinions on my interview attire.

First off, let me say the med school at which I’m interviewing is LGBTQ friendly, asking applicants their gender identities and preferred pronouns. On my application, in addition to acknowledging that I’m gay and talking about my interest in LGBTQ health, I put my gender as gender-fluid, which is as it sounds, I don’t nicely fit into one specific gender identity, but rather fluctuate between genderqueer and female (most often towards genderqueer).

So, my interviewer will be able to see my preferred pronouns are she/her, but with an open file interview, they can also see I identify as gender-fluid. Which finally brings me to my question. I would like to wear a tie to my interview, but am slightly hesitant it could be perceived negatively and I don't want to jeopardize my future over a tie. Still, I have consistently heard the importance of going into an interview feeling comfortable and confident, and for me, that means wearing a tie.

What we need is the opinion of @DokterMom. Until she chimes in, here are my (non-adcom) thoughts:

Note: A female/woman who identifies strictly as female should not wear a tie.

I believe you SHOULD wear the tie, because:

1 - You are genderfluid
2 - You identify as such on your app
3 - You have an interest in LGBTQ health (and, I assume, your EC's corroborate this interest)
4 - You are applying to an openly tolerant school
5 - In your mind, tie = professional, formal. Any career counselor or etiquette coach will tell you to "dress the part to act the part" (For example: wear a suit to a telephone interview because it will put you in the right, professional, formal mindset.) For you, if not wearing the tie would psychologically be like showing up in business casual, wear the tie!

BE PREPARED TO MAKE LGBTQ HEALTH AND ADVOCACY A MAIN TALKING POINT OF YOUR INTERVIEW AND HAVE THE E.C. STORIES TO BACK IT UP!!

 

[CerseiLannister]

This is anecdotal... n=1. But I had a female-identifying queer friend from undergrad interview at HMS with a bowtie and suit. She is MS4 there now.

I also have two transgender friends that dressed according to their gender identity. They have matriculated to MD programs in progressive cities. Some schools go out of their way to specifically say that they will not discriminate based on gender identity. If your identity is fluid, go ahead with the tie if that is what you feel comfortable in. I would look at each interview location and try to get a sense of the culture there. I agree with everyone that it is a good idea to be conservative and cautious. However, I believe the higher imperative is to be authentic.

 

[LizzyM]

This is anecdotal... n=1. But I had a female-identifying queer friend from undergrad interview at HMS with a bowtie and suit. She is MS4 there now.

I also have two transgender friends that dressed according to their gender identity. They have matriculated to MD programs in progressive cities. Some schools go out of their way to specifically say that they will not discriminate based on gender identity. If your identity is fluid, go ahead with the tie if that is what you feel comfortable in. I would look at each interview location and try to get a sense of the culture there. I agree with everyone that it is a good idea to be conservative and cautious. However, I believe the higher imperative is to be authentic.

I have a female-identifying gender queer friend who graduated from Harvard Law this year in a bowtie and suit. Seems Harvard, at least, is open to gender queer students. I don't believe that given your application, that anyone would think it out of the ordinary that you wear a tie to the interview. If anything, it shows that you walk the talk.

 

[DokterMom]

You need to be who you are - authentic and consistent. Since you are openly gender queer and have 'walked the walk' with your activities, wearing a tie is perfectly consistent with your identity. And as you say, this is a friendly school.

However you also mention 'being safe' and wearing a tie is less safe than not. I'm thinking that anyone inclined to discriminate will already have plenty of ammunition --

 

[Avicenna]

Lmaooooo this is why I'm on sdn

 

[piii]

Do you, wear the tie. If you get rejected because of this (unlikely), then at least you have your dignity and self expression.

 

[sammiesings]

Lmaooooo this is why I'm on sdn

Uh what?

 

[Kr#36]

Uh what?

Uh oh..

 

[Wiesal]

? Sorry not understanding the weird/negative perception about this. I thought it's acceptable/fine/normal for women to wear ties? Then again, i don't know women's fashion

Why would you take the risk and be unconventional? There is no reward assuming OP is a female. This is not the time for self-expression.

 

[Kr#36]

Why would you take the risk and be unconventional? There is no reward assuming OP is a female. This is not the time for self-expression.

Agreed, your purpose when it comes to this or any medical school interview is to gain admission into medical school. Don't be unconventional just for the sake of self-expression. If you're female, dress as a female for the interview. After that do as you please, hopefully as a future med student!

 

[Lawpy]

Why would you take the risk and be unconventional? There is no reward assuming OP is a female. This is not the time for self-expression.

Agreed, your purpose when it comes to this or any medical school interview is to gain admission into medical school. Don't be unconventional just for the sake of self-expression. If you're female, dress as a female for the interview. After that do as you please, hopefully as a future med student!

... i actually didn't know it's unconventional for women to wear ties. Guess it's time for me to learn more about women's fashion!

 

[MDProspect]

Sorry, let me clarify some things. While my gender identity is gender-fluid, my sex is female and I am most often perceived as female (I have a chest binder that I wear when presenting as genderqueer, but I’m not going to wear it to my interview). Because I’m more often perceived as female, I use she/her pronouns; I’m fine with they/them pronouns too and friends use them with me, but I don’t want to spend my entire career explaining gender neutral pronouns to patients.

So, basically, yes, on interview day, I would be perceived as a female in a tie. I know this goes against the notion of dressing conservatively for interviews, which is why I’m only considering wearing a tie to this one specific LGBTQ friendly school. Also, on my app, I talked a lot about my interest in LGBTQ health and LGBTQ representation in medicine, so more likely than not, those topics will come up, tie or no tie.

I’m not trying to be unique or stand out. But, generally speaking, for any business or formal event where men are expected to wear a suit and tie, I also wear a suit and tie. So, before I amended my usual attire, I wanted confirmation from others that it’s probably the safer choice. Which is what seems to be the general consensus.

Out of curiosity, are you going to wear a blazer and a skirt? Or are you going to wear a suit? You are going to this interview for the sole purpose of getting into the medical school. For all of my interviews, I took off my Kippah and wore a neutral colored suit that did not show any name brands. Drawing attention to yourself is not always a good thing.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Out of curiosity, are you going to wear a blazer and a skirt? Or are you going to wear a suit? You are going to this interview for the sole purpose of getting into the medical school. For all of my interviews, I took off my Kippah and wore a neutral colored suit that did not show any name brands. Drawing attention to yourself is not always a good thing.

Agreed.

 

[neusu]

Your interview is neither the time nor the place to make a statement about anything aside from the fact that you are the best candidate for the job. Thus, dress as expected. If they ask about your interests and your application, discuss openly at that point. Certainly, you may well want to stick it to the man and not conform to his expectations. That being said, do not act surprised if you are summarily rejected. There may be schools out there that are more progressive, but from my experience, they want a diverse class, but one that is willing to play by the rules.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

... i actually didn't know it's unconventional for women to wear ties. Guess it's time for me to learn more about women's fashion!

Everything I know about women's fashion, I learned from Project Runway. So, not much.

 

[Cara Delevingne]

For all of my interviews, I took off my Kippah

Interesting. I saw a lot of kippahs being worn on interview day. Some of the interviewing physicians came in wearing kippahs as well.

IMO, OP should wear the tie. It's acceptable formal attire and it's what you prefer to wear.

 

[MDProspect]

Interesting. I saw a lot of kippahs being worn on interview day. Some of the interviewing physicians came in wearing kippahs as well.

I saw that as well, but I want to keep my affiliations to a minimum. I already get a ton of questions about my nationality, which I cannot conceal due to my name.

 

[Avicenna]

guys i have another question that kind of goes along with op's. I identify as a panqueersexual who fluctuates between antidemigender and psychosomatogender. Because of this, I identify with wearing wizard hats. Should I do that in the interview? I'm worried it may offend the pseudogendersexuals.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

guys i have another question that kind of goes along with op's. I identify as a panqueersexual who fluctuates between antidemigender and psychosomatogender. Because of this, I identify with wearing wizard hats. Should I do that in the interview? I'm worried it may offend the pseudogendersexuals.

I know it's ****ed up, but this really made me laugh.

ETA: I agree that the OP should just be conventional and make a statement once she's a med student, but it is a legit question, and I don't hate on anyone for identifying however they choose. Do you.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

HEY that offends me.

If you get offended by people not responding to your wizard hat, med school probably isn't for you.

Ha! Caught your ninja edit. Your apparition skills need work.

 

[Kr#36]

I have a serious question for OP (and anyone in this thread for that matter) on the proper terminology for referring to people who have "fluctuating gender identities". I am not saying this in any way derogatory, insensitive, or insulting, I just genuinely don't know how all of these terms are used yet... From those of you who played pee-wee football when you were younger, I'm sure you can relate, but I vividly remember getting our butts chewed-out one time at practice when we played the tackling game "smear the q****" because our coach said that was totally inappropriate language. But now that word seems to be used much more commonly and isn't seen as incorrect or improper given that it is used in the proper context. So I ask, what exactly does "queer" mean to you when you refer to yourself or others as "genderqueer". I've tried google and all of that, but I would like someone to be able to put it in plain terms for me since this is a growing area of conversation/attention in today's society.

I don't pretend to be educated on this topic in any fashion, mostly because I disagree that you can just randomly choose to identify as something and expect me to go along with it. However, in your case I think its pretty easy. I don't believe queer is a derogatory term, UNLESS its used in a negative sense, such as a game of "smeer the queer."

 

[WedgeDawg]

Members are reminded to be respectful and professional in their responses.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I don't pretend to be educated on this topic in any fashion, mostly because I disagree that you can just randomly choose to identify as something and expect me to go along with it. However, in your case I think its pretty easy. I don't believe queer is a derogatory term, UNLESS its used in a negative sense, such as a game of "smeer the queer."

It's like the term Jew. It's not derogatory unless you put some stank on it. A lot of words are like that.

I also agree that just randomly identifying in some way doesn't really seem legit to me. But OP seems to have a demonstrable history of identifying a certain way. Gotta walk the walk if you're gonna talk the talk.

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

LOL seriously?

 

[Turkishking]

 

[honigbiene]

Here is my input:
1) I've seen plenty of cisgender women wearing ties
2) Wear what makes you feel most confident and self-assured. My husband is transgender (ftm) and before he fully transitioned, anytime he was put in positions where he was expected to conform to typical female norms, I could spot from a mile away that he was SO SO anxious and just such a completely different person. If you are the same, then not wearing the tie could definitely have a negative impact on your interview performance.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Here is my input:
1) I've seen plenty of cisgender women wearing ties
2) Wear what makes you feel most confident and self-assured. My husband is transgender (ftm) and before he fully transitioned, anytime he was put in positions where he was expected to conform to typical female norms, I could spot from a mile away that he was SO SO anxious and just such a completely different person. If you are the same, then not wearing the tie could definitely have a negative impact on your interview performance.

Right, except that op isn't a transgendered man.

 

[sammiesings]

.

 

[wysdoc]

This is my first time posting, but I have an upcoming interview and would like to get opinions on my interview attire.

First off, let me say the med school at which I’m interviewing is LGBTQ friendly, asking applicants their gender identities and preferred pronouns. On my application, in addition to acknowledging that I’m gay and talking about my interest in LGBTQ health, I put my gender as gender-fluid, which is as it sounds, I don’t nicely fit into one specific gender identity, but rather fluctuate between genderqueer and female (most often towards genderqueer).

So, my interviewer will be able to see my preferred pronouns are she/her, but with an open file interview, they can also see I identify as gender-fluid. Which finally brings me to my question. I would like to wear a tie to my interview, but am slightly hesitant it could be perceived negatively and I don't want to jeopardize my future over a tie. Still, I have consistently heard the importance of going into an interview feeling comfortable and confident, and for me, that means wearing a tie.

How about wearing your suit jacket, slacks, and something at the collar to make it feel polished, rather than a tie?

 

[Saifa]

It really pains me to see prospective physicians incapable of having a mature discussion regarding gender identity.

 

[ed*26]

Agreed, your purpose when it comes to this or any medical school interview is to gain admission into medical school. Don't be unconventional just for the sake of self-expression. If you're female, dress as a female for the interview. After that do as you please, hopefully as a future med student!

Her express point is that she doesn't always identify as female, and that wearing a tie is not just for self-expression but rather for confidence. I'd imagine that most men would feel uncomfortable and underdressed if they attended an interview without a tie. QueerMD, who wears a suit and tie regularly, is no different. I'd also like to remind everyone that we are talking about a tie -- a formal, classy piece of standard interview attire. It's not like she's asking whether she can show up in a hot pink suit or bedazzled flats.

In response to your question, @queerMD, I think DokterMom's advice is solid.

I don't pretend to be educated on this topic in any fashion, mostly because I disagree that you can just randomly choose to identify as something and expect me to go along with it. However, in your case I think its pretty easy. I don't believe queer is a derogatory term, UNLESS its used in a negative sense, such as a game of "smeer the queer."

Queer is a reclaimed word. Not so long ago it was used as an insult (hence the "smear the queer" game), and there's some older LGBTQ+ people who will be genuinely upset if it's directed at them. There was a whole kerfuffle at my job from the older generation about adding "Q" to "LGBT+" on our branding. It's now being used more often, especially by younger people, to refer to a gender that is neither male nor female (as with OP's use of genderqueer) or by someone who is actively exploring their gender identity (I see this last one a lot with the preteen/high school crowd).

Like a lot of identities, whether or not it's considered offensive is mostly determined by how you use it.

 

[edgerock24]

guys i have another question that kind of goes along with op's. I identify as a panqueersexual who fluctuates between antidemigender and psychosomatogender. Because of this, I identify with wearing wizard hats. Should I do that in the interview? I'm worried it may offend the pseudogendersexuals.

Best response I've seen on SDN in awhile. Keep up the good work.

 

[ATPsynthase123]

This is my first time posting, but I have an upcoming interview and would like to get opinions on my interview attire.

First off, let me say the med school at which I’m interviewing is LGBTQ friendly, asking applicants their gender identities and preferred pronouns. On my application, in addition to acknowledging that I’m gay and talking about my interest in LGBTQ health, I put my gender as gender-fluid, which is as it sounds, I don’t nicely fit into one specific gender identity, but rather fluctuate between genderqueer and female (most often towards genderqueer).

So, my interviewer will be able to see my preferred pronouns are she/her, but with an open file interview, they can also see I identify as gender-fluid. Which finally brings me to my question. I would like to wear a tie to my interview, but am slightly hesitant it could be perceived negatively and I don't want to jeopardize my future over a tie. Still, I have consistently heard the importance of going into an interview feeling comfortable and confident, and for me, that means wearing a tie.

Personally, I wouldn't care one bit if you wore a tie as long as it goes with the outfit and neither should your interviewers. However, i think you should avoid terms like "gender-fluid" or "gender-queer". Not because they are wrong or I don't approve, but simply because they are dumb terms for a real identity people have.

Just put for gender "unsure" or "questioning". It appears much more professional than stating you are a "gender fluid, demisexual fox-kin who sexually identifies as a refrigerator."

Then again, I could be wrong. Who knows.


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[DokterMom]

View attachment 208985 View attachment 208987 View attachment 208988
How about wearing your suit jacket, slacks, and something at the collar to make it feel polished, rather than a tie?

If it wouldn't feel like a 'cowardly' choice to you, it's a safe, elegant, yet 'not quite conventional' option that could very nicely articulate "I am not typical, but also not confrontational about it for no good reason."

 

[DokterMom]

Just put for gender "unsure" or "questioning". It appears much more professional than stating you are a "gender fluid, demisexual fox-kin who sexually identifies as a refrigerator."

While I don't object to"unsure" or "questioning" as a legitimate answer from those for whom this is the most truthful response, it didn't sound like the OP fell into that category. It's kind of the same 'PC dishonest' response as referring to yourself as agnostic when you know darned well you're an atheist. Safer maybe, but not completely honest, and integrity is something OP seems to be striving for.

Along those same lines, the closed-collar-brooch idea -- It's elegant and non-conventional, but if it feels dishonest - like you're waffling - then don't. But if your urge to wear a tie is primarily (or even significantly) 'in your face defiance' then that's not a particularly good reason either.

 

[ATPsynthase123]

While I don't object to"unsure" or "questioning" as a legitimate answer from those for whom this is the most truthful response, it didn't sound like the OP fell into that category. It's kind of the same 'PC dishonest' response as referring to yourself as agnostic when you know darned well you're an atheist. Safer maybe, but not completely honest, and integrity is something OP seems to be striving for.

Along those same lines, the closed-collar-brooch idea -- It's elegant and non-conventional, but if it feels dishonest - like you're waffling - then don't. But if your urge to wear a tie is primarily (or even significantly) 'in your face defiance' then that's not a particularly good reason either.

I mean I know we are getting into philosophical territory, but I really think that at this point we are over complicating gender. Either you're male, female, or you are unsure/questioning. At least professionally we do not need all of these ridiculous terms like gender fluid, gender queer, and all of these constantly morphing sexual identities. Just put that you are questioning, I'm unsure, or experimenting. It's just more professional.


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