how to deal with envy and bitterness?

[aspiring20]

i just took the MCAT this past weekend (7/13), and i have to say it went pretty well. i averaged 30-35 on the AAMC exams (35 on 10, 33 on 11), and i think i got at least a 33 on the real thing.

so while finishing the MCAT is an accomplishment (and a big one at that), everytime i see my peers getting into medical school, booking their european vacation trips, and celebrating the completion of MS1...i cannot help but feel bitter and angry. i am currently taking some summer biology classes to boost my sGPA while my peers are preparing the start of medical school courses.

what should i do to better adjust my mindset? even if i get a 33 (which i probably did), it is still a far cry from my original goal of 36+.

one option i am looking at is to prepare to attend a DO school. i know that i will become a physician through the DO route, and a lot of specialties are still open to me.

another option i am trying to do to distract myself is to study for a september retake. but i've spent so much energy studying the MCAT already...i dont think i can do it anymore. to be honest, i've fought hard for 5 years already, and i dont think i can hang on for much longer.

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[NontradCA]

I think your just experiencing some post test anxiety. Chillax and throw 6 back. Reassess after a few days of giving yourself a break. Don't think of med school or tests for a lil bit.

 

[huskerdye]

Drink a beer and wait for your test scores to get back in??

 

[deleted303591]

I would do a retake, if you already feel bitter about the situation. Leave nothing at the table and make it a done deal, so you do not look back with regret, for any reason.

Realize that there are people in a lot worse off situations than you, for no fault of their own. There are indigent individuals, underrepresented minorities, people with family troubles and people with chronic health issues. These individuals all have complicated situations.

You need to put things in to perspective and realize that you should not undermine your success (be the best you can be). But, realize there are people a lot worse off than you, whose dreams are cut off, due to extreme circumstances.

Many people who have made it in to medical school have just been lucky or fortunate, while earning their spot through hard work.

 

[deleted303591]

I think your just experiencing some post test anxiety. Chillax and throw 6 back. Reassess after a few days of giving yourself a break. Don't think of med school or tests for a lil bit.

Agreed. Nothing will happen until you get your test scores back.

You can always take a gap year and work on the MCAT as if your life depended on it. However, you do not know if this is going to be the case, so do not worry about this.

 

[Benedictus123]

Do you really have such little confidence in yourself that you already are contemplating a retake?

Unless you cancel your score that day, sack up and wait for the results to be released.

The MCAT is tough, but it's not exactly Mt. Everest.

 

[SunsFun]

What exactly are you bitter about? Going D.O. while many of your friends are doing M.D.? I think it shouldn't bother you. I may be wrong here but I think you may want to reconsider hanging out with some of your "friends". Honestly, I know some people just don't recognize it but it gets really annoying when someone keeps telling me how awesome they are and how much they have accomplished. Maybe your friends are okay and it is your problem. For me though, limiting the amount of time spent with over zealous overachievers made big difference. Realize that you're doing it for yourself and in no competition with anybody else.

 

[Mt Kilimanjaro]

If it makes you feel any better I only have 3 interview invites so far.

 

[deleted303591]

What exactly are you bitter about?Going D.O. while many of your friends are doing M.D.? I think it shouldn't bother you. I may be wrong here but I think you may want to reconsider hanging out with some of your "friends". Honestly, I know some people just don't recognize it but it gets really annoying when someone keeps telling me how awesome they are and how much they have accomplished.

I think the OP is bitter about the opportunities he or she has missed out on due to academic setbacks and MCAT scores. Perhaps this individual has experienced few setbacks in his or her life, in general. My academic progress is a constant setback (not particularly due to grades - medical problems). Perhaps he or she has not experienced extreme frustration.

Maybe your friends are okay and it is your problem. For me though, limiting the amount of time spent with over zealous overachievers made big difference. Realize that you're doing it for yourself and in no competition with anybody else.

The OP's friends may or may not be overacheivers, either way, the OP has to do it for his self or herself. You cannot blame this on his or her friends. The OP needs to figure out what is making him or her so frustrated, beyond envy and bitterness, and put things back in to perspective.

 

[milkphlegm]

I can appreciate your sentiment. I've watched a ton of my friends and classmates just get into great MD programs, travel the world, and chill for the summer.

Its easy to be jealous and bitter. But remember, you WILL get there. Even if you have to retake the MCAT. Even if you have to apply again. Even if blah blah blah. You set your mind and effort to it, and it will eventually happen. You just can't let your negative feelings get in the way.

I don't think I'd start studying for the MCAT again and blow all the time that could be spent enjoying yourself. I have taken the MCAT more than once, to say the least. I felt good about it and did poorly. I felt bad about it and did well.

Keep your head up. Look to those people as inspiration for your future, not as bitterness for what you think you might not achieve in the near future.

 

[SunsFun]

I am not blaming anything on anybody. Just suggesting OP to not be in a position to feel jealous so that he can keep his sanity.

 

[I Love Cats]

Remember, it is not about where you are. It is about how far YOU have come from where you were. You need to take pride in all that you've done, especially those things that you have done to the best of your ability. Just be as epic as you can be by going hard every day, and learn to appreciate this effort and derive your worth from your strength and not from comparisons of your accomplishments to others'. Be proud and love yourself more.

 

[aspiring20]

thanks for all the feedback. i think the best thing to do now is to forget about the past and move forward bravely, not carrying any useless baggage with me.

worst comes to worse, i can always retire a few years later in order to make up for lost time.

 

[zeppelinpage4]

i just took the MCAT this past weekend (7/13), and i have to say it went pretty well. i averaged 30-35 on the AAMC exams (35 on 10, 33 on 11), and i think i got at least a 33 on the real thing.

so while finishing the MCAT is an accomplishment (and a big one at that), everytime i see my peers getting into medical school, booking their european vacation trips, and celebrating the completion of MS1...i cannot help but feel bitter and angry. i am currently taking some summer biology classes to boost my sGPA while my peers are preparing the start of medical school courses.

what should i do to better adjust my mindset? even if i get a 33 (which i probably did), it is still a far cry from my original goal of 36+.

one option i am looking at is to prepare to attend a DO school. i know that i will become a physician through the DO route, and a lot of specialties are still open to me.

another option i am trying to do to distract myself is to study for a september retake. but i've spent so much energy studying the MCAT already...i dont think i can do it anymore. to be honest, i've fought hard for 5 years already, and i dont think i can hang on for much longer.

It's easy to get wrapped up in this whole process, but sometimes you just gotta step back and get some perspective on things.If you are healthy and with your loved ones, then you have every reason to be happy.

P.s. comparing yourself to others can drive you nuts, cause there's always someone better. A lot of the posts said to just focus on your own achievements and progress, and they're right. You'll be much more at peace.

 

[ReadyToRumble]

First of all, stop spending so much time on Facebook. Like others have said, focus on the process you're taking on and how great it will be when it's over and you have an acceptance to a (or several) medical school(s).

 

[VictorAlpha]

Remember, it is not about where you are. It is about how far YOU have come from where you were. You need to take pride in all that you've done, especially those things that you have done to the best of your ability. Just be as epic as you can be by going hard every day, and learn to appreciate this effort and derive your worth from your strength and not from comparisons of your accomplishments to others'. Be proud and love yourself more.

I basically agree with this. A little more introspection might serve you better. Exactly why are you doing this anyway? Is it a competition for you?

In the end, what do you want to be about? what do you want to stand for? If you know that and are confident in yourself, then just keep going one thing at a time. Push yourself. Life is a journey, but not necessarily a race.

 

[Myrridith]

I basically agree with this. A little more introspection might serve you better. Exactly why are you doing this anyway? Is it a competition for you?

In the end, what do you want to be about? what do you want to stand for? If you know that and are confident in yourself, then just keep going one thing at a time. Push yourself. Life is a journey, but not necessarily a race.

hate to quote tower, but what they said. It helps to compare you to yourself instead of you to everyone else. In fact, it is pretty pointless comparing yourself to everyone else. No one started in the same place or have the same strengths and weaknesses.

Whenever, I feel bitter and jealous, I just start listing the things I want to accomplish in my life and how my choices will allow me to accomplish them and I remind myself that not everyone has the same list and puts the same importance on those things. Sometimes, it might also help to think about other things you have, strengths, skills, experiences, that were important to you but not medically related.

 

[sazerac]

In This Thread: somebody (likely) gets a 33 on the MCAT, and is envious of others and bitter about their future.

 

[aspiring20]

In This Thread: somebody (likely) gets a 33 on the MCAT, and is envious of others and bitter about their future.

that's uncalled for.

a 33 is a strong score, but 1) I dont have it yet, and 2) it doesn't mean anything for CA applicants.

 

[Geebeejay]

that's uncalled for.

a 33 is a strong score, but 1) I dont have it yet, and 2) it doesn't mean anything for CA applicants.

Do I have to quote Wayne Gretzky?

Make sure to apply to schools outside of CA too. No reason to be "bitter" or to compare yourself to anyone else...big waste of time and energy. Just do what you gotta do.

 

[OMGMike]

I second the commenter who suggested you spend less time on Facebook.

I deleted my Facebook two years ago, when I first began to apply to medical school. I took a fifth and half sixth year to graduate due to family obligations and I started to feel bad about myself because I hadn't graduated yet and already my old high school friends had been accepted to and started medical school.

I truly believe that deleting my Facebook was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I lost some of my more shallow friendships but I've learned to be happy with my life and with my pace. I also enjoy the 10 hours minimum of each week that I gained from not being on Facebook.

You don't have to delete your Facebook but I guess my point is that you might be happier if you learned to accept your own pace and your own circumstances. If your friends are the super competitive types and they make you feel bad about yourself, try talking to them about it. Or spend less time with them. Or hide them on your Facebook feed. Focus on you and making yourself happy

 

[PDTNJA]

I averaged a 32 on my aamc tests, my first was a 30 and my last was a 35, I walked out thinking I had a 32-33 and was contemplating a retake... I did better on the real think than any of my practice tests.
crack a few cold ones, do something that makes you happy... retakes are only good if ABSOLUTELY necessary

 

[PDTNJA]

I averaged a 32 on my aamc tests, my first was a 30 and my last was a 35, I walked out thinking I had a 32-33 and was contemplating a retake... I did better on the real thing than any of my practice tests.
crack a few cold ones, do something that makes you happy... retakes are only good if ABSOLUTELY necessary

Edit: I suck at this whole quoting thing

 

[aspiring20]

I averaged a 32 on my aamc tests, my first was a 30 and my last was a 35, I walked out thinking I had a 32-33 and was contemplating a retake... I did better on the real thing than any of my practice tests.
crack a few cold ones, do something that makes you happy... retakes are only good if ABSOLUTELY necessary

Edit: I suck at this whole quoting thing

congrats! was your real one "easier" than the AAMC ones? when did you take your MCAT?

 

[ES2]

It's easy to get wrapped up in this whole process, but sometimes you just gotta step back and get some perspective on things.If you are healthy and with your loved ones, then you have every reason to be happy.

P.s. comparing yourself to others can drive you nuts, cause there's always someone better. A lot of the posts said to just focus on your own achievements and progress, and they're right. You'll be much more at peace.

Gotta agree with this. There's always going to be someone who's better looking than you, has a hotter wife/husband, with a better car and a better house.

But there's always going to be people who are way worse off than you too. You'll probably be dealing with a lot of these individuals as a physician.

It's not about the competition, its about doing the job and enjoying the process of getting there. Take a break, crack open a beer, and light up that joint. Life's too short to be stressed.

 

[aspiring20]

Do I have to quote Wayne Gretzky?

Make sure to apply to schools outside of CA too. No reason to be "bitter" or to compare yourself to anyone else...big waste of time and energy. Just do what you gotta do.

I absolutely positively will. I am applying next June, and I am looking at 40 MD schools and 10 DO schools. I will get into a medical school in this country the first time; it will be do or die.

 

[Gauss44]

i just took the MCAT this past weekend (7/13), and i have to say it went pretty well. i averaged 30-35 on the AAMC exams (35 on 10, 33 on 11), and i think i got at least a 33 on the real thing.

so while finishing the MCAT is an accomplishment (and a big one at that), everytime i see my peers getting into medical school, booking their european vacation trips, and celebrating the completion of MS1...i cannot help but feel bitter and angry. i am currently taking some summer biology classes to boost my sGPA while my peers are preparing the start of medical school courses.

what should i do to better adjust my mindset? even if i get a 33 (which i probably did), it is still a far cry from my original goal of 36+.

one option i am looking at is to prepare to attend a DO school. i know that i will become a physician through the DO route, and a lot of specialties are still open to me.

another option i am trying to do to distract myself is to study for a september retake. but i've spent so much energy studying the MCAT already...i dont think i can do it anymore. to be honest, i've fought hard for 5 years already, and i dont think i can hang on for much longer.

I listen to music. I can't believe I both know this song and saw them in concert, but here's some Corrs lyrics... "When you're all alone and it doesn't seem quite fair, remember that we're all wrapped in ignorance, tempted to despair." They actually sang it that way. Different than recorded version. Can't believe I know that either. (Shh.. secret Corrs fan.)

 

[aspiring20]

i think the biggest mistake i've made is attending the wrong undergrad. going to the northeast, 2000+ miles away from home was a terrible idea. my peers were upperclass and live in the surrounding suburbs. they had support networks going down to kindergarten teachers and unlimited resources available to them. i never stood a chance.

 

[deleted303591]

i think the biggest mistake i've made is attending the wrong undergrad. going to the northeast, 2000+ miles away from home was a terrible idea. my peers were upperclass and live in the surrounding suburbs. they had support networks going down to kindergarten teachers and unlimited resources available to them. i never stood a chance.

That's unfortunate.

But you cannot look back. Never look back. You only want to move forward.

 

[aspiring20]

That's unfortunate.

But you cannot look back. Never look back. You only want to move forward.

absolutely agreed. but it is so difficult. we are on the verge of the new MCAT. if i do not get in on the first try, there will NEVER be another chance.

i will not mop the floors of the hospital that my peers work at as attending physicians.

 

[Anastomoses]

absolutely agreed. but it is so difficult. we are on the verge of the new MCAT. if i do not get in on the first try, there will NEVER be another chance.

i will not mop the floors of the hospital that my peers work at as attending physicians.

you are a weird bitter mentally sordid little thing, you know.

 

[Sephiroth]

absolutely agreed. but it is so difficult. we are on the verge of the new MCAT. if i do not get in on the first try, there will NEVER be another chance.

i will not mop the floors of the hospital that my peers work at as attending physicians.

huh? isn't there still around 18 months left of the current MCAT? You could hypothetically wait all the way up until late 2014, and then not apply for another year after that in summer 2016. That's 3 years from now. You have time.

 

[Geebeejay]

i think the biggest mistake i've made is attending the wrong undergrad. going to the northeast, 2000+ miles away from home was a terrible idea. my peers were upperclass and live in the surrounding suburbs. they had support networks going down to kindergarten teachers and unlimited resources available to them. i never stood a chance.

I'd say you are stronger because you were able to survive alone.

 

[Dattebayo]

I'd say you are stronger because you were able to survive alone.

definitely.
don't give up! you can do it, OP! you've gotten this far! it'll be worth it in the end, just focus on yourself and don't mind those around you...unless you're helping them

 

[TalinAagam]

edited

 

[RocknRhoLim]

OP try not to compare yourself to others. You will only be depressed and it won't help you. Focus on what you need to for the future and be grateful for the opportunities you have had thus far.

 

[Mt Kilimanjaro]

I'm going to assume you're being sarcastic.

Totally serious. Most of my friends have 4+ IIs so far. Ugh. It's looking like ill be lucky to scrape together one top 25 acceptance and a few mid tiers. Oh we'll, I'm going all in with this two of a kind and if I end up shining shoes at the airport, then so be it.

 

[LiveLoveLearn]

you are a weird bitter mentally sordid little thing, you know.

I think its the nature of a premed to be bitter. I am soo Bitter but i suppress it well (or atleast I think i do).

Its normal.. dont worry,

I think all our bitterness will go away the day we get that acceptance.

Nope - then you will be bitter that other people got accepted to better schools than you or that you didn't get as much scholarship money. Then in medical school someone is sure to get a better step score than you, or get more attention on their rounds. Then people will match to better residencies than you, then make better money as an attending, etc., etc..

There will always be a reason to be envious and bitter in life. The only way not to be, is to stop caring about what other people achieve/have and be happy with your own efforts and accomplishments.

 

[aspiring20]

you are a weird bitter mentally sordid little thing, you know.

maybe you shouldn't judge someone until you spend sometime in his/her shoes.

 

[Mt Kilimanjaro]

maybe you shouldn't judge someone until you spend sometime in his/her shoes.

In all honesty, most people could not bear the load of a 33 MCAT, so their time in your shoes would be limited before they collapse from the immense weight.

 

[osprey099]

If it makes you feel any better I only have 3 interview invites so far.

I hope you're being sarcastic. There are people here that would die to have 3 interview invites.

 

[aspiring20]

In all honesty, most people could not bear the load of a 33 MCAT, so their time in your shoes would be limited before they collapse from the weight.

first, i dont know my score yet. it could be a 33, or it could be lower, say a 23.

second, i hope you are aware that for certain demographics, a 33 is unacceptable.

 

[QofQuimica]

1) Stop comparing yourself to other people. As you have already discovered, that only leads to you feeling bitter and envious.

2) If it's any consolation, I'd gladly take your life as a college kid if you'd rather live mine as a resident. My mom always used to tell me that youth was wasted on the young, and sad to say, I'm old enough now (age 38) to understand how right she was.

 

[Mt Kilimanjaro]

second, i hope you are aware that for certain demographics, a 33 is unacceptable.

that's cash money right there. Part of me cannot accept that you actually believe that.

 

[aspiring20]

that's cash money right there. Part of me cannot accept that you actually believe that.

i dont want to believe it.

but there are people with decent GPAs and 38+ MCAT scores from top 5 schools not getting a single interview.

 

[sunflower18]

I definitely often feel neurotic and freaked out about the application process and all of the crap that we have to do as applicants... But something that really helps me, honestly, is not having any pre-med friends. The pre-health and pre-med programs at my school are incredibly weak, and most students are very apathetic and unsure about their futures. We have maybe one or two students apply straight from undergrad every year, and maybe one will get in. Some others wait gap years, but I don't really know any of those people. Absolutely nobody from my high school has ever become a physician, so I am not comparing myself to anyone there either. I think that I would go crazy if it was any other way. Support system would be great, but I can definitely see how the envy and bitterness would weigh a person down.

So my advice, based on my own experience: if you're feeling jealous and bitter and envious, you're probably not benefitting a lot from those friendships and connections to these people. Unless you have a stronger bond than just that other pre-med student in your ochem class, maybe try distancing yourself. If you don't have lists of faces and names who you know have better ECs, MCAT scores, grades, acceptance letters, interview invites, whatever than you, you might find yourself faring a little bit better.

 

[Mt Kilimanjaro]

.

 

[Mt Kilimanjaro]

i dont want to believe it.

but there are people with decent GPAs and 38+ MCAT scores from top 5 schools not getting a single interview.

Exceedingly unlikely if they have any clinical experience and applied beyond the most highly ranked ten schools.

 

[ericksonj15]

.

 

[SunsFun]

first, i dont know my score yet. it could be a 33, or it could be lower, say a 23.

second, i hope you are aware that for certain demographics, a 33 is unacceptable.

What demographic is that?