I quit.

[168135]

This week I found out that:

I didn't get a large animal internship that I applied for.
Parents won't let me stay and get a research job at the university.
Parents won't let me go to the vet camp at St George's University even though they said I could.
I no longer have a job waiting for me when I get home.

I can't even get small animal experience... getting large animal experience is impossible, which is why I applied for the internship, which I didn't get...

Also, my parents have been driving me crazy. They told me that they'll support me in whatever I want to do. I told them I wanted to stay here this summer and get a research job. They lectured me on why it isn't a good idea. They said if I come home, I have to get a job. They won't take me to the shelter to volunteer... yet, they won't let me get my license either. I told them if I could not get any experience at all this summer, then I do not want to do pre-vet... I'll do the vet tech program. I missed the deadline for the vet tech program. They won't let me take a year off waiting to get into the program because then I have to start paying back my student loan. They've also hinted that if I do ever get into vet school, they want me to go to a Canadian school, which as of now, I have no chance in heck of getting into.

ARGH.

I screamed at my mom last night and hung up on her. She is telling me that I can do whatever I want... but when I tell her what I want to do, she gives me a billion reasons not to do it. She wants something out of me, but I can't figure out what it is. I am so lost and confused right now.

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[No Imagination]

Wow,

You seem to be between a rock and a hard place. However, the rock is your parents. I don't know anything about you, but if vet med. is something you want bad enough, may be time to go get it on your own.

Lot of people did/do it without their parents support. I did it with my parents support, but zero financial help (had a roof over my head, bout it), and many many people have greater "overcoming" adversary stories.

In the end, if you quit, do yourself a favor and realize now this is your decision, don't hold your parents accountable.

P.S. Your parents wont let you get a license? Unless you're a one handed epileptic, I don't know - certainly don't want to give life advice after a 2 paragraph post - but wow.

 

[Poochlover11]

Wow,

You seem to be between a rock and a hard place. However, the rock is your parents. I don't know anything about you, but if vet med. is something you want bad enough, may be time to go get it on your own.

Lot of people did/do it without their parents support. I did it with my parents support, but zero financial help (had a roof over my head, bout it), and many many people have greater "overcoming" adversary stories.

In the end, if you quit, do yourself a favor and realize now this is your decision, don't hold your parents accountable.

P.S. Your parents wont let you get a license? Unless you're a one handed epileptic, I don't know - certainly don't want to give life advice after a 2 paragraph post - but wow.

I agree with No Imagination. If you want to be a vet-do it. I think it is important to be respectful to parents, but I also believe at a certain age they need to let you make your own decisions. If your parents won't help you, then you need to forge your own path.

I don't understand why or how they have control over not getting your license. Can't you just get it? This would allow you to have the ability to have some more independence-and I also agree with No Imagination in saying it's time to move out. Good luck

 

[jglovicz]

I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot. Having an incredible support system, I cannot imagine my parents behaving in this manner. BUT, they are your parents. As the others have said, if you want to do vet med, you need to figure out a way to get yourself qualified. If you're an adult (which I'm assuming you are), you don't need your parents' consent to get a license-you really need to be independent enough to get from location A to B without relying on others. This may cause tension with your family, but I think it is absolutely necessary. Go with your heart and do what is best for you. Good luck with everything...even if you don't have a supportive family, it doesn't mean you can't have a support system consisting of close friends (and SDNers as the case may be).

 

[guppy73]

I'm not one to usually give much advice of this nature on here, but I wanted to respond & offer my sympathy & support. Lady Hitokiri's signature on SDN might help:

"Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want something badly enough."
-Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch, from his last lecture

If you have a moment in all your craziness right now, find his lecture on YouTube & listen to the whole thing. We all have our brick walls; some have thicker ones than others. It sounds as though you may be one of those people.

Don't give up--maybe your Mom is testing you. And if you cave now, you may regret it later. We're all rooting for you.

 

[justinpaws]

Before I go any further, just wondering how old you are? Your academic situation (have undergraduate degree, etc.)? Financial stability? I'm sorry about your parents, but if you are old enough to be independent, I would consider it. And if you are not old enough, you've got years ahead of you to make up for your current situation.

 

[sumstorm]

I agree with what others are saying. Some basic questions: do you have an offer for a research job at the university? Will it cover the costs of remaining there? If not, can you get a stipend, fellowship, grant, additional work, etc that will cover that cost?

I don't know how the Canadian system works, but when I attended undergrad in the US it was nearly impossible to be disowned and pay for school (need parental info for the FAFSA, very few exceptions) under the age of 24. You may need to sit down and have a very calm talk with them. Unfortunatly screaming isn't going to help very much. However, I did say nearly impossible; it is doable, though it is incredibly challenging, and it might take a bit longer.

I kind of wonder if you and your parents are being hit by the contraction of the economy. That would explain the strong desire to not output additional money supporting a second 'household' at school or in another location, and the change of plans for the summer. Is there any possability that they are telling you that you can do whatever you want to, if you can figure out how to do it on your own...but otherwise you need to come home and work?

As for liscencing, can you borrow a car and obtain your licence?

On the more practical side, can you apply to work at summer camps that focus on wildlife/nature/etc and include activities like horseback riding? Or a farm camp where kids go to learn about farm life? I know that is an option in the US, but not sure about Canada. Are there other potential residential situations that would contribute to your research/vet/animal experience but not require parental financing?

 

[No Imagination]

Ok, I did some on-line snooping, yeah creepy I know... Anyway, OP, it seems like you are 20 y/o!? You are young enough to quit, restart, then quit and restart again.

My new advice for you, and I know nothing about the Canadian system.

a) Save $1,000 and buy a jalopy (if I had to look up what 'fixin' meant, you non-NY'ers can look that up

b) Get your license!

c) Take a year or 2 off

d) Get a GOOD job, where you can make some money. If its not with animals, then so be it. Volenteer with animals on the side and weekends if you must.

e) In two years time, you will be able to show your parents how responsible you are/you've became.

f) If you still want it, you can go back, with a fresh start, possibly a clean slate, possibly with your parents support.

From your previous posts, seems like you've made some mistakes academically, and are not doing that well grade wise. Nothing to be ashamed of, as long as you can admit it and are willing to fix the situation.

Worse case, you've spent 2 years learning about life, what you want to do with it, how badly you do/don't want it, and how hard you are willing to make it happen.

again, g/l to you

 

[katryn]

First off *hugs*! I have friends going through similar things, and I won't discount the toughness of it.

Some life advice. Sit down and have a serious heart to heart with your parents. Don't just ask "can I do this/can I not do this", but also ask why. Sumstorm makes a good point, there may be reasons behind why your parents aren't supporting you like you hoped. Understanding a reason may help you reach a compromise. If they really aren't willing to work with you, it's not against the law to strike out on your own. Tough yes, but not illegal.

And taking a few years off isn't a bad thing either. In the two years I've been out and one year not living off my parents I've learned more about life, and solidified the fact that this is what I want to do.

At the very least, I highly suggest taking a step back and a deep breath, and give yourself sometime to get your ducks in a row before giving up. I know I stepped back, reconsidered if this was what I wanted to do, let it sit, and went back to it several times before really committing myself and that's not a bad thing.

Good luck, and keep searching even if the search takes you down a different road!

 

[Nexx]

I've been where you are or approximately where you are...

Look, it is important that you sit down and talk to your parents, ideally without all of you screaming at each other--which I know can be very difficult.

Look, if you can't get animal/vet experience during this break it isn't going to be the end of the world. If you REALLY want to be a veterinarian you have all the time in the world to gather experience and get into school. You have a few options, you could go to school half-time and work on getting experience in your off-hours. You could finish your degree first and then focus on experience for a year after you finish.

Alternatively you could go to school next year (presumably finish, or almost finish your BSc) and then apply again to the vet tech program.

Basically you have options to accomplish whatever you want to accomplish--you just need to decide what direction you want to move in and I don't know if you have done that yet. So sit down and take some time for yourself to work things out. Then go and speak to your parents as best you can--face to face would work best if possible. If you 18 or over you technically should be able to manage on your own if you need to, although from what you have said I think your parents do have your best interests at heart although they may be a bit controlling still.

Take the time to assert yourself and discuss (rationally) with them your plans and how you are going to get from point A to point B. Make sure they know your full educational background. At one point in my life my parents didn't know I was dismissed from Uni and when I suggested I wanted to take a zookeeping course instead they were thoroughly against the idea and it made me extremely mad and frustrated. However they didn't know the whole story and had I told them I was no longer at a major Uni they might have stood by my choice instead of continuing to push me towards vet med. In the end I can't say that I am still mad at them, actually I'm glad they continued to push me (although they didn't know I was out of one Uni and into another for about 2 years--not fun to live with that lie! or to eventually be caught in it!!!!) and I'm pleased with how things have turned out.

In the end, you are still young. There is time to accomplish anything you want to do, and there are certainly ways of doing it. It's all about finding determination and maybe taking the long road.

As for experience...Just think things over and send emails around to every animal-based local business you can (in your home town and at school) and I would think that eventually someone will take the offer. Maybe you find a local farmer and chat him up and offer to help him out for a bit. You can learn quite a bit from a farmer and certainly gain a lot of perspective that way and you never know what contacts you can make simply by working for someone (I just got a job here in Western Australia partially because I worked with one of her Non-Aussie friends in Florida and had no idea they knew each other, small world!)--in time that farmer could put you in touch with his vet and now you've found yourself your LA vet experience

 

[littlehooves]

We must be related- we seem to have the same parents.

My parents talked me out of going away to university, talked me out of taking a year off after grade 12, etc.

You need to get some independence that was the biggest thing that I got from your post. Get your license...if your parent's say no...um who the EF cares- how else are you supposed to get around, get the experience you need, get the jobs that will give you the opportunities you want.

Get LESS advice from your parents, you need to learn for yourself and your parents are way to over bearing.

I'm the only one in my family/friends interested in vet medicine, I had no mentor, no role model, and no advice (not even from student councellors...I see you're from Canada too...are they as useless up in Nova Scotia as they are down here in Ontario? )- I had to go out and find my own path, find out what i needed to get places.

Stop letting your parents run your life... it took me a couple of years to realize that mine were.

Not trying to sound mean here....but you need to get your independence, find it- and only you can do that on your own!!

 

[twelvetigers]

I agree with the above posters - talk to the parentals, and if they still want to hinder your future goals, then it's time to cut that umbilical cord. You can do it!

 

[DVMorBust]

Harsh as it sounds, it really seems like your parents know exactly how to push your buttons. This needs to stop.

Having said that, I've got quite a bit of personal experience dealing with parents that enjoy exercising this...habit...so if you want to pm me for further discussion/encouragement, feel free.

 

[sumstorm]

One thing to realize...parents aren't obligated to supply support mentally, emotionally, physically, or financially to adult offspring. I agree with running your own life....but realize that may come with additional responsibilities that you may or may not be prepared for. If you go the route of departing from the nest (which may be the best path for you) try to do it without completly isolating yourself from your family or permenantly damaging relationships.

I am a big believer in not burning bridges. I left my parents and family. It was hard, but worth it. I knew walking away meant that there would be no hand outs or hand ups when things went badly. I am, 10 years later, very glad that I chose to maintain dignity and grace upon my departure; it paved the way for us to start rebuidling a relationship several years later (after 2 years of them not speaking to me at all). It is also the hardest thing I ever did, because at the time (and even looking back) I don't think their actions were acceptable, but I have decided to assume it is the best they could do for who they were at the time.

 

[shelterURIgirl]

Hi scarcelyheard,

I really empathize with you. I had parents who acted just like you described, and I know how hard it is to get your license and a car without parental support. I couldn't get my license until I was 20, and mind you I left my parents house when I was 17. Its not just about having a car and parent to take you out driving, its about being able to afford the car payment AND insurance. For me, my parents did not support the choices I made in my life and they refused to put me on their insurance. As a result, the cost of car insurance was more than a car payment and it wasn't until I had a steady job at age 20 that I could afford to drive.

Deep down your parents love you and they are trying to protect you from falling down. But the truth is they cant protect you; you will make mistakes and you will make some bad choices. We all do. We all fall down, it is part of life and it is what makes us strong individuals.

So it sounds like you have 2 choices--you can take the easy way and just do what your parents want, or you can do things the hard way and do what YOU want to do, even if this means loosing financial and emotional support from your parents.

I did things the hard way and I can tell you that my relationship with my parents is better now than it ever was. They have come to respect me as an adult and they respect and support me in my decisions.

Best of luck to you, with whatever you decide.

 

[shelterURIgirl]

If you go the route of departing from the nest (which may be the best path for you) try to do it without completly isolating yourself from your family or permenantly damaging relationships....It is also the hardest thing I ever did, because at the time (and even looking back) I don't think their actions were acceptable, but I have decided to assume it is the best they could do for who they were at the time.

Sumstorm, this was really good advice. Instead of fighting with my parents, I held my tongue and focused on "I" statements (I wish you would support me, I hope one day you will understand, I love you but I need to do this for me, etc etc) even though I was bitter and angry as hell.

And so I just got accepted into vet school, and my parents were genuinely proud of me. My mom has even convinced herself that she supported me all along. Most of my bitterness has faded because I realize that everything that happened made me a stronger person.

Anyways, I would also recommend speaking to a counseling service at your school if you have one. I did, and they were very helpful in helping me communicate my feelings in productive ways.

Ok, thats it for now. I truly wish you the best!

 

[sunnex3]

i kind of know what you're going through, i'm a sophomore in college and my dad has been extremely unsupportive of what i want to do, so far. i know how hard it is to go against what your parents want, but in the end, it really comes down to what you want to do. there's only so much you can do for your parents. i've made it one of my goals to make sure to show my dad how successful i can be doing what i want to do, not what he wants me to do.

 

[No Imagination]

Something I don't get,

Ok, if you are screwing around, getting poor grades, making a mockery of the time in college, then I can see parents being non-supportive.

I can also understand the inability to support you children (financially)

But I cannot understand how you can not support your kids when they are moving towards their dream/goal. I mean, perhaps for some Vet med is a 'flavor' of the month thing, but in general, it is usually a long time in the making.

Do parents think that vet med isn't good enough? What they hell do they want their kids to do?!

 

[lailanni]

Do parents think that vet med isn't good enough? What they hell do they want their kids to do?!

Become people doctors

My mom has always (and still does) openly question me about why I don't want to be a 'real' doctor.

I hoped that after I got accepted and seeing the school tour (MRI, surgery suites, the works) she's be a little more impressed. Then all she said was "This looks really hard. Are you sure you can do this?" Thanks for the glowing support.

I know it can be hard to do something when your parents aren't there for you. Everyone gave pretty good advice. All I can add is that since I've moved to school (a few hundred miles away from home) I've been happy with my new independence.

It's nice to have a support group of people who have the same goals - we're here for you

 

[sunnex3]

Something I don't get,

Ok, if you are screwing around, getting poor grades, making a mockery of the time in college, then I can see parents being non-supportive.

I can also understand the inability to support you children (financially)

But I cannot understand how you can not support your kids when they are moving towards their dream/goal. I mean, perhaps for some Vet med is a 'flavor' of the month thing, but in general, it is usually a long time in the making.

Do parents think that vet med isn't good enough? What they hell do they want their kids to do?!

i agree somewhat with what you're saying. i've wanted to be a vet probably since i was 5, if not younger - literally my entire life, have never changed my mind EVER except maybe to be a professional equestrian, but that's a whole different story.

in my case, my dad doesn't support me because he thinks that vet med isn't "good enough" for me. coming from a very traditional Asian family, and especially my dad still living in Korea, he is exposed to a culture that thinks human medicine is the way to go. to him, vet med isn't "prestigious" enough - he thinks that with all the education i have to go through for vet med, i might as well go into normal human medicine. it's also very hard for him to accept that i am sooooo passionate about vet med - i guess Koreans are just used to doing what they're SUPPOSED to do or whatever is most prestigious, not necessarily what they WANT or DESIRE.

so, personally, in my case, it's really a more cultural thing which is why my dad doesn't support me. my mom is the exception where she has supported me the entire way 100% of the time. but for an Asian parent, it's very hard for them to approve of their child entering vet med, so i don't necessarily resent my dad for not supporting me - it's just that i really really really wish that he would, because i hate going against him.

 

[sumstorm]

It can also be the opposit.... families can fear that you will 'out class' them and be embarrassed of where you come from, or of them, or think less of them, etc.

My dad is an amazing mechanic, and if he had the opportunity to attend college instead of dropping out of HS he would have been an amazing engineer. The man does 6+ digit long division in his head without even thinking about it. He understands physics. When I was very young, a pharm company in Indy threw out microscopes that they were replacing in the lab...he salvaged half a dozen, tracked down manuals and such, repaired and refurbished them, so that I could have a microscope as an 8 year old. He dropped out of HS, along with his sister, because his mother, a nurse, died when he was 16 and her income was necessary to support the other 4 kids. Having said that, he didn't help with college at all. He hasn't provided me with any financial support since I was 16.

I didn't realize it till my dear husband pointed it out....my parents are afraid that my success will change how I view them, my upbringing, our generaly poverty for several years, never really any extra money, and their need to put me to work on the farm and in the fields as early as possible. It is hard, in a time when so many kids gripe about not having the newest electronic, to believe that your own child wouldn't look back and actually appreciate all they learned. It is also sometimes easier to close people out then admit embarrassing stuff like being a HS drop out, not having extra money, or in some cases putting your own savings/home/farm above your child's education/future/dreams.

In my case, my family alternates between wanting me to work a 'good, wholesom job' (meaning a physically demanding job where one 'gets thier hands dirty' ) which they do consider vet med as long as it is mixed animal practice, and 'if your going to 'waste' so much time in school, you might as well go to vet school.' Note, my hubby is not in such a job, and they adore him...so the standards for one's own children are often different even then for the spouse of the child or from one child to the next.

 

[sunnex3]

wow sumstorm, your case is exactly the opposite of mine. my dad's SOO educated, it's kind of intimidating. he has an MBA and a PhD, went to one of the top universities in Korea, holds a high position in a Korean trading company, teaches classes at a university, and is head of a factory in China. He does SO much with his life, I think he expects me to be equally as amazing as he is, and i suppose he feels that vet med isn't amazing enough for him...

it's something that i've battling with for a long time now, but i've learned to just let it go and let him realize that i'm going to do what i want to do no matter what he says. luckily, i inherited his stubborness as well

 

[sumstorm]

LOL. I have a friend who is an 8th dan (honorary after 7th dan) in taekwondo. He was the person who set up the Taekwondo competition at the olympic level and was one of the first judges. Remarkable man. Grew up in Korea, 1/7 kids. He and his brother run Taekwondo programs in the states. He talked about how disappointed his family was....brothers were generals and lawyers and surgeons. He is hugely successful but still a 'shame' to his family. Strangely enough, both his kids became doctors. I can sympathize! Families are strange entities!

 

[chyactnate]

"Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want something badly enough."
-Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch, from his last lecture

If you have a moment in all your craziness right now, find his lecture on YouTube & listen to the whole thing. We all have our brick walls; some have thicker ones than others. It sounds as though you may be one of those people.

This was amazing!!! I watched the video and read the book..The book took me like an hour and a half. I couldnt put it down. But I 2nd that to go see it. It makes you look at things differently.

 

[Caninerepro]

Something I don't get,
Do parents think that vet med isn't good enough? What they hell do they want their kids to do?!

No they do not. I as well come from a family where it was simply EXPECTED that I was going to become a MD. Someone born with my "gifts and abilities" should simply not be allowed to waste their potential doing anything other than becoming a Doctor. I started my coaching at 12, when my uncle started med school. I spent every weekend with him in the lab, and even was induced to attend some of his classes with him, in order to develop my "love for becoming a Doctor". I spent ten years fighting that, and doing everything I could possibly do to countermand anything to do with human medicine. It took me almost five years after that to dig myself out of my self excavated hole and get myself to a place where I could even think of pursing the only dream I have ever had, with a lot of support from friends and associates. I gave up my marriage, my job and in a nutshell my life. To this day I live alone, with my dogs of course, because of it. This my well not surprise some who have come to know me through SDN! I digress.
Funny thing is, while I have received absolutely no support from them, did not even talk to them for almost seven years, guess what. Both of my parents seperatley are coming to my graduation ceremony for getting my MS, on the way to starting vet school next fall. While they to this day do not understand why I have pets, they never will have any, they are coming to see me walk for a degree that means nothing to me. I would not even be participating in the ceremony were it not for the fact that they want to come out for it. But after time, I think that they now realize that while I may not have grown up to become the person they wanted me to become, I have indeed become someone successful, and they are supporting me in that in the best and only way they know how. It took me a long time to understand and forgive them for their perceived transgressions, but as time has passed and I myself have grown up mentally, I have learned to take what I can get from them, and ask for nothing else. To this day I have major mental issues with anything to do with human (or as I call it) "primate medicine". But I have learned overtime to simply accept my parents (sperm and egg donors) for who and what they are. Nothing more, nothing less. I ask nothing more of them, nor will I ever receive it.
To the OP, I do not know your situation. I also do not wish to preach to you. But maybe just maybe it is time for you to start doing things on your own, for yourself, before you become a wretch like me who has wasted away a large chunk of their life wallowing in self pity and rebelion. Maybe it is time to grow up, take YOUR life by its balls, and get 'er done. Even if you have to live in your car (once you get one) for a while. Hang in there, live your life as YOU want to, and do not let your abilities nor passions be subjugated by any situation.

BTW, anyone else watch House tonight and be moved by the storyline? Wow, talk about a reality check! :cry:

 

[No Imagination]

Wow, as pretty much the first person to graduate college (had a distant cousin beat me by 1 year), I never got the "Its not good enough for you".

I always got support, and "If this is what you want, go for it", but they never cared if I ended up teaching HS, College, Research, or Fireman.

In hind sight, I hate to say this, but if I could do it all over again, I think I would have learned a trade (perhaps carpentry or Electric), got into the FDNY ASAP, put in my 20, THEN start vet school - Hell, I'd be about 40, starting vet school with a NYC pension...

Live and learn

 

[Caninerepro]

Live and learn, but you only get there by doing. That said, try to live without too many regrets.

K

 

[twelvetigers]

I'm not one to usually give much advice of this nature on here, but I wanted to respond & offer my sympathy & support. Lady Hitokiri's signature on SDN might help:

"Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want something badly enough."
-Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch, from his last lecture

If you have a moment in all your craziness right now, find his lecture on YouTube & listen to the whole thing. We all have our brick walls; some have thicker ones than others. It sounds as though you may be one of those people.

Don't give up--maybe your Mom is testing you. And if you cave now, you may regret it later. We're all rooting for you.

I decided I had the moment, since I was planning to watch Grey's Anatomy and then realized that it was only a repeat last week. So, I watched this lecture.

....

I'm at a loss for words. You all, my dear friends, should know just how dramatic that is. "What, twelvetigers, at a LOSS for WORDS?!?"

Yes.

Make sure you watch it if you haven't. If you have and it's been a while, watch it again.

 

[Pandacinny]

BTW, anyone else watch House tonight and be moved by the storyline? Wow, talk about a reality check! :cry:

Yes! I watched it and was SO SAD.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

^^^ qft.

 

[nyanko]

Yes! I watched it and was SO SAD.

Don't you guys dare spoil House for me, I've been trying to avoid my usual internet hangouts where people will be talking about it and I was watching the NCAA men's basketball championship last night when it was on and I'm gonna go home and watch it later!

And the Randy Pausch last lecture is amazing. I watched it a little over a year ago, and then more recently got the idea to check on how he was doing and saw that he'd passed away. It made me really sad and I never even met the guy! But seriously that should be required watching for anyone. The Steelers invited him out for a practice, too. That's on youtube as well.

 

[168135]

Thanks guys

I'm 20. When I was applying for bursaries in high school, that's when I discovered that my family is in debt from all of the moving we had to do. I have a student loan and a line of credit. I've been working part time, and that's been keeping my line of credit at a steady level. Mom doesn't want me to take the money out of my line of credit. If I reach my limit, she's not gonna apply for more because "she'll have to pay it off". So no vet camp. I talked to my dad last night... apparently she changed her story to that we'll save up so I can go next year... but she's disappointed me in the past.

I'm going to talk to my profs about getting a research job... and try to find an apartment... and apply to the pet store here that just opened... it's either that, or I go home to no job or get stuck with a crappy call center job... yes, I'll make tons of money, but I won't be doing something that will help me get into vet school.

Mom was being a total hypocrite... because of her job, she can't take me to the animal shelter on a regular basis. I told her I wanted to get my license so I can drive myself out there on the days that she works... she said no... told me to wait until I graduate.

There is no way I can get my large animal experience here. The nearest large animal vet is an hour and a half away. There is one dairy farm in the area... if they are still in operation... but I have no lisence and the bus doesn't go that way. There is also a wildlife park. That's an hour away too, and no bus to take me out there.

*sigh* I'm just frusterated. I know what I *HAVE* to do... which is get experience and not go broke getting it.... and I know what I don't want... I don't want to sit on my butt this summer and accomplish nothing... I just don't know how I'm going to do it.

 

[sumstorm]

If you will make a ton of money, why not do that, invest the money in a used vehicle and insurance and a licence so that you can get experience on the weekends? Or see if you can work an evening/weekend shifts, invest the money in the vehicle, then spend days shadowing/working with animals/vets? If it is enough money, you could also save up for the vet camp you want to go to.... then the only one who can disappoint you is yourself.

It kind of sounds like money is tight for your folks and they don't want to add to thier own debt burden in an uncertain market. Adding a new driver to insurance and spending money on camp may all be very valid financial concerns. It sounds like they are also worried about you starting out your independent adult life with extensive debt.

Can you negotiate to cover the cost of car insurance? Do you have that ability without using credit?

Also, working a job (or 2 or 3, even at a call center) is very different than accomplishing nothing. I know in my family assuming that a full time and/or more job is 'doing nothing' is considered somewhat insulting to the people who pay bills by working full time jobs.

It is easier to participate in negotiations of any sort if you bring something of value to the table to offer. Are you willing to take on grocery shopping and errand running responsabilities if you have a licence? What can you do to make your folks life easier and more efficient? Will using thier vehicle inconvenience them? If so, how? Does it mean if you have the car for the day they can't leave work at lunch to do errands or get food? Would you be willing to pack lunches to solve that? Have you been dependable in the past about being on time so they don't worry about being late to or from work?

Think about the situations from their perspective and see what they would need to feel secure in the situation, then figure out how you can provide that.

 

[168135]

Even if I get my license, my parents won't let me get a car because it'll give me less student loan money. I could go behind their back and get one

I don't know... call center job... eek. If that's what I have to do, then I guess that is what I'll do.

 

[No Imagination]

I don't know... call center job... eek. If that's what I have to do, then I guess that is what I'll do.

You are going to have to do a lot of things that you don't want to do in life before you really get to a point were you can say "No" without being irresponsible.

The call center doesn't sound that bad at all. Don't look at it as a worthless job. Work your ass off, try to get a promotion, or some on the job training, later on you can turn it into a life experience or something. If you end up working 60 hours a week, great, more $$ for you. If not, you can find a second job perhaps working with animals.

I would say the call center is probably better then the pet store. Not to put pet stores down, but I wouldn't want to work at one - rather work on my people skills (besides, unless you are desperate, I wouldn't put pet store down as animal experience, not even sure it counts).

 

[rachroo]

(besides, unless you are desperate, I wouldn't put pet store down as animal experience, not even sure it counts).

It's a pet store so I think it counts as animal experience as long as you have an interaction with animals (and aren't just running the cash register all day, every day). JMO.

 

[StealthDog]

It's a pet store so I think it counts as animal experience as long as you have an interaction with animals

Yes- I worked in a pet store for four or five years and put it on my VMCAS as animal experience. Animal handling and husbandry in a pet store made me confortable handling a wide range of species and I learned a lot about proper housing and care for exotics. Also, any job where you have to demonstrate people skills (waiting tables, retail, customer service, etc) can look good for a vet application.

 

[david594]

Mom doesn't want me to take the money out of my line of credit. If I reach my limit, she's not gonna apply for more because "she'll have to pay it off". So no vet camp. I talked to my dad last night... apparently she changed her story to that we'll save up so I can go next year... but she's disappointed me in the past.

Throwing an opinion out there, but I would not be inclined to go spending $2500+ on a 10 day "vet camp" at SGU if funds are tight.

 

[168135]

Throwing an opinion out there, but I would not be inclined to go spending $2500+ on a 10 day "vet camp" at SGU if funds are tight.

I had this all written out, then my internet decided to freeze.

I think that the vet camp is a lot of money, so I didn't mention it until January. Mom told me that the price wasn't unreasonable, and if I wanted to go one summer, I could. I was going through a difficult time with my roomates and was stressed to the max. She told me to print off the application form and pin it to my board so that I would have something to look forward to.

Fast forward to now... my internship fell through... I have no summer job waiting for me... I asked if I can go. She said "Do what you want." I started making the arrangments, and she phones me up and starts telling me how much it is with the exchange, how I'll have to make the 14 hour flight by myself, ect, ect... if she didn't want me go, she could have just said no.

I've been talking to my dad about everything the past couple of nights... he said that if I can get full time work and be able to afford my board, then I can stay. If not, I can come home and try to get a job. Thats all I wanted in the first place was someone to give me some guidance.

I'm sorry for ranting. I've had a very stressful year. My current living arrangements have stressed me to the point where I spent most of the semester sick. I have no social life at all. The only thing that is keeping me sane is my crappy Dairy Queen job, where I spend my shifts making cakes in the back by myself. Volunteering also kept me sane... but that conflicted with work, and I can't get out there that often because of the commute and the fact that the clinic isn't open in the evenings.

The only person I have to talk to is my boyfriend... and well, he's not good at advice at all... all he ever says is "I don't know what to tell you". My bestest friends all go to school 6 hours from here. I was thinking of transferring, but everyone is saying "Well, you might be unhappier down there!" Funny, people don't pay attention to me until I tell them that I'm leaving, then they want me to stay

 

[lazyjayn]

Ok. At twenty if I'd told my parents that there was something not directly related to school but freakishly expensive I wanted to do, my mother would have made interested noises, and my father would have (and regularly did) asked me how I intended to pay for it. In fact, they still do this, with random clueless concern tossed in for fun (... but... there's AIDS in Africa....).

At 20, they shouldn't be expected to support your more expensive choices. If they can't afford something- or don't want to afford something- and you want it, you should save up and buy it yourself. It sounds stupid when I say it, I know, but you'll enjoy it more when you've worked your butt off to pay for it yourself. Plus saying "if I can hold out at this crap job for one more hour, it'll pay the taxes on my airline ticket" is pretty motivating.

Likewise, you need to ask *yourself* what you should do. Parents will tell you what they want you to do, friends will tell you either what you want to hear, or what they want from you, and boys will tell you what they think will get them in the least trouble. If you aren't happy where you are, would you be happier somewhere else? Are you unhappy because of where you are, or just because you've decided to hate it? Is there some small thing you could change to make yourself like it more there? You need to ask yourself. You need to depend on yourself. Of course, then when stuff sucks or you f up, you can't blame whoever told you what to do, but that's the whole "grown up" thing. Sooner or later most people have to do it. Possibly harsh, but pretty true, I think.

Um... Just out of curiosity- Why would owning a crap car lower your loan, when a job doesn't? is this some weird Canadian thing?

-j.

 

[littlehooves]

Um... Just out of curiosity- Why would owning a crap car lower your loan, when a job doesn't? is this some weird Canadian thing?

-j.

Our provincial loans here basically try and figure out how much money they can give you...in their opinion a car is an asset, and so you'll get less money. I guess their thinking is "If you can afford a car, you can somewhat afford school" (Alot of my friends put the car in their parents' name, but it seems like the OPs parents wouldn't let her do that....). The more 'assets' you have, and the more money you made over the summer....and the amount of money your parents make (if they are supporting you)....the less money you get for student loans.

So yes, I guess it is some wierd Canadian thing...along with that they make you eat beaver tails, eh.

To the OP, its OSAP here in Ontario....is it NBSAP in NB?

 

[thereservoirdog]

Thanks guys

I'm 20. When I was applying for bursaries in high school, that's when I discovered that my family is in debt from all of the moving we had to do. I have a student loan and a line of credit. I've been working part time, and that's been keeping my line of credit at a steady level. Mom doesn't want me to take the money out of my line of credit. If I reach my limit, she's not gonna apply for more because "she'll have to pay it off". So no vet camp. I talked to my dad last night... apparently she changed her story to that we'll save up so I can go next year... but she's disappointed me in the past.

I'm going to talk to my profs about getting a research job... and try to find an apartment... and apply to the pet store here that just opened... it's either that, or I go home to no job or get stuck with a crappy call center job... yes, I'll make tons of money, but I won't be doing something that will help me get into vet school.

Mom was being a total hypocrite... because of her job, she can't take me to the animal shelter on a regular basis. I told her I wanted to get my license so I can drive myself out there on the days that she works... she said no... told me to wait until I graduate.

There is no way I can get my large animal experience here. The nearest large animal vet is an hour and a half away. There is one dairy farm in the area... if they are still in operation... but I have no lisence and the bus doesn't go that way. There is also a wildlife park. That's an hour away too, and no bus to take me out there.

*sigh* I'm just frusterated. I know what I *HAVE* to do... which is get experience and not go broke getting it.... and I know what I don't want... I don't want to sit on my butt this summer and accomplish nothing... I just don't know how I'm going to do it.

So lets get this straight.

Your family is in debt, and your mad that they won't give you $2500 for a week of vet camp(which btw sounds like a waste of money any way).

You're also mad that your mom won't drive you to the animal shelter, because she works. What do you want her to do? Take off of work to drive you everywhere? Your 20 and have no license, get a license!

Here's what you do: Get a job, get a license, and get a car. Then drive your self around to volunteer or work at the vet's. It's really not that complicated and I know people who have overcome much bigger problems without giving up so easily.

 

[lazyjayn]

Ah.. That makes sense- in a weird, governmenty-kinda way.

-j. neologisms r me

 

[No Imagination]

-- deleted --

Erghh, changed my mind

 

[sumstorm]

One slight thing...I don't know how transfers work in Canada, but if you are really misterable at school and it is because of how the 'fit' is with the school, consider transferring if you can do so without getting behind. Do NOT transfer to a school because your SO or BFF is there. Seriously, figure out what you need, find a place that has it, and transfer. It might be a bit late for that....not sure from the description. Transferring from a school where less than 8% if students worked toa school where >80% worked made a huge difference for me personally. Completly different social world ("we really don't understand why you can't go out to dinner with all your floormates....it's just $50 each when we split the bill and surely someone can cover for you at the infirmary" and a professor who said "Your only job ever should be school" to an environment where "do we need to plan the study session during the day so we don't interfere with your work schedule? I will bring lunch for you so you don't have to mess with that but will still get to eat" and "Since you work at night, how about we meet at my office before first class?")

 

[168135]

My SO goes to school here, where I currently go to school. I am thinking of transferring to a university in the city which is an hour away from home. If I get stressed out, I can just go home for the weekend. I like the fact that here, the classes are small, and the interaction between the profs and the students are amazing... but the university is in the middle of nowhere, the bus schedule sucks, res life sucks, courses are limited, and after two years here, I still haven't found my niche... I feel pretty isolated... I didn't come to school just to have a social life, but it's pretty bad when I have no one to grab lunch with, no one to study with, no one to catch a movie with on my free nights... I see my SO once a week and that's it.

 

[shortnsweet]

Saying "I Quit" on a pre-vet forum is pretty extreme....especially when you are so young. If this is what you REALLY want..and I mean you need to be willing to commit yourself no matter what...you have to give yourself a reality check ASAP. Get the grades, get the scores, get your license, and get the support you need to succeed, while still being independent. i agree with what other people have said above. The first step to getting there is getting the right attitude that will set you up for success. Keep pushing your strenghs, and work on your weaknesses.

A little hope thrown in there never hurt anyone either

 

[littlehooves]

to ad to what sumstorm said, I was at a uni for 2 years, then transfered to the one I'm at now. Like you, I would basically go to class, and I had 'class friends' but none more then that- it was harding making a new group of friends when everyone eles is on res and together all the time. I moved to a different uni, transfered programs, and literally within the first month I had like 20 new friends...we stayed together and last year was a tough year- I definatly couldnt have done it without them!

My old uni was just not the fit for me...and sometimes you have to get out of it to realize that. So after you are done your exams, really think about the pros and cons of leaving- somtiems you just need to go.

 

[sumstorm]

As I said, if it doesn't set you back and it is reasonable to do so, consider transferring.

I have concerns that you are saying your folks are adding to your stress while also saying that you would just go home for the weekend if you were stressed out. Also, college needs to be a time to prepare for and embrace life as an adult. I may be wrong on this one, but I am not sure in vet school heading away on weekends when your stressed out will be a viable option.

So, out of curiosity, where do you want to go? what, exactly, does the local lack that you need or want?

In a different direction, what have YOU done to improve it? Are you making contributions to improve res life? To create a niche for yourself? Are you asking people to grab movies with you or to study? Are you forming and leading study groups?

 

[VeganSoprano]

When I had a license but no car and lived at home, my mom and I worked it out so that I would drive her to work and pick her up after and have use of the car during the day. Maybe something like that would be possible.