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If you could choose when would you have a child?

pktchris

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Oct 1, 2003
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    Hi all,
    I was wondering if you had any opinions on which year would be the best to have your first child. I am starting Dental school at the University of Iowa this fall. I am also getting married this July. My fiancee is on birth control right now and we are trying to decide when would be the best time to have her stop taking them. She feels like we should start trying after my first year. I think we should wait until after my second. THe first tow years are hell as far as classes are concerned and you also take the national board exam after your 2nd year. I also want to be able to spend time with my kid, and I've heard that would be hard to do until my junior year.Do you think it matters either way?
    Thanks
    Chris

    P.s. if you reply, if you wouldn't mind telling me what your situation is that would be great!
     

    k's mom

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    Nov 13, 2001
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      Hmmm...hard to say because I know nil about Dental School. Do a search of this forum, because the question has been dealt with many times in the past. My husband is a MSII and we have a 3 year old (born a month before the MCAT, and an 11 month old born during MSI. For medical school, popular opinion is the second half of/summer after first year(you have a handle on the system and 2nd year classes are usually more rigorous) or fourth year (at least half of which is a cake-walk). However, off of the top of my head I can think of 15 babies born in the past 18 months to spouses and students in all stages of training.
      I think that what is important is that your wife/sig. other is comfortable where she is before you throw the angst of first-time parenthood into the mix. Will you be moving for dental school? (not a good time to be pregnant...trust me!) Will she be seeking full-time employment? (socialization, child care and health insurance issues)
      There will be many times when she will be doing solo-parenting and she will need a support system in place. Of course, you are her primary support, but by support system, I don't necessarily mean family. I miss my mother dearly (we moved across the country for training), but she has a full-time career and two teenagers in her house..... no idyllic grandma-the-babysitter for us. Interestingly, by moving across the country and choosing on-campus housing, I have MUCH MORE support than I would have in Arizona. I am surrounded by other medical/graduate spouses and have an INCREDIBLE amount of physical and emotional support.
       

      Andrew_Doan

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        Congrats on starting school in Iowa!

        My advice is that there is no good time to have kids. However, when you decide to start a family depends greatly on your financial and familial resources. Childcare is a huge factor. My wife and I had kids during my graduate training. My wife stayed home full-time, and we borrowed student loans. While it was busy, I value having kids early and being able to have them older during residency.
         
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        Mutterkuchen

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        Nov 28, 2001
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          I went to a talk a couple of weeks ago. The female doc waited "until the right time." The right time for her was after she was an attending. It turned out that she had age related complications, and is now unable to conceive. Her advice was to have children when you are ready in your relationship. There is really never a best time during medical training, so do it when your ready. The finances and workload will work themselves out.

          Someone (female) in my M1 class had a kid 3 days before her M1 year started. Another (also female) had one in the middle of the first semester. It was a challenge for both of them, but they are doing very well.

          I'm planning on waiting until I'm an M3. I think that will be best for my wife and me. The best time, in my opinion, is either before M1 or in the summer between M1 and M2. But if you want more than one kid, you'll just have to have them whenever.
           
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