Marriage/Sig. Other and Med School

Discussion in 'Medical Students - MD' started by caffeinegirl, Nov 28, 2000.

  1. caffeinegirl

    Physician 10+ Year Member

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    So, is it feasible? Can you have a marriage/get married during med school and still have time to spend with your spouse/newlywed spouse?

    How does your spouse/significant other deal with your looong hours (assuming he/she's not in med school too!)

    Just curious for your thoughts/experiences

    thanks!
    [​IMG]
     
  2. Doc Oc

    Doc Oc Senior Member
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    I am married and will be starting medical school next fall. Will we see eachother all the time? Doubtful. But do we see eachother all the time now? NO WAY!! It would drive us crazy!! We are both very independent, and have our own interests, so even when we are home at the same time, we are often not in the same room. As I've said before on this board, I worked 50 hours a week while I went to school full-time for my undergrad, so we didn't see eachother too much when we were dating either. I guess it depends on the type of couple you are. If you spent every waking minute together before med school, you may have a rougher time adjusting. We've known this time would come for years now, so we've had plenty of time to talk about it and plan. I think it is completely possible to make time for the most important person in your life while in med school, you just won't see the person all the time. I do know some people who went off to med school and their spouse stayed in their home town. I'm lucky that my husband has a very portable job and he can come with me. The way I see it, this is 2-4 years out of 40 more to spend with my husband, so in the grand scheme of things it is not really a big deal. If both try hard enough and care to make it work, it will. At least that's what we plan to do!
     
  3. jasmineH

    jasmineH Member
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    I agree with Doc Oc. If you want to get married soon, just make you guys communicate your concerns about what life will be like for you two once in med school, so there are no suprises. Both of you must have a clear picture (and the same picture) of your future togother.Good luck, you can do it
     
  4. Dr. P

    Dr. P Member
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    I married between my first and second year of medical school. I am now completing medical school (graduating this spring) and have not found it that difficult. On the contrary, it is nice to have someone there to get my mind off school every once in a while. The time constraints are definately difficult, but third and fourth year are a little bit better than the first 2. My wife and I make it a point to always arrange for private quality time, no matter whats going on in our lives. Just communicate and be patient with each other. Don't let rumors scare you and do it your own way and find out what works for you. Sometimes the less avice you get, the better! Good luck!
     
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  5. caffeinegirl

    Physician 10+ Year Member

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    Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. This is just such a big step for me....
    And you're right, the rumors must be just rumors...
    (like the 200% divorce rate during residency!)

    I think we'll be able to work it out
    thanks again!!!
    [​IMG]
     
  6. JellyBean

    JellyBean Junior Member
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    Caffeinegirl,
    I started medical school this fall and I got married in July. My husband is a 3rd year medical student. He understands that I need to study, that I am going to be a slob when a big test is coming up and that I am going to be stressed sometimes. Everything has been great so far. Many of the students in my class are married and some have kids. You just have to make sure you do set aside time for each other.

    [This message has been edited by JellyBean (edited 11-30-2000).]
     
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  7. GeoLeoX

    GeoLeoX Ancient
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    Let me first say that I am a MS1 and that I have already completed a fairly time-consuming PhD. I got married towards the end of my Ph.D. coursework and have been for the past 6 years. While I agree with much that DocOc states, I think that her assessment of the time out of her life with her husband due to medical training is underestimated. I think that it would be better to look at it more like 8-10 yrs, taking into account all the time that you will be spending on call, internship, medical school, residency, etc. Then it becomes a more significant percentage. That is why this is a decision that take two to make. My wife and I agreed long ago that if either of us stopped growing during our marriage that it would be all over. In the final assessment I think that it is good for a relationship if both partners are committed to growth and true to themselves.

    I really like what DocOc said about your success depends on what type of couple you are. It's very true, I have seen both sides of the issue. The bottom line is that if you spend all your time together and all of sudden you aren't anymore, there will be some difficulty.

    G
     
  8. boopie

    boopie New Member

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    My significant other became insignificant 1 month after I got into first year.

    I don't want to bust anyone's blister
    (not now anyway)

    But,
    Think about where you want to go and who has the stamina to travel that gravel road with you because, make no mistake, its a rough journey left unadorned with roses.

    My situation is far from uncommon. Divorce rates among physicians is much higher than the national average (50%) for a reason. It's not just 4 years of med school, a brutal residency follows. It's difficult enough to travel the road alone, but you don't want to be slogging a dead horse around because it will be much more difficult to reach your goal.

    You must effectively communicate this with your partner. You will grow in different directions and you will view the world differently. This may sustain you or it won't. Either way, many physicians stay with the profession rather than not divorce. Just something you should know.
     
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  9. Pegasus

    Pegasus Senior Member
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    I think that the comments stated above are very true. Although I am not married, I have been in a serious relationship for 3 years. The time together has been very limited, and we now live an hour away from eachother. However when we are together we spend it productively by actually being together and going out, ect instead of just sitting around watching TV.

    Also, there are a number of married couples in my class, and some with children. I know a second year who just had her first baby a few months ago, and I see her around all the time. There are options like deceleration, however I think that this would be more up to the individual.

    One more thing...be prepared for this type of question in your interview, although it is not legally allowed to be asked, it is!! I talked to many physicians while applying not because of the interview, but because I was generally interested. Being a female and knowing that you CAN balance time between family and medical school is very important. Many have done it, but the key is time management!

     
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