Medschool + Relationship = ?

[Sigecaps]

I am concerned that starting a relationship while being in medical school will not be possible. I would strongly prefer to date a current or future doctor . . . or at least a career-oriented, academic person. I worry that 1) all of the guys in my medical school will be taken, or 2) all of the guys in my medical school will be looking for women who aren't going to be doctors, but instead want to be mothers and caretakers, or 3) the competition for the few remaining single males will be too intense, or 4) I will be too old for the single guys in medical school because I'm 24 instead of the usual 22, or 5) I just won't be able to find time to get pretty and go out looking for men outside of medical school . . . at least not in non-seedy places.

Hey Cinnameg. First of all congratulations on being the part of the OHSU class of 3010. You will be 28 before you know it .
Of course I don't know much about u, but if I had to guess, you are an ambitious person and you like stuff planned out (damn, I am insightful).
May be I don't hear girl-thoughts too often, but yours are pretty interesting, although they kinda make me feel like a male in more of an animal context, like where one has to compete for a mate (birds with colorful tails come to mind for some reason). I understand where you are coming from since there is no denying that the pool is shrinking. Rapidly. You may or may not relate, but I feel that the diminishing pool is due to lack of common interests and understanding, people getting married, people getting uglier, etc... right? I am just having hard time reconciling that thought with my old school mentality of the need to find a person that you truly love, a woman that would make you feel like the rest of your life is a holiday just because she is with you.

Anyways, a question for everyone. Given that you are attracted to the person based on looks, what are the top 3-5 qualities/characteristics that are most important to you?

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[SwineLake98]

My long-time boyfriend directs theatre. It has worked well so far, despite our very different interests. I will be starting med school in the fall and look forward to having someone to talk to about something other than medicine! Here's hoping that it only get better (and that he will continue to put up with my constant studying)

Awesome...I figure I'll either end up with someone else in science/medicine or someone in theatre. Those two thing comsume pretty much all of my time, so the odds of me meeting a laywer or an accountant are pretty low

 

[AmyGW]

I think that everyone on here who has posted saying that they would require their significant other to have an advanced degree are a bunch of pretentious pricks. Seriously, I just don't understand how you can make a decision that you wouldn't be able to love someone without at least a master's degree. What do you think that title gives you other than an acknowledgement that you spent a couple more years in school in a particularly narrow field of study.

I guess I just think you will get what you deserve from that policy. Maybe you'll meet someone who will make you happy, but maybe you'll exclude someone who would make you even happier merely because they do not meet your academic criteria.

There is much much more to life that school people. Please recognize this for your own good.

Hey, different strokes for different folks. Most people select mates based on completely arbitrary features, and this is no different. No need to get upset about it.

I think the people on this post are merely saying that someone with some sort of higher education would probably have more in common with them. I don't understand why that is so horrible.

 

[Messerschmitts]

Anyways, a question for everyone. Given that you are attracted to the person based on looks, what are the top 3-5 qualities/characteristics that are most important to you?

Given physical attractiveness I guess: (in no particular order, because that would take me too much time to rank these)

1.) General compatibility of beliefs, personality, and interests.
2.) "Niceness", viz. someone who's nurturing and nonjudgemental.
3.) "Spunkiness"; someone who's not the passive, "speak only when spoken to", "I'll let you plan everything and take the lead" type girl. My ex was like that and I honestly couldn't take it. I know a lot of guys would cream their pants for a girl like that but it's wasted on me. I'd like instead for a girl who's willing to take charge and take responsbility sometimes, whether in life, in the relationship, or in the bedroom.
4.) Comfort with one's own body and sexuality; in other words..."sexually expressive". Bwa ha ha ha, yes I have needs. You can have sex without love, but I don't think you can have romantic love without sex.
5.) Willingness to experiment with other girls in a bisexual 3-way.

(Relax, #5. is a joke, but #4. is not)

 

[xlithiumx]

Hey, different strokes for different folks. Most people select mates based on completely arbitrary features, and this is no different. No need to get upset about it.

I think the people on this post are merely saying that someone with some sort of higher education would probably have more in common with them. I don't understand why that is so horrible.

It's horrible because it's so narrow-minded. Keep in mind that I'm referring to those who specifically noted an "advanced degree," not just some kind of higher education.

I disagree that someone with some advanced degree would have something in common with a physician except for being "in school" for a long time. Most people with advanced degrees are actually developing themselves intellectually rather than just becoming regurgitation machines like physicians. To that end, a physician (human mechanic), would probably have more in common with a person working in a trade than a person who is making their life as an academic.

I know you're not in medical school yet, but when you do get there, you will realize how much of your intellectual life you must give up to pursue medicine. Doctors are not intellectuals, they are just information stores.

 

[AmyGW]

It's horrible because it's so narrow-minded. Keep in mind that I'm referring to those who specifically noted an "advanced degree," not just some kind of higher education.

I disagree that someone with some advanced degree would have something in common with a physician except for being "in school" for a long time. Most people with advanced degrees are actually developing themselves intellectually rather than just becoming regurgitation machines like physicians. To that end, a physician (human mechanic), would probably have more in common with a person working in a trade than a person who is making their life as an academic.

I know you're not in medical school yet, but when you do get there, you will realize how much of your intellectual life you must give up to pursue medicine. Doctors are not intellectuals, they are just information stores.

Well I'm not going to get into a ****-slinging match with you, because it's a waste of time. I just don't think you have any right to label someone a pretentious prick because they have a preference you don't share. That's all.

 

[xlithiumx]

Well I'm not going to get into a ****-slinging match with you, because it's a waste of time. I just don't think you have any right to label someone a pretentious prick because they have a preference you don't share. That's all.

Would it be right to call a white person a racist if he or she categorically refused to date a black person?

This is entirely analogous. The white person is a racist, and the med student who will only date an advanced degree holder is pretentious. Either way, they are both bigots. You have a right to choose to be a bigot I guess, but just because you consciously choose to do something doesn't make it right.

 

[AmyGW]

Would it be right to call a white person a racist if he or she categorically refused to date a black person?

This is entirely analogous. The white person is a racist, and the med student who will only date an advanced degree holder is pretentious. Either way, they are both bigots. You have a right to choose to be a bigot I guess, but just because you consciously choose to do something doesn't make it right.

Well that's your opinion, and I don't entirely disagree with you - I just think it's a little harsh to label someone a pretentious prick just because of a stupid SDN comment

I don't read these boards all that often, and I post even more infrequently. Maybe I'm still of that ridiculous, idealized notion that we can all be nice to each other. Silly girl.

 

[xlithiumx]

Well that's your opinion, and I don't entirely disagree with you - I just think it's a little harsh to label someone a pretentious prick just because of a stupid SDN comment

I don't read these boards all that often, and I post even more infrequently. Maybe I'm still of that ridiculous, idealized notion that we can all be nice to each other. Silly girl.

If you were of that silly idealized notion that we can all be nice to each other, you'd realize that refusing to entertain the possibility of a relationship with a non-Master's degree holder is not being very nice.

Seriously, pre-meds, med students, and doctors are just a rotten bunch on the whole.

 

[AmyGW]

If you were of that silly idealized notion that we can all be nice to each other, you'd realize that refusing to entertain the possibility of a relationship with a non-Master's degree holder is not being very nice.

Seriously, pre-meds, med students, and doctors are just a rotten bunch on the whole.

Then why are you here?

 

[AmyGW]

Then why are you here?

Actually, nevermind, don't answer that. I don't want to continue arguing about this.

 

[Sigecaps]

Thanks to everyone who are expressing their honest, personal opinion on the subject of the thread, and please keep going. Some posters seem so full of themselves that the first thing they do is pass judgement on other people - ignoring such posts is a great way to avoid gratifying such people's overinflated, judgemental egos.
Looking forward to hearing more of your opinions on the subject of medschool relationships, and the qualities that you are looking for in the opposite sex.

 

[NRAI2001]

Seriously, pre-meds, med students, and doctors are just a rotten bunch on the whole.

In many ways this is true. These three groups are often very unhappy.

Why does every thread eventually have to turn into a fight? Everyone has their own preferences and opinions........you wont change the other person.

 

[Rafa]

Every now and then, a thread pops up on SDN that brings out the posters with distorted senses of reality. It's usually an AA thread in pre-allo, where certain folks start pulling up charts indicating race X's superiority over tribe Y and such, but the allo boards certainly aren't immune to the looking glass syndrome. Ah well. Carry on.

 

[Trail Boss]

With one or two exceptions, the least intelligent people that I have ever met I met acquiring my higher education. It is foolish to think that everyone who is intelligent goes to college. It is simply not the case, there are smart people without a college education, and there are lots of stupid worthless sorry excuses for human beings with them. At least that's my opinion.

 

[Ambs]

Ah, this thread is getting too hostile.... everyone get off SDN and go study.

 

[Cinnameg]

It's horrible because it's so narrow-minded. Keep in mind that I'm referring to those who specifically noted an "advanced degree," not just some kind of higher education.

I disagree that someone with some advanced degree would have something in common with a physician except for being "in school" for a long time. Most people with advanced degrees are actually developing themselves intellectually rather than just becoming regurgitation machines like physicians. To that end, a physician (human mechanic), would probably have more in common with a person working in a trade than a person who is making their life as an academic.

I know you're not in medical school yet, but when you do get there, you will realize how much of your intellectual life you must give up to pursue medicine. Doctors are not intellectuals, they are just information stores.

What an incredibly depressing viewpoint. It sounds like you're going through a rough time. But I have met a lot of doctors -- granted, not young ones -- who have put their stores of information to good use, finding interesting research questions to pursue, and also finding social challenges related to health care to address, and causes to fight for. Maybe later on you might find the work more rewarding than now? I hope so.

I also have gotta say that someone who chooses to spend a long time in school probably, on average, has more in common with me than someone who chooses to work for Google (like a lot of my college classmates) or in a consulting firm. To each her own, of course, but I like guys who like school; and I like guys that have a lot in common with me, more to the point.

 

[Cinnameg]

If you were of that silly idealized notion that we can all be nice to each other, you'd realize that refusing to entertain the possibility of a relationship with a non-Master's degree holder is not being very nice.

Seriously, pre-meds, med students, and doctors are just a rotten bunch on the whole.

OK, I gotta say, you might be right about all of us being a "rotten bunch" but I don't think that as far as choosing mates we are any more rotten than anyone else. Ideally you only marry one person, the right person, and any criteria you choose, anything that you're attracted to, will make someone else angry. But, you have to choose based on something . . . if it's looks, it's shallow or racist, if it's education, it's pretentious, if it's money, it's soulless, if it's hobbies, it's closed-minded . . . you get my drift. Any time you have any sort of idea of what you're looking for, you HAVE closed off possible mates that might be compatible in some other ways, but the thing is, if you have NO criteria, you either have to date everyone who asks you out or nobody at all. Being honest with yourself about what kind of person you are attracted to, and want to have sex with and spend every day with for the rest of your life, is not a bad thing. You could end up in a very bad marriage if you aren't honest with yourself about that.

 

[Cinnameg]

Thanks to everyone who are expressing their honest, personal opinion on the subject of the thread, and please keep going. Some posters seem so full of themselves that the first thing they do is pass judgement on other people - ignoring such posts is a great way to avoid gratifying such people's overinflated, judgemental egos.
Looking forward to hearing more of your opinions on the subject of medschool relationships, and the qualities that you are looking for in the opposite sex. OR THE SAME SEX!!!!

To answer a question posted a long time ago about what I might look for in the opposite sex (I must point out here that we shouldn't exclude gays/lesbians from this thread, so it could just as easily be the same sex, I just happen to be straight):
(1) Honesty with himself, honesty with me. A good dose of ability to self-reflect helps with this.
(2) Strong opinions on what's happening in the world. He has to really care about something, and have a strong sense of justice. Indifference is unsexy. Must be liberal and non-religious (in order to be compatible and not fight all the time).
(3) Ability to talk animatedly, articulate, not too shy. Knows interesting things.
(4) Ability to listen, ask questions and actually be interested in the answers.
(5) A sense of purpose with long-term goals, and some career/personal ambition.
(6) Enjoys a lot of activities that I enjoy, so that we can really have a good time together. Also, enjoys some activities that I don't yet, so he can help me explore new things.
(7) Affectionate. This one is really important. Also, should respect me as an equal, no macho stuff.
(8) Taller than me and attractive enough.


A long list . . . but hey, all I need is one.

 

[CruiseLover]

I'm hoping to find someone who hasn't slept with 30 different people to perhaps save me from an STD that I will have to deal with the rest of my life. I also would like to know the guy I'm dating is only having sex with me at the moment. Why is it that most relationships start with sex? I would like to start a relationship, and then become intimate. Is this possible??

 

[GED MD]

Why is it that most relationships start with sex? I would like to start a relationship, and then become intimate.

This is probably just a grammar correction, but intimacy does not equal sex. And sex, despite generations of wishful thinking, does not equal or lead to intimacy. It's just that if you put a hundred people in a high stress isolation, sex is a lot easier and safer than learing to be intimate with someone.

 

[Dr.LeoSpaceman]

Fourth, you gotta be with someone you feel like you have to consistently impress. Nothing sinks quite like a relationship in which people feel so comfortable that they can stop showering, stop working out, stop going out to places, and stop caring about generally. That's the quickest way to waking up one morning and finding yourself 40 years old, obese, and next to a similarly appearing smelly spouse who's going bald who you haven't had sex with in a year.

Sorry, had to interject here. While I agree to varying degrees with the first 3 points, this 4th one is a bit ridiculous. There is a word for that feeling...its called insecurity. There is a very big difference between feeling like you WANT to impress the person you are with, and the feeling that you MUST impress them. If you feel like you must impress them, its probably because you feel like you aren't good enough, or that they are going to leave you, etc. If thats the case, its not healthy at all.

If you feel like you want to impress them, its because their opinion matters to you, and you enjoy making each other happy/satisfied. Also, you have to take some sort of personal initiative. You don't end up 40 and obese because you don't feel like you need to impress your spouse. You end up like that because you take no responsibility for your health/appearance. Thats your own fault, no one else's.

 

[Law2Doc]

Awesome...I figure I'll either end up with someone else in science/medicine or someone in theatre. Those two thing comsume pretty much all of my time, so the odds of me meeting a laywer or an accountant are pretty low

If you end up being bad at medicine you will meet tons of lawyers. If you do well in the profession, you are at some point going to need an accountant. So odds aren't that low. Hopefully the accountant route will pan out.

 

[cfdavid]

Would it be right to call a white person a racist if he or she categorically refused to date a black person?

This is entirely analogous. The white person is a racist, and the med student who will only date an advanced degree holder is pretentious. Either way, they are both bigots. You have a right to choose to be a bigot I guess, but just because you consciously choose to do something doesn't make it right.

Research has shown that the odds of a successful relationship increase when two people share the same cultural and religious background (nobody will touch the race issue, but you can draw your own conclusions). Sure, there would be many exceptions. But, to suggest that someone is a racist because they might choose to marry within their race, is nonsense and irresponsible. In fact, the vast majority of people choose to do so. So, I guess the majority of the population (spanning racial lines) is racist????? Come on.

 

[cfdavid]

Sorry, had to interject here. While I agree to varying degrees with the first 3 points, this 4th one is a bit ridiculous. There is a word for that feeling...its called insecurity. There is a very big difference between feeling like you WANT to impress the person you are with, and the feeling that you MUST impress them. If you feel like you must impress them, its probably because you feel like you aren't good enough, or that they are going to leave you, etc. If thats the case, its not healthy at all.

If you feel like you want to impress them, its because their opinion matters to you, and you enjoy making each other happy/satisfied. Also, you have to take some sort of personal initiative. You don't end up 40 and obese because you don't feel like you need to impress your spouse. You end up like that because you take no responsibility for your health/appearance. Thats your own fault, no one else's.

Good point. But, I think the OP just meant that most people like a challenge in a relationship. Someone that makes them want to strive to be their best, and that challenges them in a variety of ways. Keeps them on their toes, so to speak.

 

[Callogician]

My top five excluding looks:

1) Absolutely ****ing ingenious. No not you...yeah you...the one with the 40 MCAT who thinks she's clever. You're an idiot. I'm talking about the sort of woman who is subjectively witty, insightful, and generally brilliant after a five minute conversation.

2) Free thinker/rationalist/pragmatist etc. - I cite cfdavid's argument. I want a woman I loves to discuss and analyze the complexities of the world.

3) Inexplicably attracted to every aspect of my appearance/voice/personality/etc. -what can I say...I like women who like me.

4) Sane - if you cry for no reason or check the stove at night, you are not sane. If you ask me, "am I fat?," I will say, "What is your BMI?"

5) Feminine/submissive/nurturing/affectionate - I find myself naturally attracted to these qualities and scoff at all feminist criticism.

Ah, this thread is getting too hostile.... everyone get off SDN and go study.

Ingenious! You clearly meet criterion #1.

 

[Messerschmitts]

Sorry, had to interject here. While I agree to varying degrees with the first 3 points, this 4th one is a bit ridiculous. There is a word for that feeling...its called insecurity. There is a very big difference between feeling like you WANT to impress the person you are with, and the feeling that you MUST impress them. If you feel like you must impress them, its probably because you feel like you aren't good enough, or that they are going to leave you, etc. If thats the case, its not healthy at all.

If you feel like you want to impress them, its because their opinion matters to you, and you enjoy making each other happy/satisfied. Also, you have to take some sort of personal initiative. You don't end up 40 and obese because you don't feel like you need to impress your spouse. You end up like that because you take no responsibility for your health/appearance. Thats your own fault, no one else's.

Yeah, I totally agree with this. If you feel like you constantly have to "impress" your S.O., then you're not really opening up to them, and you don't show them the "real you". Instead you show them a carefully packaged, "sanitised" version of yourself. It's like living constantly with the stress of being on a first date. You don't feel comfortable enough to tell each other things, because you're afraid you'll sound stupid, or you'll lower your S.O.'s opinion of you. With time this not only gets exhausting, but it creates an ever-widening rift between you until one day you realise you have nothing to talk about and have no emotional connexion whatsoever, and have to break up. I speak from experience.

 

[xlithiumx]

Research has shown that the odds of a successful relationship increase when two people share the same cultural and religious background (nobody will touch the race issue, but you can draw your own conclusions). Sure, there would be many exceptions. But, to suggest that someone is a racist because they might choose to marry within their race, is nonsense and irresponsible. In fact, the vast majority of people choose to do so. So, I guess the majority of the population (spanning racial lines) is racist????? Come on.

No, I did not say that choosing to marry someone within your own race is racist. I said that refusing to have a relationship with someone based purely on his or her race is in fact racist. Seriously. Can you read?

 

[xlithiumx]

What an incredibly depressing viewpoint. It sounds like you're going through a rough time. But I have met a lot of doctors -- granted, not young ones -- who have put their stores of information to good use, finding interesting research questions to pursue, and also finding social challenges related to health care to address, and causes to fight for. Maybe later on you might find the work more rewarding than now? I hope so.

I also have gotta say that someone who chooses to spend a long time in school probably, on average, has more in common with me than someone who chooses to work for Google (like a lot of my college classmates) or in a consulting firm. To each her own, of course, but I like guys who like school; and I like guys that have a lot in common with me, more to the point.

Oh golly. First off, you aren't in medical school yet, so you don't really know what you are talking about. Secondly, I am not going through a rough time at all. I am doing well in school, engaged to be married to a lovely young woman later this summer, and all in all really enjoying life. Also, my work is rewarding in the sense that I am learning things I need to know to do my job in the future. The amount of patient contact I have is good, and I am enjoying the scholastic portion of school. What you're not getting is that I'm making a social comment on doctors, not medicine. Medicine is fun and interesting. Doctors are dinguses, at least 65-70% are. Please revisit this topic when you have experience.

 

[NRAI2001]

OK, I gotta say, you might be right about all of us being a "rotten bunch" but I don't think that as far as choosing mates we are any more rotten than anyone else. Ideally you only marry one person, the right person, and any criteria you choose, anything that you're attracted to, will make someone else angry. But, you have to choose based on something . . . if it's looks, it's shallow or racist, if it's education, it's pretentious, if it's money, it's soulless, if it's hobbies, it's closed-minded . . . you get my drift. Any time you have any sort of idea of what you're looking for, you HAVE closed off possible mates that might be compatible in some other ways, but the thing is, if you have NO criteria, you either have to date everyone who asks you out or nobody at all. Being honest with yourself about what kind of person you are attracted to, and want to have sex with and spend every day with for the rest of your life, is not a bad thing. You could end up in a very bad marriage if you aren't honest with yourself about that.

 

[clinpsychgirl]

sorry to troll (as you could probably figure out from my sn, I'm actually phd student in clinical psych). As such, criterion #4 cracked me up!

And, although I am happily committed to someone, if I was single, I would look for a sense of humor in a gentleman

My top five excluding looks:

1) Absolutely ****ing ingenious. No not you...yeah you...the one with the 40 MCAT who thinks she's clever. You're an idiot. I'm talking about the sort of woman who is subjectively witty, insightful, and generally brilliant after a five minute conversation.

2) Free thinker/rationalist/pragmatist etc. - I cite cfdavid's argument. I want a woman I loves to discuss and analyze the complexities of the world.

3) Inexplicably attracted to every aspect of my appearance/voice/personality/etc. -what can I say...I like women who like me.

4) Sane - if you cry for no reason or check the stove at night, you are not sane. If you ask me, "am I fat?," I will say, "What is your BMI?"

5) Feminine/submissive/nurturing/affectionate - I find myself naturally attracted to these qualities and scoff at all feminist criticism.




Ingenious! You clearly meet criterion #1.

 

[cfdavid]

No, I did not say that choosing to marry someone within your own race is racist. I said that refusing to have a relationship with someone based purely on his or her race is in fact racist. Seriously. Can you read?

You're correct. I spun your words around. However, I still submit that just because one refuses to date out of their race, doesn't necessarily make that person a "racist". Different strokes for different folks.

If you're a black man, and wish your kids to be black as well, then marry a black woman. No big deal. It doesn't make that person a "racist" just because they may wish to preserve the dominant phenotype of their particular culture or ethnic background.

 

[bluehighlighter]

You're correct. I spun your words around. However, I still submit that just because one refuses to date out of their race, doesn't necessarily make that person a "racist". Different strokes for different folks.

If you're a black man, and wish your kids to be black as well, then marry a black woman. No big deal. It doesn't make that person a "racist" just because they may wish to preserve the dominant phenotype of their particular culture or ethnic background.

I think the OP made a legitimate point about the interracial thing. Perhaps it was an oversimplification, however, it seems that the point was made.

 

[bluehighlighter]

Here's my thing. I am not so worried about finding someone to start a relationship with...I am concerned with having the TIME to cultivate the relationship...At the beginning of a new relationship you spend a lot of time playing "the get to know you" game...If I'm studying, 30+ hours a week...I don't know...the outlook seems bleak

 

[Cinnameg]

Oh golly. First off, you aren't in medical school yet, so you don't really know what you are talking about. Secondly, I am not going through a rough time at all. I am doing well in school, engaged to be married to a lovely young woman later this summer, and all in all really enjoying life. Also, my work is rewarding in the sense that I am learning things I need to know to do my job in the future. The amount of patient contact I have is good, and I am enjoying the scholastic portion of school. What you're not getting is that I'm making a social comment on doctors, not medicine. Medicine is fun and interesting. Doctors are dinguses, at least 65-70% are. Please revisit this topic when you have experience.

You think that I don't have a right to comment on my future profession? What makes you think that I could have gotten into medical school with NO experience? You have no cause to be rude, I was being sympathetic, because you did sound really unhappy in your last post, and I felt sorry for you. I guess you're not unhappy, you're just kind of an dingus. Sorry to get the two confused.

 

[Cinnameg]

Here's my thing. I am not so worried about finding someone to start a relationship with...I am concerned with having the TIME to cultivate the relationship...At the beginning of a new relationship you spend a lot of time playing "the get to know you" game...If I'm studying, 30+ hours a week...I don't know...the outlook seems bleak

I'm worried about that too. It was hard enough in college, being as busy as I was then. Feel for ya.

 

[infiniti]

Research has shown that the odds of a successful relationship increase when two people share the same cultural and religious background (nobody will touch the race issue, but you can draw your own conclusions). Sure, there would be many exceptions. But, to suggest that someone is a racist because they might choose to marry within their race, is nonsense and irresponsible. In fact, the vast majority of people choose to do so. So, I guess the majority of the population (spanning racial lines) is racist????? Come on.

I agree that it isn't racist to date or prefer to date someone of any particular (be it your own or otherwise). Preference for a patner is one thing no one should have to explain (as people will always find something wrong with your preference,depending on which side of the fence they are on). One's outlook or preference is however somewhat correlated to experience or knowledge of the world as a whole. It is rather ironic, that one could be absolutely racist and yet mortally attracted to the very people he/she is being racist against.

I think it would be rather difficult for me to believe your stated research given the high prevalence of divorce in same race/ethnic marriages (although you really didn't mention anything about race- but how do you define same culture ). How much worse could it really get? More so than the issue of compatibility, I would venture to say the IR (interracial relationships)/different culture (though I am still waiting for how this is defined) might be a little harder/harder to study than other types of relationship due to social pressure/small sample size (depending on the combinations) e.t.c. Ironically, the same pressure pinpointed as causes of failure (that is, differences) could also be the ones that make such relationships more succesful.

Anyway this is one of my favorite topics to discuss, but back to the OP.......

I think dating in medical school shouldn't be that much different than dating while working (at least for those who work a lot). I guess the real challenge is learning how to strike a balance. As a guy, I figure if I really need a girlfriend, I will just do more social stuff, flirt a little more and keep my eyes opened. While it probably wouldn't be my preference, I wouldn't refuse to date someone in my class or the ones above me if the person has the qualities I generally desire in a woman.

 

[PomPom]

My top five excluding looks:
1) Absolutely ****ing ingenious. No not you...yeah you...the one with the 40 MCAT who thinks she's clever. You're an idiot. I'm talking about the sort of woman who is subjectively witty, insightful, and generally brilliant after a five minute conversation.
2) Free thinker/rationalist/pragmatist etc. - I cite cfdavid's argument. I want a woman I loves to discuss and analyze the complexities of the world.
3) Inexplicably attracted to every aspect of my appearance/voice/personality/etc. -what can I say...I like women who like me.
4) Sane - if you cry for no reason or check the stove at night, you are not sane. If you ask me, "am I fat?," I will say, "What is your BMI?"
5) Feminine/submissive/nurturing/affectionate - I find myself naturally attracted to these qualities and scoff at all feminist criticism.

If looks is included, I take it that the break-down of the overall importance percentage is roughly as follows:
Looks: 99%
factor 1: 0.03%
factor 2: 0.02%
factor 3: 0.04%
factor 4: 0.005%
factor 5: 0.005%

 

[infiniti]

If looks is included, I take it that the break-down of the overall importance percentage is roughly as follows:
Looks: 99%
factor 1: 0.03%
factor 2: 0.02%
factor 3: 0.04%
factor 4: 0.005%
factor 5: 0.005%

Whoa! 99% on looks? Are you saying he is that shallow....Just j/k. I guess looks are important, but I (don't know about other guys) usually become accustomed to the looks after a few weeks. It is at this point that other factors begin to matter a lot. But 99%, that's a little rough

 

[McP]

I'm worried about that too. It was hard enough in college, being as busy as I was then. Feel for ya.

You'll have time. Med school only sucks the fun out of life if you let it. You'll find time to hang out with friends, work out, sleep, and yes "cultivate a relationship." Most of us can't do 14 hour days 7 days a week without going insane. There's time for the fun stuff; don't worry.

 

[cfdavid]

I agree that it isn't racist to date or prefer to date someone of any particular (be it your own or otherwise). Preference for a patner is one thing no one should have to explain (as people will always find something wrong with your preference,depending on which side of the fence they are on). One's outlook or preference is however somewhat correlated to experience or knowledge of the world as a whole. It is rather ironic, that one could be absolutely racist and yet mortally attracted to the very people he/she is being racist against.

I think it would be rather difficult for me to believe your stated research given the high prevalence of divorce in same race/ethnic marriages (although you really didn't mention anything about race- but how do you define same culture ). How much worse could it really get? More so than the issue of compatibility, I would venture to say the IR (interracial relationships)/different culture (though I am still waiting for how this is defined) might be a little harder/harder to study than other types of relationship due to social pressure/small sample size (depending on the combinations) e.t.c. Ironically, the same pressure pinpointed as causes of failure (that is, differences) could also be the ones that make such relationships more succesful.

Anyway this is one of my favorite topics to discuss, but back to the OP.......

I think dating in medical school shouldn't be that much different than dating while working (at least for those who work a lot). I guess the real challenge is learning how to strike a balance. As a guy, I figure if I really need a girlfriend, I will just do more social stuff, flirt a little more and keep my eyes opened. While it probably wouldn't be my preference, I wouldn't refuse to date someone in my class or the ones above me if the person has the qualities I generally desire in a woman.

I don't have the motivation to site the specific studies out there. And I realize nobody truly puts much stock in anecdotes. However, every marriage counselor on the radio (as well as what most divorce attorneys have experienced) seems to suggest that failure rates are higher for mixed race, or mixed religion marriages. I don't really care either way. But, I'm sure I could find some studies to support that, since I've heard the "studies" referenced often enough.

 

[irlandesa]

As far as being cynical regarding med school/residency, there are definitely some rose-colored glasses being worn on here. One of my colleagues feels that any intern who is halfway competent will be bitter by this point in intern year On the relationship topic, with such a high percentage of marriages ending in divorce, you really having nothing to lose by trying to date a classmate (or anyone for that matter).. Of course, this is somewhat hypocritical of me b/c I didn't like any of my classmates enough to date them while I was in med school. A word of advice based on my experience; try not to become too close friends with an engaged classmate/co-worker to whom you are attracted and vice versa.. Your chances of being able to get up and go to work immediately after giving birth to full-term sextuplets are much better than your chances will be with that person, even if the divorce rate is high and they don't exactly seem happy to be getting married and you are really compatible. I know, DUH, but we all make mistakes..

 

[2010orBust]

Hey everyone,
Here are my thoughts on the subject. My boyfriend/fiance (proposal but no ring...hey he's a medical student) and I started a relationship pre-medical school at a college in PA. We both knew that we eventually wanted to go to medical school, who knew that we would see each other actually go. So anyway, he is in medical school (MS1) now in NJ and I am a junior in PA. Having a significant other in medical school is difficult but not impossible. You make a lot of sacrifices because the other person is studying for MCATs, studying for USMLEs, etc. A relationship with a medical student is not for you if you are extremely needy or need to be around this person all the time...because you won't. Basically the key to success is understanding of each others schedules (I think that its a big myth that med. students study ALL the time) and make time for each other, even if you are incredibly busy. I'm not a professor on medical school relationships, but I hope my story helps.

do you go to villanova by chance?

 

[infiniti]

I don't have the motivation to site the specific studies out there. And I realize nobody truly puts much stock in anecdotes. However, every marriage counselor on the radio (as well as what most divorce attorneys have experienced) seems to suggest that failure rates are higher for mixed race, or mixed religion marriages. I don't really care either way. But, I'm sure I could find some studies to support that, since I've heard the "studies" referenced often enough.

Don't bother looking for evidence. It really isn't that important. I TA'ed (is that a word ) several semesters on that topic and I just used the opportunity to spill my opinion on the issue.

 

[PoorMD]

As far as being cynical regarding med school/residency, there are definitely some rose-colored glasses being worn on here. One of my colleagues feels that any intern who is halfway competent will be bitter by this point in intern year On the relationship topic, with such a high percentage of marriages ending in divorce, you really having nothing to lose by trying to date a classmate (or anyone for that matter).. Of course, this is somewhat hypocritical of me b/c I didn't like any of my classmates enough to date them while I was in med school. A word of advice based on my experience; try not to become too close friends with an engaged classmate/co-worker to whom you are attracted and vice versa.. Your chances of being able to get up and go to work immediately after giving birth to full-term sextuplets are much better than your chances will be with that person, even if the divorce rate is high and they don't exactly seem happy to be getting married and you are really compatible. I know, DUH, but we all make mistakes..

I think it's important to meet people in the right places, and that can be real tough.. The bar has a stigma about it. Dating classmates is hard for various reasons.
Meeting people at church could be real engaging and rewarding.
Meeting people through volunteer work (outside of class scheduled events) will lend a lot of exposure to the right kind of people..

I can't really say meeting folks in the bar is all that bad, as long as we are careful about how fast things go..

 

[evade]

My 2 cents on the relationships in med school issue. . .

Whether it works out or not is entirely contingent on the people involved. It would be stupid to claim that medical school does not place strain on a relationship. Of course it does. Hell, it places strain on individuals, and everything's more complex when you add another person to the equation. To make things work out, sacrifices must be made. I don't know anyone who is in a relationship and in medical school who hasn't made sacrifices. There are people in my class who are separated from their spouses/fiances/significant others. There are people in my class whose relationships failed on account of medical school, or whose medical schooling failed on account of their relationships. It's a matter of what to give up, and what to hold on to. To think that you can have a committed relationship, especially with someone who is intelligent and driven and has dreams and goals of their own, without sacrificing anything, is foolish.

That said, I am in a wonderful relationship with a fabulous guy who is a first-year law student at UCD. We applied together. We got very, very lucky. We've been together three years and are going strong. Sure, sometimes things are hard, and sometimes things are stressful, but overall our relationship gives us great comfort. It is a prority to us. I wouldn't have things any other way.

 

[PoorMD]

My 2 cents on the relationships in med school issue. . .

Whether it works out or not is entirely contingent on the people involved. It would be stupid to claim that medical school does not place strain on a relationship. Of course it does. Hell, it places strain on individuals, and everything's more complex when you add another person to the equation. To make things work out, sacrifices must be made. I don't know anyone who is in a relationship and in medical school who hasn't made sacrifices. There are people in my class who are separated from their spouses/fiances/significant others. There are people in my class whose relationships failed on account of medical school, or whose medical schooling failed on account of their relationships. It's a matter of what to give up, and what to hold on to. To think that you can have a committed relationship, especially with someone who is intelligent and driven and has dreams and goals of their own, without sacrificing anything, is foolish.

That said, I am in a wonderful relationship with a fabulous guy who is a first-year law student at UCD. We applied together. We got very, very lucky. We've been together three years and are going strong. Sure, sometimes things are hard, and sometimes things are stressful, but overall our relationship gives us great comfort. It is a prority to us. I wouldn't have things any other way.

thats great that you can both be near each other at such a tough time in your lives. Good luck!

 

[getunconcsious]

What? Why is this even an argument/thread? Having a relationship in med school is easy! My SO and I are MS3 and MS1 (respectively) and see each other for at least an hour a day. It's really not any harder than it is in any other field or career probably. I guess medical students like to complain a lot?

 

[getunconcsious]

If looks is included, I take it that the break-down of the overall importance percentage is roughly as follows:
Looks: 99%
factor 1: 0.03%
factor 2: 0.02%
factor 3: 0.04%
factor 4: 0.005%
factor 5: 0.005%

Your supposed formula doesn't make any sense:

0.03+0.02+0.04+0.005+0.005=0.10

If 99% is looks and 0.1% is the factors you cited, where did the other 0.9% go?
This is what some used to call 'fuzzy math'.

 

[Sigecaps]

Your supposed formula doesn't make any sense:

0.03+0.02+0.04+0.005+0.005=0.10

If 99% is looks and 0.1% is the factors you cited, where did the other 0.9% go?
This is what some used to call 'fuzzy math'.

Hey, good attention to detail! Should serve you well the rest of the way (faculty seems to love it).