Hi all,
This is my first post and I believe my first time on SDN for quite some time now.
My story is a rather long and complicated one, which I will try to be as concise as possible with here, but I am in dire need of advice, and I don't think I can get any "real" answers from the resources that are available to me at the moment, so this is why I came here.
I am currently a senior who's about to embark on a 5th year to finish up a degree/concentration.
Currently, I am a Psychology/Pre-Pharmacy student and also double minoring in Chemistry and Philosophy. I am extremely nervous about my future (which has never happened before up until now) and I was wondering what are some options that are available to me that I can take advantage of while I still can.
But first, here is some important background info about me:
-1st gen student
-Family income is <= 60K
-Come from a small town of ~3000 people
-My class size was only 93 students (my school also did not have many resources for us to utilize like much larger schools do; for ex, we only had 2 AP classes. That was it.)
-Still made Top 10 of my H.S. Class though
-I am intensely idealistic and perfectionistic, I have extremely high standards for myself because of this. I'm also very hard on myself due to this as well.
-Currently a CPhT for CVS Pharmacy for about 1.5 years.
-Go to a Big 10, Research Intensive University
-A year of volunteering a Inpatient Pharmacy
-6 months of Chemical Research experience
-Oftentimes seen as a "quiet extrovert"
-Most importantly though, I have been struggling with Chronic Melancholic Depression ever since I was 13, ADD since my Freshman Year in college, and Mild-Moderate Anxiety as well. I have been formally diagnosed and on a regimen for about 2 years now. (My father was diagnosed with early-onset Bipolar 1 Disorder at 18).
-My career goal is to ultimately become a Psychiatric Clinical Pharmacist. I have a love for Psychopathology, Abnormal Psychology, Pharmacy, and Philosophy. I think it's a wonderful (albeit small and restrictive) career that kind of combines a little of everything of what I love and enjoy into one.
Let me talk you into how I've gotten up to this point so far and also address any pertinent issues along the way.
For most of my college career, I've been struggling with what it is that I've wanted to do with my life. It's been an extremely difficult 4 years here for me to say the least. To shorten matters a bit, it wasn't until the summer of my Junior year that I finally realized the entire time what it is I wanted to pursue and study. The past 3 years I spent trying out different avenues of academics all with no avail/success. First I was a CS major my freshman year, then switched to Chemistry for about 2 years (wanting to pursue Pharmaceuticals and then Forensic Science, but due to being only average in Organic Chem and hating the mundane life of academic research, these plans were also foreseeably scrapped too), then in 2nd semester of my Junior year, I had worked and switched everything around to now become a Psychology/Pre-Pharm Major and also minoring in Chemistry and Philosophy. The problem though (before making the switch finalized), was that even though I wanted to pursue pharmacy school, and a lot of my Chemistry courses at the time overlapped with the pre-pharmacy curriculum, I had not taken any bio prereqs up until that point since the Chemistry major didn't require any, meaning I had about 10 or so Bio courses in total to make up + other prereqs too (like physics and econ) + being able too fit my Psych/Phil courses in as well. This is where the 5th year comes into play. And yes, I am on track to graduate luckily by doing so.
Now, Bio is not my strongest subject, it is doable, but I don't particularly find all that fascinating, and since most pre-health professions are becoming ever more seriously based around the principles of molecular biology, biochemistry and physiology, it's been almost imperative that students perform nearly perfect in these subjects. I struggled the most with Cell Biology and did about average in all other bio courses (A/P, Microbio, Genetics, IB, and Biochem).
I have a particular problem with memorizing vast amounts of information, and being able to recall the extremely specific details of such processes. (I.e. How does Topoisomerase I aid in DNA Replication differently than Topoisomerase II?) Or knowing the Multi-Step Enzymatic Pathway of the Krebs Cycle Biochemically. It just bores me more than anything really. My ADD is a serious problem for focusing and attention control as is. I have much better understanding of the general concepts of the process, mechanisms, and reactions than I do the specificities.
Essentially, my Science GPA is abysmal at around a 2.4-2.5 (Most of my Bio grades are B-/C, but got D's in both Anatomy Labs; got a D+ in Physics II; Straight Cs in Calc I-III; Chemistry grades are good, all As and Bs except in OChem: C+ in I and C in II; All As in Psych/Phil courses so far).
My Transfer GPA is a 4.0
My overall has decreased steadily from around a 2.9 for 3 years too a now 2.6 in my 4th year.
-I'm also one of those oddballs that does poorly on exams, but still retains most of the information taught within classes. In college respectively. Whereas many of my friends have GPAs of like 3.4+ and do well on exams and classes, but have a very difficult time recalling information or explaining important concepts likewise. Quite peculiar.
And with the ending of this last semester of my 4th year, I've been placed on academic probation (my grades for the most part were more due to circumstance, and not to just pure intellectual capability alone), I need to retake a total of 3 prereqs for pharmacy school, my GPA has been significantly lowered, my mental, emotional, and physical health is deteriorating by the week, I'm losing self esteem and self confidence in myself, I don't have the time nor energy to keep taking classes every term (I am becoming burnt out academically), my personal life is a disaster, and I have to somehow re-configure priorities out in such a way that it somehow will boost my chances on getting in ultimately.
About my mental health and relationships during my 4 years here; well, having Melanchoic Depression is by far one of the worst experiences somebody could possibly go through. Every single day is a struggle. In a sense, I struggle intensely with who I am, who I want to be, who I want others to see me as, relationships with others be it romantic, familial, friendship, or professional. I find it very difficult to find meaning and purpose in my life, no matter how much greatness I've achieved. I have severe motivation issues (and plays a huge factor in how my grades roughly turn out). I feel mostly empty and anhedonic on a day to day basis, and I just feel miserable.
I have lost multiple best friends, my first love (which caused me to go through a major depressive episode that lasted for about 8 months), my grandmother, and practically everyone I once felt close too. This in turn has had serious detrimental effects on my mental and physical health as well as my emotional well being.
Currently, I live by myself, have virtually no close relationships in my life, am trying to maintain a job which is becoming increasingly stressful by the month, and all the while still attempting to study for my PCAT and at least finishing my degree before matters get any worse.
So while knowing the context of my situation, I know I am not ready to pursue Applications Cycle nor Pharmacy School at this point in time. So, what I was thinking was, possibly just finishing my degree and salvage as much of GPA while I still can, look at going into a Post-Bacc Enhancement program (retake those abysmal graded courses over again, gain some more insight, feel more personable, tell them of my story/situation, and hopefully just make the most of it.)
I am currently taking the summer off to just work and study for my PCAT in the meantime as well as to kind of just recoup and work on focusing on getting my mental health in better shape. I would still like to take my PCAT to kinda see where I'm at and what I still need improvement on, can't really hurt can it?
Well that's about it. What do you guys think? I apologize again for the length of this post, but I needed to put the context there in order for things to be put into perspective.
This is my first post and I believe my first time on SDN for quite some time now.
My story is a rather long and complicated one, which I will try to be as concise as possible with here, but I am in dire need of advice, and I don't think I can get any "real" answers from the resources that are available to me at the moment, so this is why I came here.
I am currently a senior who's about to embark on a 5th year to finish up a degree/concentration.
Currently, I am a Psychology/Pre-Pharmacy student and also double minoring in Chemistry and Philosophy. I am extremely nervous about my future (which has never happened before up until now) and I was wondering what are some options that are available to me that I can take advantage of while I still can.
But first, here is some important background info about me:
-1st gen student
-Family income is <= 60K
-Come from a small town of ~3000 people
-My class size was only 93 students (my school also did not have many resources for us to utilize like much larger schools do; for ex, we only had 2 AP classes. That was it.)
-Still made Top 10 of my H.S. Class though
-I am intensely idealistic and perfectionistic, I have extremely high standards for myself because of this. I'm also very hard on myself due to this as well.
-Currently a CPhT for CVS Pharmacy for about 1.5 years.
-Go to a Big 10, Research Intensive University
-A year of volunteering a Inpatient Pharmacy
-6 months of Chemical Research experience
-Oftentimes seen as a "quiet extrovert"
-Most importantly though, I have been struggling with Chronic Melancholic Depression ever since I was 13, ADD since my Freshman Year in college, and Mild-Moderate Anxiety as well. I have been formally diagnosed and on a regimen for about 2 years now. (My father was diagnosed with early-onset Bipolar 1 Disorder at 18).
-My career goal is to ultimately become a Psychiatric Clinical Pharmacist. I have a love for Psychopathology, Abnormal Psychology, Pharmacy, and Philosophy. I think it's a wonderful (albeit small and restrictive) career that kind of combines a little of everything of what I love and enjoy into one.
Let me talk you into how I've gotten up to this point so far and also address any pertinent issues along the way.
For most of my college career, I've been struggling with what it is that I've wanted to do with my life. It's been an extremely difficult 4 years here for me to say the least. To shorten matters a bit, it wasn't until the summer of my Junior year that I finally realized the entire time what it is I wanted to pursue and study. The past 3 years I spent trying out different avenues of academics all with no avail/success. First I was a CS major my freshman year, then switched to Chemistry for about 2 years (wanting to pursue Pharmaceuticals and then Forensic Science, but due to being only average in Organic Chem and hating the mundane life of academic research, these plans were also foreseeably scrapped too), then in 2nd semester of my Junior year, I had worked and switched everything around to now become a Psychology/Pre-Pharm Major and also minoring in Chemistry and Philosophy. The problem though (before making the switch finalized), was that even though I wanted to pursue pharmacy school, and a lot of my Chemistry courses at the time overlapped with the pre-pharmacy curriculum, I had not taken any bio prereqs up until that point since the Chemistry major didn't require any, meaning I had about 10 or so Bio courses in total to make up + other prereqs too (like physics and econ) + being able too fit my Psych/Phil courses in as well. This is where the 5th year comes into play. And yes, I am on track to graduate luckily by doing so.
Now, Bio is not my strongest subject, it is doable, but I don't particularly find all that fascinating, and since most pre-health professions are becoming ever more seriously based around the principles of molecular biology, biochemistry and physiology, it's been almost imperative that students perform nearly perfect in these subjects. I struggled the most with Cell Biology and did about average in all other bio courses (A/P, Microbio, Genetics, IB, and Biochem).
I have a particular problem with memorizing vast amounts of information, and being able to recall the extremely specific details of such processes. (I.e. How does Topoisomerase I aid in DNA Replication differently than Topoisomerase II?) Or knowing the Multi-Step Enzymatic Pathway of the Krebs Cycle Biochemically. It just bores me more than anything really. My ADD is a serious problem for focusing and attention control as is. I have much better understanding of the general concepts of the process, mechanisms, and reactions than I do the specificities.
Essentially, my Science GPA is abysmal at around a 2.4-2.5 (Most of my Bio grades are B-/C, but got D's in both Anatomy Labs; got a D+ in Physics II; Straight Cs in Calc I-III; Chemistry grades are good, all As and Bs except in OChem: C+ in I and C in II; All As in Psych/Phil courses so far).
My Transfer GPA is a 4.0
My overall has decreased steadily from around a 2.9 for 3 years too a now 2.6 in my 4th year.
-I'm also one of those oddballs that does poorly on exams, but still retains most of the information taught within classes. In college respectively. Whereas many of my friends have GPAs of like 3.4+ and do well on exams and classes, but have a very difficult time recalling information or explaining important concepts likewise. Quite peculiar.
And with the ending of this last semester of my 4th year, I've been placed on academic probation (my grades for the most part were more due to circumstance, and not to just pure intellectual capability alone), I need to retake a total of 3 prereqs for pharmacy school, my GPA has been significantly lowered, my mental, emotional, and physical health is deteriorating by the week, I'm losing self esteem and self confidence in myself, I don't have the time nor energy to keep taking classes every term (I am becoming burnt out academically), my personal life is a disaster, and I have to somehow re-configure priorities out in such a way that it somehow will boost my chances on getting in ultimately.
About my mental health and relationships during my 4 years here; well, having Melanchoic Depression is by far one of the worst experiences somebody could possibly go through. Every single day is a struggle. In a sense, I struggle intensely with who I am, who I want to be, who I want others to see me as, relationships with others be it romantic, familial, friendship, or professional. I find it very difficult to find meaning and purpose in my life, no matter how much greatness I've achieved. I have severe motivation issues (and plays a huge factor in how my grades roughly turn out). I feel mostly empty and anhedonic on a day to day basis, and I just feel miserable.
I have lost multiple best friends, my first love (which caused me to go through a major depressive episode that lasted for about 8 months), my grandmother, and practically everyone I once felt close too. This in turn has had serious detrimental effects on my mental and physical health as well as my emotional well being.
Currently, I live by myself, have virtually no close relationships in my life, am trying to maintain a job which is becoming increasingly stressful by the month, and all the while still attempting to study for my PCAT and at least finishing my degree before matters get any worse.
So while knowing the context of my situation, I know I am not ready to pursue Applications Cycle nor Pharmacy School at this point in time. So, what I was thinking was, possibly just finishing my degree and salvage as much of GPA while I still can, look at going into a Post-Bacc Enhancement program (retake those abysmal graded courses over again, gain some more insight, feel more personable, tell them of my story/situation, and hopefully just make the most of it.)
I am currently taking the summer off to just work and study for my PCAT in the meantime as well as to kind of just recoup and work on focusing on getting my mental health in better shape. I would still like to take my PCAT to kinda see where I'm at and what I still need improvement on, can't really hurt can it?
Well that's about it. What do you guys think? I apologize again for the length of this post, but I needed to put the context there in order for things to be put into perspective.
