Normal to feel like this during the M3 grind?

[davethebarbarian]

I really enjoy my rotations so far, not as bad as I thought especially since I’m on surgery rotation. I can see myself gunning surgery but there is a lingering feeling of regret and sadness on my mind. I will hopefully graduate at age 27, finish residency between 3-7ish years. My mom got hit by a tree in a freak accident a year ago and got a concussion, some muscle damage, and a lil mobility issues. She just turned 58 and will be 60 when I graduate (forgot her b-day because of busy surgery days). Before you know it if I finish residency, she’ll be 65ish. Half the time when I study, I just want to cry and regret choosing medicine when my mom’s growing old and dying. I failed to even get an interview in my own state and feel this is another reason why I am not good enough. When I see patients that are my mom’s age and watching them die from disease, it reminds me I will have wasted my 20s to early 30s to never spend the time I want with my mom or my dad or my dog. I'm already on the other side of the country, and probably won’t match near her. We get into huge arguments every time I’m on the phone, and she told me if she dies it's okay, I just want you to finish and be a doctor. This pisses me off the most and makes me want to just quit. Tried private therapy after Step 1 but it was just way too expensive after the 2nd session. No time to find a new therapist during surg rotation.

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[deleted1139416]

There is a huge fallacy that people on the medical path fall into, which is that we waste our youth while everyone else is enjoying theirs. It’s simply not true. First off, you don’t have to be miserable throughout your 20s just cause you are becoming a doctor. I got married before med school, traveled with my family after Step 1, will be going to Vietnam to meet my wife’s family, and will be going on my second honeymoon between med school and residency. Not to mention a boys trip to Thailand I have planned in April with my buddies after match day. The day I finished Step 2, I went to an Ali Wong stand up show. I am in med school and I am FULLY enjoying my youth.

Second, people not in med school work their butts off too. Actors, artists, lawyers, etc, anyone who becomes someone worth becoming by their 30s will spend their 20s working their butts off, just like you and me. We really aren’t that different than the rest of the world.

Third, I am sorry to hear about your mom. But remember that you don’t have to be in the same city to make her happy. Besides, you can try to do as many 4th year rotations in your hometown or nearby and try to match there.

 

[HomeSkool]

This sounds like depression and it needs treatment. Reach out to the dean of students at your school, it's their job to help you.

I work with someone whose father was diagnosed with a terminal illness while he (my colleague) was in his second year of med school. His dad's last trip away from home was to attend my colleague's graduation, and he died a few months later during my colleague's intern year. He was more proud of his son than you can possibly imagine, and watching his son become a doctor brought him immense joy and peace during the twilight of his life.

No one who becomes a doctor is wasting their youth by doing so. Residents at my institution are meeting and marrying their life partners, starting their families, taking fun vacations, enjoying their hobbies, and building lifelong friendships. And then they graduate and enjoy exciting careers in medicine.

tl;dr: in the words of a wise physician who met me when I was a very discouraged MS-1, "You have the whole world right at your feet and you just don't know it."

 

[OMSRealWeebHours]

I can see myself gunning surgery but there is a lingering feeling of regret and sadness on my mind. I will hopefully graduate at age 27, finish residency between 3-7ish years. My mom got hit by a tree in a freak accident a year ago and got a concussion, some muscle damage, and a lil mobility issues. She just turned 58 and will be 60 when I graduate (forgot her b-day because of busy surgery days). Before you know it if I finish residency, she’ll be 65ish. Half the time when I study, I just want to cry and regret choosing medicine when my mom’s growing old and dying. I failed to even get an interview in my own state and feel this is another reason why I am not good enough. When I see patients that are my mom’s age and watching them die from disease, it reminds me I will have wasted my 20s to early 30s to never spend the time I want with my mom or my dad or my dog.

Sorry to hear that, I'm only first year and have been second guessing medicine as well even though I have not faced these challenges yet. I'm a newbie but I'm fully aware it seems to be a rough path and there is pain in missed life events.

Spend time you can calling or video chatting with them to tell them how you feel. Regardless of career path a lot of people are not satisfied with their day-to-day lives, we have to make something to live for.

 

[deleted1139416]

This sounds like depression and it needs treatment. Reach out to the dean of students at your school, it's their job to help you.

I work with someone whose father was diagnosed with a terminal illness while he (my colleague) was in his second year of med school. His dad's last trip away from home was to attend my colleague's graduation, and he died a few months later during my colleague's intern year. He was more proud of his son than you can possibly imagine, and watching his son become a doctor brought him immense joy and peace during the twilight of his life.

No one who becomes a doctor is wasting their youth by doing so. Residents at my institution are meeting and marrying their life partners, starting their families, taking fun vacations, enjoying their hobbies, and building lifelong friendships. And then they graduate and enjoy exciting careers in medicine.

tl;dr: in the words of a wise physician who met me when I was a very discouraged MS-1, "You have the whole world right at your feet and you just don't know it."

Aren’t you an anesthesiologist?!?!????!!! That doesn’t count!!

I’m joking haha!

 

[mistafab]

Nope, not normal. Get help.

 

[OMSRealWeebHours]

There is a huge fallacy that people on the medical path fall into, which is that we waste our youth while everyone else is enjoying theirs. It’s simply not true. First off, you don’t have to be miserable throughout your 20s just cause you are becoming a doctor. I got married before med school, traveled with my family after Step 1, will be going to Vietnam to meet my wife’s family, and will be going on my second honeymoon between med school and residency. Not to mention a boys trip to Thailand I have planned in April with my buddies after match day. The day I finished Step 2, I went to an Ali Wong stand up show. I am in med school and I am FULLY enjoying my youth.

Second, people not in med school work their butts off too. Actors, artists, lawyers, etc, anyone who becomes someone worth becoming by their 30s will spend their 20s working their butts off, just like you and me. We really aren’t that different than the rest of the world.

Third, I am sorry to hear about your mom. But remember that you don’t have to be in the same city to make her happy. Besides, you can try to do as many 4th year rotations in your hometown or nearby and try to match there.

This path is daunting but seeing how hard students and workers in countries like South Korea and China work can put things in perspective. Some successful mangakas can also end up working absurd hours to the point their life and work basically is the same.

 

[DarkBluMage]

I constantly feel like I’m wasting my youth/best years of my life grinding away in school. I’m gona be almost 40 by the time I finish residency. I don’t have a family of my own or a spouse and I’m far from my immediate family and friends and there’s so little time for enjoyment in med school. It’s super distressing whenever I have time to myself to sit and think about my life cause I feel like I don’t have anything going for my life except for a career. You’re not alone in how you feel. It’s not good to sit in those kinda thoughts though cause you can’t change med school except for to quit, but that doesn’t make sense to do. My advice is to go to therapy to work through all of that so it’s less distressing. See if your school has mental health resources.

 

[LunaOri]

Your school should have mental health support; please take advantage of it. I know it’s scary to think about losing your mom, but 58 is not old—she could have 30+ more years to live. Talk with her as often as you can. Program reminders in your phone for Mother’s Day, her birthday, etc, so you will have a reminder to call.

 

[coffegroundemesis]

You probably meet the criteria for MDD. Try to find help.