I am most certainly living. Just because I don't see family/friends doesn't mean I'm not. The one nice thing about podiatry is I found out that people are disposable. Wound care patients pay, until they get the limb cut off, they're disposable at that point. Patients in clinic pay until they don't, they are disposable. I myself am disposable, if I died at the hospital, the biggest concern for my attendings would be who is going to round or write my notes. Now if I get a job, the same problem, "who is going to pay my retirement, do my notes, see my patients while I'm on vacation". We do these haphazard surgeries not because they heal but because we get the patient's to come back! It pays. I have a conscious and don't want to do that, but that doesn't pay the bills and unfortunately, this field already doesn't pay the bills.
You seriously need some help- even if you think you don't.
And your program should be named and shamed. If they are cultivating that kind of mindset and those kinds of offers, their program needs to be cut.
Yes the job market could be abysmal
Yes there are malignant programs
Yes there are terrible attendings who take advantage of resident labor.
But for every bad apple there are a few good ones.
I also disagree with the way you saved money during residency. I penny pinched where I could but there was so much to do despite loans and regular cost of living overhead.
Saved up for vacations with my SO, ended up having a kid, learned how to cut my own hair so I could cut down on both time and cost, got into even more hobbies and still had enough to eat 3 meals a day and take the odd dinner date out if kid wasn't screaming bloody murder that weekend. I am willing to bet my wife makes much less than you and there are others on this forum with multiple offspring they need to feed and clothe that eat into their income and sanity.
Being a penny pinching miser is not a badge of honor. Maybe your upbringing perpetuated that- not sure, but it is unhealthy. Coming from a toxic family environment that perpetuated the same exact things you are talking about- I didn't even realize how unhealthy it was until SO brought it to my attention. Now that I have a kid watching my every move and learning my habits, I can't afford to come home feeling miserable, grumpy, and dejected.
Am I asking you to put on your rose colored glasses? No.
But you need to rethink how you are approaching things with your current attitude- even if in real life you are probably much more normal than on here- there is inherently something wrong that you need to take a step back and fix.
Do you want to be this 40 yo miser for the rest of your life? Come on man. I've been there. S*** gets tiring. You're better than that.
Take a break from SDN for a while. This site makes whatever you're feeling worse.