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Discussion in 'Pre-Pharmacy' started by SwolePharmacist, Oct 2, 2017.
Deleted for anti-plagiarism purposes, thank you all!
I like what you have so far! You have a lot of good ideas that I personally feel need to be expanded upon. Everyone else should chime in also!
1) in the 2nd paragraph, what about shadowing the pharmacy changed your goals? what did the pharmacist do to help you realize that pharmacy is something you might enjoy doing?
2) in the 3rd, how was the pharmacist like the people's hero? you describe that the pharmacist knew the local patients, but what did the pharmacist specifically do to make them their hero?
3) conclusion paragraph: how does being a pharmacist help create a better humanity? what do you mean by humanity?
These are some of my initial thoughts. Hope they help. Good luck!
This is really good. I would highly recommend you rewriting your opening sentence! It has very good content but it is too long and convoluted, it took me a moment to fully appreciate what you were saying, that's not good. Try to break it down a little and it will have more impact on the reader.
I would also change the paragraph about the pharmacist a little bit. You talked about how you liked him being dressed and how he presented himself and how people looked up to him...those are self centered ideas...try to make less of that and more of how "he was a helping hand", "knowledgeable healthcare provider", "how people calmed down and regained hope after talking to him"....see where I'm going? Overall very good essay
Thank you so much for your feedback! I also felt like I needed to expand on those areas. The max character count is 4500 and I'm currently sitting at 4370ish, so I'll try my best to expand on those areas! If you see anything I could omit without affecting the flow of the essay, please let me know. Thanks again!
Thank you so much! Great point about the opening sentence, I also felt like it was too long! Also, I see what you're saying about the part where I was describing the pharmacist. I will edit that part. I'm loving this feedback. I wish there was a way where I could get more people to see this and give me more tips!
I think you have a rather good substance here. You have answeared the prompt question in full. Sometimes you may get bad feedback (as in not helpful/misleading etc) so I wouldn't go for the quantity of Feedbacks but rather for quality. If you are still in college a writing center would be a great resource. Like, no offense to the previous feedback but if you start talking about what humanity means to you and how a pharmacist became somebody's hero you will water it down to "blah-blah-blah" in the eye of the adcom...you are an immigrant, that's a good thing to talk about - you can use it as to describe hardship, maturity, determination. You have healthcare experience, that's good - you describe how it affected your career decision. I'd say in paragraph about ER experience (very touching one ) add something like "this is when I knew I wanted to dedicate my life to the healthcare field. Seeing people in the moment of despair/fear/pain and be a part of the relief/help/hope"...why not ER doc? Because you really appreciated the impact your pharmacist was making on his patients/community every day; because it allows you to deliver a continuous care to your patients for years to come"...what are your future plans? Making your community a better place (helping humanity is good but maybe too global... maybe not...if you want to travel the world and help people) talk about addressing issues of overprescription of antibiotics and opioids and how bad it is and how patient education by pharmacist could offer some relief...do not water it down! make it solid, and answear the questions (which you pretty much did already) Don't add too much stuff just to increase the number of characters...that will take away from the point plus adcom reads a ton of these, so they may not be too excited/attentive when one essay is really long and talks about everything but the prompt, think about it...You have good stuff here, so just sharpen it and you'll be good to go! good luck
This is all I needed. Literally, you've helped me so much. I've been looking for feedback like this since I wrote my personal essay, and a friend told me about SDN, and you haven't failed me! I will sharpen it with all the points you mentioned, and then take me final rough draft to the writing center at my university's library to finalize it. I want to turn in my application as soon as possible, because I heard that's also a plus! Thank you so much! I'm grateful for people like you
"Although I despised this task..."
I would suggest avoiding negativity in your essay. Also, despise is such a strong word. Instead, I would just point out that after awhile, you switched to a different role. Or fluff it up and say an opportunity presented itself in the form of...
Thanks. I was wondering whether or not to mention that I "despised" the job too, haha!
You are more then welcome! Glad I could help. Apply as soon as you can! I've applied in August for ED and already got accepted, but they have mentioned to us that the admission is on the rolling basis (at least in my school in NY)...so once they fill up the spots, it's done ....even though the deadline is far away
I will! The plan is to send the applications in Tuesday night. I'm going to ask my microbiology professor for a rec letter, and I'm almost positive he'll say yes. If he says no, that'll ruin my plan. But the class is small and I've made the highest score on Exam 1, and among the highest scores on exam 2, hopeful that he'll say yes to writing me one. If you have any advice on asking professor's for rec letters, please let me know haha.
I term of asking for letter of rec, if you could make an appointment to go and ask in person, that's great. If not, I would send out a formal individualized email for each person that you're asking a letter from.
Hello! Would anyone who replied to this post be interested in reviewing my essay?! Please!
I can help.
Thank you so much! How can I send it to you, without posting it on the forums?