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Pre-med = No social life?

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by Survivior, May 13, 2007.

  1. Survivior

    Survivior New Member 2+ Year Member

    Jul 8, 2006
    I just realized that I have no friends. So depressing. I totally forgot about social life. I have been so busy going to school, studying, and working that I forgot to keep in touch with my friends. And now I don’t have any. Now that I talk to other girls in school, they are like “what, you don’t go to parties?!”. They party mostly every other night and me not at all. I was feeling so awkward when I was having this conversation with them. This whole “getting into med school” thing has taken over my life. Now I feel so left out and sad. Did this happen to anyone else or is it only me?
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  3. badasshairday

    badasshairday Vascular and Interventional Radiology 10+ Year Member

    Apr 6, 2007
    A med student at Yale once told me to enjoy undergrad because med school is a hell of a lot harder.

    I suggest you don't let it consume you. It is good to be focused, but you shouldn't be feeling depressed. You should be happy that you are doing good at school. Be out going and friendly. Take Friday night off and go out with friends... do somthing. Don't let your undergrad pass you by.
  4. TheGreatHunt

    TheGreatHunt High Performance 7+ Year Member

    Jan 5, 2007
    I'm quite the opposite, I have a great social life. You just have to figure out when to say no to people. I hang out a lot with my so-so friends during the summer, but I make time to hang out with my big group of friends, and some of my individual friends pretty regularly. You have to put in extra hours to have friends when you're worried about grades.

    I always like to do my schoolwork early in the day, because then when I'm tired, I can hang out with my friends, and that's not a hard part of the day at all.

    There's no reason you shouldn't have plenty of friends, and still be able to volunteer/homework/job/girlfriend/research etc...

    TIME MANAGEMENT. You'll have to do it a lot IF you become a doctor...

    P.S. I'm no slouch, so it can be done.
  5. Long Dong

    Long Dong My middle name is Duc. 10+ Year Member

    Aug 8, 2004
    The Best Coast
    Yes, and it gets worse in med school. Esp in 3rd year so get used to it.
  6. Critical Mass

    Critical Mass Guest

    Feb 23, 2007

    You ain't seen nothing yet...
  7. pagemmapants

    pagemmapants Unknown Member 10+ Year Member

    Jul 7, 2005
    That's crap. You can have a great social life as a pre-med if you learn how to study efficiently. In fact, it's better if you make it a PRIORITY as an undergrad to learn how to study fast and effectively so that you can maximize social-life time. This will a) maximize social-life time (a plus in itself) and b) improve your study habits which will NEED to be honed by the time you GET to med school. If you feel you MUST always be doing something to up your resume/application then join clubs and do volunteer work - this can kill two birds with one stone in that you can make friends AND resume build.

    That said, this is a long LONG road. Having no friends for 8+ years of your life will make very unbalanced and will probably lead to resentment, depression, any number of unhappy things. It's much easier to do well in school when you're happy and for me, having friends and a social life is an enormous component of that. Make time.
  8. Psyche Estrelle

    Psyche Estrelle Fear and Loathing in Los Angeles Physician 7+ Year Member

    Jan 8, 2007
    Los Angeles, CA
    A good friend once told me...

    in college you want three things: good grades, a good social life, and sleep. BUT you can ONLY have two of the three, i.e. in picking the two you want you inevitably sacrifice the third.

    in my humble opinion foregoing sleep for good grades and a good social life is the way to go... haha. and for the most part it has worked :>
  9. rchappidi

    rchappidi 2+ Year Member

    Jan 4, 2007
    It's funny that you mention that. I almost feel the same way. I'm almost reluctant to make new friends because I know I won't have much time to spend with them. I don't really get to party too much either. There was also a cute girl intersted in me, but I knew I wouldn't have much time to spend since I was pulling a 16 credit hour semester and was studying for the mcat, volunteering and doing the whole pre-med thing, so I had to turn her down. It does restrict your social life, but you should have known that going in. Considering that you have to pull off at least straight "A-'"s in all you classes, most of which are work and memorizing intensive, you should have known better a long time ago.
    Some people I know can do everything at once. It seems that you and I aren't those types of people.
    Hopefully it will pay off in the end when you get to help people, save lives and get paid.
    Hang in there. Question why you doing this and don't doubt your self.
    Good luck
  10. FrickenhugeMD

    FrickenhugeMD 5+ Year Member

    I agree with what everyone else is saying here, undergrad is what you make of it. If the only thing in life that would make you happy is being a doctor, then living in a hole studying the day a way is the way to go. Its like my mother always used to tell me, "everything in life should be taken in moderation". If you make the time to go out and have a social life, you can acheive balance. Just because people go out, doesnt mean you need to drink or stay till the place closes. I had a wonderful undergrad experience (socially and academically), and Im confident enough in my acheivements to believe that I will someday be a wonderful doctor.

    I shake my head everytime I read threads on here about people trying to graduate as soon as possible, like in 3 or even 2 years! Lifes not about the destination, its the trip getting there!
  11. Law2Doc

    Law2Doc 5K+ Member Physician Moderator Emeritus 10+ Year Member

    Dec 20, 2004
    Agree. College should be among the best 4 years in your life. Lots of fun, no responsibilities, you can take electives and try different things, and courses aren't nearly as demanding as what's to come on any professional track. So if you aren't goofing off, partying, drinking, and hooking up on at least a weekly basis, you probably aren't doing it right. So you really should be wishing you could stay there another 4 years, not in a rush to get done in a year or two less.

    As for the OP's question -- it's all about balance. Best to learn it now because it's even harder to balance while in med school.
  12. Davjc2009

    Davjc2009 2+ Year Member

    Jan 2, 2007
    Hey. At least when you get in med school, you won't have any friends to bug you about how you never hang out anymore. :rolleyes:

    Just kidding. Agree with L2D, like always.
  13. georgia_md

    georgia_md yo 2+ Year Member

    Jun 4, 2006
    If your friends do not understand that you are a busy premed student, then they are not "real" friends. If you are having 2nd thoughts about studying medicine, go to parties and enjoy.
  14. wasvsdal

    wasvsdal 5+ Year Member

    Dec 19, 2006
    Wow :eek:

    I feel worse mannnn, I dont have a social life or the good grades haha. Sleep i got plenty of though! And now College is almost over, and Im scared ****less!
  15. notdeadyet

    notdeadyet Still in California Moderator 10+ Year Member

    Jul 23, 2004
    Hoo-boy. I can almost sense the clenching...
  16. Screw the "other girls." But yes, although I'm not one of said "other girls" - or a girl at all - I was similarly miserable for something like the first 2.5ish years of undergrad.

    Even though I'm still premedding, it came down to making friends with those that are most like me. And for me, this includes the group that (a) doesn't care much about parties in the sense that this girl mentioned it to you, (b) doesn't care much about clubbing, getting stunningly f*cked up and attempting to set new record blood EtOH levels (read: usual college interests), (c) is otherwise like-minded, and so forth.

    And once you find said friends, do what you can to spend time with them. It took me awhile to find them, but dammit, I'm going to miss 'em when they aren't around anymore, so make the best of things...

    Also strongly agree with L2D. In the words of a good, strong-minded friend of mine, "If you don't like something about yourself, f*cking change it." You don't have to be the typical college student - just do what makes you feel better, if that makes sense.
  17. bt1

    bt1 New Member

    Aug 1, 2006
    AHAHAH my friends and i used to say that all the time in college...

    and i decided sleep wasn't that important and looking back...i do not regret it at all!
  18. Survivior

    Survivior New Member 2+ Year Member

    Jul 8, 2006
    Thank you to all. You always put me back on tracks. I feel much better after reading your posts.
    I know I need to make friends, but not those who will put me off tracks to my future. I have friends, but we don't talk much b/c they are busy with their schedules and don't have time. I can't ask them to hangout with me when they have papers and exams due.

    And this girl does everything at the last minute and never worries about her future. She doesn't work. Parties, and drinks till she doesn't know what she is doing. I know this b/c she tells me all these things the next day. She is doing good in the class, but I think I was talking to the wrong girl. She made me feel as if there was something wrong with me. And I was like Oh my God.
  19. frubeak

    frubeak 5+ Year Member

    Jan 3, 2007
    Hey Survivor,

    You shouldn't feel down at all. Often times, those girls who brag and try to put you down are doing so because they have issues of their own. I'm guessing you're a stellar student, and this girl is someone who isn't doing so swell. A lot of times people try to live up the stereotype of college (partying hard/hooking up, etc) and I can tell you from personal experience that it isn't all that great. I am glad to have found that balance in my life now. If you don't want to party/drink then by all means, don't! Those who give you a hard time are not true friends. They're the ones that know it bugs you when they mention it, so they keep on doing it.

    A tip for keeping up with friends...If I'm super-busy, I see if people wanna meet for lunch/coffee while I'm on campus to catch up on things. It works great, and allows me to stay in touch with everyone. It also helps to have people to go to in life, so try to get some good friends and keep 'em.
  20. uhohspaghettio

    uhohspaghettio Banned Banned

    May 11, 2007
    You don't party, you don't drink, you are shy, you are quiet, you work hard, you are smart, you are righteous, and you have nice heart... imagine if you are cute on top of that :eek:


    definitely sounds like a wife-material! Keep up the good work :thumbup:
  21. ^ I do this often, as well.
  22. gotmeds?

    gotmeds? 5+ Year Member

    Oct 9, 2006
    Isn't Yale the school where the students grade themselves? Man, if only undergrad were like that...
  23. Sophie

    Sophie Lead Foot 10+ Year Member

    Apr 14, 2003
    Sacramento, CA
    Agreed. I didn't do the hooking up or partying/drinking bit all that often, because it just wasn't my thing, but I did TONS of daily goofing off with friends. I would love to go back to college.

    Survivor: have you tried making your life more balanced? If you've tried it and your grades went down, I guess you'll have to stay with what you're doing now. I'm just kind of :confused: by not having time to study and have a great social life. When I was in college I got 8+ hours of sleep/night, saw my friends and hung out for hours/day, watched an insane number of TV shows, and had time left over. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I just think that maybe you've become so intensely focused on school and needing to know every little tiny detail so you can perform perfectly that you might need to step back and reassess things.

    Now that I'm in med school, however, I'm totally in the same boat as you. And yeah, it's depressing. :(
  24. ssquared

    ssquared Member 2+ Year Member

    It sounds like maybe you need to join some organizations for the social aspect. Having friends in college doesn't just happen, you have to put yourself out there and find them. Taking time out of studying will help. Working hard and getting good grades is certainly something to focus on, but it shouldn't be your entire life. Partying every other night is a little excessive, but certainly you should have time to go out on the weekends if you balance your life well. Don't put yourself in a position where you look back at your college days and regret not living it up!
  25. blargh

    blargh Banned Banned

    Oct 24, 2006
    i would say my first 2 years of undergrad were not that social. freshman year, i was living in the dorms, so i would party and hang out, but i did not get the chance to establish strong, lasting friendships so i think it was time wasted. i was really intensely focused on getting into med school, too.

    now that i'm a third year i think i'm actually having a much better time managing my time and i'm actually meeting new friends through better venues (work, sports, common interests). i started making time for hanging out because i was feeling really burnt out. i personally think partying hard, drinking until you pass out, and hooking up with random strangers isn't fun... it's immature. you won't meet your best friends when all you do is get wasted with them.
  26. jochi1543

    jochi1543 President, Gunner Central 2+ Year Member

    Apr 4, 2007
    Alberta, Canada
    Get off SDN and see your friends right now.
  27. notdeadyet

    notdeadyet Still in California Moderator 10+ Year Member

    Jul 23, 2004
    Beg. To. Differ.
  28. Crookshanks

    Crookshanks Juju 2+ Year Member

    Jun 18, 2006
    I basically don't have any friends either. Never go to parties or anything like that. It sucks. I mean, I have lifelong friends that I stay in touch with (call once every 6 months to say "hi" or message on myspace) but I've basically made ZERO new friends in college. I have a boyfriend and a daughter who suck up a lot of my time too, though. It's great to have a boyfriend, but as a girl, I want to have girl friends too, and I just don't have the time. I started trying to make a bigger effort this past semester, but I didn't really succeed. It takes time and energy, which I don't have any extra of.

    My friends are my books. This is true for premed, and it's true for other readings (theology, politics and Harry Potter, mostly). I guess I'm a bookworm. Oh well.

    Another thing that I've done to feel as if though I've got some sort of support system is get extra close to my extended family. Grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins. I contact them all on holidays, birthdays and on weekends when I have time. I visit them as often as I can (I live in 35 miles from my 17 year old cousin). Family is always their for you, and you don't have to make so much of an effort to befriend them. If this is an option for you, I recommend it. Cousins rock! (I have no siblings).

    Try to get out into the helps. Open the windows to your room or something. I had been depressed lately, and going to the swimming pool really helped. You see the beauty of nature, enjoy the sun on your skin, the water is sooo refreshing! It reminds you life is good.

    Try to find at least ONE person who can be your best friend...instead of a "group" of friends, which is much harder. You need someone to talk to, you don't need a group, nor do you need parties, even though those things are fun.

    I hope this advice helps.
  29. Meatwad

    Meatwad Reformed 7+ Year Member

    Jan 19, 2007
    I made basically no new friends in college, either. Thank God I'm handsome and have a good physique, or I'd really be depressed. :oops:
  30. 45408

    45408 aw buddy 7+ Year Member

    Jun 13, 2004
    Cuz you ain't gonna meet them with your a volumetric flask in each hand. Unless they're full of beer. :D

    I now wish I'd spent more of my undergrad like a friend of mine. He spent about as much time as I did on academics, but he didn't bother with all the EC stuff I did (of course, he didn't need a job either since his dad paid for everything). I could have foregone a whole lot of activities and probably still arrived where I am now (wrapping up M1). He had tons of friends, went out all the time, played sports, etc. And now he's in med school.

    If you have no life in undergrad, that's your fault. There are definitely ways to have fun.
  31. inside_edition

    inside_edition Waitlisted Member 2+ Year Member

    Jul 6, 2006
    i thought i was the only one feeling this way. i guess it'll be much easier to make friends with the people in medschool because you can relate much better.
  32. jochi1543

    jochi1543 President, Gunner Central 2+ Year Member

    Apr 4, 2007
    Alberta, Canada
    I recall having met most of my friends in foreign language classes and in the dorm. The dorm thing is obvious - you're spending lots of time together and you WILL walk down the lobby and see open doors and people chatting. Just join someone. The foreign language class thing is a little less obvious, but still perfectly logical - this is the one type of class where you have LOTS of interactions with your peers, and a lot of the conversations you'll be having in order to practice your language skills are pretty much equivalent to the conversations people have in "normal" life. So try those 2 things.

    The science classes, especially at huge state universities are not a great venue for meeting people. They are generally centered around sitting as quiet as possible so you can manage to hear the prof's mic, so talking to your neighbors is undesirable (and they may get annoyed, as well). The labs, however, provide you with more opportunities. While waiting for your distillation to finish, chat up your partners instead of rushing to set up the second part of the experiment or starting up on notes for the lab report. I made some good friends in the cell bio lab. Really, all it takes to create a social circle is just one lucky acquaintance - I've met lots of friends through friends I already had. Also, don't underestimate study groups. While you want to focus during the session, invite your partners out for a drink after the big midterm or whatever. If you feel too self-conscious and think your partners might not like you, try sending a message to your entire class/lab section on Facebook suggesting that you all do something together for stress relief after an exam or a big assignment.

    Also, with your extracurriculars - try and get involved into the more social ECs. For example, I made lots of friends when I was down in the Gulf on a Katrina relief trip. When you live together and work together all day, it's nearly impossible to not find someone you click with. In contrast, I got ZERO contacts during my stint volunteering at the hospital, since it's not the kind of position where you spend a large amount of time with your peers.

    Bottom line, even if you are a premed buried in academic work, there's still lots of opportunities to make friends out there.
  33. jochi1543

    jochi1543 President, Gunner Central 2+ Year Member

    Apr 4, 2007
    Alberta, Canada
    I don't think so, actually. I don't have a SINGLE close friend who's gunning for med school or is in med school - acquaintances, yes, but not friends. Similar professional aspirations are hardly a ground for friendship - if anything, they can serve to kill a friendship because of competition.
  34. Sophie

    Sophie Lead Foot 10+ Year Member

    Apr 14, 2003
    Sacramento, CA
    I didn't have any close friends that were planning on med school either - I don't tend to get along well with neurotic Type A's. My friends are more the artsy creative types. Med school is a pretty good place to make friends, though. I think it's kind of like boot camp - they work you until you think you're going to break, so you all band together and bond by bitching about how hard your lives are. The downside is that you have so much studying to do that you can't really hang out with these new possible friends much, so they tend to become friends, but not close friends.

    This is just my experience, though - obviously everyone's opinions will differ.
  35. powerful_squib

    powerful_squib Snoop dogg resident 2+ Year Member

    Oct 17, 2006
    New Jersey
    hey to the OP...

    I believe that it depends on what kind of person you are. First you don't need alot of friends to get you through college. If you can find at least 2 or 3 like minded individuals like yourself, you should be fine. They would most likely understand what you are going through, and will be able to give you your space when you need it. I've lost friends because of this...

    It also depends on your study habits. Everyone is different. It takes me a long time to actually get something so I am always constantly studying to make sure that I get what's going on. If your like me then you will find that you have little time for yourself and your friends. What I always try to do, is each semester you take one night off during the week. During this time you can catch up with friends, sleep, or do things that you will enjoy, whether its sitting and catching up on a butt load of movies or reading a novel you've been dying to read.

    So all in all it depends on what kind of person you are. As for partying and drinking and stuff of that nature, if you like it do it, but there are plenty of ways to have fun without all that. It's just finding the people who you relate most to and making the most of your undergrad years.
  36. el aye

    el aye O_o 5+ Year Member

    Feb 18, 2007
    I have not had a problem making friends this year (freshman) while still getting straight A's. Luckily, I didn't have to study much (calc2/gen chem/analyt phys), but I did have a lot of labs (3) and an EMT-B class that took up a lot of time when I wish I could have hung out with friends (like last semester when they went to a waterfall just for the fun of it...missed out on a lot of fun apparently). Next semester is going to be harder, unfortunately, and i'm going to have to start doing a lot more work earlier in the day rather than laying around between classes. As for going out, I went out once a weekend usually and very rarely on thursday nights (thurs/fri/sat were the only days everyone went out).
  37. c0mpletec0ntrol

    c0mpletec0ntrol 2+ Year Member

    Mar 9, 2007

    well said my friend!
  38. doczelda

    doczelda 7+ Year Member

    May 14, 2007
    try to find a balance in life!
    find friends that will SUPPORT your dream of becoming a doctor..not deter you from it..
    itz all about meeting the right ppl
    btw..don't feel bad about "not clubbing" <.<?
    itz just one of those queer illusions that ppl have about college~
    sigh :rolleyes:
  39. microgal

    microgal NYC's Finest 2+ Year Member

    Jun 18, 2006
    New York City
    :eek: "wife material" are you serious? Having no friends makes one wife material...(No offence to the OP whatsoever) But that's probably the dumbest sh** I've ever heard in my life. Who says that anyways?
  40. Meatwad

    Meatwad Reformed 7+ Year Member

    Jan 19, 2007
    Lol, I thought I was the only one who found that statement asinine and demeaning.
  41. corbis11

    corbis11 10+ Year Member

    Mar 27, 2005
    When else can you day drink or go out any night of the week without being considered an alcoholic? College has been the best time of my life and I'm sad I only have one year left. I manage to keep good grades, volunteer, and work while still enjoying life by hanging out with friends and taking it easy. People that say pre-med=no life are doing something wrong with their time...
  42. ssquared

    ssquared Member 2+ Year Member

    As one of my friends says, "there are only two absolutes in life: friends and vodka, and the best times usually include both."

  43. uhohspaghettio

    uhohspaghettio Banned Banned

    May 11, 2007
    Excuse me? I never said that her having no friends makes her a good wife material. READ AGAIN. I just listed some(of her potential) positive attributes that most guys would like. Of course, she could be lying about everything - this is the internet.

    Also, I know over 300 guys in my school from classes, gym, parties, dorms, etc. Do I hangout with them all the time? No. Do I care? No. Only a few are my true friends. Does it hurt? No.

    Additionally, I know this very lovely girl that hasn't made any friend in college yet - she still hangs out with her high school friends that are attending the same college. However, she isn't antisocial or "weird" as you might think. She is very pretty, elegant, smart, pure, well-behaved and charming. If she agrees to go out with me, I would do so in heartbeat.

    My point is you don't know how the person really is until you talk to him/her in real life.
  44. uhohspaghettio

    uhohspaghettio Banned Banned

    May 11, 2007
    This might be off-topic but here it is:

    why do girls analyze so much? It doesn't take much effort to make friends.
    Just go hangout with them, and stop thinking about this and that all the time.
    Thinking too much makes you more confused.

    Also, Who cares if this girl does this and that? As long as she isn't going to hurt you who gives?
    Just hang out and enjoy the moment
  45. ssquared

    ssquared Member 2+ Year Member

    Ya know, Mean Girls isn't so far off the mark. Friendships among girls are far different than ones among guys.

    But I do agree in the sense that you can only make friends if you go and actually hang out, talk to other people, and stop worrying so much about what other people think of you.
  46. SunshineNYC

    SunshineNYC SunshineNYC 2+ Year Member

    Jan 30, 2007
    Pre-med never got in the way of my social life (and I had a job on top of it all), however, I don't sleep that much... but I never have really. I think that it's always good to maintain a balance in one's life and not let anything get too out of control, including the staying in and studying. Go take a break.
  47. Auron

    Auron Cruisin' the Cosmos 2+ Year Member

    Jan 21, 2007
    I can echo some of the feelings here....

    I never "party" and go all out, however I don't drink and all that crap, I'm more reserved and keep to myself. I do wish I could be a bit more wild, but I lost that part of me when I moved to this country - I swear, I used to be so active, loud and happy but after coming here thats all gone..not sure why.

    Its also hard to make good friends when you commute as you don't really see your peers much. I think med school will be much better - busier yes, but I can't wait to be done with college and move on.
  48. durfen

    durfen I see plans within plans 5+ Year Member

    Jun 7, 2006
    Word. Same thing happened to me upon moving to this country. It's the opportunity man, everything is within your reach here and you try to grab it.
  49. Auron

    Auron Cruisin' the Cosmos 2+ Year Member

    Jan 21, 2007
    Durfen, I'd like to ask you: When you came here did you ever feel that you don't fit in, that you feel like an ousider, not that you feel their is something wrong with you but rather the feeling of unfulfillment and that you should be somewhere else? Our indian culture is different, and I feel caucasions will never really understand where we come from or our values. And because I'm one of 10 indians in this entire college, It's easy to feel really isolated.

    That is how I feel for the most part. Mostly becaused I moved from a big city to a small town and I find this place really underwhelming. Its a good school and all, but their is no life here. I can't wait to go to med school and actually start living life like I've wanted all these years. And I need to get the hell away from my parents...
  50. EBI831

    EBI831 legend in the making 7+ Year Member

    Apr 18, 2006
    Chi-town royalty
    its possible to study and be social w/o half assing either one. actually only a handful of the premeds i know at my school are anti social. i suggest you evaluate what you're doing wrong i'm sure there must be some time in your schedule for if you must study all day why can't you go out at night...i've never understood how people will wake up early around like 8 am on weekends and study til like 8 and then eat and sleep. study til 8, chug a red bull or take a power nap, and then go out ...those extra 5 hours of sleep arent' that essential.
  51. pazan

    pazan 5+ Year Member

    Apr 12, 2007
    It's nice not being a gunner. I put in my time, get my so-so 3.5ish GPA, get a 32ish on my MCATs, and have a decent chance to make it to an allopathic school. And if I get rejected and wind up going to podiatry school, it's not the end of the world (I'll be making more than a lot of MDs and will have a much better family life).

    If you put everything you have toward one goal, you'll succeed at that one goal, but what happens to the rest of your life? I've had a great time at college, made a lot of friends (a lot of whom are type B premeds like myself), and maybe my GPA has suffered a bit for it. But, I've also gained wonderful experiences that I think make me a more engaging person and will help me become a more empathetic, realistic physician. More importantly, I've made great relationships with important people (PhDs and MDs)--one a dean at my med school--who are all rooting for me to succeed. I admit the OP will probably have a more successful medical career, but if that's the price she has to pay, it's not worth it (IMO). But, people derive happiness from different things; if being at the top makes you happier than having a good social life, there's nothing wrong with that. It's just not for everyone.

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