Questions for those who abandoned house at 19...

[nohika]

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Okay, so there's been a lot of drama in my house lately (to the point I'm planning on going to nursing school just to get the f*** out of here; my family is really abusive)...and I wanted to hear from others that have said "screw you" to their parents and left instead of getting pushed into what they want. I'm seriously considering picking up a job as a CNA and putting myself through tech school (there's one right across a river from me) to start work as a certified vet tech to get through school.

My family's pretty abusive, and I was leaning towards nursing because it pays better than anything I've ever done before and it's something that's somewhat medically related. I know I made that huge long ranty-thread etcetc, but anyways...what I wanted to know...

For others who left/started supporting themselves at 18/19/whenever, how did you manage it? I have some place to live if my mom kicks me out, though it's 30, 40 minutes north of where I live now (and north of the school with the tech program)...

 

[sumstorm]

I started working at 12, picking fields. 14 at McD, then Walmart. 16, moved to a residential highschool (no charge) and waitressed whenever I could. Stocked it all back, had over $10k in savings.

I applied to undergrad. I had scholarships for academics (attened a need blind school as well.) Relocated with 2 bags of clothes to live on campus. Obtained a job as a CNA at night (after a summer course just before) and working as a welder on weekends. I also had student loans, and tutored for extra money (to fellow students and middle/high school students.) After first year, I became an RA, which covered room and board.

Now, realisticly, it wasn't easy; I was tired, I had only a few close friends, I didn't party, and I didn't have enough time for classes, so my GPA took a hit. Every spare moment was filled with studying, since that was my only option. Having said that; professors learned about the situation, and supported me by schedling meetings over lunch or breakfast. They didn't force met to chose between work and school. And over time, they became my best advocate and references. I could not have done this without the amazing staff and faculty at my college.

When I moved out (at 15), I moved first into a friend's 'junk' room for 3 weeks while I found a sr citizen to live with in exchange for chores like grocery shoppng and cooking. I lived with people like this during summers throughout school. Churches, community organizations, and sr centers might know of people with who such a siuation could occur. On open disclosure, I also have lived out of my car for 6 months post Katrina/Rita, so I may be willing to do more than the norm to not depend on family.

Bestwishes.

 

[nohika]

To be honest, I was hoping you'd (sumstorm) reply - you seem to know "the most" or have the most "worldly perspective" about this. I've never really had to work to support myself - I didn't know how bad finances were for my family until the past six months or so. Unfortunately/fortunately, the college I'm looking at doesn't offer/have dorms, so I'd have to rent an apartment or stay with a friend...I live in Washington, so minimum wage here is $8.55 and that's about what you make as a CNA - if you're lucky, maybe 9$ an hour. ...would that be enough to live on? As naive as I am, I don't know what the "price of living" is around here...any ideas on where to do some research? I'm seriously clueless at this point, and it kind of sucks.

Thanks so much for your thoughts and well-wishes. 😳

 

[Myotis]

Well, I really can't say that I can really relate to your situation, however, as for your question about price of living, a good place to start to see what the rental market is like is craigslist. Other than that, I really don't know what to tell you other than that I admire people like you and sumstorm. I am very happy that I am fortunate enough to have been blessed with the most supportive family, but I admire the strength of those who have to make it on their own, without the same kind of support system that I have.

 

[nohika]

Well, I really can't say that I can really relate to your situation, however, as for your question about price of living, a good place to start to see what the rental market is like is craigslist. Other than that, I really don't know what to tell you other than that I admire people like you and sumstorm. I am very happy that I am fortunate enough to have been blessed with the most supportive family, but I admire the strength of those who have to make it on their own, without the same kind of support system that I have.

Wellll, she supports me, as long as I do what she wants. 😛 In general, though, I have some friends that are really supportive and try and help when they can, but some are getting frustrated and are pushing me to do what my mom wants. I'll definitely go look at Craigslist and see what I can find here, and maybe see if some of my friends (none of whom live in apartments, go figure) might have any idea on what the current pricing seems to be...thanks very much! 🙂

 

[sunshinevet]

I left home to study at 17, and paying your own way can be quite an adjustment - although I was already paying for some of my own stuff. Try sitting down and planning out a fortnights worth of meals, write a list of the stuff you would need (don't forget about washing powder, pads, tampons, shampoo, conditioner, soap, dishwashing liquid, etc) and work out how much of this stuff you would probably need a month. Go to the supermarket, and just get the prices of it all, and add it up. This should give you a rough idea. Ask the person you're currently living with how much bills cost per quarter, work it out monthly, and add that in too. Don't forget about things such as car/public transport, medical bills, stationary for school etc.
I STRONLY suggest living with a friend for a while, until your on your feet and know you can financially handle renting your own place. I mean, if you have the option, theres not really much of a point in making things harder than they have to be.

 

[nohika]

I left home to study at 17, and paying your own way can be quite an adjustment - although I was already paying for some of my own stuff. Try sitting down and planning out a fortnights worth of meals, write a list of the stuff you would need (don't forget about washing powder, pads, tampons, shampoo, conditioner, soap, dishwashing liquid, etc) and work out how much of this stuff you would probably need a month. Go to the supermarket, and just get the prices of it all, and add it up. This should give you a rough idea. Ask the person you're currently living with how much bills cost per quarter, work it out monthly, and add that in too. Don't forget about things such as car/public transport, medical bills, stationary for school etc.
I STRONLY suggest living with a friend for a while, until your on your feet and know you can financially handle renting your own place. I mean, if you have the option, theres not really much of a point in making things harder than they have to be.

I'll definitely make that list and go check out the prices - that's an amazing suggestion. I don't think I'd be able to live with a friend, though - the only friend I know that's moved out lives with her fiance, and the other one lives 40 minutes away - I drive a mini-van and if I left, I'd have to buy a new car. ...so it's not super-feasible. Crap, that's one thing I forgot about, is getting a car... Man, this is going to be expensive. 🙄

 

[Caninerepro]

What town are you in? I may be able to at least help you get a foot in the door at a clinic in Seattle/Tacoma. PM me. But, this is a big step, and I know what you are going through -- I did pretty much the same thing at your age, and it set me back school wise @ 10 years. So take that into consideration. I too had to live w/o electricity for a while, in bush AK. Anyhow, I know what is going through your head, but weigh out your options before you jump into the deep end. I myself would have been better off sticking it out even just another year. But then again, since when have I EVER done the "right" thing? Just think it through, and weigh out what is best for you. Good luck, would not want to be in your place right now.

 

[nohika]

What town are you in? I may be able to at least help you get a foot in the door at a clinic in Seattle/Tacoma. PM me. But, this is a big step, and I know what you are going through -- I did pretty much the same thing at your age, and it set me back school wise @ 10 years. So take that into consideration. I too had to live w/o electricity for a while, in bush AK. Anyhow, I know what is going through your head, but weigh out your options before you jump into the deep end. I myself would have been better off sticking it out even just another year. But then again, since when have I EVER done the "right" thing? Just think it through, and weigh out what is best for you. Good luck, would not want to be in your place right now.

😛 I don't want to be in my place either! It's trying to decide between sticking it out in order to get a decent-paying job I may not be able to stand /but/ a fairly secure independence...or "striking into the real world" that I'm not certain I can survive or get used to fairly quickly. About 98% of my friends' parents are paying for their schooling, so none of them are going anywhere, so it's live on my own or nothing. I'd love the chance to have a supportive family, or anything...but I guess I missed that boat. Nursing isn't a horrible degree, and while it's not something I'd love doing, it pays bills with enough left over to pay for school (and sometimes employers have tuition reimbursement and stuff). I don't want to "cop out" and not pursue my dream, but sometimes you have to go with what's emotionally and financially best... I'm just trying to figure out my options right now and figure out if moving out on my own would even be feasible.

 

[DVMorBust]

I don't want to "cop out" and not pursue my dream, but sometimes you have to go with what's emotionally and financially best... I'm just trying to figure out my options right now and figure out if moving out on my own would even be feasible.

Even if you don't go right into vet med from HS, it certainly does NOT mean that you've automatically given up for good. Focus now on what you need to help you be emotionally, financially, and living-situation-wise secure - you're young enough that you can take a more scenic route to vet med if need be.

 

[VeganSoprano]

I will say that only looking at one school is probably not your best option financially. Applying to several schools (including private schools) gives you a better chance that you will get scholarship $ from at least one of them. Private schools have huge sticker prices but also usually have more money to offer. It allows you to keep your options open. Also, if you've never been on your own before then living on campus is a good thing. It allows you to have some of the responsibilities of being on your own but also ensures that at least during the semester you won't have to worry about feeding and housing yourself and can focus on studying and working.

 

[sumstorm]

A lot of it depens on you, the situation with your family, and what the results of that are. I am fortunate that I knew, without a doubt, very early on, that my family wouldn't pay a cent once I turned 18, so I was prepared for that. I left early because my family destabilized due to illness, and I decided my education was my only escape from the lifestyle I grew up in.

There are some things that people forget to mention about leaving home, mostly because we probably decided they were unavoidable or that our decision was still best. As CaninePro mentions, it can set you back years. I could easily think that my 10 yr delay in pursuing vet med was a set back triggered by lack of family support, but for me I really did enjoy the opportunities that came my way, so I am ok with the delay. It can cause rifts between you and your family that are irreparable or very difficult to repair. I have only started communicating with my family again in the past few years, and it still isn't very ‘natural' communication. Even now, while I am happy and they are happy, we live in very different worlds and it is hard for me to stomach their world and they aren't comfortable in mine. I know that my parents are often low on the list for notification when something happens like emergencies, illnesses, accidents, etc. It was ¾ of a year before my parents new I lost my house to Rita, and that was best for all of us. It can be very, very lonely at times. You can have the closest, greatest friends in the world and still miss your family, even if your family was horrible. Finally, it can mean that you don't relate well to your peer group, or even most of the population around you most of the time. I really can't get upset about 2 points on a test, or about whether or not advisor assignments are ‘fair' or how someone didn't get what they want for Christmas. I don't have the same pressures I did a decade ago when I went on my own, but I still feel like those pressures are there. I can afford to go out and drink with classmates, but I can't yet justify the cost/benefit ratios (I do go out, but I order an appetizer and drink water.) So the experience itself may change you.

There are good changes as well. I don't stress about approval of others. I am pretty fearless and I have a low tolerance for abuse or threats from authority figures. I don't view many people as authority figures but rather as associates. I would like to say that I don't feel the pain of dealing with my family as much, but that varies depending on what they are up to and what I am feeling. I see things differently in ways that are beneficial (or will be to a business.)

If there are churches, community centers, etc in the area, there are people who can help you figure out the current situation, what your options are, if there are ‘unlisted' room available for exchange work, etc. This is one of those times where leaning on community instead of family can be invaluable. There are people willing to help or exchange labor out there, it just isn't always easy to tap into those resources. Even if you don't move out, these are resources that can help you figure out how to deal with the situations that stand, provide information, guidance, and options. Sometimes just having an escape route in enough to make life easier.

Do remember, even if you leave, you are not considered financially independent in terms of student loans.

 

[No Imagination]

I hear these stories, and am just amazed. Not putting anyone down, but I just don't get it.

While I didn't have it easy growing up, parents were very poor, I did have parents. Absolutely nothing short of being a danger to my family would have resulted in kicking me out, or me being forced to leave.

Recently heard about a good friend of mine, whos rather wealthy parents (and HC Southern Baptists) dis-owned her because she got pregnant out of wedlock. Maybe thats why I am so on edge about this.

I just want to say, completely out of line, and hope I don't offend anyone, but WTF is up with some people - you are parents. Thats it, you forgive your kid 100% for everything, always love them, always take them back, and always provide at least four walls and a roof.

Maybe its just the Italian in me, where we are expected to live with our mothers till 35, but I feel for everyone who posted. Best of luck to you and congratulations to those who left and still got to were they wanted to be!

 

[ckd816]

I just want to say, completely out of line, and hope I don't offend anyone, but WTF is up with some people - you are parents. Thats it, you forgive your kid 100% for everything, always love them, always take them back, and always provide at least four walls and a roof.

👍👍

I agree. Unfortunately not everyone is that lucky, as we know... I really admire all of you who have made it on your own. I know it sounds crazy, but there are days when I wish my parents didn't do as much for me because I'm scared about making it on my own with having pretty much everything being done for me for most of my life. I guess it's a "grass is always greener on the other side" situation... sort of. I know I shouldn't complain, but I just wish I was as self-sufficient as many of you are.

To the OP, if your family is abusive and keeping you from what you want to do then I think you're making the right decision by leaving. The abusive part above all is what worries me. I think you've been given great advice on how to leave and I wish I could help in a more personal way, but alas... I live in AZ. Best of luck.

 

[karmapple]

I suppose it depends on what you mean by abusive. If you really are in a situation where you are being physically and/or emotionally damaged, then by all means leave. If you just have intrusive parents who feel that they have the right to control your life in exchange for financial support... well... I would put up with it. That's just me. I would gladly have allowed some nosy parents in my life to avoid being poor and alone.

Halfway through my senior year of high school, my mom packed up and took off to California with some guy she met. I wasn't invited. I was in high school during the day and a cosmetology program evenings (already preparing for my suspicion that I would be supporting myself through college). I had no job, no money saved up, and no place to live. I slept on older friends' couches for a while, and even moved in with a boyfriend that I knew was a bad idea simply so that I wouldn't be homeless. It was not an easy time in my life.

I did not start college until I was twenty years old. I had other priorities: graduating from both programs, a job, an apartment, a car, becoming self - sufficient. I suppose I could say it made me a stronger person, but I would have traded places in a second with my friends whose parents supported them. I was jealous that they could always run to their parents when things got tough. I was jealous that they didn't have to sell their plasma to buy groceries and live on Ramen noodles. I was jealous that they had a traditional college experience instead of juggling classes with a full time job and stressing about how to pay bills. I was jealous of their cell phones and health insurance and daddy's credit card for emergencies. I was jealous that someone actually cared about their grades, thier accomplishments, their well-being.

I started vet school this year at 26. If I had gone straight through from high school to college to vet school, I would be a veterinarian already. I think about this a lot. I hate feeling "behind" my classmates. I did, however, make it to vet school, so it is not impossible.

If you want to leave and you are prepared, then go ahead. Just don't burn any bridges so that you can't change your mind. Living on your own can often be not as good as it seems.

 

[sumstorm]

I just want to say, completely out of line, and hope I don't offend anyone, but WTF is up with some people - you are parents. Thats it, you forgive your kid 100% for everything, always love them, always take them back, and always provide at least four walls and a roof.

No offence taken, but I did want to say, don't judge too harshly. I was pretty critical for a long time, but I do understand some of the view my parents hold now. Some of my parents decision is about trying to blend 2 cultures into a single lifestyle, and that is always challenging. Also, the American culture is very confusing; we are able to die for our country or our crimes before 18, but not allowed to drink or be financially independent until 21 and 24. There needs to be some consistency. I would have given almost anything to live in a country where education truly is free and available to anyone. I actually think that with today’s modern technology, there has to be a way for students and parents to agree that no support will occur, and then to track a student’s finances to prove that there isn’t support, though even better would be free or reasonably affordable education. And I do realize what that means for taxes and such.

I hope, if I have children, that I can balance the independence that my folks taught me, and the support that other families give without hovering, helicoptoring, or controlling a child. I also do believe parents have the right to draw the line with adult children. I will not provide a roof and 4 walls for a child that is actively taking drugs or is abusive or doesn’t want to function in the world. I have a feeling that sometimes being a parent is pretty tough.

 

[bunnity]

I'll tell you how it went for me, FWIW, and tell you that four years later I still think leaving my parents' house was the best decision I ever made.

My parents sent me 300 miles away to religious boarding school when I was 16 (NOT my idea), so I was used to being on my own and managing my own time. I attended 1.5 years of college (mostly paid for by scholarships) out near the boarding school, started dating an amazing guy back home (now my fiance), and transferred back to a good university in my home city. I lived with my parents for about a month at that time, and it was terrible. Basically they were completely unable to accept the fact that I was seriously dating an atheist and that I was making my own choices about religious beliefs. I got tired of hearing that I was ruining the family and sinning and being a terrible example, and having them trying to stop us from spending any time alone together (I was 19 by this point). My parents were dead set against me moving out - at one point there was a choice between me living in a super-smoky apartment on a sketchy block, and having them co-sign for a smoke-free apartment on a decent street that required a co-sign. They refused to co-sign because I would not promise to not let my boyfriend sleep over. Moved out anyway, into an apartment with 5 people I'd never met, with about $200 to my name after paying for the first month's rent. I couldn't afford the security deposit, and the girl I was subletting from let me use hers. I ate matzos with peanut butter and pasta with tuna for a couple months. The house was about 50 degrees most days.

It sucked, but the first couple weeks I moved out were some of the happiest of my life. Financially, I made it work by:
-attending a cheap school
-Pennsylvania gave me a couple thousand a year for being a state student with high need/merit
-working 20+ hours a week at a human hospital
-getting some tuition help from my employer (which was affiliated with my university's med school)
-getting rid of my (first and very beloved) car
-my parents paid some tuition still, which I am grateful for
-many amazing and generous people at work helping me out with meals

Honestly when you are in an environment that is sucking the life and sanity out of you, it is worth pretty much anything to get out. I was lucky enough to have a great job, a great boss, and a lot of support from my fiance. It could have been a lot worse. I worked my ass off, didn't party, didn't hang out much, never had "that" college experience, but it was so worth it. Four years later I am completely financially independent, in no debt except for my current car (and this one actually has a working clutch), and slowly building myself a non-blood-related support system. I would highly highly recommend getting therapy through your university - I got to go for free and it really helped.

Since this is really detailed I'll leave it up for a couple days and probably delete it. Feel free to PM me if you want me to try to go into even more detail.

I found that when your choices are to sink or swim, and you don't have that family lifeboat, you become a pretty good damn swimmer.

Best of luck, and stay strong. I'm rooting for you.

 

[radio2020]

Now, I do not know your exact situation. Here is my story and simply MY OPINION of what I know of yours. I did leave my house at 18 and went out into the world on my own financially and emotionally. This was due to issues at home. However, I too have been set back on my goals of becoming a vet. I am 24 (25 in a few months) and I am just getting my B.S. However, before returning to school I did get to embark on some pretty incredible things. Traveling the U.S. as a show groom and assistant trainer to a nationally known dressage rider, touring the state as a public speaker, and volunteering in South America. In that time, i did mature quite a bit. So looking back at what I was dealing with then makes me realize I could have dealt with it better now. Sometimes the lack of REAL communication can be so damaging to family relationships. Especially when you are trying to establish and figure out who you really are at just 19. Before your run away from your mother, think about how she raised you. It seems to me she may have always spoken to you this way. Should you really be surprised? Ignore the comments, as you know you are stronger person who will be accomplishing great things. Such a true saying, but STICKS AND STONES. Your mother loves you and her controlling nature prevents her from showing it. Don't let her win by preventing you from or delaying your dreams and goals whatever they may be. But, if you are TRUELY being HURT and living in fear emotionally or physically, then do LEAVE. Check you local newspapers as like others have said there are ALWAYS elderly looking for companions as live in house mates. I know my great grandmother has someone who lives with her for free, eats for free, and their only job is to be sure to be home at night because she is afraid to sleep at the house alone. What is your location and I am sure you will have everyone on this forum helping you with resources. Remember, you are your worst enemy. CHIN UP! LIFE IS GOOD.

 

[nohika]

I figured I'd clarify really quickly - it's not my mom that's super-much of the problem (though she's definitely pushy), it's my siblings. I have two younger siblings (my brother is twice my size) that verbally/emotionally (and occasionally physically) beat the **** out of me. ...because I'm "the oldest", I get in trouble if I mess with them at all. ...I hate it, and I hate both of them. My brother is the worst - I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up in jail in a few years for a domestic-related crime. Anyways, to address everything else...

I'm not sure where else to apply - to even to look. I don't really have the money for transportation or anything...my grades aren't super-good either (3.0cGPA with an "upward trend" of over 3.5s the past three or four quarters). And to be honest...I've never EVER had to take care of myself, really. The most I do is pay my phone bill and my car insurance and my textbooks with help from my financial aid - my mother's a single parent, and barely makes enough to support us, so I get quite a bit.

Sometimes she threatens me with kicking me out, and the rest is pure guilt - you'll never amount to anything, you shouldn't go that way, you're a failure, etcetcetc. It really, really gets old - it's what I've heard since I was a kid and I still have nagging doubts about /everything/ I do.

Karmapple, I really can identify with the whole "feeling behind" your classmates. ...I'm only 19, but almost everyone else I know that I graduated with is at a four-year college pursuing a four-year degree with lofty aspirations. ...I know most of them won't make it all the way, but it's kind of depressing being at a CC with a somewhat mediocre GPA that's going to take a ridiculous amount of time and credits to fix.

Unfortunately, I don't have a full-time job...I don't even have the $30 extra to send my CNA license in to get the paper-thing with my pretty number. I've been a babysitter for five years now, but I'm taking 20CR right now and I don't think it's an amazing time to find a job (and I don't need another W on my transcript 🙁). I just...I want everything to work out. I'm young, and naive, and want to go back on "the right track". It's stupid, and weird, but I don't like the idea that I'm going to be a non-trad - not because of what I want, but because of where circumstances led me.

...sorry for rambling so much. 🙁

 

[Myotis]

Being someone not able to identify with your situation, my advice may or may not be useful, but you could apply to public universities (as they are cheaper) and get financial aid to help pay for your schooling. I really don't know much...or, anything, rather, about what it takes to make it on your own, or the feasibility of getting financial aid for school, but I do know some people at my school who have to pay their way through school and are doing so with the help of financial aid.

 

[sumstorm]

Quick piece of advice. take care of yourself. if you are being battered by a sibling, report it, whether that is police or social services. violence doesn't end on its own. I realize there is a risk of being kicked out, but homeless is better than dead or crippled, and abuse tends to escalate. It might just call the question, forcing counseling and communication within the family.

I would leave, but I wouldn't do it immediatly. I would start working on a plan. You can also contact shelters/centers that work with women in domestic abuse. I know we often think in terms of husband/wife style domestic abuse, but sibling abuse isn't uncommon, and they may know of more resources.

 

[Robdude]

I'm not trying to be a jerk here...but, if you are 18, you are an adult.

Getting student loans isn't very hard. If your parents aren't supporting you at all, you'll have some trouble proving that they aren't and you might have to get more unsubsidized loans than you would have otherwise; but you can get loans.

Just about every school I've ever heard of has dorms - some even require you live there as a freshman.

Basically, you apply to school, apply for loans, get accepted, show up, they give you a room, and a roommate, they even cook your meals and give you a place to do laundry. It's like having really, really cool parents that don't care much about underage drinking or premarital sex. College rocks.

Or you can live off campus - every college I've been to is filled with off-campus apartments around it. Get some roommates and save a bunch of money.

My parents didn't have any money to pay for my college; so I've got a bunch of student loans and I worked part-time jobs while going to school. It's pretty straight forward....when you are running out of money, get a job. You can always get a crap job in telemarketing or fast food. Yeah, I worked at McDonalds during college and it sucked. I also called people up when they were sitting down to dinner and that sucked. But you do what you got to do.

Moving out is only as hard or as scary as you make it. You can jump on Criagslist for whatever town you want and find Rooms for Rent. Around here (CSU) you can get a room for around $300 dollars a month. Student loans can be used to cover your living expenses and that's a lot cheaper than the dorms.

If school isn't your thing - instead of getting loans and taking classes, get a job. Minimum wage in CO is $7.24. You work 40 hours, even at McDonalds, and you've got more than enough to cover your rent and bills. No, you won't be driving a BMW - but you'll be perfectly fine.

 

[nohika]

I'm not trying to be a jerk here...but, if you are 18, you are an adult.

Getting student loans isn't very hard. If your parents aren't supporting you at all, you'll have some trouble proving that they aren't and you might have to get more unsubsidized loans than you would have otherwise; but you can get loans.

Just about every school I've ever heard of has dorms - some even require you live there as a freshman.

Basically, you apply to school, apply for loans, get accepted, show up, they give you a room, and a roommate, they even cook your meals and give you a place to do laundry. It's like having really, really cool parents that don't care much about underage drinking or premarital sex. College rocks.

Or you can live off campus - every college I've been to is filled with off-campus apartments around it. Get some roommates and save a bunch of money.

My parents didn't have any money to pay for my college; so I've got a bunch of student loans and I worked part-time jobs while going to school. It's pretty straight forward....when you are running out of money, get a job. You can always get a crap job in telemarketing or fast food. Yeah, I worked at McDonalds during college and it sucked. I also called people up when they were sitting down to dinner and that sucked. But you do what you got to do.

Moving out is only as hard or as scary as you make it. You can jump on Criagslist for whatever town you want and find Rooms for Rent. Around here (CSU) you can get a room for around $300 dollars a month. Student loans can be used to cover your living expenses and that's a lot cheaper than the dorms.

If school isn't your thing - instead of getting loans and taking classes, get a job. Minimum wage in CO is $7.24. You work 40 hours, even at McDonalds, and you've got more than enough to cover your rent and bills. No, you won't be driving a BMW - but you'll be perfectly fine.

Just to quickly address the dorm thing - I live in Washington, and WSU (which is the cheapest state college here) doesn't have dorms anywhere but Pullman. Several other colleges here don't have them either - some friends were telling me about that the other day. And to comment...I don't even know how to get a credit card, much less apply for loans or how they work whatsoever. I've never had to financially manage myself until about 6/8 months ago. This is a work in progress - it's going to take me a while to be /able/ to move out just because of finances. I'm also going to school full-time on financial aid money.

And I'm lucky on the minimum wage part, because here it's $8.55. 😛 But the cheapest I've seen a one-bedroom apartment here so far is about $600 a month, and combined with paying tuition and tons of other stuff (aka buying a car)...doesn't seem like a full-time job would cover it all. I'll come back and look at the rest later - this is my unlucky week (four exams) so I gotta fight through those first.

 

[rileyroo]

And to comment...I don't even know how to get a credit card, much less apply for loans or how they work whatsoever.

That's what the financial aid office is for. Make an appointment with someone in the finaid dept and talk to them about it. They will answer all of your questions about loans/repayment/etc. Also, workstudy could be another option (your financial aid office will be able to tell you about that as well).

 

[dgm]

But the cheapest I've seen a one-bedroom apartment here so far is about $600 a month, and combined with paying tuition and tons of other stuff (aka buying a car)...doesn't seem like a full-time job would cover it all. I'll come back and look at the rest later - this is my unlucky week (four exams) so I gotta fight through those first.

First of all, when you're young and broke, having your own apartment is quite a luxury. I'm not sure where in Washington you are, but I'd bet my right arm that you can share a place with someone for far less than $600/mo. It's a little uncomfortable moving in with someone you don't know, but use your best judgment and you should be fine. You don't have to be best friends, you just have to be able to tolerate sharing a place with them.

And on the car thing, it doesn't need to be anything fancy. Get something cheap and try to pay for it outright - you don't want to be worrying about making payments. You just want something cheap with a good chance of being reliable. When I came to school I sold my nice car and bought a 92 Accord with 90k miles for about two grand. I'd recommend looking for cars being sold by old people who just drove it back and forth to church and such, and no longer need a vehicle. And if you don't have friends who are into working on cars, start looking for some 🙂

I know there is a lot of stuff to deal with and it can seem overwhelming when you've never had to be responsible for yourself before, but the internet is chock-full of good information about most of the things you're bringing up. I'm sure you also know lots of adults who can steer you in the right direction. You just have to make up your mind to do it. It's easy to doubt yourself now, but once you're out, you'll make it work - because you'll have no other choice.

 

[crittergal]

I lived in Washington for a couple of years, specifically Seattle, Everett, and Granite Falls. I moved up there from Texas, where I was used to being able to fund a rent house, truck payment, gas, food, etc on a vet asst paycheck. I got a slap in the face of reality when I went to WA- cost of living was crazy different from what I was used to. Here's a little insight on the cost of living and how to get by up there.

A few things to consider:
1) Most of the larger cities west of the mountains (Seattle, Tacoma, Everett) have a great public transportation system. I used it routinely when I couldn't afford gas.

2) Don't expect to find an apartment where you can live solo on $8.55/hr. Yes, WA does have one of the highest minimum wages in the country. You're still going to have a heck of a time trying to live on it. I was making $18/hr and was STRUGGLING to make ends meet (actually most of the time the ends didn't meet LOL). Check Craigslist for rooms for rent, cooperative housing, hostels, etc. That will probably be your best bet to start.

3) UW does have dorms. Jump on that possibility! Most schools are used to brighteyed naive freshmen coming in the door. The admissions office can hold your hand through the entire process, from getting finaid to pay for the dorms/meals, getting in classes and moving in a positive direction.

4) Yes UW is more expensive than WSU, but like I said, the public transportation system is much better on that side of the state. The more you can ride the buses, the less you spend in gas. I'm sure you think that isn't significant this second but it really is- especially on $8.55/hr. Also, another thing to consider- if your car is titled in your parent's name and they don't approve of your leaving, you may find yourself without wheels.

 

[lazyjayn]

Also, remember that you don't *have* to stay in washington. It's what you know, but that doesn't make it the best option. Also, washington is a wiche state, so you could (deff. w/ your grades and trend) go to a state school in *any* of the WICHE states for 150% of in state. and after a year or two, if you are working and can document (the important bit) that you are your sole means of support, you can usually talk them into in state status.

I think it's something you should definitely look into. to compare, if you came to Wyoming, where they are currently hiring CNA's @10/hr, your costs would be

SPECIAL(150% rate)

Tuition (30 cr @141/ea +fees) $5,096

Room and board (unlimited plan, on campus) $8,006

Books $1,200

Travel $888

Personal expenses $2200

Total estimated COA $17,390

for WSU the COA is 21k, and you're still close to your family.

Now, I'm not saying that wyoming is a good choice for anyone, it wasn't for me, but it is cheap, you don't *need* a car, and if your grades keep trending up you would have no problem getting into the honors program, which opens you up for all sorts of special scholarships. They're big on agriculture, and science, and just about everyone has some sort of job.

I guess what I'm saying is that you shouldn't limit yourself to staying where you know if being on your own there is going to be more difficult. Sometimes you just have to jump. Here's the website for U. Wyoming, and here's the honors program. I really think you should look into options.

For the immediate, if you can't find someone who needs a companion, and need to get out right away, are there any of your friends who's parents would let you stay with them while you get on your feet, or arrange a move?

Oh, and anytime, at all, ever, that someone lays hands on you, you report it. Every time. No matter what. And you might want to check and see if there's counseling through your school for now. Actually, I bet your school would be a good resource for options right now. Either thru student services, the counseling center, or even your adviser.

-j.