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hazelmoo said:
Am I the only one who thinks that if he is absolutely not open to making life changes with his partner, he's not worth having around? Idk, maybe I'm being insensitive and am totally wrong, but if my SO said "I am absolutely not discussing this, I'm not moving with you and if you move we are breaking up" I would tell him see ya later. I'm sure there's more to the story, but still.

There's a high probability my SO and I are going to be long distance for the next 4 years since he is going to a different medical school than I am vet school, but we are going to try and make it work since we have been together for 5 years and think it's worth it. I would never ask him to not go to his dream school or not take his dream job because of me. Am I naive and unexperienced for thinking that asking that of him would be wrong? Just like what jam's SO said?
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I think you both need to have a say in your jobs and relationships. If it's really difficult for him to find a job there, he has a valid concern.

I mean, how would you feel if your SO wanted to move to some place that didn't need any vets and there were no jobs? What if he told you that unless he moved with you, he would break up with you?
 
It's a very hard situation to deal with on both ends. When I moved from Colorado after my first gap year back to Nebraska, my ex had legitimate concerns. He didn't want to be long distance again, but he didn't want to move with me. He would have had to move from $15 an hour to $10ish to start and go from Denver to a town of 5,000 people. He would have to live on campus again, so a reduction in privacy. He didn't think the pros of my job worth it. My moving back to Nebraska is the base reason we grew apart, some resentful feelings occurred and ultimately broke up.

On the flip side, I think we still would have broken up had I stayed because of other feelings. It just would have taken longer. The silver lining is it didn't happen in school.

I definitely don't recommend the long distance life. It makes the in between a struggle and the breakup horrible.
 
dyachei said:
I think you both need to have a say in your jobs and relationships. If it's really difficult for him to find a job there, he has a valid concern.

I mean, how would you feel if your SO wanted to move to some place that didn't need any vets and there were no jobs? What if he told you that unless he moved with you, he would break up with you?
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Which one made the break up threat? I thought it was him? That would tick me off, assuming it happened like that. Like, "If you insist on moving, I'm not moving with you and we might as well get a divorce then." That's pretty sh*tty.

And we are talking divorce here, and not just a gf/bf breaking up, right?
 
twelvetigers said:
Which one made the break up threat? I thought it was him? That would tick me off, assuming it happened like that. Like, "If you insist on moving, I'm not moving with you and we might as well get a divorce then." That's pretty sh*tty.

And we are talking divorce here, and not just a gf/bf breaking up, right?
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they aren't married.

And I got the feeling from Jam's posts that he can't find a job there.
 
We lost a classmate last night/early this morning. Please tell your loved ones how much they mean to you, life is so unpredictable <3
 
dyachei said:
I think you both need to have a say in your jobs and relationships. If it's really difficult for him to find a job there, he has a valid concern.

I mean, how would you feel if your SO wanted to move to some place that didn't need any vets and there were no jobs? What if he told you that unless he moved with you, he would break up with you?
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That's all true! I just find it foreign for a boyfriend to say "absolutely not" without thinking of all the options first. If my SO told me he would break it off just because I wanted to move to my dream job that I've been working towards my whole life, I would just rather break up because I would feel like if he would be willing to end the relationship that easily, it isn't worth fighting for.
 
hazelmoo said:
That's all true! I just find it foreign for a boyfriend to say "absolutely not" without thinking of all the options first. If my SO told me he would break it off just because I wanted to move to my dream job that I've been working towards my whole life, I would just rather break up because I would feel like if he would be willing to end the relationship that easily, it isn't worth fighting for.
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I'm just saying that if you are both serious about the relationship, it wouldn't be an either or. Both might have to compromise. Otherwise, there will be resentment even if they do agree to it.
 
hazelmoo said:
That's all true! I just find it foreign for a boyfriend to say "absolutely not" without thinking of all the options first. If my SO told me he would break it off just because I wanted to move to my dream job that I've been working towards my whole life, I would just rather break up because I would feel like if he would be willing to end the relationship that easily, it isn't worth fighting for.
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Look at it another way. What if your SO asked you to move and leave your dream job/job you loved and made a lot of money doing, and wanted you to move to an area where you had little chance of finding a good paying job at all, let alone one you liked? Jam and her SO are in a tough spot for sure. I'm not sure there is a right answer. There are two people in the relationship, each with their own wants and needs and unfortunately it rarely works out that both are in a position to get EVERYTHING they want.
 
dyachei said:
I'm just saying that if you are both serious about the relationship, it wouldn't be an either or. Both might have to compromise. Otherwise, there will be resentment even if they do agree to it.
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Yup. This.

Who knows exactly what the dynamics are, and who's being more fair or stubborn or whatever. But something's not right when options are presented so black and white with only two to three options where one party is very unhappy. It doesn't matter who's "fault" it is. It's just not a recipe for success.



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batsenecal said:
It's a very hard situation to deal with on both ends. When I moved from Colorado after my first gap year back to Nebraska, my ex had legitimate concerns. He didn't want to be long distance again, but he didn't want to move with me. He would have had to move from $15 an hour to $10ish to start and go from Denver to a town of 5,000 people. He would have to live on campus again, so a reduction in privacy. He didn't think the pros of my job worth it. My moving back to Nebraska is the base reason we grew apart, some resentful feelings occurred and ultimately broke up.

On the flip side, I think we still would have broken up had I stayed because of other feelings. It just would have taken longer. The silver lining is it didn't happen in school.

I definitely don't recommend the long distance life. It makes the in between a struggle and the breakup horrible.
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Not to belittle your troubles because I totally have been through that and get it, but also consider that there's a difference between deciding what to do during gap years and training years and whatnot vs. deciding what to do once your training is finally over and you both are seemingly at the light at the end of the tunnel after years of sacrifice, ready to settle into careers as well as the personal life that you've been putting on hold.





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I mean, there's absolutely no right answer, but I imagine he's thinking something along the following: "she must not love me that much if she wants me to move somewhere we aren't familiar with where I can't find a job"

Sometimes, you have to think about things from both points of view, not just your own.
 
@Jamr0ckin, this is purely curiosity speaking, but where in MN is your dream job and what line of work does your SO do? Just wondering if it would actually be difficult for him to find a job or if it's just a perceived difficulty, if that makes sense. Feel free to ignore this, just thinking out loud
 
Minnerbelle said:
Not to belittle your troubles because I totally have been through that and get it, but also consider that there's a difference between deciding what to do during gap years and training years and whatnot vs. deciding what to do once your training is finally over and you both are seemingly at the light at the end of the tunnel after years of sacrifice, ready to settle into careers as well as the personal life that you've been putting on hold.
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Agreed. I was trying to show that long distance might not be a viable option for a relationship at Jam's level. There was a clear end game for my ex and i. I don't see a clear end game for Jam and her SO, which just makes it more stressful.
 
Thanks everyone for the advice. They offered him the job in Atlanta (corporate hotel management) at $25k more than what he could make in Minnesota (we've been looking for months). I agreed that going to Atlanta is the right thing for both of us, even though I get nauseous every time I think of actually having to turn the job down when they call me next week to discuss the details. I got another job offer today for an Atlanta clinic, so I have 2 to choose from on the opposite sides of the city.

I hope one day I'll be at peace with my decision, though it won't come soon.
 
Jamr0ckin said:
Thanks everyone for the advice. They offered him the job in Atlanta (corporate hotel management) at $25k more than what he could make in Minnesota (we've been looking for months). I agreed that going to Atlanta is the right thing for both of us, even though I get nauseous every time I think of actually having to turn the job down when they call me next week to discuss the details. I got another job offer today for an Atlanta clinic, so I have 2 to choose from on the opposite sides of the city.

I hope one day I'll be at peace with my decision, though it won't come soon.
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It may not help but MN is awfully damned cold...maybe you dodged a bullet on that.
 
Lost my Aunt today. She was the sister of my favorite grandmother who I lost in 2009...so it hit me hard since it dredged up a lot of painful memories. According to family, she was actually improving at the rehab facility when she couldn't cough up mucus and apparently stopped breathing. She had signed a DNR. 😢

That gut-wrenching feeling when you realize that you're getting to the age where this is going to be more and more common...and I have a big family that I'm very close with. ._.
 
Someone not related to vet med told me today to enjoy my years in vet school because I'll miss them later. I said that might be true, the thing that wears on me right now is being so tired all the time -- I go to school, work ~20 hours a week, go to the gym, and play a sport (it's what keeps me sane), so coming home at the end of a 16 hour day and knowing I have 4+ hours of studying is exhausting. Person said if I am really dedicated to the material I would enjoy studying and find it invigorating not tiring. :boom:
 
Don't you just love self-professed experts who don't have any idea what they're talking about? Yeah, me either. Word of advice: Do not listen to anyone's views on vet school who has not actually attended vet school.
 
LBK said:
Someone not related to vet med told me today to enjoy my years in vet school because I'll miss them later. I said that might be true, the thing that wears on me right now is being so tired all the time -- I go to school, work ~20 hours a week, go to the gym, and play a sport (it's what keeps me sane), so coming home at the end of a 16 hour day and knowing I have 4+ hours of studying is exhausting. Person said if I am really dedicated to the material I would enjoy studying and find it invigorating not tiring. :boom:
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Stuuuuuuuuuuupid.

Stupid.
 
LBK said:
Someone not related to vet med told me today to enjoy my years in vet school because I'll miss them later. I said that might be true, the thing that wears on me right now is being so tired all the time -- I go to school, work ~20 hours a week, go to the gym, and play a sport (it's what keeps me sane), so coming home at the end of a 16 hour day and knowing I have 4+ hours of studying is exhausting. Person said if I am really dedicated to the material I would enjoy studying and find it invigorating not tiring.
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Unmitigated bull****
 
Sigh. I'm tired of family drama and how it always seems to make me feel like ****. 🙁
 
In addition to six days of migraine I had an ovarian cyst rupture yesterday. Thanks body.
 
Rude ass clients who think they can be 20 minutes late for their appointment and then yell at me about it like it's my fault that they thought their appointment was at 10:45 in which case THEY STILL WOULD HAVE BEEN LATE :rage::rage::rage::rage::rage:
And I wouldn't have to deal with that kind of thing if I wasn't still being scheduled as a receptionist which is not my ****ing job. I am so done with today.
 
WildZoo said:
Rude ass clients who think they can be 20 minutes late for their appointment and then yell at me about it like it's my fault that they thought their appointment was at 10:45 in which case THEY STILL WOULD HAVE BEEN LATE :rage::rage::rage::rage::rage:
And I wouldn't have to deal with that kind of thing if I wasn't still being scheduled as a receptionist which is not my ****ing job. I am so done with today.
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Omg. That is the worst! And it sounds so similar to my situation at my last clinic. Worked there for 2 years, boss died, clinic got sold to corporate and everything went to hell. I ended up leaving because my manager couldn't get her s*** together and was scheduling me as a receptionist 35 hours a week (during a full schedule of upper level science courses) while the agreement was I would work 20 hours a week as a TECH, aka the job I got hired to do 2 years prior. It was horrible. Sorry you're having to deal with this 🙁
 
hazelmoo said:
Omg. That is the worst! And it sounds so similar to my situation at my last clinic. Worked there for 2 years, boss died, clinic got sold to corporate and everything went to hell. I ended up leaving because my manager couldn't get her s*** together and was scheduling me as a receptionist 35 hours a week (during a full schedule of upper level science courses) while the agreement was I would work 20 hours a week as a TECH, aka the job I got hired to do 2 years prior. It was horrible. Sorry you're having to deal with this 🙁
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Bleh, that's awful. I had three weeks where I worked reception 3 out of the 5 days I was scheduled. Thankfully I'm pretty sure this week it's just today. But stuff like this is not making me feel inclined to be nice and keep working after my cruise...very much want to say goodbye to this place as soon as possible at this point. Love the doctors, love my coworkers, but so much about how things are run by this company is bad for my mental health.

I found out from the only doctor in this market who will still see her that this client is notorious for being late and then pitching a fit about the late policy. After she stormed out today, threatening to call corporate, go to social media, etc etc, she called back like 15 minutes later to schedule an appointment for tomorrow. I didn't even realize it was her on the phone because she was acting like nothing had happened. So weird.
 
I'm going absolutely crazy with my dog destroying my backyard randomly. He'll be fine for weeks and then within minutes dig a 2 foot hole without warning or uproot and kill a huge plant.
 
hazelmoo said:
Omg. That is the worst! And it sounds so similar to my situation at my last clinic. Worked there for 2 years, boss died, clinic got sold to corporate and everything went to hell. I ended up leaving because my manager couldn't get her s*** together and was scheduling me as a receptionist 35 hours a week (during a full schedule of upper level science courses) while the agreement was I would work 20 hours a week as a TECH, aka the job I got hired to do 2 years prior. It was horrible. Sorry you're having to deal with this 🙁
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Ugh, that stinks. I gave notice at work last week because of this sort of thing. The scheduler jumped my case because I can't work random days whenever she wants *and* cannot work extra hours. (i.e., need to stick to agreed upon days/ hours limit) Last time I checked, I still have to finish this semester.
The sad thing is that I've loved working there until lately. Now, the scheduler is frustrated about something and taking it out on me; so then she bad mouths me to everyone else. You can cut the tension with a knife.


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Posey said:
Ugh, that stinks. I gave notice at work last week because of this sort of thing. The scheduler jumped my case because I can't work random days whenever she wants *and* cannot work extra hours. (i.e., need to stick to agreed upon days/ hours limit) Last time I checked, I still have to finish this semester.
The sad thing is that I've loved working there until lately. Now, the scheduler is frustrated about something and taking it out on me; so then she bad mouths me to everyone else. You can cut the tension with a knife.


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Click to expand...

It's the WORST. Bad managers can really make or break the job. It shocked me because things had been going so well and I never thought in a million years I would ever quit. Ever. I loved being a vet tech. I loved my job and was really good at it. I loooooved my coworkers and the doctors I worked with, I loved the clients, I seriously loved it all. I used to love driving to work because I couldn't wait to get there and work and learn. It broke my heart when everything started going downhill, but I guess it came at a good time because I was offered a job in research and have made some really good friends and connections since then... It just sucks. I'm sorry you're going through that too!!

I've done a lot of thinking about the whole matter, and how there are so many bad/unexperienced/unqualified managers in the veterinary field, and it does scare me a little. I think a big part of it is that a lot of the managers have no degree or experience pertaining to management and get in way over their heads. If I ever own my own practice (huge if), I know the kind of manager NOT to have, and am glad I figured that out now instead of earlier. Silver linings.
 
hazelmoo said:
I've done a lot of thinking about the whole matter, and how there are so many bad/unexperienced/unqualified managers in the veterinary field, and it does scare me a little. I think a big part of it is that a lot of the managers have no degree or experience pertaining to management and get in way over their heads. If I ever own my own practice (huge if), I know the kind of manager NOT to have, and am glad I figured that out now instead of earlier. Silver linings.
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Sadly, there are crappy managers in any field. It's the whole misconception that being good at a job means you are suited to manage people who do that job. Totally different skills.
This clinic is the best place I've ever worked. I have been in a financial position where I didn't need a job for this school year but stayed on because I loved being there.
Sorry you went through the same thing.


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I can think of very few things that are as close to hell as living in Louisiana and being allergic to pollen. The only tree here is the cypress. One of my eyes won't open all the way, I can't hear because my ears are closed up, and I can't. Stop. Sneezing.
 
rockatiel said:
I can think of very few things that are as close to hell as living in Louisiana and being allergic to pollen. The only tree here is the cypress. One of my eyes won't open all the way, I can't hear because my ears are closed up, and I can't. Stop. Sneezing.
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move to FL! We have a crap ton of live oak and everybody ends up with allergies. It's also great for business.
 
dyachei said:
move to FL! We have a crap ton of live oak and everybody ends up with allergies. It's also great for business.
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Sounds like I'll be in good company as far as not being able to breathe 24/7 goes. Oh, and I'll have the beach too! 😉
 
Obviously Idaho is the best place to live. 😉 Boise is bad for allergies with their winter smog, but the rest of the state is great.

Bonus: our most annoying pests are ticks and mosquitoes. And ants, if they get in your house. None of that Florida cockroach stuff or anything. 😛
 
PrincessButterCup said:
Obviously Idaho is the best place to live. 😉 Boise is bad for allergies with their winter smog, but the rest of the state is great.

Bonus: our most annoying pests are ticks and mosquitoes. And ants, if they get in your house. None of that Florida cockroach stuff or anything. 😛
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I don't have a huge issue with the cockroaches. Mosquitoes are the worst here, IMO. And we don't have many ticks (which are much scarier in terms of vector-borne diseases).
 
PrincessButterCup said:
Obviously Idaho is the best place to live. 😉 Boise is bad for allergies with their winter smog, but the rest of the state is great.

Bonus: our most annoying pests are ticks and mosquitoes. And ants, if they get in your house. None of that Florida cockroach stuff or anything. 😛
Click to expand...

If I had more interview travel expense money, I for sure would have tried for some schools up north or out west. Visiting Missouri and Nevada were my first experiences with actually being able to breathe!
 
dyachei said:
I don't have a huge issue with the cockroaches. Mosquitoes are the worst here, IMO. And we don't have many ticks (which are much scarier in terms of vector-borne diseases).
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Does FL have the repellent trucks that drive around and spray everything? We just got out first round of spray last week.

Ticks are absolutely rampant here. :nailbiting:
 
rockatiel said:
Does FL have the repellent trucks that drive around and spray everything? We just got out first round of spray last week.

Ticks are absolutely rampant here. :nailbiting:
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no, it's just not the right environment for most ticks.

I spray the outside of my house like 3-4 times a year. So I don't have a ton of bug issues.
 
dyachei said:
I don't have a huge issue with the cockroaches. Mosquitoes are the worst here, IMO. And we don't have many ticks (which are much scarier in terms of vector-borne diseases).
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We don't have many ticks (at least compared to somewhere like Nebraska).

And we also don't have much heartworm (yet). My boss has been working in this area for 40 years and she's never heard of a case around here. Doesn't mean we don't have it or we don't get it, but it's much different than the South.
 
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