Relationship Center

[Frozenshades]

How long were you long distance with living in different countries? My boyfriend is going to be studying abroad in China in the fall, and I'm trying to remain optimistic considering it's only a semester and I'll be so busy adjusting to vet school, but I'm nervous about making it work with the 10 hour time difference, and China possibly blocking certain social media apps. At least once he comes back it will make the distance from Missouri to Kansas seem like nothing! We've been together for over three years, so we have a strong foundation, and I think we're pretty good at communicating (much better than my ex was, we were long distance for a year and it was a disaster), but it's going to be a huge adjustment considering we live together now. I will admit I'm excited to live with my cat again (he's deathly allergic, so she lives with my parents now), and not have to deal with his messiness!

For just a semester you'll manage. It's weird, but you're both doing your own things so you'll manage and time will pass quickly. When I was in Australia my girlfriend was working for the summer, so we dealt with a 15 hour time difference. Planning at least some of your communications ahead of time and having reasonable expectations will help. If it's possible, texting is a good way to go; either normal sms depending on international plans or with the variety of internet based texting apps. There was lots of overlap of when I was awake it would be sleep time back home and vise versa, so having a fairly continuous stream of messages back and forth was an easy way to regularly keep in touch. I stayed with an older couple who actually didn't have internet either and I didn't have a car so it was a bus ride or a bit of a walk to anywhere with free wi-fi, so between that, the time difference, and the further communication barriers of me working in a high security bio lab, we only video chatted every couple of weeks. Would talk on the phone a couple times a week; pretty much the only good time was morning for me, which would be yesterday evening back home, usually before I went to work and after she was home from her day. We exchanged a couple of letters and stuff too, I sent her family some postcards. It was weird and we were both a little tired of it by the end and missing each other, but I don't think either of us were dying on the inside or regretted it. If it had been longer probably, but three months isn't bad. I think a lot of it depends on your personality too.

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[Rainheart]

Thank you all for your responses; this will be my first attempt at a LDR and I certainly want to make it work as best we can. We are going to try to message back and forth every day or two (depending on when she gets service, really). Phone calls/video chat when she is in towns. I can look into how I can send letters, that would be a nice thing to keep me busy doing. So far, we've been through two weeks of being apart and that has gone alright, albeit hard. The hard thing with the trail is going to be everything on her terms with cell service and when she can chat. With me in clinics, it will help to keep me busy, but I may not be able to talk when she is available depending on the rotation. I won't have a chance to see her at any point in the 5-6 months it will take for her to hike the trail, either. Maybe since it is about a month out from her leaving, this is turning more into a rant. I super appreciate all the helpful tips and I've scoured this thread for info on LDRs.

 

[fredandcessna]

There are some intra-class romances/marriages. A few of my friends have expressed to me that they don't feel it's possible for them to set aside time to actively try and meet someone (I mean if you're not working, not going out as much, it gets hard). A close friend of mine actually is on Tinder and met her boyfriend that way. Not everyone uses it for brief hookups.

I feel like there would be a lot of potential for inter-/intra-class relationships, but maybe not with all the stress. Is it pretty common, or few and far-between?

 

[that redhead]

I feel like there would be a lot of potential for inter-/intra-class relationships, but maybe not with all the stress. Is it pretty common, or few and far-between?

I would say relatively common.

 

[wildlifer]

Thank you all for your responses; this will be my first attempt at a LDR and I certainly want to make it work as best we can. We are going to try to message back and forth every day or two (depending on when she gets service, really). Phone calls/video chat when she is in towns. I can look into how I can send letters, that would be a nice thing to keep me busy doing. So far, we've been through two weeks of being apart and that has gone alright, albeit hard. The hard thing with the trail is going to be everything on her terms with cell service and when she can chat. With me in clinics, it will help to keep me busy, but I may not be able to talk when she is available depending on the rotation. I won't have a chance to see her at any point in the 5-6 months it will take for her to hike the trail, either. Maybe since it is about a month out from her leaving, this is turning more into a rant. I super appreciate all the helpful tips and I've scoured this thread for info on LDRs.

Has she pre-determined which post offices she'll have general pick up at? Many of the thru hikers I know did that, where they chose post offices along the way to send their resupplies to and for family/friends to send letters/packages. And from all the thru hikers I know, receiving care packages and letters from loved ones can really lift their spirits when they have been hiking 10+ miles a day in the various elements your lady will encounter.

 

[Rainheart]

Has she pre-determined which post offices she'll have general pick up at? Many of the thru hikers I know did that, where they chose post offices along the way to send their resupplies to and for family/friends to send letters/packages. And from all the thru hikers I know, receiving care packages and letters from loved ones can really lift their spirits when they have been hiking 10+ miles a day in the various elements your lady will encounter.

She's giving me a copy of one of her trail guides that will have a list, yes. She's leaving on Monday and it has all been becoming so real this past week. I've been a real mess. I do super appreciate the advice! Lots of letters will be written in the future And care packages sent! I think I'm even going to be able to get a few hours off of clin path to surprise her as she leaves at the bus station on Monday.

 

[wheelin2vetmed]

Seems pretty common for some romance (or just hookups hah) between vet students (in and out of classes).

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh, in class! Which vet school class/lab is the best to hookup in?

 

[hazelmoo]

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh, in class! Which vet school class/lab is the best to hookup in?

Repro. Duh.

 

[dyachei]

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh, in class! Which vet school class/lab is the best to hookup in?

anatomy. There's something about the smell of formalin in the air

 

[Frozenshades]

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh, in class! Which vet school class/lab is the best to hookup in?

anatomy. There's something about the smell of formalin in the air

Nah, nothing sets the mood like some parasitology. It just...hooks you.

Bully sticks being described by calorie per inch in nutrition was a close second.

 

[orca2011]

Repro. Duh.

I mean, who's not turned on by learning that pigs produce 500 ml of ejaculate?

 

[wildlifer]

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh, in class! Which vet school class/lab is the best to hookup in?

Repro. Duh.

anatomy. There's something about the smell of formalin in the air

Nah, nothing sets the mood like some parasitology. It just...hooks you.

Bully sticks being described by calorie per inch in nutrition was a close second.

I mean, who's not turned on by learning that pigs produce 500 ml of ejaculate?

Haha... thank you for the much needed laugh reading through this.

 

[Kpowell14]

Thank you all for your responses; this will be my first attempt at a LDR and I certainly want to make it work as best we can. We are going to try to message back and forth every day or two (depending on when she gets service, really). Phone calls/video chat when she is in towns. I can look into how I can send letters, that would be a nice thing to keep me busy doing. So far, we've been through two weeks of being apart and that has gone alright, albeit hard. The hard thing with the trail is going to be everything on her terms with cell service and when she can chat. With me in clinics, it will help to keep me busy, but I may not be able to talk when she is available depending on the rotation. I won't have a chance to see her at any point in the 5-6 months it will take for her to hike the trail, either. Maybe since it is about a month out from her leaving, this is turning more into a rant. I super appreciate all the helpful tips and I've scoured this thread for info on LDRs.

Even though I don't see you much anymore, I'm always available if you need someone to talk to!! You know Hubs and I were long distance for 4 years so I get the struggle!! Hang in there!!! <3

 

[Rainheart]

Even though I don't see you much anymore, I'm always available if you need someone to talk to!! You know Hubs and I were long distance for 4 years so I get the struggle!! Hang in there!!! <3

Thanks KPow, I'll definitely take you up on your offer.

Well, today has been one rough day. I surprised her at the bus station to send her off on the trail. But she's gone and I feel as though my heart is broken. *sigh* It is going to be a rough first few weeks.

 

[fredandcessna]

Literally dying reading these responses @hazelmoo @dyachei @Frozenshades @orca2011

 

[pinkpuppy9]

I feel like there would be a lot of potential for inter-/intra-class relationships, but maybe not with all the stress. Is it pretty common, or few and far-between?

I'm sure it varies from class to class, but we've already had a handful in the short amount of time we've been a class. I'm not going to comment on whether or not I think it's a good idea, because I don't want to generalize. I imagine it can be difficult with the extra pressure of school or if you aren't the type of person who likes spending a significant amount of time with your SO, although the latter can be controlled to an extent. That second one makes me sound bad, but I've always appreciated my space and alone time personally. The one thing I will say is that although our classes are high-school sized (at least my HS!), people seem to care less about being all up in your business. There is gossip, don't get me wrong, but most people don't really give a flying hoot who's dating who.

 

[Frozenshades]

I'm sure it varies from class to class, but we've already had a handful in the short amount of time we've been a class. I'm not going to comment on whether or not I think it's a good idea, because I don't want to generalize. I imagine it can be difficult with the extra pressure of school or if you aren't the type of person who likes spending a significant amount of time with your SO, although the latter can be controlled to an extent. That second one makes me sound bad, but I've always appreciated my space and alone time personally. The one thing I will say is that although our classes are high-school sized (at least my HS!), people seem to care less about being all up in your business. There is gossip, don't get me wrong, but most people don't really give a flying hoot who's dating who.

Lol, my high school graduating class had 680. Probably a couple thousand in my undergrad major program. Vet school was a huge decrease all around. Eh, it's fine I guess.

 

[pinkpuppy9]

Lol, my high school graduating class had 680. Probably a couple thousand in my undergrad major program. Vet school was a huge decrease all around. Eh, it's fine I guess.

Yeah I can't imagine that. I was in a class of 120ish (Catholic school), but the local public schools weren't as big as yours! Even though I went to a school with 40,000 undergrad, I think there were only a few hundred in Zoology.

 

[battie]

Yeah I can't imagine that. I was in a class of 120ish (Catholic school), but the local public schools weren't as big as yours! Even though I went to a school with 40,000 undergrad, I think there were only a few hundred in Zoology.

My high school was 2,000 people and was the smallest high school in the district. I graduated with 490, though we started with 600. My undergrad was 2,000 people and the town is smaller than our largest high school back home; graduated with 300ish, though only about 50 bio kids.

 

[WildZoo]

300 or so in my high school class. 4000 in undergrad. Aaaand it'll be 85 in vet school.

 

[LyraGardenia]

300 or so in my high school class. 4000 in undergrad. Aaaand it'll be 85 in vet school.

Wow, I didn't know UTK had such a small class size! I'll be going from a high school class of around 750, undergrad with over 20,000 total students, to a class of ~110 in vet school. Manhattan will also be the smallest city I've ever lived in with a population of around 50k, compared to the city I grew up in at almost 400k and my current/undergrad city at around 160k. Hopefully I won't go too crazy!

 

[WildZoo]

Wow, I didn't know UTK had such a small class size! I'll be going from a high school class of around 750, undergrad with over 20,000 total students, to a class of ~110 in vet school. Manhattan will also be the smallest city I've ever lived in with a population of around 50k, compared to the city I grew up in at almost 400k and my current/undergrad city at around 160k. Hopefully I won't go too crazy!

Yup, it's tiny! It was actually one of the things I really liked about it. We'll see if that holds true once I'm actually there Knoxville is the smallest city I'll have lived in too... 180k to my hometown's 850k (it's so spread out the population does even seem that high) and undergrad city's 300k.

 

[Posey]

Yup, it's tiny! It was actually one of the things I really liked about it. We'll see if that holds true once I'm actually there Knoxville is the smallest city I'll have lived in too... 180k to my hometown's 850k (it's so spread out the population does even seem that high) and undergrad city's 300k.

My sister recently moved to Knoxville and says it's awesome. She's lived in huge cities all her life and doesn't seem to find it too small. Oh, and she texts me photos of the mountains and snow. It looks like a great place to live!


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[WildZoo]

My sister recently moved to Knoxville and says it's awesome. She's lived in huge cities all her life and doesn't seem to find it too small. Oh, and she texts me photos of the mountains and snow. It looks like a great place to live!


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I really liked what I saw of it when I was there for my interview. Pittsburgh will still be my favorite I'm sure (I miss it every day and twice on stupid summer weather in March days), but there's not Publix in Pittsburgh

 

[flameshock]

Blergh. My ex-boyfriend did not tell his grandmother that he broke up with me because I got a letter this week wishing me a happy birthday and stating how she can't wait to see me again.

So now I have to write her back and tell her.

 

[katashark]

Blergh. My ex-boyfriend did not tell his grandmother that he broke up with me because I got a letter this week wishing me a happy birthday and stating how she can't wait to see me again.

So now I have to write her back and tell her.

Oh gosh, that's sort of awkward. Your ex should have told her...She sounds super nice though! Also, Happy Birthday!

 

[Gwenevre]

Blergh. My ex-boyfriend did not tell his grandmother that he broke up with me because I got a letter this week wishing me a happy birthday and stating how she can't wait to see me again.

So now I have to write her back and tell her.

Yeouch. Imo, you should make him do it, if y'all are still on speaking terms.

 

[LyraGardenia]

Blergh. My ex-boyfriend did not tell his grandmother that he broke up with me because I got a letter this week wishing me a happy birthday and stating how she can't wait to see me again.

So now I have to write her back and tell her.

If I were you I would just ignore it and hope he tells her eventually, but I guess it depends on how close you were with her.

 

[flameshock]

Yeouch. Imo, you should make him do it, if y'all are still on speaking terms.

We are not currently on speaking terms. The tldr is that he broke up with me because I asked him to communicate more because we needed to address issues we had and he could not handle it. It was abrupt and brutal and I'm not willing to make the first move on something like that.

If I were you I would just ignore it and hope he tells her eventually, but I guess it depends on how close you were with her.

It's been four months and he lives in the same city as her. I had assumed he'd told his whole family but now I'm not sure. I don't mind writing the letter, just annoyed that even though we're not together, the 'adult' things are shunted to me.

 

[Gwenevre]

Good news is if you do write back, it'll be embarrassing for him

 

[flameshock]

Good news is if you do write back, it'll be embarrassing for him

....
...

....

 

[katashark]

So I'm leaving FL on Thursday to hang out for the month of August with my extended family in Wisconsin. Then I head to vet school in OR in September. My SO and I are driving up to WI together. He is flying back to FL on Monday. The past 7 months of living together have been truly fantastic. I tried to put together boxes today so I could pack while he was at work and I just cried every time so didn't get anything actually packed. So I'll have to pack tomorrow. I don't have a lot of stuff. But still, I'm so sad to be leaving. We've been long distance before (I'm not worried about us breaking up due to distance), but now that we've lived together for the first time and it's been so awesome, the next few years are going to be that much harder. Blah. So many tears shed today and I hate crying.


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[Abnerrs]

So I'm leaving FL on Thursday to hang out for the month of August with my extended family in Wisconsin. Then I head to vet school in OR in September. My SO and I are driving up to WI together. He is flying back to FL on Monday. The past 7 months of living together have been truly fantastic. I tried to put together boxes today so I could pack while he was at work and I just cried every time so didn't get anything actually packed. So I'll have to pack tomorrow. I don't have a lot of stuff. But still, I'm so sad to be leaving. We've been long distance before (I'm not worried about us breaking up due to distance), but now that we've lived together for the first time and it's been so awesome, the next few years are going to be that much harder. Blah. So many tears shed today and I hate crying.


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The boy and I are going to be long distance after graduation. We can commiserate together

 

[katashark]

The boy and I are going to be long distance after graduation. We can commiserate together

It sucks. Doable but it seriously sucks. Have you guys been long distance before?


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[Abnerrs]

0UOTE="katashark, post: 17981625, member: 701046"]It sucks. Doable but it seriously sucks. Have you guys been long distance before?


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Yes but briefly. I went through Utah before going up to wsu and we were long distance for a short while before I moved up. We don't live together now so at least there's that. But not having him in the same town is hard. He's going for a month for shelter med rotation and an externship and I can see the beginnings of neediness from me lol

 

[Abnerrs]

It wouldn't be so bad if I was on clinics right now but my externship had to be canceled due to family stuff for her

 

[hazelmoo]

So I'm leaving FL on Thursday to hang out for the month of August with my extended family in Wisconsin. Then I head to vet school in OR in September. My SO and I are driving up to WI together. He is flying back to FL on Monday. The past 7 months of living together have been truly fantastic. I tried to put together boxes today so I could pack while he was at work and I just cried every time so didn't get anything actually packed. So I'll have to pack tomorrow. I don't have a lot of stuff. But still, I'm so sad to be leaving. We've been long distance before (I'm not worried about us breaking up due to distance), but now that we've lived together for the first time and it's been so awesome, the next few years are going to be that much harder. Blah. So many tears shed today and I hate crying.


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I'm so sorry Kata I'm in the same boat. It's awful! But your relationship is strong and you'll have phones and FaceTime, and you'll get to see each other over breaks. I know it's not much consolation, but if you ever need anything, I'm here for you! (hugs)

 

[WildZoo]

So I'm leaving FL on Thursday to hang out for the month of August with my extended family in Wisconsin. Then I head to vet school in OR in September. My SO and I are driving up to WI together. He is flying back to FL on Monday. The past 7 months of living together have been truly fantastic. I tried to put together boxes today so I could pack while he was at work and I just cried every time so didn't get anything actually packed. So I'll have to pack tomorrow. I don't have a lot of stuff. But still, I'm so sad to be leaving. We've been long distance before (I'm not worried about us breaking up due to distance), but now that we've lived together for the first time and it's been so awesome, the next few years are going to be that much harder. Blah. So many tears shed today and I hate crying.


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I feel you man. We didn't live together but Mr. DubZ and I were finally in the same place for a year for the first time since I started undergrad in 2011. Now it's long distance again at least until the end of October, if not longer depending on how long it takes him to find a job here. Have lots of experience with long distance so if you need an ear (or eyes I guess...it is a forum after all) or a shoulder, I'm here. Weekly Netflix+Skype dates have always been our go-to, along with lots of texting. Any chance he'll be joining you in OR at some point or will you be long distance for all of school? I know there are a couple people around here who have been through that.

 

[Trilt]

Well. My favourite job offer has crap for health coverage, so I may be getting married.

 

[WildZoo]

Well. My favourite job offer has crap for health coverage, so I may be getting married.

If that isn't the most practical reason to get married I've ever heard
Of course one of my reasons for not waiting any longer than we are is that I can get IS tuition once he's a TN resident if we're married...heh

 

[Gwenevre]

I wonder what benefits of have if BF and I got married now....
He'd go on my insurance.

That's about it.

 

[Abnerrs]

BF is going to be an intern in 10 months ( ). He can't offer much in the way of benefits...

 

[vetmedhead]

Well. My favourite job offer has crap for health coverage, so I may be getting married.

"I now pronounce you primary policy holder and recipient of spousal coverage."

 

[alohacat319]

So I'm leaving FL on Thursday to hang out for the month of August with my extended family in Wisconsin. Then I head to vet school in OR in September. My SO and I are driving up to WI together. He is flying back to FL on Monday. The past 7 months of living together have been truly fantastic. I tried to put together boxes today so I could pack while he was at work and I just cried every time so didn't get anything actually packed. So I'll have to pack tomorrow. I don't have a lot of stuff. But still, I'm so sad to be leaving. We've been long distance before (I'm not worried about us breaking up due to distance), but now that we've lived together for the first time and it's been so awesome, the next few years are going to be that much harder. Blah. So many tears shed today and I hate crying.


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I'm with you too. I said goodbye last Thursday and it was the hardest thing. I'm hoping that school will be enough to keep me busy and my mind off of it.

 

[vetmedhead]

I'm sorry to all of you who are going long distance right now. It makes me kind of happy that I am a single hobbit who doesn't have to worry about being far away from an SO.

It'll be hard but you all can definitely do it! The strength of a relationship is not measured by distance but rather by effort, care, honesty, and vulnerability. Share yourself with your loved ones no matter how far away they are and know those are the things that make for a strong relationship. LDRs are difficult but not impossible and the transition is always hard.

 

[Shreddr22]

So I'm leaving FL on Thursday to hang out for the month of August with my extended family in Wisconsin. Then I head to vet school in OR in September. My SO and I are driving up to WI together. He is flying back to FL on Monday. The past 7 months of living together have been truly fantastic. I tried to put together boxes today so I could pack while he was at work and I just cried every time so didn't get anything actually packed. So I'll have to pack tomorrow. I don't have a lot of stuff. But still, I'm so sad to be leaving. We've been long distance before (I'm not worried about us breaking up due to distance), but now that we've lived together for the first time and it's been so awesome, the next few years are going to be that much harder. Blah. So many tears shed today and I hate crying.


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There's no consolation I can come up with....it's just ****ty. You can be sad all you want, you made me sad just now

 

[dyachei]

I wonder what benefits of have if BF and I got married now....
He'd go on my insurance.

That's about it.

Your taxes may be a little lower, too. But that depends more.

My husband's insurance is the best. Like...they haven't declined or fought me on anything since having them and I'm sure they lose money on having me as a customer. Not to mention my copays are super reasonable. My husband is thinking about looking for a new job - the commute sucks. I told him that's fine but I need a heads up because of the health insurance.

 

[that redhead]

I think I've said it 100 times in this thread alone, I am always available to anyone who wants to vent about vet school LDR. Been there, done that, made it through, totally happy now

 

[katashark]

I'm so sorry Kata I'm in the same boat. It's awful! But your relationship is strong and you'll have phones and FaceTime, and you'll get to see each other over breaks. I know it's not much consolation, but if you ever need anything, I'm here for you! (hugs)

Love you, hmoo! Thanks so much! We are going to be seeing each other for white coat and then definitely for winter break. So, that's good to look forward to.

I feel you man. We didn't live together but Mr. DubZ and I were finally in the same place for a year for the first time since I started undergrad in 2011. Now it's long distance again at least until the end of October, if not longer depending on how long it takes him to find a job here. Have lots of experience with long distance so if you need an ear (or eyes I guess...it is a forum after all) or a shoulder, I'm here. Weekly Netflix+Skype dates have always been our go-to, along with lots of texting. Any chance he'll be joining you in OR at some point or will you be long distance for all of school? I know there are a couple people around here who have been through that.

It's so hard to go back to being LDR. He will be looking for stuff on west coast, but his field is pretty darn small, so job openings are few and far between. He has to stay in FL until next summer though most likely due to his contract.

I'm with you too. I said goodbye last Thursday and it was the hardest thing. I'm hoping that school will be enough to keep me busy and my mind off of it.

Being busy is seriously the only way I'm going to get through the first few months. But I also feel so bad because he will have work, but definitely won't be quite as busy.

There's no consolation I can come up with....it's just ****ty. You can be sad all you want, you made me sad just now

Sorry I made you sad!

I think I've said it 100 times in this thread alone, I am always available to anyone who wants to vent about vet school LDR. Been there, done that, made it through, totally happy now

Thanks so much for reaching out, everyone! I really appreciate all of you. Today is a better day. I'm excited for our roadtrip and weekend together. Sorry about the pity party, but thank you so much for pulling me through, guys. SDN is such a great community to have. I'll definitely be leaning on you guys in the coming months during school.

 

[Abnerrs]

Love you, hmoo! Thanks so much! We are going to be seeing each other for white coat and then definitely for winter break. So, that's good to look forward to.



It's so hard to go back to being LDR. He will be looking for stuff on west coast, but his field is pretty darn small, so job openings are few and far between. He has to stay in FL until next summer though most likely due to his contract.



Being busy is seriously the only way I'm going to get through the first few months. But I also feel so bad because he will have work, but definitely won't be quite as busy.



Sorry I made you sad!



Thanks so much for reaching out, everyone! I really appreciate all of you. Today is a better day. I'm excited for our roadtrip and weekend together. Sorry about the pity party, but thank you so much for pulling me through, guys. SDN is such a great community to have. I'll definitely be leaning on you guys in the coming months during school.

Thought you said love you homo...