So I know you all think I'm crazy by now...

[greenie53]

Alright SDNers, as my title may have suggested, I'm sure I might sound a bit crazy by now with the threads that I've started this semester...but I desperately need your collective advice for a decision that must be made by tonight (I'm going out of the country tomorrow)!

So, for those of you who have not followed my poor decision making skills -lol I can't even help but laugh at myself by this point- here's the deal:

I just got engaged to the man of my dreams and you all witness how wonderful and supportive he was of me in my last thread. He is a rising second year med student in Chicago. I have accepted a spot at CSU instead of Illinois (the vet school is 2 hrs away) because
1) better school/I am under the impression that I could get more contacts or have more opportunities when I graduate- but maybe I am wrong..
2) I got a good feeling from the school and I really liked fort collins (its bigger than urbana- more people, more shops/restaurants, near mountains (I love the outdoors)...)
3) I'm interested in biomedical engineering/prosthetics research and it seemed like CSU out of any other school actually had those kinds of opportunities
4) I didn't want to have any regrets about making too big of a sacrifice on my education for the relationship because I know that can be detrimental

We had hoped that he could maybe transfer to Univ. Denver med school next year but we called today and found out that they haven't accepted transfers for the last 5 years and about 20 people in our same situation request transfers for maybe 1-2 spots if any. This means that we would be very long distance for 3 years. This news after the engagement (very happy news of course!) has gotten me pretty depressed over the last couple of days.

I honestly think we could make it work if I go to CSU and I know I'd be very happy with the program, but thinking of being away from him for that long is sad. I know that a lot of people have have said that if you are interested in small animal (which I am primarily- the research in prosthetics would be cool, but it's a side interest) that it doesn't matter where you go to school.

So on a whim today, I called UIUC to ask if accepting them would still be an option and they said YES (totally wasn't expecting it to be that easy...is that weird?). Now I'm all confused about what to do. If I went to UIUC, we could see each other on the weekends, and hopefully I'd be busy studying the rest of the time so I wouldn't mind being in a small town...etc.

HELP PLEASE! I'm worried about making the sacrifice on the education (but I have no idea if the difference in school matters...how do you know?), but I'm also worried that if I'm so far away in Colorado then I'll be sad and regret not staying closer when I had the option to do so. FYI You can typically get a plane flight Chicago to Denver for $130, so we could see each other once a month. I'm just scared at this point for so many reasons on both sides and I'm having difficulty sorting them out to determine which side outweighs the other...

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[greenie53]

Ok people, I see that lots of you have seen my post and I'm sure you have an opinion!! Please Please post anything Thanks

 

[amberspyglass]

Is there a cost difference between the schools? If UIUC is cheaper, I'd seriously think about it.

 

[wivet2011]

ok, maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds like you kinda want to go to Illinois. Why else would you have called to ask if you could still attend unless in your heart, you were serious? You knew before you accepted CO, that you were going to be getting engaged and that the chances of the SO being able to transfer weren't terrific (would have been nice though). Where ever you end up going to school, you'll be getting a great education. And if CO has specific areas that interest you, there's no saying that you couldn't do an externship there or possibly a residency after graduation. Either way, at least you have a great SO that's going to support your decision.

Not sure if that's any help. Good luck with your decision though!

 

[greenie53]

For the cost issue: I'm a WICHE student so I get in state Colorado, but I'm not sure if I will go back to AZ to fulfill my duties to the WICHE program so I may have to pay back some of the difference anyways. I know UIUC I would pay out of state the first year, and then in state the rest of the years. In this scenario, the money part is not a big enough issue for it to be the deciding factor either way.

 

[CalpardNY]

I was going to tell you that i agree with wivet - that you seem to want to be closer to your fiance and therefore really want to be at illinois. I feel like it is kinda the the picking out of a hat idea (i.e. you put illinois and csu in a hat and pick out one and see how you react to help you decide). And you picked out CSU and your visceral reaction was not happy thus telling you you want to be at illinois.

However, to be thorough I went back and read your original thread (having a personal crisis) to see what the consensus was there and what lead you to decide to go to CSU. I realize that thread was more about deciding to go to CSU or defer. But one comment you made struck me.

You said "Thanks again everyone. I gave up Illinois and Purdue because I knew I wouldn't be as happy at those schools and would always be driving the 2 hours to come see him in Chicago, which could be pretty distracting. I didn't want the only reason for me going to a school, that I wasn't as fond of, to be because of him. I think it would have led me to be bitter about that decision (I've lived in big cities all my life and don't think I could handle a tiny tiny town- ft. collins is at least 120,000+ people). But- if he were there with me in this tiny town I don't think I'd have any problem going to one of those schools at all. For me, there's a huge difference between being able to live with someone and having a 2hr commute to be with them (esp with gas prices this high ). This is the reason I chose CSU, long distance is long distance and not living together no matter which way you look at it, so I chose the place I think I'd be happiest because that's what matters in the end. I am pretty confident we could make the CSU thing work. "

I was just wondering if something has changed or if you still feel this way. Because i think if this is still true it says a lot, and you should think about those feelings.

My advice would be to go to CSU. You seem like its really the school you want to be at in the area you want to be. As you said, long distance is long distance so you should be where you want to be if you will be alone (I say this never having been in a long distance relationship so I can't speak from experience). Also, i know personally all that driving every weekend would affect me. It would be a lot of traveling (and I've done a lot as my parents have been divorced since I was 2 and lived in different states but I saw my dad at least once a week and we used to drive 6 hours to ski), and if you had a lot of work to do going to visit him might not be as productive for you guys spending time or you doing your work. Also, traveling to visit him might affect your relationships with friends in your class as you won't be there if there are fun things or study groups or whatever going on on the weekends. And if you were only going once a month or so from CSU it may be less of a distraction (and with the price of gas pretty comparable price!).

These are just things that I would need to consider. If what you said is still true about Illinois and the town and you not being happy - i think thats important. But the fact that you called illinois speaks volumes about how you feel about your decision.

IDK if all that made you more confused, but I hope it helped. (sorry im so long winded!) Im a very indecisive person so I understand that its a major dilema!

Whatever you decide to do you are going to vet school and will be a vet in the end! Keep that in mind! And have fun out of the country!

EDIT: I also want to say that I think you sound like a wonderful insightful person and if you decide to go to Illinois I will be happy to go to school with you! Wherever you go they will be lucky to have you!

 

[greenie53]

Yeah, things have changed since that last thread. First, I've really come to really appreciate my fiance and how he keeps me sane. I never thought I would find someone at such a young age, but I cannot even begin to express how happy he makes me. The thought of being far from him for 4 years is a bit devastating to me. It's one thing to say, yeah, we can do the long distance because we are strong, but it's something else to go through it. There is no doubt in my mind that we could do it, but the issue now is whether or not it is worth doing across the country long distance or 2 hrs driving. To be blatantly honest with all of you I have thought again about the whole postponement option again. I know that some of you disagree with this, but for me, my relationship at this point in my life may need to come before my career. I feel confident that I could definitely get into vet school again next year. Is is worth the wait? I don't know. Is it a huge risk? Yes. These are certainly things I've been dwelling on.

From my perspective, I will have regrets/happiness with either way I choose. Colorado is a great place, but no boy, and lots of flights/$ to see him. Illinois is not my ideal place to live, but closer to him and I'm at least starting vet school. Waiting a year to try and transfer together could just be a waste, but it could also be amazing if we never had to live apart.

I have spoken to banfield and am almost guaranteed a job for that year and I'm confident I could find biomechanics/prosthetics research around Chicago.

Anyways, that's where I am at. My fiance clearly means the world to me and I know several of you other vet kids are only applying year after year to one school just to stay with your SO. It's important. But how much is worth sacrificing?

 

[OSJ]

Are you still able to accept at IL? It sounds like that is where you will be the happiest. Is there an option of living in the middle together, so you each have a one hour commute? I honestly think you can convince yourself of the reason to pick a school, no matter what they are or how you actually feel. I think your reaction to going to CSU shows what you really want to do.
I think you should start school in the fall though, you don't want to let the fact that you missed out on a year for him dampen your relationship.

 

[pressmom]

You're going to get a good education either place. If you think you can make it to Chicago every weekend, then I'd pick Illinois. The only downside is you can study on a flight, but you can't in a car. Although, I wouldn't expect to see him every weekend. My best friend has a boyfriend that lives 3 hours away and they see each other once a month. It's hard when you have a test on Friday and another one on Monday to get drive the 3 hours each way. I think they made the decision that they'd rather see each other one weekend a month when they can spend a lot of time together. If you can just be in the same room and study with him, then Illinois is the better choice. If you want big special weekends, I'd pick CSU. Also know that if you choose IL and going to Chicago every weekend, your relationships with your classmates will suffer and that's a big part of what will get you through too. I don't know what I'd do without my best friend to pull me through the rough times. As much as your fiance can understand as a med student, you will need support from your classmates.

Also, think through when he'll be in rotations and won't be able to come see you as easily. It might be better to be in IL then.

I'd probably pick IL, but realize that it would still be hard to see each other every weekend.

PS Sorry for the rambling....

 

[greenie53]

Are you still able to accept at IL?

Yes, for some reason they said that if I wanted in that all I had to do was email them.

 

[twelvetigers]

I would go for that then, rather than waiting or something. You might not be able to see him EVERY weekend, so you should just realize that and make a personal choice to put school first during the week at least, and make sure you keep up in your classes.

It'll work if you want it too, that's what I say.

 

[luvLABSnJRTs]

Congratulations to you and your fiance! Go where it would make you happiest because vet schools is going to be stressful and if he's your release, then it just may be better! Would you regret it if you don't go to CSU? Personally, I would stay where my SO would be just because it's not as straining on the relationship. It's possible to do long distance, but why add the extra stress when you could use each other to lean on. The bond with your classmates is also crucial just because they will be with you for four years and become like family and they can also help you through tough times. Switching up the drive each weekend will also allow some weekends to bond with your classmates. You'll choose what's best for you and it'll be a good decision one way or another. good luck!!

 

[beckylu]

I think only you can know which factors are more important to you and how well you are able to balance school and your relationship. Flying vs driving, small town vs larger town, and being able to focus on school when you might rather go to see your fiance are all personal preferences that others' opinions can't really affect.

You mention your side interest in research - is it something you would rather do while in school as a side interest, or were you planning on doing an internship etc where you would have more opportunities to pursue that interest? CSU is certainly more popular than IL, but if you're planning on going out into practice when you're out of school, its my understanding that it isn't a huge deal which vet school you went to. (Someone please correct me if I'm wrong about that.)

Also, sorry if I missed this somewhere, but is your fiance able/willing to come visit you if you're in IL? If not, keep in mind that if you're close, the burden of maintaining "in person" contact falls entirely to you instead of being able to alternate who spends time driving or flying.

If you're also thinking about waiting a year, will your fiance have better luck transfering to a med school other than Denver? (Sorry if I missed something about that too.) If most of the schools don't take transfers anyways, I would lean towards taking one of your options now. If there are vet/med schools close to each other that you both are interested in, find out if those schools accept transfers and see what schools you both can go to.

Sorry about the length, but it seems like you just need to talk things out with your fiance (and maybe close friends) and figure out what factors are most important to you and go from there. I hope that was relatively coherent - its been a long week. Good luck and congratulations on having choices!

 

[NoleDevil]

So, I could delve into my experience about how my bf and I dated for 2 years, but we decided to focus on the education needed for our careers before our relationship and now we're in a LDR, etc, etc, etc... but there's really no point. Why? Simply because it's my situation. No matter how many different relationship perspectives you read about or how many opinions you read about where you should go, CSU vs. Illinois, it all boils down to one thing: you're going to do what you already know you want to do deep down inside. Here's how I know:

To be blatantly honest with all of you I have thought again about the whole postponement option again. I know that some of you disagree with this, but for me, my relationship at this point in my life may need to come before my career. I feel confident that I could definitely get into vet school again next year. Is is worth the wait? I don't know. Is it a huge risk? Yes. These are certainly things I've been dwelling on.

From my perspective, I will have regrets/happiness with either way I choose.

I truly feel like when people can't decide between this or that, they have a "gut feeling" of what they should or want to do. They'll seek out advice from people not to help them choose one way or the other, but to see if the majority of people will agree with their "gut feeling" in order to be reassured that they're making the "right" decision. I think this idea is more subconscious and is just a part of human nature.

Anyway, the point is who cares if other people disagree with you! Whether you postpone admission, choose CSU, or choose Illinois - the majority opinion from other people is pretty much useless because you know your situation better than anyone and you know what's going to work best for you. Even if you feel unsure about a decision at the moment, I believe you basically know what you want. Sure, maybe someone else's experience will make you think about something in a different light, but I can't see it being that big of an influence to sway what you think is right for you. In a situation like your's, I think the only "right" answer is to choose the scenario that makes you the happiest and gives you that "gut feeling." Honestly, I think most people have doubts about major life decisions - understandably so! Just because you question a decision you make, it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to regret making it in the future. Change tends to make people uncomfortable and even scared, but if you truly feel like you're making the best decision that's in your power to make, then that's all you need to do.

Best of luck in your decision!

 

[lailanni]

Now this is just me talking, so take it with a large salt block.

I didn't catch this - if you were to go to UIUC (and be closer to your fiance) would you pay in-state? That would be one of the determining factors for me, but I know everyone is different.

It does sound like you want to go to UIUC - and the silver lining is that no matter where you go you'll get a DVM!

I would do what someone above recomended and draw out of a hat for your decision. Feel your initial reaction, and that should tell you something.

Is it "Oh crap, CSU!" or "YEEAH!! CSU!!" I've done the hat type thing before, it helped me out.

And again, this is just me, but if you're talking about the love of your life, man of your dreams, you could think about it 2 ways.
a) You feel your relationship is in a place that distance won't be a problem
b) Having time together is critical for your relationship right now
So I guess it's how you both feel about that.

For me personally, my most best friend in the world/SO will be a 6hr drive or 2ish hour flight away. I'm thinking I can maybe see him once a month. It's going to be hard for me. If there was anything I could do to be closer (that wouldn't kick me in the crotch financially) I'd do it.

Best of luck with your decision! Let us know what you decide! I know you'll make the best choice for you!

EDIT: I just read NoleDevil's post above. Great post! I second it! Said all the stuff I'm not eloquent enough to put down!

 

[Whirr]

Dunno if you've already left, but...

I agree with what many others are saying--really, only you can decide what's most important to you. Personally, I know that while I can get excited about possibilities that might not include my partner (now my husband), as soon as I get down to thinking about the reality that he might not be around much, or that we'd have to live apart, I lose a lot of that excitement. My husband keeps me grounded, secure, happy. If I had to choose between becoming a vet and our relationship, it would be an easy decision: what we have is special, and I could live without that level of career. But that's just me. My personality is such that the few people I have in my small family circle are extremely important to me. Thus, when I do get around to applying to vet school, I'll only be applying to places that he would also want to go.

Staying closer will help you maintain context if you actually do see more of each other, but being apart can work, especially with today's technological advances in communications. My husband was a year ahead of me when we went to college (we met in high school), and for much of that year we kept in touch through IM while studying. However, he went to a school an hour and a half away, and came home almost every weekend; that helped a lot too.

I hope you've talked it all over with your fiancé--ultimately, you two are going to be the ones living out your decision. It's all well and good to ask all of us here about it, but don't let popular opinion sway you from what's right for both of you. Communication is a vital aspect of any relationship and I hope you haven't been trying to make the decision alone. I also hope you can look at this as two good, exciting possibilities, because that's what you've got! Congratulations to you, and best of luck.

 

[tastrophe]

Wow, that's quite the decision!

I'm not going to give you an opinion either way, but I will say that, clearly, UIUC *wants* you, and that really means something.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and let us know which you choose!!

 

[Pomona2006]

I totally understand your predicament! My SO and I did 5 years separated during college (he's a year older than me) - and we were separated NY - CA. Luckily I got to be with him during the summers and breaks, which was great! I can tell you with total confidence, that strong relationships with 2 committed people CAN work and WILL work long-distance if you try. Sure it can be difficult at times, and it would be really nice to have them around more, but you might consider how you're both in serious programs which require a lot of studying, and maybe you'd be better able to study on your own. Maybe, maybe not.

Despite the fact that I know it can be done, I would say to go with your heart. If your gut says - go to Illinois - then go! Just think about it, and talk about it with your fiance to see what you both think would be best for you two.

 

[hoodle]

I agree with what people have said. Go with your gut, go with what you and your fiance decide is most important. I think your cold feet about CSU should be taken seriously. Vet school is vet school, and life is life... make sure your life takes priority. You'll come out with a DVM at either place - it's just a question of what will make you happiest in the interim.

 

[hendo]

You should go to University of Illinois and be my future classmate! Haha. Sounds like UIUC really wants you, so you must be smart. So yeah, come join us at Illinois! More people to help me understand the intense information overload we're gonna get the better! Decision made. That was easy

 

[DVMorBust]

I would just like to reiterate that it seems like the quality of education is pretty similar at vet schools if you don't want to go into a specific specialty. Maybe you could work out a compromise of sorts - you go to UIUC, and then after, he finds something that would work wherever you go, and you get into a residency someplace else?

 

[hendo]

I would agree DVMor. I'm currently doing a Masters degree in Biomedical sciences with the Veterinary school here at CSU...I've taken classes where all the lectures are guest speakers straight out of the Vet school. While the education is great, it's no reason to move here over any other school. There is one teacher that is phenomenal, Dr. Fails, and I'm going to be sad not being taught by her. But every other professor is pretty much your usual teacher (from what I've noticed). You know, powerpoint this and that. Like DVMor said if you want to specialize CSU has great opportunities for that. Heck, I'm doing the opposite of you, I'm moving from CSU to Illinois! But I'm not specializing, and I didn't get in to CSU and don't have faith I'll get in next year...

To make things more confusing though, this is definitely one great place to live. I think. I've never lived anywhere else. So if that's high on your priorities. The mountains are sweet. Of corse, I think I've taken advantage of them maybe like twice since I've been here. Haha. I don't have enough time! They're nice to look at though... Maybe I'll appreciate them more when I go to Illinois for 4 years

 

[greenie53]

Thank you everyone so much for your responses! One of the first things I did (and my fiance- he is reading the posts with me and is of course happy with all your responses- when I got to Guatemala was to find an internet cafe to read all of your responses . So I´m leaning Illinois, still sad about missing out on CSU, but it just seems like at this point in my life with the engagement and all I should put my relationship first. Decision is not 100% but getting there...hehe I hate decisions

Thanks again guys for sticking by me through all of this!

 

[catlover]

Just regarding the travel were you to go to CSU - my husband travels to Chicago about once a month - by the time you add up driving to DIA, getting there early enough to check in, etc., it is not quick to go back and forth. I think it would get old pretty quick. A 2 hour drive is much simpler.

 

[Whirr]

I hate decisions too. But I suspect that you'll make a good one. At least you're putting a lot of thought into it, rather than jumping into something blindly--so you're already ahead of the curve! Think positive, right? If your relationship can survive vet/med school, whether long distance or not, it'll probably weather many a storm with the tactics you learn through the process.

On a lighter note... mmm, Guatemala. Enjoy the trip! It sounds fantastic.

 

[clawsbeatskin]

Regarding tough decisions...

My vet gave me some great advice. At this point, having been accepted to vet schools, you can't make a bad decision. You're in, and either way, you'll be a vet. Either school would be great.

 

[cyrille104]

.

 

[cyrille104]

.

 

[Tiger1]

.