The "college experience" thought messing with my head and now my grades.....

Oct 22, 2013
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Pre-Medical
Before the grades came out for my current semester I had around a 3.7 GPA, it dropped 0.2 points because of something that had been messing with my head and it is now messing with my academics. I made my first really bad grade in college (D) in a major science course.

Throughout the past semester I went out more than usual, I partied more, and I spent a lot of time trying to live the "college experience" rather than focusing on my academics.

Here is the reason why.

Starting out in college I didn't go away, I stayed at a university my parents picked for me with a bad party scene but great academics. Ended up getting good grades. Then money ran short and I had to transfer to a state university with a great party scene.

Throughout my life I was never the party kind of kid, I was the studious geek who rarely went out and did more reading and studying throughout his teens rather than partying or socializing. I was this way early on through college as well.

Then I started hearing the message everywhere.

"College is the last time you will be partying"
"College girls are so wild man, you will never meet girls like these again"
"Come party with us, it doesn't get any easier than college"
"Look man this is the time you are supposed to get wild and let loose, the real world is a horror story"

I started believing it after people told it to me and I read it everywhere. I feared that if I don't let the wild side of me out in college, I will never let it out.

In the real world everyone is getting married, wild parties are hard to find, one night stands and casual sex rarely happen because it is all about relationships, attractive women (which my college has tons of) are very hard to find and have much higher standards, and all of that stuff occupied my head.

This resulted in me partying more and feeling like I have to make up for lost time and even after the hit to my GPA it is still messing with my head. Like I never had the chance to be a wild teenager or the wild college kid and now I feel the need to make up for lost time before I hit the real world.

Is there really any fix to this that I can seek?
 
Jun 28, 2012
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There is no "real world"; everything you do right now is part of the real world. It's fine if you want to party and meet new friends — college is a great time to do so. However, if said partying is affecting your academics and you don't like it, then stop partying so much. Take responsibility for the mistakes you made this semester (no one forced you to go to parties, you decided to go) and correct your behavior so you don't make the same mistake in the future. It's not like college is the only place where you'll be able to party and find girls, and hopefully you'll soon discover that getting absolutely drunk every weekend isn't all that fun either. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, you can have some fun on the weekends if you legitimately have the time. If you think it's really messing with your head, try talking to a counselor — your university should offer free counseling services and just talking to them is helpful.
 

sinombre

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Well, you know what they say. Something about grass and it being greener on the other side.

Just try and find a balance. You can still do well in school and go to parties on the weekends... you just need to get good at time management. It becomes even more important and challenging in medical school, so you might as well try and learn how to balance your life now.
 
OP
C
Oct 22, 2013
132
14
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Status
Pre-Medical
There is no "real world"; everything you do right now is part of the real world. It's fine if you want to party and meet new friends — college is a great time to do so. However, if said partying is affecting your academics and you don't like it, then stop partying so much. Take responsibility for the mistakes you made this semester (no one forced you to go to parties, you decided to go) and correct your behavior so you don't make the same mistake in the future. It's not like college is the only place where you'll be able to party and find girls, and hopefully you'll soon discover that getting absolutely drunk every weekend isn't all that fun either. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, you can have some fun on the weekends if you legitimately have the time. If you think it's really messing with your head, try talking to a counselor — your university should offer free counseling services and just talking to them is helpful.
I have a hard time believing the bold, or at least they say it is much more difficult after college is over.
 
Apr 23, 2013
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I firmly believe that if college is the best years of your life, you're doing something very wrong.

Not that college can't be great. But there's so much out there...college is a beginning. You must know people whose lives peaked in high school and are already spending their time desperately trying to return to that. Do you want to be a version of that person, just four years later? It is possible to be a good student and still party. Figure out the balance. If needed, seek out people who are better influences.

And of course it's possible to meet people (yes, including girls) after college. Do you think people's social lives shut off after graduation? Nonsense.
 
Jun 23, 2013
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I have a hard time believing the bold, or at least they say it is much more difficult after college is over.
I'm a girl and I think I'll still be around after you're done with college


Lmao all kidding aside I think @sinombre is right when saying the grass is greener on the other side. You look at their social lives with envy and I'm sure many of them look at your drive, intelligence, and goals with envy.
 
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OP
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Oct 22, 2013
132
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I'm a girl and I think I'll still be around after you're done with college


Lmao all kidding aside I think @sinombre is right when saying the grass is greener on the other side. You look at their social lives with envy and I'm sure many of them look at your drive, intelligence, and goals with envy.
Not when they have high GPAs in their majors which are not usually science majors.
 
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darklabel

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Is there really any fix to this that I can seek?
Sure, grow up and stop with this "College is the best time" nonsense. Your story is a dime a dozen and continuing this path will make your possible medical career very difficult. If you're a freshman, its acceptable, but if you're currently a Junior making up for "lost time" then stop now before you start getting multiple C's.

See heres the funny thing about grades, doing well in most classes and a few poor grades is not a GPA ender, its when you get multiple semesters of C's, B-'s etc that are really difficult to raise.

As others have said, there is a way to find a happy medium and many have succeeded in doing so; however, on the flip side, many haven't and are forced to go into something other than medicine. Truthfully, I'd rather be safe for now, and hardly go out until you start getting A's again and then going out little by little until you found your happy medium.
 
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911 Turbo

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nothing is stopping you from going to college parties when ur in medical school dude. in fact, being a medical student may significantly boost your chances with the ladies
 
OP
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Oct 22, 2013
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nothing is stopping you from going to college parties when ur in medical school dude. in fact, being a medical student may significantly boost your chances with the ladies
not really

most girls in college prefer to be with guys they are familiar with

the sorority girls at my college (and most of the hot girls are in sororities) usually only get with guys they are familiar with, sometimes it is athletes or guys they have tons of classes with but most of the times it is frat guys.
 
Jun 23, 2013
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I've seen a few very similar threads to this one that you've started in the past couple months. For your own well being, you need to stop doing this - and I mean that in the nicest way possible. There is no magic piece of advice that I or anyone else on SDN can give you to improve your social skills on a fundamental level.

Here are three things to accept:
1. You can have a social life as a premed. Thousands of people do it. If you go in with the mindset that it is impossible, you'll have no hope of finding the balance that works for you.
2. Your social life will not end after college. It will probably change a little bit, but that's not a bad thing at all. A 26 year old's social life SHOULD be different from that of an 18 year old.
3. Your success with women has nothing to do with being in college. If you have game as an undergrad, you'll continue to have game after you graduate. Simple as that.

Instead of posting on the internet about things not going your way socially, get out there and try to do better!
 
Jun 23, 2013
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not really

most girls in college prefer to be with guys they are familiar with

the sorority girls at my college (and most of the hot girls are in sororities) usually only get with guys they are familiar with, sometimes it is athletes or guys they have tons of classes with but most of the times it is frat guys.
I'm in a sorority and girls aren't always going to be attracted to the stupid kids who get arrested. I guess we'll have to grow up at some point.

Why don't you set aside like a day or night each week to go out with your friends without regret? You can get as drunk as you want only if you promise to get your **** together for the rest of the weekend. It might seriously help. It'll give you a break. And, honestly, you seem a little sexually frustrated so maybe you could get with one of these hot girls you keep posting about.
 

MDOnlyWillDo

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not really

most girls in college prefer to be with guys they are familiar with

the sorority girls at my college (and most of the hot girls are in sororities) usually only get with guys they are familiar with, sometimes it is athletes or guys they have tons of classes with but most of the times it is frat guys.
Sounds like you're not ready for much of anything outside of your college campus if this is the extent of your knowledge about what girls want sexually.
 
OP
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Oct 22, 2013
132
14
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Pre-Medical
I'm in a sorority and girls aren't always going to be attracted to the stupid kids who get arrested. I guess we'll have to grow up at some point.

Why don't you set aside like a day or night each week to go out with your friends without regret? You can get as drunk as you want only if you promise to get your **** together for the rest of the weekend. It might seriously help. It'll give you a break. And, honestly, you seem a little sexually frustrated so maybe you could get with one of these hot girls you keep posting about.
True. Ever since I went from a private college to a state university, my life in the romance department has gone down the toilet. At my previous university I didn't party much but people said I had the looks (6"2 and muscular) and social skills to attract girls (those people who said that were my friends). Now at my college with such a huge greek culture, I do understand the first part and I have done plenty of the second party (gone out and party) but a lot of these girls are status obsessed with who is in what frat or playing what sport.

I may have the looks and lack the shyness but I don't have the social proof needed in college.
 
OP
C
Oct 22, 2013
132
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Pre-Medical
Sounds like you're not ready for much of anything outside of your college campus if this is the extent of your knowledge about what girls want sexually.
I am at a loss.

Everyone hails college to be a paradise but I find most girls very cliquish. I don't get how college girls are "easy".

Everyone says in the real world women have very very high standards compared to college girls but I have had a lot of fun on vacations.

I don't know where all of these statements and opinions come from and why majority of the people buy into it.
 
OP
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Oct 22, 2013
132
14
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Pre-Medical
What I find my issue to be is that I am doing well academically but socially I am burning. In the past I would say 'whatever when I finish college and get out in the real world this will handle itself" but when I hear so much hype around college and the college experience and how you will never have this chance against it has seriously screwed with my mentality and now my grades too. And I am an upperclassman.
 

Life Sucks

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This is such an easy question to answer. You aren't one of those guys who can party and get good grades. Accept it and give it up! This is a good test for you. And what I mean is that if you really want to be a doctor, you'll know what you have to do.
 
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Bacchus

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My social life improved in medical school and I would say its stalled somewhat since beginning residency, but is still very fulfilling. Have fun in college, but its not the end-all-be-all people make it out to be. You have more "free" time in medical school in that you have less obligations. You're there to study and once you find the happy medium you can go out, work out, take weekend trips, etc.

I still have a lot of fun as a resident. Not as much as medical school, but still a decent amount.
 
OP
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Oct 22, 2013
132
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Pre-Medical
My social life improved in medical school and I would say its stalled somewhat since beginning residency, but is still very fulfilling. Have fun in college, but its not the end-all-be-all people make it out to be. You have more "free" time in medical school in that you have less obligations. You're there to study and once you find the happy medium you can go out, work out, take weekend trips, etc.

I still have a lot of fun as a resident. Not as much as medical school, but still a decent amount.
What made your social life in undergrad so bad? Was your college not that socially fun type of a school perhaps?
 

MDOnlyWillDo

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I am at a loss.

Everyone hails college to be a paradise but I find most girls very cliquish. I don't get how college girls are "easy".

Everyone says in the real world women have very very high standards compared to college girls but I have had a lot of fun on vacations.

I don't know where all of these statements and opinions come from and why majority of the people buy into it.
I'm confused- isn't that what you're doing?
 

Lucca

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I was the same way as you, OP, in high school. I just finished my freshman semester with a 4.0 and I went to the occasional party, had fun, made friends and all that jazz. The key is to know your limit, party responsibly, and know the difference between "time to buckle down and work" and "I have an extra day this weekend to have some fun". I don't think there's anything spectacular about having good grades and maintaining a social life. Sure, in the future this balance might drop my GPA a couple of notches but I've been a student long enough to know when I need to study something and when I can feel comfortable with what I know/studied. It might just take time! Maybe pickup your studies more next semester and tone down the partying and gradually try to find a happy medium?
 
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SunsFun

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True. Ever since I went from a private college to a state university, my life in the romance department has gone down the toilet. At my previous university I didn't party much but people said I had the looks (6"2 and muscular) and social skills to attract girls (those people who said that were my friends). Now at my college with such a huge greek culture, I do understand the first part and I have done plenty of the second party (gone out and party) but a lot of these girls are status obsessed with who is in what frat or playing what sport.

I may have the looks and lack the shyness but I don't have the social proof needed in college.
Social proof? I think I've heard that somewhere on SDN before... Deja Vu
 
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solitarius

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This guy again.

Okay dude. Really serious question here. Do you want 1) a serious girlfriend, 2) get laid, or 3) party hard-core?
 
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OP
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Oct 22, 2013
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This guy again.

Okay dude. Really serious question here. Do you want 1) a serious girlfriend, 2) get laid, or 3) party hard-core?
preferably 2

but the social proof part is coming up whenever people talk about hooking up in college, that matters a lot
 
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Your problem is easily remedied. Which is more important or "gratifying" (if you must): four years of so called "fun" or multiple decades with a physician's salary, the latter which would presumably afford you enough income to enjoy some of the finer things in life and to engage in other recreational activities? It's all about delayed gratification. Moreover, sorry to be a kill-joy, but your idea of fun sounds like a disaster. I hope you don't father a child before medical school; I have a hard time imagining paying child support while in medical school.
 
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OP
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Your problem is easily remedied. Which is more important or "gratifying" (if you must): four years of so called "fun" or multiple decades with a physician's salary, the latter which would presumably afford you enough income to enjoy some of the finer things in life and to engage in other recreational activities? It's all about delayed gratification. Moreover, sorry to be a kill-joy, but your idea of fun sounds like a disaster. I hope you don't father a child before medical school; I have a hard time imagining paying child support while in medical school.
That

That

That....

scared me.....


either its time to make sure I use protection or seriously reconsider

progress with that post right there
 
Dec 18, 2013
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I doubt there's anything spectacular about having good grades and maintaining a social life. Sure, in the future this balance might drop my GPA a couple of notches but I've been a student long enough to know when I need to study something and when I can feel comfortable with what I know/studied.
 

Bacchus

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What made your social life in undergrad so bad? Was your college not that socially fun type of a school perhaps?
It wasn't bad, I just didn't find myself having as much free time as some others have. A big part of not being as "active" in the social scene had to do with a lot of my core group of friends being in a major which had a completely different exam schedule than myself. When I was in "off" mode they were studying and the same was true for them.

We had plenty of good times and after I gained an acceptance there was a lot of pressure relieved, but I still will hold true my medical school life was better socially.
 
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bambam92

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If you're real concerned about the whole girl thing…focus on getting that MD after your name. Those two letters after your name tend to have some pretty big pull in landing the ladies, at least going by the docs I know girlfriends and wives. ;) As women mature I can assure you most won't be into the greek life hero of college who is still living off his days in the frat life, its almost worse than the local high school hero who lives off his high school athletic legacy. Trust me man MD's typically don't have trouble finding ladies…but broke/unemployed washed out pre-meds on the other hand…
 

touchpause13

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That

That

That....

scared me.....


either its time to make sure I use protection or seriously reconsider

progress with that post right there
Wait were you seriously thinking about going out and barebacking girls?

:mad::mad::mad:

Wrap it up!!!
 
Nov 6, 2013
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Wow dude, sounds like you may have a serious case of "I Need a Life"! True being a science major with aspirations of attending medical school makes this somewhat difficult but it all comes down to time management. I would imagine that you could very easily spend your days studying and the nights partying (if you find yourself drunk all day then you probably have a much more serious issue). Use your time wisely and your grades don't have to slip, you've gotten great grades so far so obviously you're intelligent so figure it out.

As to getting laid, sounds like you need to use this time-proven technique that tends to help out... ACTUALLY TALK TO GIRLS!!! You meet so many of them, sit next to them in class, see them at parties and other social events, etc. Point is just talk to girls and not say anything stupid, show some confidence in yourself and even if you embarrass yourself with one person just say oh well, there are so many other girls in this world.

Morale of the story:

1) get a life
2) talk to girls
3) quit being a spaz about your social life, only you can fix it

Have fun and good luck
 

PapaGuava

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College is a time for balance in the real world. If you lean to one side more than the other, then it will affect things. You can still have fun with girls, friends, etc along with having good grades. However, i wouldn't sacrifice your grades. College has been a great time for me socially and academically, and it is a time of constant change.

I'm sure you will find that balance and do well! Good luck!
 

IncognitoGuy

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Wait were you seriously thinking about going out and barebacking girls?

:mad::mad::mad:

Wrap it up!!!
:laugh:

Probably a good thing he hasn't been getting any action..
 
Oct 19, 2013
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This thread is both sad and hilarious.

If you seriously just want sex, it's not that difficult and absolutely doesn't require getting wasted to the point where your grades slip. Grow a pair and fake confidence if you don't have it (refer to any female friends you have about the line between confidence and arrogance....lots of men have issues with this one). :)
 

DrCharlemagne

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That

That

That....

scared me.....


either its time to make sure I use protection or seriously reconsider

progress with that post right there
*hurk* You know what will kill all your chances with decent ladies? An STI. Seriously dude, stick to the books. You're clearly not ready to play the casual sex game.
 
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touchpause13

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*hurk* You know what will kill all your chances with decent ladies? An STI. Seriously dude, stick to the books. You're clearly not ready to play the casual sex game.
I wonder if he is a virgin.
 
OP
C
Oct 22, 2013
132
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Pre-Medical
I think my issue is more with changing colleges. At my first university I did quite well with girls because I knew them day 1 when starting college, the dates and sex were all there for me. At my new university since I transferred, it is like my social life has gone down the toilet as much as I don't want it to. I have no problems talking to girls because I have done so in big city type of environments and with random girls all the time. It is just that at my new college, my luck has flown right out the window.

Now here is the thing, the reason I sacrificed this semester is because of the feeling that casual sex will never ever be easier than it is in college. That after college the casual sex stops and the girls all get married or are looking for long term relationships which I want nothing to do with what so ever. I mean it is like I see a clock ticking in my head saying college is almost about to be done and I have not had the fun I wanted to have.

There is something else I want to know. How many guys (percent wise) in college are actually struggling with getting laid? It seems that at my college every guy I run into that isn't an athlete, isn't in a frat, and isn't in a house that throws a lot of parties is struggling with this.
 
OP
C
Oct 22, 2013
132
14
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Pre-Medical
It wasn't bad, I just didn't find myself having as much free time as some others have. A big part of not being as "active" in the social scene had to do with a lot of my core group of friends being in a major which had a completely different exam schedule than myself. When I was in "off" mode they were studying and the same was true for them.

We had plenty of good times and after I gained an acceptance there was a lot of pressure relieved, but I still will hold true my medical school life was better socially.
I can so relate. Most of my friends that party are in majors like communcations or some kind of liberal arts. I have no idea what most of the science majors are doing but I rarely see them at parties on weekends, especially if they are upperclassmen.
 
OP
C
Oct 22, 2013
132
14
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Status
Pre-Medical
Stop going after sorority chicks, and go for the multitude of other girls.
Also great advice. But it seems like the parties I do get called to have an abnormally high number of sorority girls and my school is pretty big on greek life as well. I would like to find more girls who are not involved with greek life but they are not easily found in house parties, that's for sure.

If you're real concerned about the whole girl thing…focus on getting that MD after your name. Those two letters after your name tend to have some pretty big pull in landing the ladies, at least going by the docs I know girlfriends and wives. ;) As women mature I can assure you most won't be into the greek life hero of college who is still living off his days in the frat life, its almost worse than the local high school hero who lives off his high school athletic legacy. Trust me man MD's typically don't have trouble finding ladies…but broke/unemployed washed out pre-meds on the other hand…
Doctors are loved for their money and as long term partners who can provide them stability, not for short term relationships. And that is not the reason I wanted to be a doctor in the first place, in fact that isn't even on the list.
 

touchpause13

nolite te bastardes carborundorum
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Also great advice. But it seems like the parties I do get called to have an abnormally high number of sorority girls and my school is pretty big on greek life as well. I would like to find more girls who are not involved with greek life but they are not easily found in house parties, that's for sure.
You also could stop being a GDI
 
OP
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Oct 22, 2013
132
14
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Status
Pre-Medical
You also could stop being a GDI
True, but the fraternities at my college that are well known and ones actually throwing parties (aka the ones that all the girls flock to) are not too welcoming of upperclassmen. I made friends with a guy who is in a major fraternity and he said they exclusively look for freshman and at worst sophomores because they know those students will have time to dedicate to being in a frat and will be around longer (more semesters) to give money to the fraternity.
 

masaraksh

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i guess i was lucky to go to an urban uni with zero greek life but just fyi there are plenty of ways to 'have fun', 'socialize','meet others' that are not parties as you define them.
 
OP
C
Oct 22, 2013
132
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Status
Pre-Medical
i guess i was lucky to go to an urban uni with zero greek life but just fyi there are plenty of ways to 'have fun' and 'socialize' that are not parties as you define them.
Yes you were. My past college (private university) did not have a big Greek Scene at all and I had the time of my life there. So many good looking girls too who were not in sororities and cared more about how you looked, how you presented yourself, and how fun you were to be around rather than what fraternity you were in.

The whole frustrating thing about it all that has been bugging me is when I hear all the time about "College is it!" or "it never gets better than college!" or "these will be the best years of your life" and guess what, I am one depressed dude.

I wish I had taken out loans to be at my previous university but instead I went the cheaper route and ended up at my current school where I am just so depressed. Sucks being the new kid in college.
 

DrCharlemagne

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Yes you were. My past college (private university) did not have a big Greek Scene at all and I had the time of my life there. So many good looking girls too who were not in sororities and cared more about how you looked, how you presented yourself, and how fun you were to be around rather than what fraternity you were in.

The whole frustrating thing about it all that has been bugging me is when I hear all the time about "College is it!" or "it never gets better than college!" or "these will be the best years of your life" and guess what, I am one depressed dude.

I wish I had taken out loans to be at my previous university but instead I went the cheaper route and ended up at my current school where I am just so depressed. Sucks being the new kid in college.
Join a club, stop assuming women are all the same, and knuckle down on your studies. There are plenty of women who are open to casual sex-style relationships in medical school and beyond. Practice at finding decent humans to bone instead of frittering your time away chasing ephemeral stereotypes.