The Official Anti-Clinical Medicine Thread

[stormjen]

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So I get home from the place otherwise known as hell today, get on my computer, come here, and there's that Clinical Medicine thread! I'm thinking to myself "gee, I'm in idiot for not seeing that this morning! Dumb stormjen!". But then I go to it and see that it was bumped special just for me by Nanner. Thanks Nanner!

Now time to eat chocolate chips. I need the chemicals to recover.

 

[b&ierstiefel]

Hang in there stormjen. You're on the homestretch now! 👍

 

[bananaface]

No problem. 🙂

 

[yaah]

I was at the super market today and bought pringles. Pringles are really good.

I am having clinical med flashbacks now, on bloodbank. We had a saga the last two days. A patient with thrombocytosis (platelets of 2 million) needed pheresis but had no central line, because his previous lines have clotted and he has a residual thrombus in the jugular vein. So, medicine couldn't get the line in, that was day one. On day two, they called radiology to put the line in, couldn't do it until the end of the day, so they told the pheresis nurse she might have to come in at night to do this guy. So radiology put the line in, but they put it in the jugular vein, where the clot is. No pheresis!

Day three, they finally got the femoral line in, and did the pheresis.

Why do I care? Because every time something happens I get paged and have to coordinate things. 😡

 

[bananaface]

Pringles SUCK!

I'm sure the patient appreciates your efforts, albeit indirectly.

 

[b&ierstiefel]

Pringles are the best. I ate those instead of Gerber when I was a baby...or so I am told.

 

[deschutes]

Pringles are awesome. But only the green ones. I could eat a whole can of those in one sitting. They go too fast.

Thanks for the heads up, yaah. Your story sounds like my senior medicine's evening. I don't know the whole story but it involved Medicine talking to Interventional Radiology and ICU to get a patient ERCPed (attempt #3). Lots of general unpleasantness.

 

[beary]

I had a patient today whose sole complaint was that his groin itches and smells when he goes several days without bathing. 😡

 

[b&ierstiefel]

I had a patient today whose sole complaint was that his groin itches and smells when he goes several days without bathing. 😡

I really don't sense much anger in this post

 

[beary]

I really don't sense much anger in this post

Oh, it's there. Believe me, it's there. At the time, it actually was kind of funny. Nice comic relief after doing several excisional biopsies in a row.

The worst thing was that he smelled like he didn't take a bath for several days in a row.

Seriously, who goes to the doctor for this???? 😕

 

[b&ierstiefel]

oh you just wait until you hit the wards. and even better, wait until when you do your VA hospital rotations...you'll have the distinct pleasure of walking through units that smell incessantly like feces and urine.

 

[bananaface]

Body fungus is so icky. I just want to put on gloves and give them a clotrimazole dip. It should be like a flea dip, only for people who can't dry themselves well after bathing (or who sweat in certain areas like this chap). My guess is he had a nasty case of jock itch, hm?

If he can't get to the shower well, tell him to get some of those damn OTC body bath wipes. They have them near the depends. They also have no rinse shampoo that can be ordered in to most pharmacies. 👍

 

[beary]

Body fungus is so icky. I just want to put on gloves and give them a clotrimazole dip. It should be like a flea dip, only for people who can't dry themselves well after bathing (or who sweat in certain areas like this chap). My guess is he had a nasty case of jock itch, hm?

If he can't get to the shower well, tell him to get some of those damn OTC body bath wipes. They have them near the depends. They also have no rinse shampoo that can be ordered in to most pharmacies. 👍

banana - you are so sweet. 😍 Unfortunately, you are overestimating this patient of mine. The problem is not that he CAN'T get to the shower, it's that he WON'T. There is no way he would use body bath wipes or no rinse shampoo, though I much appreciate your suggestion. Perhaps this will be useful for a future patient that is actually unable to bathe.

When I asked him what happens when he bathes more frequently (such as more often than every few weeks), he said he didn't know, because he had never really tried it. Though he did notice that his "groin problem" was better the more frequently he bathed. So I suggested perhaps continuing to try that. 🙄

 

[bananaface]

You are such a good clinician, beary! 👍

 

[beary]

You are such a good clinician, beary! 👍

Yeah, I got skillz. At least I'm making good use of my 6 years of post-collegiate education.

 

[Mr. Plow]

Ugh.

Neurology... the last painful clinical rotation of my illustrious medical school career.

I sure could use a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster right now.

 

[bananaface]

😍 Mr. Plow! 😍

 

[jeff2005]

Body fungus is so icky. I just want to put on gloves and give them a clotrimazole dip.

I once had tinea versicolor. I had it all over my neck and chest while I was pregnant. Don't get pregnant: it does weird things to you.

 

[jeff2005]

I am afraid that if I move for residency (*sob*) I may have to use a moving company. I actually have acquired quite a bit of furniture during grad school. I suppose I may be able to just rent a uhaul and recruit my folks to come help me. The thought of moving is enough to make me want to stay here for sure.

Get a Penske truck. They are much better. I'll help you load with the help of my husband. Actually, never mind, 'cause YOU'RE NOT LEAVING! 😡

 

[deschutes]

The worst thing was that he smelled like he didn't take a bath for several days in a row.

Seriously, who goes to the doctor for this???? 😕

Must be a CFU specialty... 😛 😉

My CFU friend was unloading her Urology stories and 3 out of her 5 patients with kidney stones smelled like they hadn't taken a bath for several months.

 

[beary]

Get a Penske truck. They are much better. I'll help you load with the help of my husband. Actually, never mind, 'cause YOU'RE NOT LEAVING! 😡

Thanks a lot jeff2005!!! That is a really nice offer. But I definitely don't want to leave. Right now I am just planning on interviewing at a few places and checking things out. But Iowa rocks!

😍 Iowa 😍

 

[jeff2005]

Thanks a lot jeff2005!!! That is a really nice offer. But I definitely don't want to leave. Right now I am just planning on interviewing at a few places and checking things out. But Iowa rocks!

😍 Iowa 😍

I'm just kidding with ya. I won't hate you if you leave Iowa. Maybe you could join Andy at Brigham and invite everbody to his pad for wild parties!

 

[deschutes]

...he did notice that his "groin problem" was better the more frequently he bathed. So I suggested perhaps continuing to try that. 🙄

Subtle! 👍 👍 Excellent work beary!

Hey what kind of rash comes on your tummy when you are pregnant? (this is not a trick question.)

 

[b&ierstiefel]

*yawn*

what is this now? people are already planning wild parties at my place?



hey beary, next time bring a can of right guard or axe spray to the clinic. when another patient like this comes in with this chief complaint and he smells like ass, just douse him with this stuff.

 

[beary]

I'm just kidding with ya. I won't hate you if you leave Iowa. Maybe you could join Andy at Brigham and invite everbody to his pad for wild parties!

Brigham is another one of my top choices! I think my list of interest is much influenced by SDN. Maybe we should start a thread of schools we are interested in. Hmm, here's my tentative list:

Iowa (of course)
Michigan
BWH
MGH
Wash U
UTSW
Northwestern
U Chicago
Minnesota

Schools I am interested in but not as sure I will apply:
Cornell
Dartmouth
Mayo
Colorado
U Washington
UCSF

 

[beary]

hey beary, next time bring a can of right guard or axe spray to the clinic. when another patient like this comes in with this chief complaint and he smells like ass, just douse him with this stuff.

That's a great idea. I will just put a can in the pocket of my white coat so I will always have it if I need it.

I had to take a shower the instant I got home today. I even just dropped my clothes on the floor because I didn't want them touching even other dirty clothes.

 

[b&ierstiefel]

That's a great idea. I will just put a can in the pocket of my white coat so I will always have it if I need it.

I had to take a shower the instant I got home today. I even just dropped my clothes on the floor because I didn't want them touching even other dirty clothes.

there were many moments during medical school where i had to hold back the urge to puke. i've been exposed to so many germs it isn't funny and i've been more of a compulsive showerer (if that's a word) since then. i'm surprised i haven't converted to PPD positive status yet...

 

[beary]

there were many moments during medical school where i had to hold back the urge to puke. i've been exposed to so many germs it isn't funny and i've been more of a compulsive showerer (if that's a word) since then. i'm surprised i haven't converted to PPD positive status yet...

I have always had OCD about washing my hands. Now even more so. My hands are about to fall off from being washed so much.

 

[b&ierstiefel]

I have always had OCD about washing my hands. Now even more so. My hands are about to fall off from being washed so much.

are you typing with your toes now? 😉

 

[jeff2005]

Brigham is another one of my top choices! I think my list of interest is much influenced by SDN. Maybe we should start a thread of schools we are interested in. Hmm, here's my tentative list:

Iowa (of course)
Michigan
BWH
MGH
Wash U
UTSW
Northwestern
U Chicago
Minnesota

Nice list. I've only personally been to MGH and WashU. Loved MGH, but found Wash U to be a bit frightening. I should have applied to U Chicago. It turns out that my brother is starting there next year for Physics grad school. At least Iowa City is pretty close to Chicago, relatively speaking.

 

[bananaface]

If you come to visit U Washington, I will be glad to show you around Seattle. That goes for anyone here, btw. Hardly anyone in path seemed to be really interested in UW last year though. I think maybe geddy looked at it.

 

[jeff2005]

Hey what kind of rash comes on your tummy when you are pregnant? (this is not a trick question.)

I don't know. Pregnant bellies do get itchy, but I didn't know of any particular rash.

 

[b&ierstiefel]

Nice list. I've only personally been to MGH and WashU. Loved MGH, but found Wash U to be a bit frightening.

I thought you really liked WashU. Weren't you considering ranking it #1 at one point?

 

[bananaface]

I don't know. Pregnant bellies do get itchy, but I didn't know of any particular rash.

I would think it would just be itchy from the skin stretching out.

 

[jeff2005]

I thought you really liked WashU. Weren't you considering ranking it #1 at one point?

Wash U is a very impressive place, and I considered ranking it first because my husband really, really wanted to live in his hometown of St. Louis. But Wash U is not for me. I want a great education, but without the stress. That's why I came to Iowa. And, of course, because of the corn.

 

[b&ierstiefel]

Wash U is a very impressive place, and I considered ranking it first because my husband really, really wanted to live in his hometown of St. Louis. But Wash U is not for me. I want a great education, but without the stress. That's why I came to Iowa. And, of course, because of the corn.

corn is very good. it's very easy on the colon which will make your life that much less stressful.

 

[jeff2005]

corn is very good. it's very easy on the colon which will make your life that much less stressful.

Why do you have to relate everything to poo? Speaking of poo and it's close relative, gas, I've got a major belly ache after eating about 40 baby carrots.

 

[b&ierstiefel]

Why do you have to relate everything to poo? Speaking of poo and it's close relative, gas, I've got a major belly ache after eating about 40 baby carrots.

i don't relate everything to poo. but c'mon talking about corn and its relation to poo isn't necessarily out from left field

40 baby carrots...wow that's a lot of baby carrots. was that your dinner tonight?

 

[DarksideAllstar]

next time bring a can of right guard or axe spray to the clinic. when another patient like this comes in with this chief complaint and he smells like ass, just douse him with this stuff.

While I was on Vascular surgery at the VA last fall I had several interesting experiences with lysol. The vascular surgeon saw mostly decrepid (sp?) chain-smokers with claudication or rest pain. The patient would come in and sit down in the room, and immediately the vascular surgeon (who was pretty blunt with his patients) would say ,"Goddamnit, are you still smoking? The chances of you keeping your leg are slim to none, and slim is on vacation." He would then proceed to douse the patients with lysol and make some more disparaging remarks. It made for quite the mutant funk. Several times I had to turn away from the patient because I couldn't hold in the laughter creeping to my face. One time he was like, "There goes the dumbest person in the world on a f*cking motorized cart. Its dumb f*cks like him that voted Bush back into office." He was the greatest clinician I had ever seen in action.

 

[b&ierstiefel]

Why do you have to relate everything to poo? Speaking of poo and it's close relative, gas, I've got a major belly ache after eating about 40 baby carrots.

i don't relate everything to poo. but c'mon talking about corn and its relation to poo isn't necessarily out from left field

40 baby carrots...wow that's a lot of baby carrots. was that your dinner tonight?

 

[jeff2005]

i don't relate everything to poo. but c'mon talking about corn and its relation to poo isn't necessarily out from left field

40 baby carrots...wow that's a lot of baby carrots. was that your dinner tonight?

I munch on carrots as a stress reliever, but I think i over did it today. I've had pretty painful exam experiences because of this habit. Once i was out of carrots and ate 40+ prunes. Bad move. My husband woke up that night complaining of a horrible odor that HAD to be coming from outside, because it certainly wasn't of human origon.

 

[jeff2005]

While I was on Vascular surgery at the VA last fall I had several interesting experiences with lysol. The vascular surgeon saw mostly decrepid (sp?) chain-smokers with claudication or rest pain. The patient would come in and sit down in the room, and immediately the vascular surgeon (who was pretty blunt with his patients) would say ,"Goddamnit, are you still smoking? The chances of you keeping your leg are slim to none, and slim is on vacation." He would then proceed to douse the patients with lysol and make some more disparaging remarks. It made for quite the mutant funk. Several times I had to turn away from the patient because I couldn't hold in the laughter creeping to my face. One time he was like, "There goes the dumbest person in the world on a f*cking motorized cart. Its dumb f*cks like him that voted Bush back into office." He was the greatest clinician I had ever seen in action.

Ha!! That's a good one. Those patients are so frustrating and you have to be so PC about it.

 

[bananaface]

I have this CRAZY as hell patient who has been fired by 3 physicians and evey pharmacy in town but mine. She is forever trying to blame her medical problems on her physicians. When she missed 3 appointments in a row, she called and asked what medication Dr. B was prescribing that was causing her to lose her memory, because it had to be his fault. When she got foot drop, she called and asked what med was causing that. With regards to the latter incident I called her up and told her point blank that it wasn't caused by any medication she was taking, it was most likely a combination of peripheral neuropathy, inactivity, and dropping a goddamn 15 pound chicken on her foot. (Ok, so not in those words.) Anyway, she was impressed and told me I was much smarter than her doctor. 🙄

 

[beary]

That's why I came to Iowa. And, of course, because of the corn.

Ahh, the beautiful corn. How I love the corn. There is nothing as beautiful as the fall sun on the corn.

 

[beary]

I munch on carrots as a stress reliever,

That is quite a bit healthier than my stress relievers, which consists of munching on chips and candy. 😳

 

[bananaface]

Dude. I need caffeine or I will go nuts. I'm so seriously.

 

[beary]

Dude. I need caffeine or I will go nuts. I'm so seriously.

It's almost bedtime!! Well, I guess it's 2 hours earlier where you are than where I am. Do you have to stay up late tonight?

I am going to watch some more TV and then go to bed. 😴

 

[beary]

If you come to visit U Washington, I will be glad to show you around Seattle. That goes for anyone here, btw. Hardly anyone in path seemed to be really interested in UW last year though. I think maybe geddy looked at it.

Thank you very much! I would definitely take you up on that if I come out there. I have never been to Seattle but I have heard it is a really nice place to live. Location is a pretty big consideration to me. I would like to stay in the midwest because that is where my family is but if I find a great program somewhere else that is where I will go. But I am not applying to places like Baltimore, LA, etc. because even though those are great programs I know I don't want to live there.

 

[b&ierstiefel]

Thank you very much! I would definitely take you up on that if I come out there. I have never been to Seattle but I have heard it is a really nice place to live. Location is a pretty big consideration to me. I would like to stay in the midwest because that is where my family is but if I find a great program somewhere else that is where I will go. But I am not applying to places like Baltimore, LA, etc. because even though those are great programs I know I don't want to live there.

umm....boston ain't in the midwest either

 

[bananaface]

It's almost bedtime!! Well, I guess it's 2 hours earlier where you are than where I am. Do you have to stay up late tonight?

I am going to watch some more TV and then go to bed. 😴

I don't have to but I probably will.