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hey y'all here is my PS if anyone wants to give it a read and get back to me via PM with any criticism that would be pretty awesome... just gettin nervous as gonna submit next week.
 
Sandlot1892 said:
hey y'all here is my PS if anyone wants to give it a read and get back to me via PM with any criticism that would be pretty awesome... just gettin nervous as gonna submit next week.
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I really enjoyed reading your personal statement! I think the best part about it is that it sounds really honest. When i first started reading it, I did feel like you took too much space explaining the code blue experience in the beginning and that you could use that space to include other experiences you encountered. Condense that if you can. I think the end of your essay is stronger than the beginning and really liked how you took the time to explain that it wasn't your mom's dream but it was yours. Overall, I really liked it, especially since I have a similar story and could relate 🙂
 
The other PS thread seems to be lost in the shuffle -

Would anyone be interested in proofing my PS? You can just PM me if you're available to do it. I'd be happy to swap, too.
 
Sandlot,

Great PS! I would have to agree with Ladala though about the long opening. You may have a bigger impact if you use that show some other aspects of your life that may be of interest to the committee.
 
Hey if anyone gets the chance could they take a look at my PS and tell me what you think? Also, it is to long and I am going to have to take a section out, so if anyone has an opinion on that just let me know.
Finally I was told that the first part was too negative so let me know if you feel the same.


Thanks alot
 

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cervenka08 said:
Hey if anyone gets the chance could they take a look at my PS and tell me what you think? Also, it is to long and I am going to have to take a section out, so if anyone has an opinion on that just let me know.
Finally I was told that the first part was too negative so let me know if you feel the same.


Thanks alot
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I liked your PS a lot! Also, I think you should keep the first part in because it really shows your perserverence. I liked the tone of it and I laughed at your joke at the end. So I wouldn't change that part. I guess I would just try to work at taking out small parts of your story that are unnecessary. Probably you can really shorten the second to last part about your rowing injuries.
 
Hey, who would like to do an exchange with me? Send me yours, ill send you mine, then we can exchange comments/suggestions afterwards! What a great deal

PM me!
 
cervenka08 -

I liked your essay a lot. It had a very personal and very sincere tone, and it was more complex than a "i went to [insert poor country] and delivered babies and gosh i want to be a doctor now". You acknowledge that you weren't always the perfect student but instead have grown as both a student and a person. I think that sort of personal realization is a lot more interesting to read than an essay about how someone has always wanted to be a physician since age 5. Also, you deal rather deftly with the issue of a parent being a physician - you make it clear that you choose to use your mother's profession as an opportunity to learn more about a possible field of interest and that it wasn't something your family had asked you to consider.

With a limit of 5300 (?) characters including spaces, your essay is a bit too long, however. I think that you can tighten it up with the way that you introduce rowing. The phrases "Contrary to my expectations I really enjoyed the sport, it was great exercise and I loved the team. I even decided to row in the fall." didn't do as much for the essay as the paragraph following them. You told us that you loved rowing and the team in the summer, but didn't really describe it like you did when you started talking about it in the fall. Perhaps you could just cut to the chase and start with what rowing was like in the fall.

Also, there is a bit of a theme throughout the beginning/middle of your essay about how science (and rowing) allow you to break the world down into a simpler scheme. I'd be a little wary about going into that. You could cut out the phrase 'simple world', which would then leave just the emphasis on how rowing helped you learn to focus. When you say "It made life so much simpler, every cold, stomachache, skin infection could be simplified into a set of scientific explanations " I'm not really sure what you mean. Is it more reassuring to you to know the basis of disease? Does the scientific knowledge take the mystery and the fear out of it? Because every time we learn about a new metabolic disease in biochem class, I wind up thinking that our bodies and health in general are pretty amazingly complicated.

Just some thoughts! I really liked your essay a lot and hope that my comments might be helpful.
 
I can read some PS's if someone wants to email/PM them to me.
 
I changed up my essay...So need some critique.

Also, would anyone like to read over my activities?

So pick one or both.

Thnx
 
hey everyone,

I really have no experience in writing a PS, and I've done a first draft. I was thinking of PM-ing it out for some feedback, but I dont see how to attach a file to a PM. I see its possible for a forum post, but I cant do it for a PM.

Can anyone help me out please?
 
Also willing to read, though feedback time may be a bit delayed, since I'm trying to scramble together all my AMCAS stuff, too.

PM at your will!
 
Hey
I hope this is getting close to a final version. I can't seem to tie anything clearly to medicine though, and my conclusion seems hasty. If anybody has any ideas, fire away!
Thanks
M.
 

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if anyone wants to trade ps just pm me...
 
Hi there guys, just going to request that nobody send me any more essays...just got a rush of them all of a sudden (guess people are starting to submit amcas) so I'll be busy working on those (and mostly dealing with my own medical school stuff since I just got accepted).

I'll let you know when I can read more PSes.

If you've already sent me one don't worry I'm working on it lol.
 
Anyone want to read my PS? Comments greatly appreciated and if you want to edit, by all means go for it! Please be brutal though.

Thanks in advance
 
help.

anyone want to read my PS! Can use help with content...but if u only want to help with grammar Ill take it.

Please pm asap!🙂
 
Can someone please read mine? I want to submit this thing soon. Just content review would be great! Thanks! Please PM me.
 
If anybody could give mine a quick read, I would appreciate it. I'm concerned mostly about the first two paragraphs and issues with complicated sentences or clarity. Not looking for grammar/spelling edits, just general suggestions. Thanks.

I'm also willing to help read and comment on other essays, so just PM me.
 
Folks,
I have a general question for all the PS geniuses out there...for someone w/ a single low grade in an upper level science class...how should this be incorportaed into a personal statement...does anyone have any ideas or examples of someone thats done this successfully...i am completely lost!
 
One bad grade doesn't warrant an explanation. A trend or a sad reason for bad grades warrants an explanation. That said, I have 6 C's and I didn't even mention it. Why? I just couldn't put it in. The rule is that if you can't do it seamlessly, don't do it. You may end up drawing more attention to the one bad grade when no one would've noticed it anyway.
 
As my health professions advisor said, C = MD.
 
dmcR600 said:
If anybody could give mine a quick read, I would appreciate it. I'm concerned mostly about the first two paragraphs and issues with complicated sentences or clarity. Not looking for grammar/spelling edits, just general suggestions. Thanks.

I'm also willing to help read and comment on other essays, so just PM me.
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Hey, I really really liked your personal statement. it's personal, has the big question answered, and shows your motivation. Good job 😀
 
ecking said:
One bad grade doesn't warrant an explanation. A trend or a sad reason for bad grades warrants an explanation. That said, I have 6 C's and I didn't even mention it. Why? I just couldn't put it in. The rule is that if you can't do it seamlessly, don't do it. You may end up drawing more attention to the one bad grade when no one would've noticed it anyway.
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On the AMCAS PS submission page, it gives the following tips:
In addition, you may wish to include information such as:
  • Special hardships, challenges or obstacles that may have influenced your educational pursuits
  • Commentary on significant fluctuations in your academic record which are not explained elsewhere in your application
I guess unless you got all 6 C's in the same semester and had a flawless academic record for the remaining semesters, it wouldn't be considered a "fluctuation" per se right? I got C's in classes required for my major (non-premedical) that were just too freakin hard for me, no trend, no "significant fluctuation", and no consideration into BCPM. Do you think I should address it?
 
itskelz said:
On the AMCAS PS submission page, it gives the following tips:
In addition, you may wish to include information such as:
  • Special hardships, challenges or obstacles that may have influenced your educational pursuits
  • Commentary on significant fluctuations in your academic record which are not explained elsewhere in your application
I guess unless you got all 6 C's in the same semester and had a flawless academic record for the remaining semesters, it wouldn't be considered a "fluctuation" per se right? I got C's in classes required for my major (non-premedical) that were just too freakin hard for me, no trend, no "significant fluctuation", and no consideration into BCPM. Do you think I should address it?
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Well my story is the same as yours. I got into a relationship, didn't go to my classes, and consequently got Cs in the hardest of them for soph and junior year in Spring quarters. My classes all affected my BCPM (except 2, I think) but like I said, I would suggest only mentioning it if you can spin it in a good way and incorporate it in your PS seamlessly.

For instance, if you can fit in an explanation that you matured and now know how to work with professors and to seek help when you need to and your growth is evidenced in your 3.8/4.0/crazy gpa for a certain number of terms will work in your PS, then do it. Otherwise, don't write about it and don't make anything up.

It doesn't sound like you have a very compelling story anyway. Nothing like your Mom died unexpectedly in Spring quarter before graduation and you were foolish enough to go back to school rather than to take the quarter off.

Sorry. I guess that you and I will just have to defer the adcom's wrath some other way.
 
Hi guys,
I am looking for someone to read my personal statement and give me some feedback. Any help would be greatly appreciated!
 

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I don't like the "ecstatic!" ending later on but I know your point. The beginning is fairly gripping and certainly a twist on the my mommy/daddy is a nurse/doctor by coupling that to the fundamentalism of your birth community. Rather than just say emergency room why not St. Luke's ER etc. and use the name that will match your activities section.
 
I've sent out my personal statement to a few people over the last couple days but not one has given me any sort of feedback. I need to attach it as part of my recommendation file to send to professors within the next week.

Could someone please check it out for me? Please list your education and what school you are currently at or will be at in the fall or your profession and how long you've been doing it. If you're applying in the 2008 cycle then don't respond as I'm not open to sending it out since I'm looking for opinions from people who have either been through and successfully completed the process or are somewhere else unrelated to applying to med schools themselves at this very moment.

Leave your email address so i can attach other specifics since my statement's a little unconventional being pretty abstract, unless you'd really prefer pm.
 
I have one for whoever wants to read it.

-PM Me
 
If anyone would like to read my PS for me I would greatly appreciate it! Just PM me and I will send it to you!

Also I am willing to edit other people's statements. I love editting essays, but be warned I can be a little brutal. It is not personal..I just attack every angle of the essay to make sure you are saying exactly what you want and how you want it to be said! Just PM your essay and I will get it back to you as soon as I can! 🙂
 
Hey guys,

I'm a postbac student in the special science program at Penn. I need some feedback on my PS. If you're willing, please send me a PM. Will be greatly appreciated. I've tried to contact a few people on the list but had no response.

Thanks!
 
still working on my essay, but would like to submit it next week. in particular, i need help paring it down to the character limit, if anyone would be so generous. and i'm willing to read yours/swap feedback if you want.

please PM me, thanks!
 
ditto. I think my essay is just abt done...but I would like someone to take final run through to see if it is good enough to submit. PLEASE PM ME!🙂
 
PM me essays if you want. I will respond, though it might take me a few days to get back to you.
 
Need a reader: PM me with your email and I'll send you a google docs invite.
 
I've got a rough first draft if anyone wants to take a look and shoot me some pointers... I've been out of school for a while and the writing isn't coming back like I had hoped. Thanks in advance!
 
Reader reader I need reader.

I cant read my own PS after so many revisions. Need somone with fresh pair of eyes. I believe my essay is almost done, soooo it shouldnt be too bad.

Please help someone, anyone.
 
Hi guys,

I did some research work for a year after I graduated and I'm not too confident about the way I've written it up. If there's anyone whose done research who can look at my writeup i'd really appreciate it. I can also look over someone else's work experiences to do a swap 🙂 Please pm me...

Thanks!
 
Will someone please read my PS? It's almost gotten to where I want it, but my conclusion is still problematic for me. PM me please if you're willing to read it. Thank you!! 🙂
 
If anyone has time, I'm looking for some opinions on my AMCAS essay. Feel free to PM me and thanks in advance!
 

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Hi Everyone,

Is anyone interested in reading my personal statement? I think this will be my final draft. I can return the favor, although I`m not terribly good at proofreading.

PM me and I`ll send it to ya

Thanks!
 
I would also like someone to read through mine once. Please PM me if you'd be willing to read 🙂
 
gujuDoc said:
Yes in that powerpoint that I posted the out line of, one of the key points was never ever ever start your essay with

"I was born in.." or "My parents were born in..."

Only one time have I seen an essay where there could have been an exception to the rule I just stated. In this particular case, the guy in question is a recent medical graduate or soon to be graduate at Temple school of medicine. He was a farmer who was born during one of the worst times in Vietnamese history and his essay came off as very very powerful when I read it from a friend who had a hold of it.

It, however, is not a common occurrence or good habit to start with "I was born in" kind of introductions.

Use complex sentence structure.
Click to expand...

...
 
Cataract said:
Hi Everyone,

Is anyone interested in reading my personal statement? I think this will be my final draft. I can return the favor, although I`m not terribly good at proofreading.

Thanks!
Click to expand...

20 Views? Come on people. If you`re gonna read my essay, at least give me some feedback...shucks
 
mo, your essay sounds very sincere, which I think is the biggest challenge. You have some grammar problems here and there (for example you use an instead of a, Word has it underlined in green), and I think you can clean up some of your sentences. I also think your essay could benefit from a more clear unifying theme - think about what the one or two central take home points are and weave them in a bit more. But again, I think your essay sounds very sincere and you come across as being energetic, compassionate, and determined to study medicine.
 
Mo, your essay is a good start. To preface, let me just say that I am another mere pre-med applying to med school this year so treat my advice accordingly.

Although your story in the beginning is nice, it's mostly irrelevant to your overall essay and just serves as filler. You can cut that story down to a few sentences and just say how it was one of the moments in life that you wish you had knew more or something along those lines. In my completely subjective opinion though, I don't think the story really helps your essay much at all. I think you'll get some eye rolls from the ADCOMs because your reason for pursuing medicine just because your friend broke his neck seems completely unwarranted. If you really want to use that story, I think you need to explain yourself better as to why it was important in your decision to pursue medicine.

What is more important is that you expound on the connections between your extracurricular clinical activities and your motivation to pursue medicine. You began to develop this slightly in your third paragraph ("My work with the fire department has been an eye-opening experience for me, and has been extremely important in terms of bridging the gap between being an undergraduate and actually practicing medicine"), but you kind of fail to build up on it further. In fact, the sentence that follows is kind of a non sequitiur. You seem more concerned in describing your awe in your experiences rather than explaining their relevance to your decision to attend medical school.

Your fourth paragraph gets back on track in explaining your desire to pursue medicine, but I think you should take a different approach. Rather than speaking of the deficiencies in being a firefighter or a paramedic, talk about the advantages of being a doctor and how you can take your interests in medicine and pursue them further. Saying that paramedics don't really practice medicine (despite how true that could be) based on your definition of medicine is a little condescending. The remainder of your fourth paragraph is ok since it returns to talking about medicine specifically, but it still seems to be a bit short on something. I kind of feel that you are over-asserting your shadowing experiences ("The ability to diagnose and subsequently treat patients is an aspect of medicine I would not be able to willingly give up") by making it seem like those few hours (or hundreds of hours, I don't know) that you've done have convinced you love diagnosis and that it is one of the sole deciding factors for your career in medicine. You need to explain yourself more. The remainder of your paragraph is kind of vague and doesn't seem to really follow the rest of your paragraph.

Your next paragraph seems a bit forced. It has nothing to do with your decision to pursue medicine but is rather concerned with just talking about your research experience.

Your concluding paragraph is a culmination of the problems developed in your overall passage. You don't have a theme. There is a lack of continuity in any of the ideas you developed and it seems like you tried to throw in too many ideas without adequate explanation.

In summary: come up with a continuous theme and don't force in all your experiences. I think if you completely throw out your story of your friend, you can spend those extra characters developing your clinical experiences further and tying them together better.

I would criticize your paper with a bit more depth, but I'm over an hour late for research and the fly infestation in my apartment is pissing me off. Good luck on your essay.
 
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