Teaching Doctors about Patients Bad Luck!
I swear to god every single thing I'm about to tell you about happened to my Family over about a 10 day period. Its Long, bare with me!
If your 3 year old Minorly Immuno Suppressed child ends up with Cat Scratch Disease, let the PCP send you home instead of Insisting on a Admit.
Do not by any means allow the 3 year old to take a 45 minute nap. Because when she wakes up, every Lymph node in her Body will be swollen to Golf ball size within minutes. This will be accompanied by a fever too high for either of your Home Thermometers to measure. (105+) Despite Motrin and Tylenol being on Board.
Now instead of Calmly calling a Ambulance, Scoop up the Child and run for the Car and Childrens ED. On your way down the side walk, step on a Random Walnut, roll your ankle off the side walk, nearly dropping the ill child and Listen as your Ankle goes Crack, Crackle, Pop!
Proceed to Drive to the ER, in a 5 Speed stick, irritating the Injured Ankle.
I at least had the Presence of mind to have her Surgeon meet us in the ED. She was admitted and had the Node in the right Axilla removed. She had a Cystic Hygroma there that was Leaking uncontrollably due to the swollen node. This was her 8th surgery!
Once she was stable, I head across the street to the Adult ED, Where I was given a funky half cast, half ace wrap monstrosity and Lectured for walking on a Fractured Fibula. A nice RN Wheeled me back across the street to the Children's Hospital, where my Phone promptly rings, and a caller Informs me that the 3 year old's 8 year old brother is in the Children's Urgent Care 30 minutes away with a Broken Arm.
Drive 30 Minutes to Sign for Care for the 8 Year, and find out that despite what the SIL has said, it is a Shattered Elbow, not a broken arm. Proceed to Follow the Ambulance back to the Main Children's Hospital where the 8 year old will spend 13 Hours in the Que for Admit for Surgery to repair the Broken "Arm". Bonus points that said child is NPO the entire time and Misses his ADHD AND BIPOLAR MEDS! This culminates in the Attending Chief of Orthopedics refusing to allow said child to be admitted to his unit after the child has a Versed reaction and tries to strangle the Anesthesiologist, and bites the security guard trying to help her.
Pray at the General Surgeons feet when he manages to swing a room, right down the hall from your 3 year old. Spend the next 5 days in the hospital with 2 children both recovering from surgery. Alternate between their rooms every 30 minutes to a hour, until you nearly Collapse from Pain and Exhaustion. Be Kicked out of the Hospital the last night with a Prescription written to sleep "12 Hours"
The Next week, Rinse and Repeat when your 7 Year old Son, is overdosed by a Know it all RN. Despite what the Prescription bottle says She will write down that he is on Tegretol, instead of Trileptal while doing admit papers. Because Oxcarbazepine is the Same as Carbamazepine. Bonus points for Severity when the RN writes down 450mg as the Dose for the Tegretol, and then Argues with you that he is on Tegretol not Trileptal. Call another nurse over and ask her to make sure the records say Trileptal, feel reassured when the Nurse lies and says it does. The next morning race for the ER after said 7 year old is given 1350mg of Tegretol over 18 hours, and is Vomiting while Unconscious. Spend 4 Days in the hospital while 7 year old sleeps off his Overdose, with a Serum level of 19.6 while on O2. On the 4th day , be discharged with the appearances of no Major Permanent Damage. 24 Hours later, said 7 year old should Collapse while Vomiting and screaming his stomach hurts.
Go back to the ER, Where the Triage nurses will tell you your regular room is ready. 7 year old has a apparently Large 1cm Fecolith blocking the entrance to his lightly swollen Appendix.Radioligist found it on a Ultra sound? Quite a feat!However , Every surgeon on duty refuses to touch him, unless the Appendix ruptures because he was just over dosed. Learn that the Overdose could have inadvertently caused the Appendix problem due to no food for 3 days, followed by non stop eating?. Be discharged home.
The next day call your Toddlers surgeon and ask him for advice on what to do, when Saintly Surgeon pulls up the 7 year olds imaging records online, he will tell you Do not walk, run for the hospital right now! You will go back to the hospital again! Be direct admitted by said Surgeon and have emergency appendectomy surgery, and a minor hernia repair ( Why not? I already was there, he says).
You get Ultra Bonus points if your Husband is away for work for 10 days in the middle of all this, and even more when the Police and DCF show up to investigate you for Truancy! Your Local Pharmacy however, now thinks you are abusing drugs because you have filled 2 Roxicet, 1 Vicodin, and 1 Ativan script all in 10 days. They will refuse to fill more than the one Roxicet, until you bring in both children with Surgical Incisions to PROVE you were actually prescribed the medications.
The only good thing to come out of it all, was some Kind soul adopted us Anonymously for Christmas that year. We opened the door to find a huge box filled with gifts for the children. Faith in Humanity Restored!
Tough kid tho, I didn't see a sniffle out of him. Better than most adults, which, in my experience, is USUALLY the case with kids. Periodically I'll get a screamer. It always induces positive anticipation when a child, or the parent for that matter, sees the pleasure devices we use for lumbar punctures. 
After having experienced one myself when I was an undergrad, I would probably scream too. Extremely uncomfortable.
many a priceless Ming vase...
