"Things I learn" & "Medicine Sucks" discussion thread

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I'm not a doctor (nor do I know any) but I've been reading this thread and laughing my arse off. I figured I'd share a tale that my dad has related to me.

It's probably not a good idea to pull out your own catheter.

My dad had just awakened from heart surgery and noticed a tube coming from his man-parts. Still pretty zonked-out from the general anesthetic, he yanked it out. He didn't feel any pain (or so he claims) but there was some blood. Being doped-up as he was, he just thought "oooh, pretty red stuff" :smack:

This was before I was conceived. It's a wonder I even exist. :p

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I'm not a doctor (nor do I know any) but I've been reading this thread and laughing my arse off. I figured I'd share a tale that my dad has related to me.

It's probably not a good idea to pull out your own catheter.

My dad had just awakened from heart surgery and noticed a tube coming from his man-parts. Still pretty zonked-out from the general anesthetic, he yanked it out. He didn't feel any pain (or so he claims) but there was some blood. Being doped-up as he was, he just thought "oooh, pretty red stuff" :smack:

This was before I was conceived. It's a wonder I even exist. :p

After reading that, all I can say is, OUCH!:eek:
 
No emergency, but seriously awkward...
Warn your doctor about a femoral cath you had less than a week ago before they see a resulting bruise (very impressively purple, from half up your thigh up to your lower abdomen), jump away from the table and start asking you if 'you feel safe at home'… :oops:
 
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No emergency, but seriously awkward...
Warn your doctor about a femoral cath you had less than a week ago before they see a resulting bruise (very impressively purple, from half up your thigh up to your lower abdomen), jump away from the table and start asking you if 'you feel safe at home'… :oops:
One of my friends in college was this 5'0" girl who weighed like 90 pounds. She was doing an aikido class, didn't roll fast enough when her partner threw her, and broke her collar bone. Plus she had bruises all over from being thrown several times. Of course her aikido partner felt super bad that she got hurt and took her to the ED. He was this huge 6'2" guy, and the doctor wouldn't believe her when she said they'd been doing aikido. He kept asking her over and over if her aikido partner (who wasn't even her boyfriend) was beating her. At the time, we all thought that doctor was crazy for not believing her. Now I understand why though because if I saw a patient like her, I would be really suspicious too.
 
Some tribes in Vanuatu and Solomon islands implant marbles (the glass ones) under the skin around the base of the penis or somehow into the glans itself. This is not widely known, even on the web, and it certainly makes for some interesting x-rays. I learnt this (like all me colleagues) during the A&E rotation when we get one such x-ray to interpret. We use the pidgin term 'marbolo' to refer to these. there's a couple of fun stories associated with these:

One such patient who came in to have one removed gave a perfect opportunity to prank a visiting urologist. Our own uroligst, who was familiar with the case, showed the x-ray to the visitor, and asked for his opinion on the two perfectly round opacities superimposed on the urinary bladder. on inspection these were two very hard lumps above the base of the penis. The visitor was quite flummoxed and the best he could come up with was 'some sort of weird metastasis'. Anyway, they went to operate, and the visitor reportedly freaked out when he took out the marble, providing much hilarity for the locals.

Another such patient had it in his glans, got it surgically removed because he was getting married to a local lady who was unfamiliar with the custom, even though they had had sex already w/out problems. Anyway, 3 weeks after the nuptials, the wife comes in to inquire the possibility of getting the marble put back in!

TL;DR: small, hard sperical masses which are radiopaque may be subcutaneously implanted marbles.

so i just HAD to look this up. to save anyone else the search issues i had (everything was "marlboro" misspelled), look up "pearling" or "genital beading".
 
so i just HAD to look this up. to save anyone else the search issues i had (everything was "marlboro" misspelled), look up "pearling" or "genital beading".

:beat:

Kinda looks like the horse is getting beaten in the balls right? Probably less painful than that looks :X
 
When I was a Paramedic student years ago. I learned that Viagra has the same effect in a 2 year old, as it does in an adult.....

When I read this, I expected to hear that the kid had accidentally gotten into Daddy's meds, but then:

She very politely explained why and what condition

It was prescribed to him? A two-year-old??

What is this I don't even :confused:
 
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It was prescribed to him? A two-year-old??

What is this I don't even :confused:

Viagra was originally designed to be a treatment for pulmonary hypertension (high blood pressure in the lungs.) It works by causing blood vessel relaxation thus decreasing pressure. It wasn't until they started clinical trials that they noticed that same relaxation had "other" unintended consequences.

It turns out those "other" effects were a lot more marketable and were MUCH more common in the general population than pulmonary hypertension. The rest, as they say, is history.

It is, however, still one of the main treatments for pulmonary hypertension (which is what this kid had I'm assuming...)
 
It is, however, still one of the main treatments for pulmonary hypertension (which is what this kid had I'm assuming...)

Ah, I see. That makes sense!

I totally forgot that the makers of Viagra were trying to design one kind of drug but came up with another one instead! Or rather, one that has a far more lucrative secondary usage! ;)
 
This one is from one of my shifts as an MS3 at a very busy inner city ED.

I learned that after getting stabbed it's probably a good idea to check if the knife was actually pulled out. This 18 YO girl came in 1 month after her pimp stabbed her thigh, because the stab wound is now a huge ulcer and it's also draining pus.

What do we see on CT? Well wouldn't you know it, the knife!! All 12 inches of it, with handle and everything, came to rest somewhere between her hamstrings, completely invisible to the outside, and she was walking around with this for a month, so check your stab wounds people!! yikes :eek:

Whoa. Just use an MRI to pull it out, problem solved.

Unrelated: when I was in undergrad, there was a faculty member who thought it was funny to keep a giant-ass kitchen knife just out of the magnetic field generated by the NMR in the same room. Said he did it to "scare chemistry students."
 
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Whoa. Just use an MRI to pull it out, problem solved.

Unrelated: when I was in undergrad, there was a faculty member who thought it was funny to keep a giant-ass kitchen knife just out of the magnetic field generated by the NMR in the same room. Said he did it to "scare chemistry students."

They have all those warning about metal near the NMRs, but honestly they seem pretty well shielded. Grad student I worked with forgot she was wearing a metal hair clip while working on a 600 MHz NMR (big) and tried to toss it out of range, and it did arc around the magnet, but nothing serious. Grabbed it and brought it near the magnet, and it oriented with the field, but that's about it.
 
They have all those warning about metal near the NMRs, but honestly they seem pretty well shielded. Grad student I worked with forgot she was wearing a metal hair clip while working on a 600 MHz NMR (big) and tried to toss it out of range, and it did arc around the magnet, but nothing serious. Grabbed it and brought it near the magnet, and it oriented with the field, but that's about it.

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uzJPpC4Wuk[/YOUTUBE]
 
I'm not equating NMR and MRI, just to be clear. I have no first hand experience with MRI's, plenty with NMRs
 
Yeah, NMR does NOT equal MRI. I've definitely been there when an oxygen tank was accidentally left by transport near the suite. Not a pretty or safe picture.
 
Actually yeah, very similar. Transport left it at the head of the bed (towards the magnet), and when they pushed the bed out of the way while positioning, the tank shot towards the feet of everyone standing there. Can't recall perfectly, but I think there was a broken ankle in there somewhere.
 
I learned sometimes the opposite is true, and people will swallow batteries to come hang out in the ED for awhile. Cool x-rays ensue.
Pics or it never happened
 
Not one of my patients, but from the interwebs:
C007594-Swallowed_battery,_X-ray-SPL.jpg
 
If you walk in under your own steam, admit that you are having heart palpitations that are "getting a little uncomfortable", and suddenly make a face, you'll be amazed at how fast you're on a gurney, hooked up to a monitor.

And the doctor and nurses will heave a huge sigh of relief with you when it turns out you're having a panic attack as opposed to a heart attack.

You'll also find out how quickly they value compliance, when you do exactly what they tell you to do, without arguing or whining. And that your honesty goes a long way.

Oh, and while not the doctor in this particular situation, I did find out that ativan makes me sleep really, really well. REALLY well. Ten hours straight, without changing my position. I only woke up because I had to pee.
 
One from a while ago, when I was working as a transcriptionist at a children's hospital, and moonlighting part time as a short-order cook/waitress (think a couple of steps down from Waffle House).

By all means, call your waitress friend who also works in the medical records department of a children's hospital for advice on how to treat your shortness of breath, palpitations, and chest & left arm pain. Since you don't like doctors, that's a MUCH better idea than going to the ER.

Certainly she won't mind giving you medical advice over the phone while she's flipping burgers and slinging coffee. She's absolutely qualified to diagnose you over the phone and recommend treatment, and won't have any problem at all discussing your medical problems in detail in front of people who are trying to eat. She totally won't know, care, or mind that you're asking her to effectively practice medicine without a license.

I mean, she reads all that sciencey stuff doctors say all day, so that's close to her being a doctor, right?

/sarcasm

The fun part was I got extra tips from two of my regulars for the ass-chewing I gave the stupid SOB over the phone. They didn't know, or care, who I was talking to, but apparently I made an impression.
 
I... don't even want to know, do I? :eek:

About the splinter + hemerroid thing? It was really just a case of unfortunate placement coincidences. The guy managed to get a splinter in the same spot as a 'roid and wasn't sure what to do--he was apparently afraid trying to treat one would agitate the other. Come to think of it, I'm not sure if preparation H would make a splinter better or worse. I know the stuff constricts blood vessels but I can't figure out if that would make the area around the splinter tighter or force it out...
 
About the splinter + hemerroid thing? It was really just a case of unfortunate placement coincidences. The guy managed to get a splinter in the same spot as a 'roid and wasn't sure what to do--he was apparently afraid trying to treat one would agitate the other. Come to think of it, I'm not sure if preparation H would make a splinter better or worse. I know the stuff constricts blood vessels but I can't figure out if that would make the area around the splinter tighter or force it out...

I am making this face so hard right now: :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
 
I am making this face so hard right now: :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

Sorry >>

and in other news:

If you're going to have a heart attack, it's a pretty good idea to have it in front of a full group of EMS students leaving training. Guy caught a lucky break, there.

I recall reading about someone who had a heart attack in the middle of a cardiology conference, which oddly I think would be worse since they'd be further from a hospital.
 
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if you've been going weak at the knees and falling down for a month, do please come to emerg on Maundy Thursday (i.e. the Thursday before Good Friday) at 22:00 to get this investigated.
Also make sure you tell people you are passing out, not going weak at the knees, and describe this as exertional with no post-ictal state if you want them to get really excited.
After you've been admitted and had an echo, a stress test and an urgent cardiology consult tell the truth and complain that no one has figured out what's wrong with you yet and that you just want to go home since obviously you're a complete medical mystery:rolleyes:.
No, I don't need dental work from grinding my teeth together over this one and my partner was able to suture my tongue fairly neatly where I had bitten clean through it thanks.
Cheers,
M
:rolleyes::eek::eek::eek::rolleyes: ( a graphic representation of my weekend)
 
Actually yeah, very similar. Transport left it at the head of the bed (towards the magnet), and when they pushed the bed out of the way while positioning, the tank shot towards the feet of everyone standing there. Can't recall perfectly, but I think there was a broken ankle in there somewhere.

What would have been REALLY fun, from a physics point of view, is if the impact had knocked loose the valve assembly. I have a (completely ridiculous) vision of the force of the escaping gas momentarily exactly countering the magnetic attraction and the tank being perfectly static.

So unlikely as to be laughable, but still an interesting picture. I had a chemistry teacher who was a frogman in WWII (like Navy SEALs, but they didn't call them that) and a volunteer fireman and he had fun stories about what happens when breathing tanks go wrong in various ways.
 
Apparently Those Two Guys are in the Twin Cities now. Guy from my theatre class got jumped after leaving a bank, got beaten until he was unconscious, and robbed of 500 dollars. The poor guy got then had to get surgery on his eye afterwards to repair the damage. I was only half listening in but apparently they had to insert a rod in there.
 
You sure they didn't have to insert a cone?

If he got a rod, it wasn't in his eye. Thigh maybe?
 
Sorry only half listening in due to me concentrating on something else. Poor guy has to wear these giant sunglasses that won't let in much light due to light sensitivity and and the face his right eye is swollen and the sclera is completely red from the surgery. Just in time for finals too. Also I found out from another person in college that it doesn't matter how nice of a guy you are, sometimes when the doctors putting you under general anesthesia for surgery you will take a swing at a nurse and they will have to put you in four point restraints. Guy has no recollection of it but was told after the surgery.
 
Sorry only half listening in due to me concentrating on something else. Poor guy has to wear these giant sunglasses that won't let in much light due to light sensitivity and and the face his right eye is swollen and the sclera is completely red from the surgery. Just in time for finals too. Also I found out from another person in college that it doesn't matter how nice of a guy you are, sometimes when the doctors putting you under general anesthesia for surgery you will take a swing at a nurse and they will have to put you in four point restraints. Guy has no recollection of it but was told after the surgery.

My brain hurts from reading this. Punctuation, my son.
 
Sorry only half listening in due to me concentrating on something else. Poor guy has to wear these giant sunglasses that won't let in much light due to light sensitivity and and the face his right eye is swollen and the sclera is completely red from the surgery. Just in time for finals too. Also I found out from another person in college that it doesn't matter how nice of a guy you are, sometimes when the doctors putting you under general anesthesia for surgery you will take a swing at a nurse and they will have to put you in four point restraints. Guy has no recollection of it but was told after the surgery.

IIRC, it's called "emergence delerium"... In younger males, they tend to be a little more violent.
http://bja.oxfordjournals.org/content/96/6/747.full
 
I learned that jail is better than the ED because "at least they f***in' feed you there!"

You're kidding but on my ED rotation I learned that an unlocked 'patient food' fridge in the ED means no patients ever get fed (and the nurses/attendings got even fatter). This was especially rough on the prisoners because for some reason it was legal to stuff them all in the same room. Since fixing them didn't clear out a bed a minor issue with a prisoner was therefore a low priority and could linger for a LONG time. They didn't even have beds in the prisoner room: they had three chairs bolted to the ground and if you were the fourth guy in the room you just had to stand until someone got around to you.

Crappy day: getting your ass kicked in jail and then getting starved for the next 24 hours by the hospital.
 
You're kidding but on my ED rotation I learned that an unlocked 'patient food' fridge in the ED means no patients ever get fed (and the nurses/attendings got even fatter). This was especially rough on the prisoners because for some reason it was legal to stuff them all in the same room. Since fixing them didn't clear out a bed a minor issue with a prisoner was therefore a low priority and could linger for a LONG time. They didn't even have beds in the prisoner room: they had three chairs bolted to the ground and if you were the fourth guy in the room you just had to stand until someone got around to you.

Crappy day: getting your ass kicked in jail and then getting starved for the next 24 hours by the hospital.

Key message here: don't end up in jail. Not that that makes it right... but still.
 
I treat the prisoners with respect. You dont know why they are there. If they are polite and cordial I treat them fairly and politely. Come in acting like an A-hole then you get treated well without pleasantries. Not sure where you guys see your prisoners but if they come from prison and not from jail then they have already been screened by the doc on there and their complaint or something else there vitals etc was felt to require a higher level of care.
 
Horrific paintball accident I witnessed. I can't imagine what the ER staff would have thought when the patient showed up.

So I'm out at a paintball field in the Poconos playing paintball. The referees have stressed since the beginning of the day and at the beginning of every round that everyone keep their face masks and goggles on at all times when a game is happening or we are passing through or nearby an area where a game is happening. You can probably tell where this is going.

So we're playing Capture the Flag. I'm chilling out on the ground near our team's flag playing as our teams sniper/defender since my mobility is hindered due to a torn ACL. Someone on my team reports in on the walk-talkie that they spotted 3 members of the opposite team heading towards our base. I hear this and toss some smoke grenades near the place I'm hiding and near our flag. 30 seconds later, I see the 3 people from the other team approaching. They spot the flag through the smoke and head towards it.

They all enter the area where the flag, and I start shooting paintballs at them. I can hear one of them coughing during this and then one of them yells, "we give up, OMG OMG cease fire, cease fire!" At first, I am happy that I successfully defended our flag, but once the smoke cleared, I can't believe what I'm seeing.

The guy who started coughing apparently took off his face mask right before I started shooting at them, and I didn't see this since they were in the smoke. What do I see, this guy's eye is hanging out of the eye socket. We immediately call over the referee who stops the game, calls 911, and the guy is transported over to the local hospital. I heard they were able to get the eye back in but not sure if he lost and eyesight or not. I was freaked out about it for like a week.

FOLLOW THE RULES AND WEAR THE FACEMASK!!!!
 
Key message here: don't end up in jail. Not that that makes it right... but still.

Something I actually did learn from my patients:

Jail: A legal limbo for people awaiting/on trial who can't make bail. People stay here for years and sometimes decades. Medical facilities equivalent to your average school nurse. Their injured/sick prisoners get evaluated in the ED.

Prison: For people convicted of crimes. Usually has a medical unit with a physician. Their injured/sick prisoners usually only go to the hospital when they require specialized care, and they are usually a direct transfer to the floor.

Moral of the story: If you're seeing them, they're legally innocent, and there's a good chance they're actually innocent.
 
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Jail: A legal limbo for people awaiting/on trial who can't make bail. People stay here for years and sometimes decades. Medical facilities equivalent to your average school nurse. Their injured/sick prisoners get evaluated in the ED.

Prison: For people convicted of crimes. Usually has a medical unit with a physician. Their injured/sick prisoners usually only go to the hospital when they require specialized care, and they are usually a direct transfer to the floor.

Not exactly. Jail is also for people convicted of crimes whose sentence is less than a year or two. And not all prisons will send folks straight to the floor, at least not for all care. I know all trauma that is sent from the prison comes to the ED for further eval. Not that I'm defending treating them worse because they are prisoners.

Something I learned from a patient in the past: If prison gets boring and you want to go on a field trip (and perhaps find an opportunity to escape), place razor blades up your urethra. The guards may at one point allow you to pee unsupervised and when the blades have mysteriously disappeared prior to surgery, everyone will get very nervous. I particularly enjoyed when I went to see him in the pre op area and the guard had his weapon drawn and aimed at the patient (and therefore me as I had to cross in front of him to get in the room).
 
Something I actually did learn from my patients:

Jail: A legal limbo for people awaiting/on trial who can't make bail. People stay here for years and sometimes decades. Medical facilities equivalent to your average school nurse. Their injured/sick prisoners get evaluated in the ED.

Prison: For people convicted of crimes. Usually has a medical unit with a physician. Their injured/sick prisoners usually only go to the hospital when they require specialized care, and they are usually a direct transfer to the floor.

Moral of the story: If you're seeing them, they're legally innocent, and there's a good chance they're actually innocent.

Not true at all. We get federal prisoners all the time who are absolutely full of **** (and not in the obstruction sense).
 
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