Relationship Center

[MommaFox]

SO spent the last 3 or so years building a jeep/buggy. It started as a "2 week, just $300!" project and ended up taking 3 years and $18k. He spent way more money than he cares to admit and just mentioned last night that he isnt happy the way it turned out and he wants to sell it, his trailer and f250 as a package before we move to north florida. I am so bummed.

I dont know why but I feel like that stupid jeep is a part of us. It taught us how to argue properly(lol) and I swear we have grown up together in this thing.

It seems really silly when I type this out but I really dont want him to get rid of it.

And what really sucks is that he built it to wheel north florida, not where we live. So he is planning on selling it when we will like 20 minutes from the best offroad in FL.


He said that we will still have my jeep and he will eventually build another one. I love my jeep but it cannot handle rolling down a hill like his can...sigh.

Its just tough for me knowing he invested so much blood sweat and tears into something and in the end he isnt happy with it.

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[MommaFox]

My husband is just being a turd ... I'm juggling a gazillion billion things and doing the best I can with trying to spend quality time with him and help out with chores around the house. But today I feel like he just doesn't understand and it sucks, if there's anything I need most it's his support.

So this morning I was racing around trying to get ready for work and pull everything together for class tonight and he unloaded the dishwasher, washed half of the dishes, and fed the dogs. Then he got mad at me for not helping ... I reminded him that the night before I had walked the dogs, fed the dogs, washed all the dishes, loaded and started the dishwasher, and made dinner for both of us but he seemed to have forgotten all of that. Yeah, ok, on my school nights he picks up the slack and does it all but I really make an effort to do what I can on my nights home. And every single Sunday (my 1 day off) I pick up the dog poop, clean the bathrooms, and vacuum the entire house (none of which he's ever done, ever). And I wash our towels and our bedding which he does occasionally. He said "see ya tonight" as he left (no kiss, no love you, nothing) and I won't be home til 10ish tonight.

Just uuugggghhhhhhhh :cry: It's like if I don't give him enough of the dirty he has a complete meltdown that translates into fighting with me over really stupid shiz

End vent. Thanks.

Your husband sounds like my SO. Haha, guys are turds in general. I remember one week when our roomate was out of town I didnt do anything around the house...lol by the end of the week he was huffing about how he had no work uniforms and looked at me like it was my fault.

I think it took that to realize everything I really do around the house. You ever tried to do that?

 

[EngrSC]

Your husband sounds like my SO. Haha, guys are turds in general. I remember one week when our roomate was out of town I didnt do anything around the house...lol by the end of the week he was huffing about how he had no work uniforms and looked at me like it was my fault.

I think it took that to realize everything I really do around the house. You ever tried to do that?

Men He's lucky I love him 95% of the time

 

[EngrSC]

SO spent the last 3 or so years building a jeep/buggy. It started as a "2 week, just $300!" project and ended up taking 3 years and $18k. He spent way more money than he cares to admit (18k is just a ballpark quote from him) and just mentioned last night that he isnt happy the way it turned out and he wants to sell it, his trailer and f250 as a package before we move to north florida. I am so bummed.

I dont know why but I feel like that stupid jeep is a part of us. It taught us how to argue properly(lol) and I swear we have grown up together in this thing.

It seems really silly when I type this out but I really dont want him to get rid of it.

And what really sucks is that he built it to wheel north florida, not where we live. So he is planning on selling it when we will like 20 minutes from the best offroad in FL.


He said that we will still have my jeep and he will eventually build another one. I love my jeep but it cannot handle rolling down a hill like his can...sigh.

Its just tough for me knowing he invested so much blood sweat and tears into something and in the end he isnt happy with it.

Oh my gosh, my husband has a similar car problem. A little over a year ago we sold his Jeep and he got a Toyota Tacoma (which he really really really wanted). A couple months ago he came up with this "great" idea to trade it in for another Toyota Tacoma but with a 4-cylinder engine rather than a 6-cylinder to get better gas mileage since he commutes to work daily Of course I told him he was a ***** and we weren't going to trade his truck in for basically the same freaking thing and add on another year of payments! I told him if he was that concerned about gas mileage then I would let him trade it in for Prius ... funny he hasn't mentioned it since!

 

[that redhead]

Mine bought an old Eclipse off a friend that he wanted to fix up and "make a daily driver" since we both had pickups at the time. I had my suspicions but I'm not the type to tell him what he can and can't do. Well, he's put a couple K into it and is turning it into a race car Whatevs, man.

 

[HorsesRLife]

I think it took that to realize everything I really do around the house. You ever tried to do that?

OMG my husband did the same thing about 2 weeks ago when I was super stressed about work, vet school interview, etc and got really pissed that the house wasn't clean and laundry was't done and finally just did it all himself. I was really nice to come home from a 14hr work day to a clean house.

 

[deleted497320]

I have a (premature) rant. My SO is graduating from law school this year and joining a firm. We've been talking about 5 years in the future when I'll be done w/vet school and he'll be at a point where he'll be established in his field. He's 'warned' me that b/c he wants to focus on Russia, there's a chance he'll have to move there for a few months or London for a few years. Apparently, it's a very particular niche of law and if he wants to get to the top of the field, there aren't many places where he can do it.

I'm super proud of him and glad that he's so talented and ambitious, but I'm also a little frustrated b/c he seems to think I'm just going to follow him anywhere. I explained that if I apply for internships/residencies after vet school, I won't have the option to go wherever. And if I fall in love w/a specialty, my geographic options will be limited even further. His response was that he's always wanted to do this type of law, it's his dream and his life-long plan. He doesn't seem to understand that I had *a lot* of plans that I changed when I met him- I didn't want to get married or have kids, I wanted to move to Israel; I've compromised on these things. And I'm compromising on vet school now- I was interested in lab animal medicine but am now thinking I'll focus on General Mixed to increase my chances of finding a job anywhere.

I think he knows (quite rightly) that he'll be the main breadwinner in the family and therefore it makes more pragmatic sense to put his job first, and I understand that. But I feel like he's not willing to compromise at all- to take a slightly less prestigious job, or one that isn't *exactly* what he wants to focus on -whereas I'm expected to make myself + my job prospects as flexible as possible.

/rant. I know it's super early to worry about this, but we're planners. And now I'm pissed off.

 

[McGovernator]

I have a (premature) rant. My SO is graduating from law school this year and joining a firm. We've been talking about 5 years in the future when I'll be done w/vet school and he'll be at a point where he'll be established in his field. He's 'warned' me that b/c he wants to focus on Russia, there's a chance he'll have to move there for a few months or London for a few years. Apparently, it's a very particular niche of law and if he wants to get to the top of the field, there aren't many places where he can do it.

I'm super proud of him and glad that he's so talented and ambitious, but I'm also a little frustrated b/c he seems to think I'm just going to follow him anywhere. I explained that if I apply for internships/residencies after vet school, I won't have the option to go wherever. And if I fall in love w/a specialty, my geographic options will be limited even further. His response was that he's always wanted to do this type of law, it's his dream and his life-long plan. He doesn't seem to understand that I had *a lot* of plans that I changed when I met him- I didn't want to get married or have kids, I wanted to move to Israel; I've compromised on these things. And I'm compromising on vet school now- I was interested in lab animal medicine but am now thinking I'll focus on General Mixed to increase my chances of finding a job anywhere.

I think he knows (quite rightly) that he'll be the main breadwinner in the family and therefore it makes more pragmatic sense to put his job first, and I understand that. But I feel like he's not willing to compromise at all- to take a slightly less prestigious job, or one that isn't *exactly* what he wants to focus on -whereas I'm expected to make myself + my job prospects as flexible as possible.

/rant. I know it's super early to worry about this, but we're planners. And now I'm pissed off.

I feel ya on this one. My SO has a great job as a financial analyst in CT and will basically be working there for his entire life. I explained to him how when I graduate from vet school I will have to go where the jobs are, which is most likely not that area of CT. He then got mad at me, saying that I was not compromising at all, and that I should just move in with him after vet school and he will support me until I find a job there. Whatttttt?!? I'm sorry I am not going to work my butt off to have my dream job and then not use my degree! I would never ask him to quit his job and relocate, but the fact that he got mad at me for not 'compromising' was ridiculous.

 

[that redhead]

MLK, if it were only for a few months (or even a few years) you could probably be LD for that time. I know it isn't for everyone but I'm getting married in May and then will continue our LD relationship until I graduate in two years. It isn't ideal but it's possible if you want to make it work That way neither of you has to give up what you really want.

 

[MommaFox]

So, something positive. SO and I have Sundays off together. This am he woke me up and insisted we go study at school so we dont get distracted at home.

So lucky to have him to motivate me to study.

 

[MommaFox]

Oh my gosh, my husband has a similar car problem. A little over a year ago we sold his Jeep and he got a Toyota Tacoma (which he really really really wanted). A couple months ago he came up with this "great" idea to trade it in for another Toyota Tacoma but with a 4-cylinder engine rather than a 6-cylinder to get better gas mileage since he commutes to work daily Of course I told him he was a ***** and we weren't going to trade his truck in for basically the same freaking thing and add on another year of payments! I told him if he was that concerned about gas mileage then I would let him trade it in for Prius ... funny he hasn't mentioned it since!

SO has brought up trading things in (vaguely) and said he wants a car when he sells everything. What is the real gas milage difference from a 6 cyl truck to a 4 cyl? I wouldnt think it was justified by 1 more year of payments. I finally wised up and made my jeep a toy and bought a car. It gets like 22 mph city and its soo much better. Is he interested in anything like a camry, toyota, scion? Or maybe even a motorcycle?

I dont think any dealership in the area would take SO jeep in trade so I dont think I have anything to worry about.They would have no idea what to do with it. LOL.

 

[KCgophervet]

Bumping this thread because of some recent developments.

Been with my SO for around 3 years now and for the last few months we've been discussing (not terribly seriously but putting the topics out there) our plans for the future (ie mawwage, kids, etc). Our talks always came to a semi-abrupt end whenever the issue of timing came up, like when all of these things were going to happen, mostly because of my impending vet school for the next four years.

Originally, we were both just under the assumption that it meant a sort of "hold on life," and that was bugging him a lot because it basically meant nothing was going to happen to progress our relationship until we were both 30 (we're 25 right now, will be 26 by the end of the summer). After going through these forums and listening to what everyone was talking about (not even always the topic of the threads but just hearing about people's work/life balances, and some of you brave women having kids while in vet school) opened my eyes to the realization that vet school shouldn't mean putting my life on hold for four years. It will be a huge part of my life but not to the detriment of other, also important, aspects of it. I mentioned bits and pieces of this to my SO as I discovered them, but didn't really know if he was absorbing it at all because we'd pretty much stopped discussing the nebulous future and instead have been focusing on short term stuff (like going to a concert in a month, or planning our trip to Europe this summer).

All this to say that last week, seemingly out of nowhere, while planning our Paris excursions (where my mother and sister are planning to join us) he dropped this on me: "Well we should definitely spend a night alone together before they get there so I can propose."

Complete deer in headlights moment. I couldn't tell if he was joking or serious and stuttered and stammered my way through the rest of that evening. Fast forward a couple of days and we have an in depth conversation about our timeline and where and when things should go/happen. And it sounds like I may be getting engaged this summer! Super excited about it, but parts just keep worrying me.

So here's the point of this essay, for those of you with experience in these matters. How bad of an idea is it to try to plan a wedding while in vet school (for the summer after 2nd year)? What about having kids - I'd really want to wait a couple of years but that puts me right in my first or second year of residency? The other consideration is that he owns a house, which is about a 30 minute drive to the vet school if there's no traffic. Unfortunately, with traffic it's a bit under an hour each way (basically driving through downtown Minneapolis during rush hour, or driving around to avoid it still takes about as long). We want to live together before the big M, and of course it'd be great to not have to pay rent during vet school, but I don't know if the commute (and basically losing 1-2 hours every day) is such a good idea.

TL;DR Help convince me whether or not to move forward with my relationship during vet school!

 

[felinelvr44]

So here's the point of this essay, for those of you with experience in these matters. How bad of an idea is it to try to plan a wedding while in vet school (for the summer after 2nd year)? What about having kids - I'd really want to wait a couple of years but that puts me right in my first or second year of residency? The other consideration is that he owns a house, which is about a 30 minute drive to the vet school if there's no traffic. Unfortunately, with traffic it's a bit under an hour each way (basically driving through downtown Minneapolis during rush hour, or driving around to avoid it still takes about as long). We want to live together before the big M, and of course it'd be great to not have to pay rent during vet school, but I don't know if the commute (and basically losing 1-2 hours every day) is such a good idea.

TL;DR Help convince me whether or not to move forward with my relationship during vet school!

Definitely move forward. Don't be stuck for four years, you'll just end up being mad at yourself. I'm not in vet school yet but I did plan my entire wedding in about 6 months while working full time (40 hours) and taking organic chemistry at night with tutoring on the weekend. It can be done. Wedding planning can be as easy or as nuts as you want it to be. If you have family that want to help, freaking let them. I was planning a wedding in my hometown from 2 1/2 hours away so family did a lot of the leg-work for me when I needed them to. Towards the end I just kind of handed things off to my mom and she was in heaven. I'm kind of a control freak but it was one of the best things I did because I got to just enjoy myself instead of being the go-to question person. If you have any other questions or just wanna chat, PM me!

I can't comment on the having children thing beause I prefer my children to have fur

 

[Emiloo4]

I'm in vet school and planning my wedding is seeming impossible. But my circumstances are a little more annoying as well. Depending on your school's schedule, you will just have to find time. I refuse to wait 3 more years to marry my fiancé, but I have to wait 2 more bc it's the only time I have off for more than 2 weeks between this fall and graduation. It's not ideal, but it can be done. Don't help vet school put your life on hold. It already tries hard enough on it's own. You can make it a priority and it will happen. I've gotten poor grades on tests bc I was busy looking for venues instead , but I still passed, and that's all that matters. Marrying my best friend is one of the happier things getting me through vet school. Stay positive and motivated and make it work.

 

[that redhead]

Oh hello, planning a wedding for the summer after second year here (which is in six weeks...!)

Totally do-able, and I say this as someone planning a wedding during vet school from 1200miles away, haha. I crammed a ton of planning into my first summer break (we were engaged in June) and winter break. It's stressful and I had to have a lot of help from family but its essentially done. I have two weeks after finals to do last minute running around, which is nice, but don't have to spend the whole summer stressing which I'm glad about.

As for children, depending on what kind of residency you want to do, I think it is also do-able. Residency is the earliest we would plan for (not having a child while I'm up here alone, thanks very much) but I'm 25 now, so a little it more room.

Honest advice would be to elope with a couple family members (wish I had) just to simplify matters and maybe have a big party when you graduate or something.

 

[felinelvr44]

Honest advice would be to elope with a couple family members (wish I had) just to simplify matters and maybe have a big party when you graduate or something.

We thought about eloping so many times. While I'm ultimately glad we did the whole wedding thing (and ours was relatively small at 90 people), when I think about what we could have done with the money we spent (which really wasn't that much compared to average)... I get sad.

 

[BlackDog17]

I am totally not the person to give advice on relationships or weddings, but this is just a thought I had while reading the last few posts:

Keep in mind that you don't necessarily need to get married within x number of months after you get engaged. I feel like people always put the pressure on to get married within a year of getting engaged, and it's really not necessary. If you and your SO are willing to wait a little longer, you can get a lot of the planning done during your summer and winter breaks instead of adding a ton of extra stress to your first year of vet school.

You are definitely getting engaged in Paris. Sounds like he was just testing the waters to make sure you were going to be okay with it!

 

[KCgophervet]

Definitely move forward. Don't be stuck for four years, you'll just end up being mad at yourself. I'm not in vet school yet but I did plan my entire wedding in about 6 months while working full time (40 hours) and taking organic chemistry at night with tutoring on the weekend. It can be done. Wedding planning can be as easy or as nuts as you want it to be.

That's what I'm hoping - my sister has been planning her wedding and everything has gone incredibly smoothly. Of course she's just working full time right now and has no other obligations on her time so that might have helped the planning process. Right now I am taking 8 credits (Physics 2 and Chemistry 2 each with a lab), taking a German language community ed class, working full time, planning an extensive European vacation, and trying to find a place to live next year near campus and I just can't imagine adding another thing to plan into this schedule. Of course, things will be completely different in vet school but I can't imagine having any more time available. I guess I'm just nervous, and glad I came here to let you all help me get over that

Don't help vet school put your life on hold. It already tries hard enough on it's own. You can make it a priority and it will happen. I've gotten poor grades on tests bc I was busy looking for venues instead , but I still passed, and that's all that matters. Marrying my best friend is one of the happier things getting me through vet school. Stay positive and motivated and make it work.

Thanks! I'm just glad to hear it's been done and it's not impossible

Oh hello, planning a wedding for the summer after second year here (which is in six weeks...!)

As for children, depending on what kind of residency you want to do, I think it is also do-able. Residency is the earliest we would plan for (not having a child while I'm up here alone, thanks very much) but I'm 25 now, so a little it more room.

Honest advice would be to elope with a couple family members (wish I had) just to simplify matters and maybe have a big party when you graduate or something.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I like your timing, hoping to do the same Kids are one of those things that has been one of the bigger issues so far. I don't want to be the person who's in her 40's trying to have kids, but I don't want my vet career to suffer because of having children! It just seems like a mess of poor timing on my part. Because I want to go into Lab Animal Med my ideal timing for the kids-having is right during a residency, which sounds daunting. I guess that's a problem for future me to think about.

Don't give your eloping idea to my SO! Not that he reads these but he would be perfectly happy with just a few friends/family, but my family is very close and fairly large and I just can't imagine getting married without them!

We thought about eloping so many times. While I'm ultimately glad we did the whole wedding thing (and ours was relatively small at 90 people), when I think about what we could have done with the money we spent (which really wasn't that much compared to average)... I get sad.

I try not to think about it. Especially after seeing my sister's wedding budget - I almost had a heart attack! I think my wedding would be much more economical though

I am totally not the person to give advice on relationships or weddings, but this is just a thought I had while reading the last few posts:

Keep in mind that you don't necessarily need to get married within x number of months after you get engaged. I feel like people always put the pressure on to get married within a year of getting engaged, and it's really not necessary. If you and your SO are willing to wait a little longer, you can get a lot of the planning done during your summer and winter breaks instead of adding a ton of extra stress to your first year of vet school.

You are definitely getting engaged in Paris. Sounds like he was just testing the waters to make sure you were going to be okay with it!

THANK YOU for saying that about engagements! I was excitedly telling my sister that I might be getting engaged this summer and at first she was all excited but then when I mentioned we probably wouldn't get married until summer 2015 she was like "then why are you getting engaged?" I got mad and upset at her for that, especially when she went on to ask if it would be more like a promise ring. Where is it written that you have to get married within a year of getting engaged?

Again, thanks all of you so far for your input. Helping subdue my negative side

 

[felinelvr44]

Where is it written that you have to get married within a year of getting engaged?

No where! We were actually engaged for 2 and 1/2 years... I planned many weddings in that time period (destination wedding! city wedding! barn wedding! garden wedding!). Since I kept constantly changing my mind I decided that I was going to stop thinking about anything wedding-related for a while. When I came back to it I realized what I really wanted (and what was financially feasable), hence the eventual 6 month planning period. So drawing things out is not always better because you can change your mind a zillion times, or, I'm just very special

 

[Kpowell14]

Me and my fiancé will be eloping. I can not justify spending a lot of money on a wedding when I'm taking out a ton of student loans. It took a while to get my parents on board with this, but I think they finally understand. We will have a big party at some point, but Vet school schedule / loan situation + a soldier in the Army makes planning a wedding darn near impossible!

 

[that redhead]

I'd actually recommend against a longer engagement...just get it done with. You can't exactly plan over years; you tastes will likely change, even slightly, your relationships will change, etc. (obviously its possible, people have long engagements all the time, but from my perspective it would just make it more stressful!)

 

[skittle]

I'm going overseas for vet school next fall, but SO has to stay in the states.. boo

 

[KCgophervet]

I'd actually recommend against a longer engagement...just get it done with. You can't exactly plan over years; you tastes will likely change, even slightly, your relationships will change, etc. (obviously its possible, people have long engagements all the time, but from my perspective it would just make it more stressful!)

I don't really plan on planning anything for the wedding until the first summer after vet school. Then I will have that entire summer (minus whatever job I'm working) and the following breaks in the school year to do the planning. Plus I don't really think all that much changes over 2 years... especially when a lot of the things I've envisioned for my wedding haven't changed over the last 5 years (except perhaps the groom )

 

[that redhead]

I don't really plan on planning anything for the wedding until the first summer after vet school. Then I will have that entire summer (minus whatever job I'm working) and the following breaks in the school year to do the planning. Plus I don't really think all that much changes over 2 years... especially when a lot of the things I've envisioned for my wedding haven't changed over the last 5 years (except perhaps the groom )

The less you have to do during the school year the better

I didn't mean to knock longer engagements, just wanted to add my two cents from what I've read/understood from people who did have longer engagements. Plus my own desire to get it over with, haha. Good luck

 

[Trilt]

This doesn't help the current conversation at all, but has to do with weddings so I'm putting it here.

Somebody was at a bird of prey rehab/education center where they have an encounter that has the birds fly to someone... and he put the engagement ring around the bird's neck! Ah so adorable.

 

[PetPony]

That is the cutest thing! I love big birds and would marry that guy in a heartbeat. Haha

 

[that redhead]

My photographer did a wedding where they had a falcon deliver the wedding bands in the church (which was actually a castle). So cool!

 

[Meatballerina]

can we all just take a moment to appreciate how wonderful we all are at being happy and supportive for each other? i freaking love SDN. this thread has affirmed things for me about my own relationship, and it's nice to know if I ever need a sounding board, I've got one.

 

[Meatballerina]

TL;DR Help convince me whether or not to move forward with my relationship during vet school!

Also, pre-emptive congratulations! I got really girlie excited for you while reading that post.

I think if you're ready, you have great examples of other people doing the same thing right here, and you guys should go for it! Long engagements are not for everyone, but if you think its what will work best for you guys, then I don't see an issue. It will give you that solidarity in your relationship and something to look forward to while you go through school. Use wedding planning as study breaks. I'm sure you can do it.

 

[that redhead]

can we all just take a moment to appreciate how wonderful we all are at being happy and supportive for each other? i freaking love SDN. this thread has affirmed things for me about my own relationship, and it's nice to know if I ever need a sounding board, I've got one.

 

[primatevetjess]

Because I want to go into Lab Animal Med my ideal timing for the kids-having is right during a residency, which sounds daunting. I guess that's a problem for future me to think about.

Just saw this and had to respond. I'm 31 years old and have been married for almost 5 years. I will be starting a lab animal med residency this July, and had a lot of your same concerns about when to have children. I sought out and spoke to many lab animal veterinarians, and they all told me that having children during residency is 100% doable. Every single one of them said we should go for it. One of the UC Davis lab animal vets even had two children during residency. So my husband and I plan to start trying this December, about 6 months into my first year of residency.

I just wanted to relay my experiences and conversations, to ease your mind that it is possible. And hey, I'm sure I'll still be hanging around SDN, so I can hopefully give you first hand experience

 

[kernel]

Just saw this and had to respond. I'm 31 years old and have been married for almost 5 years. I will be starting a lab animal med residency this July, and had a lot of your same concerns about when to have children. I sought out and spoke to many lab animal veterinarians, and they all told me that having children during residency is 100% doable. Every single one of them said we should go for it. One of the UC Davis lab animal vets even had two children during residency. So my husband and I plan to start trying this December, about 6 months into my first year of residency.

I just wanted to relay my experiences and conversations, to ease your mind that it is possible. And hey, I'm sure I'll still be hanging around SDN, so I can hopefully give you first hand experience

Yay, good for you! This makes me feel a little more at ease... I had been shooting for 31-33 to start a family but have heard of/know of some people who disapprove of "not poppin' out babies while you're in your twenties" (but seriously, screw them, right?! That's absurd).

 

[kernel]

My photographer did a wedding where they had a falcon deliver the wedding bands in the church (which was actually a castle). So cool!

Whoa.

 

[KCgophervet]

can we all just take a moment to appreciate how wonderful we all are at being happy and supportive for each other? i freaking love SDN. this thread has affirmed things for me about my own relationship, and it's nice to know if I ever need a sounding board, I've got one.

Also, pre-emptive congratulations! I got really girlie excited for you while reading that post.

I think if you're ready, you have great examples of other people doing the same thing right here, and you guys should go for it! Long engagements are not for everyone, but if you think its what will work best for you guys, then I don't see an issue. It will give you that solidarity in your relationship and something to look forward to while you go through school. Use wedding planning as study breaks. I'm sure you can do it.

Thanks! And I totally agree about the SDN sounding board Every post reply has just helped in some way or another, and the support really helps.

Just saw this and had to respond. I'm 31 years old and have been married for almost 5 years. I will be starting a lab animal med residency this July, and had a lot of your same concerns about when to have children. I sought out and spoke to many lab animal veterinarians, and they all told me that having children during residency is 100% doable. Every single one of them said we should go for it. One of the UC Davis lab animal vets even had two children during residency. So my husband and I plan to start trying this December, about 6 months into my first year of residency.

I just wanted to relay my experiences and conversations, to ease your mind that it is possible. And hey, I'm sure I'll still be hanging around SDN, so I can hopefully give you first hand experience

Perfect! It is so great hearing from people who are doing/have done exactly what I've been considering. I hope everything goes well for you and I may pester you for updates in the future

 

[Foxhunter]

I am way too into this boy. I feel like a cray little girl. I don't like how crazy I feel.

 

[skittle]

I am way too into this boy. I feel like a cray little girl. I don't like how crazy I feel.

I know the feeling! Going through this right now as well..

 

[PetPony]

I know the feeling! Going through this right now as well..

Only that there isn't even anything going on right now. Just super giddy when he texts me. haha Can't wait to see him next weekend.

 

[Foxhunter]

It's awful. Except when we're together.

When we're not I'm a big gooey mess of emotions.

 

[skittle]

Only that there isn't even anything going on right now. Just super giddy when he texts me. haha Can't wait to see him next weekend.

I've never, and I mean NEVER, been like this for a guy before. He melts my heart and turns my brain to mush. I know the feeling of always looking forward to seeing them. As soon as I leave this guy I can't wait to see him again. AH!

 

[Foxhunter]

I've never, and I mean NEVER, been like this for a guy before. He melts my heart and turns my brain to mush. I know the feeling of always looking forward to seeing them. As soon as I leave this guy I can't wait to see him again. AH!

Same. Except I'm not convinced he's into me.

 

[wildcatj]

Same. Except I'm not convinced he's into me.

Pretty sure that's just cause you're a crazy pants! I've been lurking and following in the lounge. It sure doesn't sound like the feeling isn't mutual to me.

Sent from my HTC Glacier using SDN Mobile

 

[skittle]

Same. Except I'm not convinced he's into me.

I had my doubts for quite a while as well. BUT for all you know, you might very well have the same crazy effect on him!

 

[Foxhunter]

Pretty sure that's just cause you're a crazy pants! I've been lurking and following in the lounge. It sure doesn't sound like the feeling isn't mutual to me.

Sent from my HTC Glacier using SDN Mobile

I'm a super crazypants.

I'm scared about everything.

 

[BlackDog17]

.

 

[KCgophervet]

Moved out of my apartment and back in with my mom today. As of this afternoon bf and I are officially in a long distance relationship. I'm only two hours away and I know that's nothing compared to what most people in ldrs are doing, but we've essentially been living together since October so it's definitely going to take some time to get used to not seeing each other every single day. I think once I settle in at home and we get into a routine of visiting each other everything will be okay.

And I FINALLY dropped the "L" word when we were saying goodbye. We've been together a little over a year now and neither of us had said it yet. The timing just felt right and I knew if I didn't say it right there and then I never would, so I did. And bf said it back . . . three times in a row! Now I'm torn between feeling incredibly sad about saying goodbye and extremely happy about the state of our relationship. It's a strange combination. But it's good, I think.

We still haven't talked about what's going to happen when I go to vet school, but that's okay. I realized today that having this two hour distance as a sort of trial period before making that big decision will probably be a good thing for us. And I'm really really happy with the place our relationship is in right now, so I'm okay with just enjoying the ride for the time being!

Anyway, I know I'm gushing but it's been a big day and I just needed to share with someone!

Congrats on the L word! My friend has been with her SO for 2.5 years now and they still have not said it! She's just being stubborn and refusing to say it first but man, they just need to get it out there.

 

[MommaFox]

Ok, so either SO and I are really nice and civil to each other, or all of our friends are just exceptionally wicked to each other.


For real. BF and I have never, ever had a huge blowout name calling fight in the 4 1/2 years we've been together....but 2 couples in a row that we have double dated or hung out with have gotten in awkward wicked fights infront of us. And that's normal. Like I will hear boys say stuff like "don't listen to her, she's stupid" to their gfs and think to myself that if my SO ever called me stupid it would be a HUGE deal. I'm starting to think that we are just way too nice and civil with each other.....lol...which is fine with me because it works.

 

[sunshinevet]

Congrats on the L word! My friend has been with her SO for 2.5 years now and they still have not said it! She's just being stubborn and refusing to say it first but man, they just need to get it out there.

I don't even...

talk about moving slowly!

 

[Meatballerina]

Ok, so either SO and I are really nice and civil to each other, or all of our friends are just exceptionally wicked to each other.


For real. BF and I have never, ever had a huge blowout name calling fight in the 4 1/2 years we've been together....but 2 couples in a row that we have double dated or hung out with have gotten in awkward wicked fights infront of us. And that's normal. Like I will hear boys say stuff like "don't listen to her, she's stupid" to their gfs and think to myself that if my SO ever called me stupid it would be a HUGE deal. I'm starting to think that we are just way too nice and civil with each other.....lol...which is fine with me because it works.

Sometimes my boyfriend and I think we're the defective ones when all of our couple-friends are constantly ripping each other to shreds and we've never had a fight fight before.
Anytime either one of us talks to a friend about their SO, some kinda drama's always going down.
We tease each other all the time, but I've never felt any semblance of the venom behind it like in the mean-nasty "teasing" our friends do.
One of my best friends yesterday actually told me I'm fooling myself if I think I'm in a "real relationship" if we never fight. Don't get me wrong, we definitely disagree and hash things out. I would just never call him stupid or treat him disrespectfully, because he's my favorite.

 

[twelvetigers]

I have been in a relationship with my husband for 10 years now and I can't even remember the last time we yelled at each other. I know it has happened before - like 2-3 times total - but mostly we just get pissy and then don't talk for a bit. Usually it's only a few hours. And I can't even think of the last time that happened either. Maybe within the last six months? Maybe?

Now, this isn't to say that people that argue have crap relationships. There are all sorts of dynamics out there that relationships can have. If whatever you do works for you, then great. However, I don't understand the 'constant bickering and insults' method of maintaining a relationship. It seems like it would have to be detrimental.

 

[BlackDog17]

.