Any Advice please

[freshair]

Hi everyone

I have a problem which I would like to discuss and please I will appreciate any kind of response. About 2 and a half years ago my fiance broke up with me. We were engaged for a year and I knew him for two years. The reason for the breaking up was weird. But, I am going to tell you so you can get the whole background. I met him in one of my classes he was a physician from middle east but he was unable to get a residency at that time. We became friends, he was doing his masters in computer science at that time and I was an under grad. Soon after we started dating I changed my major and so one day he asked me why i didn't take a specific course and I said it was waived for me. He thought I was serious and went and argued with the dean about not waiving the course for him and as a result I told him the truth and went and appologized from the dean, who said that it wasn't my fault the guy wanted to pick fight with him from the moment he came to this dept. Anyways later my fiance applied for residency and lied on the application ( i didn't know about that lie till much later), and got the residency, he didn't mention that he wasn't practicing for last 5 years. On the other hand when he left for residency he didn't tell anyone in the department and continued receiving his stipend. When the dean figured it out he went after him and fired him. Now the guy (my ex-fiance) became scared from the residency program director finding out about his lie (because the dean was calling every where to findout about him as he had lied to state of florida and received the pay checks) and so my ex-fiance went ahead and told the program director about his lie. The program director kind of gave him a sign that he might be fired for lying on his residency application. So he called me up and broke the engagment and said it all happened because of my not telling him about the change in major. He said that this is why the dean went after him. Later within six months he got married to a senior staff/faculty at his residency. Anyways it has been more than two years now, the first year and a half was very difficult as he was my first love but then I got over it. In fact now I am happy that it didn't workout. Actually during my masters I became very involved in medical informatics and now I am planning to go to medical school. Now today over the internet while searching for some medical informatics information I came across my ex-fiance's information including pictures. He seemed very happy. That seemed to bother me because I was raised believing that people who cheat or deceive others are never happy. What is bothering me is that he was the one who lied and cheated and hurt others and he is the one who is settled in his residency and is married. On the other hand I didn't do anything to bother anyone and I am the one who is taking the MCAT and has to go through the whole medical school requirements and is not settled. I became so angry after seeing this. I hadn't thought about him in a while but today it just annoyed me and the whole day I was upset. I don't know what to do about it. So please could anyone give me any advice. How should I deal with this anger or take this thinking out of my head or what should I do.

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[Samoa]

Wow. That really sucks. However, you really can't tell from pictures whether someone is happy or not. I have very happy-looking pictures from some of the lowest points in my life, and really crappy pictures, or none at all from some of the best times.

Regarding being raised with the belief that deceptive people are always unhappy: Well, the cool thing about being an adult is that you get to evaluate all the beliefs with which you were raised, and decide for yourself if they reflect reality.

I think it's *difficult* to perpetuate a deception, and people are definitely unhappy when caught. And if they care about truth, then some part of their mind will never quite let them be happy. But if they don't care about the truth, then it won't bother them much unless they are caught. And also, if they've convinced themselves that they are, in fact, telling the truth (and I've met some people who can do this rather well), then in their mind there's no reason to be unhappy.

 

[neuronerd's]

Here's thing about situations like that. There's nothing, absolutely nothing you can do, or say about that person to make you feel better. The only thing you can, and should do, is realize that YOU are the better person, and that YOU need to find something in your life tat makes you sincerely happy. You cannot go on about life, worrying about what he is doing, or about what you should do to understand why things didn't work out, or why he is happy or whatnot. You need to go about your own business, and live your life. This person obviously took you for granted, made a huge mistake, and will probably make another mistake just like that. Some people like that don't change, but people like us, NORMAL, true to the heart people, have the ability to change. So my advice to you is quite simple...do your own thing, forget about your wicked past, find what makes you happy in life (whether it be a lifestyle, career, or MAN), and live out the rest of your life not feeling regret or sorrow. Don't worry about the whole MCAT, medical school process, your time to shine will definitely come. Tomorrow, next month, next year; you'll find what you were looking for!!

 

[freshair]

Thank you so much for the advice Samoa and Neuronerd. It really helped.

Thank you

 

[thewebthsp]

I think the minute he started lying so systematically the writing was on the wall so to speak.

Anyone with a track record of causing misery or deception should be avoided at all costs! Sorry to see this conartist get away with this.

Karma doesn't really exist tho. People do indeed get away with crappy stuff.

Retribution that is justice is allowable and ethical in my opinion (like calling up the prog director yourself).

 

[myfavred]

I agree with thewebthsp that you should have dumped him on first sign of cheating. But, I do hope that you get over him. I do believe in after life so I will say that if not in this life we all are accountable for our actions in the after life. The following is my favorite quote I hope it will help. "Few things happen in our life and we see it as bad yet it might be in our good interest, as well good thing might happen, we see it as good but at the end of the road it might harm us". Anyways happy holiday everyone