Advice on dating a nurse?

[boogaaloo]

no, coffee with someone from work is not a definite DTF

girls will certainly do this just to collect beta male coworker admirers

What's that? Explain like I'm 5

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[arcus]

Haven’t looked at a woman in one year, been told it’s wrong

And your dog is looking better and better?

do you not know what rule 1 is when looking at women?

Tell her she looks 15 years younger than her actual age, subtract 15 points from her current BMI, tell her the room lights up when she walks into it, and that she physically reminds you of Angelina Jolie but her heart radiates Mother Teresa of Calcutta. I have been told these things once or twice and the other guy got my attention for 5 mins. Keeping my attention requires oh so much more

Christ, this is so easy...If she seems interested, give her your number..

 

[VincentAdultman]

Al Franken didn't lose his job over asking a girl out. FFS he didn't even lose his job until like a half dozen women outed him as a pig.

 

[thatawkguy]

Christ, this is so easy. If you are sure she doesn't eval you (besides filing a complaint as all nurses can), then closer to the end of your rotation, just tell her that you're going off rotation but before you do you would like to know if she'd like to go out for a drink and get to know each other better. If she seems interested, give her your number.

This will be fine as long as you do it exactly like this.

This is probably the best idea. Im on break afterwards, and then a different rotation so I will probably never see her again if I'm rejected. It's been two days but I still havent talked to her (no openings), and I feel awkward asking out with another week to go in case it fails.

 

[Crayola227]

This is probably the best idea. Im on break afterwards, and then a different rotation so I will probably never see her again if I'm rejected. It's been two days but I still havent talked to her (no openings), and I feel awkward asking out with another week to go in case it fails.

It really is OK to ask people you've never even talked to out on a date. You just have to pick the person, the place, the time, and the approach. Which you've thought about. Life is too short not to ask.

If a stranger seems taken aback, tell them you hope they'll forgive you, but life is too short not to ask for dates, and you didn't mean any offense. I've seen this, and used it myself. Always leaves a decent impression behind you.

 

[Crayola227]

What's that? Explain like I'm 5

Sometimes the only thing we like someone for, is the fact that they like us. Chew on that for a minute.

 

[boogaaloo]

Tell her she looks 15 years younger than her actual age, subtract 15 points from her current BMI, tell her the room lights up when she walks into it, and that she physically reminds you of Angelina Jolie but her heart radiates Mother Teresa of Calcutta. I have been told these things once or twice and the other guy got my attention for 5 mins. Keeping my attention requires oh so much more

 

[boogaaloo]

Sometimes the only thing we like someone for, is the fact that they like us. Chew on that for a minute.

Okay? What's the "beta" thing?

 

[VincentAdultman]

Okay? What's the "beta" thing?

Beta male. As opposed to an alpha.

 

[TheIllusionist]

no, coffee with someone from work is not a definite DTF

girls will certainly do this just to collect beta male coworker admirers

The first offer referred to alcohol. The seemjng weary crap is if she seems iffy. That being said, don't underestimate coffee. Gotten through on tinder with enough who didn't want to meet me to hook up directly, with a coffee date. Costs $2.50, if you choose to be generous and pay. Hell that **** worked well enough in college too. Be direct about what you want. Worst thing that can happen is a rejection.


Save the alpha beta for the misc, Reddit, or returnofkings.

 

[raiderette]

If you like her, why not wait until the end of rotation to ask her out? It will be less awkward for both of you.
During the rotation, try to get to know her as a person to see if you do want to ask her out.

Sent from my [device_name] using SDN mobile

 

[Perfect Hair Day]

So there's a cute nurse on my floor that I'm interested in, and I think she might be into me based on how much she's been looking at me. I'm unsure how to get something going. I've had a nurse my age just talk to me casually before, but I never seized that opportunity, and I feel really dumb now. I'm not dating my classmates because they're mean and I had a bad experience. I figure even if she rejects me, I only have another week on this floor. Any ideas?

Bro, you need to use the D.E.N.N.I.S. system.

 

[Gurby]

SDN is so much more educational than medical school.

 

[Stagg737]

Asking a girl on a date is considered a microaggression.

The funniest (or saddest?) part of this statement is I know/have met more than a few people who feel that way.

Check for wide birthing hips.

Minimum 6 inch thigh gap required?

Bro, you need to use the D.E.N.N.I.S. system.

Just don't invite her to a party on your boat, unless you're trying to make implications...


In all seriousness to OP though. Just wait towards the end of the rotation and ask her out politely. If she says no, you both get to move on with minimal awkwardness. If she says yes, Mozel tov.

 

[ThreeCheers]

Oh jeez, the "me too" movement is going to make even more people less masculine. :-/

I'm sorry that people surviving sexual assault has ruined whatever your fragile definition of masculinity is. It must be hard for you.

Yeah, my thing is what happens in a situation where Franken denies it? There was nobody else there but the dude's reputation and career would already have been subjected to destruction. Thats the thing that gets me with all these allegations, we have complex and thorough judicial system in which the burden is on the accuser to prove "guilty without a question of doubt", but here we have people saying things and regardless of the truth the defendant is automatically crucified. Its a goddamn witch hunt.

This is what happens in politics (which relies on a female voting base) and in Hollywood (which relies on A-list actresses). I can assure you that there are many instances where the accuser is the one that is automatically crucified.

I don't know why there are 1000 dating threads on SDN now, but OP I think you're creating a problem that isn't there. Just ask her out. Or don't. You'll be fine lol.

 

[VincentAdultman]

Just don't invite her to a party on your boat, unless you're trying to make implications...

OP do invite her on your boat. Because of The Implication.

 

[Perfect Hair Day]

Just don't invite her to a party on your boat, unless you're trying to make implications...

We need to be friends. You...you just, you get me

 

[Osteoth]

I'm sorry that people surviving sexual assault has ruined whatever your fragile definition of masculinity is. It must be hard for you.

This is what happens with the democratic party (which relies on a female voting base) and in liberal Hollywood (which relies on A-list actresses). I can assure you that there are many instances where the accuser is the one that is automatically crucified.

I don't know why there are 1000 dating threads on SDN now, but OP I think you're creating a problem that isn't there. Just ask her out. Or don't. You'll be fine lol.

Name 1. Up until now generally the accuser in sexual assault cases has their name hidden while the accused gets their name dragged through the mud.

 

[rilte4]

Name 1. Up until now generally the accuser in sexual assault cases has their name hidden while the accused gets their name dragged through the mud.

Google Asia Argento and the response from her home country, for starters. Countless other victims are ostracized/ridiculed/shamed after sharing their stories. And seriously, stop distorting the news. Your relentless whining about men being the victims in all of this, while casually throwing around names involved in rape and sexual assault cases, is how we ****ing got here as a society. OP asked about getting a date and you've turned it into some twisted, ridiculous version of your personal soapbox.

 

[failedatlife]

Rule 1: Be tall and attractive
Rule 2: Don't be short and unattractive
Rule 3: Have a astronomical Step 1 score (CK is nice, but Step 1 is where the money is at)
Rule 4: Rule 3 supersedes rules 1 and 2

 

[sliceofbread136]

Sometimes the only thing we like someone for, is the fact that they like us. Chew on that for a minute.

I never really thought about it but you have a point for both genders

 

[deleted480308]

Google Asia Argento and the response from her home country, for starters. Countless other victims are ostracized/ridiculed/shamed after sharing their stories. And seriously, stop distorting the news. Your relentless whining about men being the victims in all of this, while casually throwing around names involved in rape and sexual assault cases, is how we ****ing got here as a society. OP asked about getting a date and you've turned it into some twisted, ridiculous version of your personal soapbox.

Her accused attacker is blackballed from the industry and under criminal investigation......what part of the story did I miss? (Seriously, not a gotcha, I don’t see it)

 

[ThreeCheers]

Name 1. Up until now generally the accuser in sexual assault cases has their name hidden while the accused gets their name dragged through the mud.

Me. Also many other people I know. This is especially a prevalent issue in colleges.

The reality for “regular” people (in my experience at least) is that people default to suggesting that the accuser is lying. The cases that you’re referring to play out differently because they happen in the public eye. Like I said, the higher ups in Hollywood and politics have something to lose (voters, star actresses, fans, $$$) if it appears that they are not taking accusations seriously enough.

Sorry for derailing the thread, OP. I just wanted to dispel this bizarre notion that your career will not be in jeopardy if you ask out a nurse. Franken, Weinstein, Moore, etc all had much more serious accusations than asking a collegue out.

 

[Newyawk]

Me. Also many other people I know. This is especially a prevalent issue in colleges.

The reality for “regular” people (in my experience at least) is that people default to suggesting that the accuser is lying. The cases that you’re referring to play out differently because they happen in the public eye. Like I said, the higher ups in Hollywood and politics have something to lose (voters, star actresses, fans, $$$) if it appears that they are not taking accusations seriously enough.

Sorry for derailing the thread, OP. I just wanted to dispel this bizarre notion that your career will not be in jeopardy if you ask out a nurse. Franken, Weinstein, Moore, etc all had much more serious accusations than asking a collegue out.

I agree with your last point. As a preface: i, and nobody i know, are pro-rape.

As for "many other people i know" - i have a very hard time believing that you know many people who have legitimately been sexually assaulted. This issue is becoming so popular that every woman seems to be saying "me too". No, it is not up to the woman/accuser to determine whether she was harrassed. The facts and unbiased arbiters will dictate that.

Perhaps the worst of all claims is the ever-recurring drunk encounter that leads to "uninvited" sex. These young men are accused of RAPING women who they had no reason to believe were not interested in them. Putting these men in the same criminal category as the horrible men who actually rape women by violently forcing them to have sex is disturbing.

The term "rape culture" implies that all men are inclined to rape and must actively fight that inclination. It is a vile, erroneous term.

 

[JP2740]

Thread successfully derailed

 

[ThreeCheers]

No, it is not up to the woman/accuser to determine whether she was harrassed.

...Yeah, i’m definitely bowing out of this discussion now.

Thread should have ended with @sb247 ’s advice.

 

[Newyawk]

...Yeah, i’m definitely bowing out of this discussion now.

Thread should have ended with @sb247 ’s advice.

Awesome

 

[Osteoth]

Google Asia Argento and the response from her home country, for starters. Countless other victims are ostracized/ridiculed/shamed after sharing their stories. And seriously, stop distorting the news. Your relentless whining about men being the victims in all of this, while casually throwing around names involved in rape and sexual assault cases, is how we ****ing got here as a society. OP asked about getting a date and you've turned it into some twisted, ridiculous version of your personal soapbox.

You're right that case does fit the bill, but it happened in Italy. This forum in my understanding, is based on individuals in medical school in or from the United States, not Italy.

I am not saying that men are the victims, but pointing out to the OP that in a worst-case scenario he could get himself into hot water if he isn't careful or is too aggressive. Workplace sexual harassment is becoming a phrase that is thrown around much too casually, to the point where people are often unsure what exactly constitutes stepping over the line if all the phrase is based on is how the other people feels.

And to your second point, am I not allowed to have an opinion? "Twisted, ridiculous version" is demeaning and is why the right and the left in this country are never able to have civil discourse. You can disagree with someone without being insulting.

 

[DokterMom]

I mean I know the thread is full of joking, but it isn't even remotely harassment to ask someone, once to dinner....particularly if you are in no way a supervisor.

It's actually a good argument for being up front and succinct

This is so very true. One clear invitation to a date is not a problem, but three ambiguous "maybe date" invitations could be construed as harassment. Imagine if you invite her for a beer after work and she says something along the lines of her shift ends at 2:00 so that's not going to work. You still don't know if that indicates she doesn't like you or if it's the timing of her shift that makes it problematic.

For that reason, a direct "Would you like to go on a date with me sometime?" type question is much more effective. Just be able to take a "no" with light good humor and don't make her 'pay' for it.

 

[arcus]

SDN is so much more educational than medical school.

especially on Fridays

For that reason, a direct "Would you like to go on a date with me sometime?"

During 2nd year, a male classmate told me he was very attracted to a cute first year female who became popular with the guys. Since I am married he asked me how he could get her attention. I told him, “walk up to her, give her some tips on first year do’s and dont’s, and if she follows the conversation, ask her for a coffee date”

He just about flipped. “No way! We dont do that anymore. That is old school!” and walked away angrily. So he tried via FB. She blocked him

crazy world today with these complicated interpersonal dynamics. Thank God I am married

 

[Nephro critical care]

This ‘ me too ‘ campaign makes me so mad. Many of these women are just false accusers. There should be laws that if a woman wants to make an allegation of rape/non consensual approach she needs to make it in a certain timeframe otherwise it will not be credible.
In response to the ‘ me too ‘ campaign I propose that men should just ignore women and see how long they can tolerate the cold shoulder. We have better things to do like go out with our guy friends to a bar, watch sport, eat buffalo wings, play World of Warcraft, sleep , shoot duck , solve the theory of relativity , write the Moonlight Sonata and start World War 3. None of which involve much interacting with women.

 

[Sunny in Psych]

So there's a cute nurse on my floor that I'm interested in, and I think she might be into me based on how much she's been looking at me. I'm unsure how to get something going. I've had a nurse my age just talk to me casually before, but I never seized that opportunity, and I feel really dumb now. I'm not dating my classmates because they're mean and I had a bad experience. I figure even if she rejects me, I only have another week on this floor. Any ideas?

Why would dating a nurse be different than anyone else? Just be yourself!

 

[Sunny in Psych]

I'm sorry that people surviving sexual assault has ruined whatever your fragile definition of masculinity is. It must be hard for you.

This is what happens with the democratic party (which relies on a female voting base) and in liberal Hollywood (which relies on A-list actresses). I can assure you that there are many instances where the accuser is the one that is automatically crucified.

I don't know why there are 1000 dating threads on SDN now, but OP I think you're creating a problem that isn't there. Just ask her out. Or don't. You'll be fine lol.

Has nothing to do with democrats. Lol

 

[thatawkguy]

Why would dating a nurse be different than anyone else? Just be yourself!

I'm asking this question because I've never successfully asked out a girl before. Every relationship I had started after hooking up after a party, or girls just asking me to hang out. The two times I've tried, I've been rejected but to be fair one was an ex and the other had just broken up with long-term boyfriend. Dating today is really different from the past. It seems like no one asks people out anymore, it's more that they hooked up at some event and then started dating. Or a mutual friend introduced them and they started dating. Or single girls in your class that you have never spoken to despite having been in the same class for more than 2 years add you on facebook out of the blue- that's apparently a sign that they're interested. Who would have known.

 

[ThreeCheers]

Has nothing to do with democrats. Lol

Ok i’m taking take one last bite only because I worded my comment carelessly, and I want to avoid making sweeping generalizations.

You are correct. Both parties have accused sexual offenders, and both parties react strongly when these accusations are made publicly.

 

[Mad Jack]

Yeah, I've got advice.

Don't.

 

[DokterMom]

This ‘ me too ‘ campaign makes me so mad. Many of these women are just false accusers. There should be laws that if a woman wants to make an allegation of rape/non consensual approach she needs to make it in a certain timeframe otherwise it will not be credible.
In response to the ‘ me too ‘ campaign I propose that men should just ignore women and see how long they can tolerate the cold shoulder. We have better things to do like go out with our guy friends to a bar, watch sport, eat buffalo wings, play World of Warcraft, sleep , shoot duck , solve the theory of relativity , write the Moonlight Sonata and start World War 3. None of which involve much interacting with women.

It's not non-consensual "approach" that's the problem; it's non-consensual sexual touching.

Presumably you've come to the conclusion that Bill Cosby did some non-consensual touching? (If not, there's no reasoning with you, so just ignore-button me now) Well, what was the public response to the first woman who accused our beloved Dr. Huxtable? The second? The third? Many of these women DID say something to their friends! Just as many of Weinstein's, Trump's, Moore's, Franken's accusers did. Those women did come forward - just not to the authorities because of how the authorities have historically reacted. Kind of like you.

Which of these women are false accusers? And what evidence do you have for your assertion?

 

[deleted480308]

It's not non-consensual "approach" that's the problem; it's non-consensual sexual touching.

Presumably you've come to the conclusion that Bill Cosby did some non-consensual touching? (If not, there's no reasoning with you, so just ignore-button me now) Well, what was the public response to the first woman who accused our beloved Dr. Huxtable? The second? The third? Many of these women DID say something to their friends! Just as many of Weinstein's, Trump's, Moore's, Franken's accusers did. Those women did come forward - just not to the authorities because of how the authorities have historically reacted. Kind of like you.

Which of these women are false accusers? And what evidence do you have for your assertion?

I feel like both sides here are making some sweeping generalizations. All accusations should be seriously investigated for evidence. Not ignored, not arbitrarily believed, investigated seriously.

I believe there have been women ignored with honest accusations and women who were liars.

 

[Sunny in Psych]

It's because I've never successfully asked out a girl before. Every relationship I had started after hooking up after a party, or girls just asking me to hang out. The two times I've tried, I've been rejected but to be fair one was an ex and the other had just broken up with long-term boyfriend. Dating today is really different from the past. It seems like no one asks people out anymore, it's more that they hooked up at some event and then started dating. Or a mutual friend introduced them and they started dating. Or single girls in your class that you have never spoken to despite having been in the same class for more than 2 years add you on facebook out of the blue- that's apparently a sign that they're interested. Who would have known.

I know it's different nowadays. I'm a PMHNP and didnt find my husband til I was 39. I appreciated men with confidence, who just asked me out... like my husband did. Just ask her out for coffee. Then it doesn't insinuate anything more on a first date.

 

[rilte4]

Her accused attacker is blackballed from the industry and under criminal investigation......what part of the story did I miss? (Seriously, not a gotcha, I don’t see it)

Name 1. Up until now generally the accuser in sexual assault cases has their name hidden while the accused gets their name dragged through the mud.

Completely agree @sb247
My post was in response to the post above. It wasn't about Weinstein not facing consequences - he's faced pretty much all of them. It was in response to the idea that accusers are anonymous and have nothing to lose, despite countless examples to the contrary. (There's more out there in the news regarding the particular case I mentioned, so if you haven't seen any of that, it might explain the confusion.)

You're right that case does fit the bill, but it happened in Italy. This forum in my understanding, is based on individuals in medical school in or from the United States, not Italy.

You kicked off this entire thing using the example of Franken, who no average med student can relate to. Not to mention the night-and-day gap between Franken's situation and OP's question. And now, if something happened in Italy, we apparently don't count it. I've officially lost track of the rules.

I am not saying that men are the victims, but pointing out to the OP that in a worst-case scenario he could get himself into hot water if he isn't careful or is too aggressive. Workplace sexual harassment is becoming a phrase that is thrown around much too casually, to the point where people are often unsure what exactly constitutes stepping over the line if all the phrase is based on is how the other people feels.

And to your second point, am I not allowed to have an opinion? "Twisted, ridiculous version" is demeaning and is why the right and the left in this country are never able to have civil discourse. You can disagree with someone without being insulting.

This thread was about a guy trying to talk to a girl. You absolutely have a right to an opinion, and to toss in a warning to OP. Even if I disagree, I can respect that. But you put in some serious work to derail this thread post after post after post after post, and to make OP's post about the chip on your shoulder. So, yes. Ridiculous.

Much as I'd love to do this all day, I just wrapped up my final final, and there's a drink out there with my name on it. Enjoy your weekend.

 

[VincentAdultman]

Did you ask her out OP?

 

[thatawkguy]

Did you ask her out OP?

No the plan is for next week before I leave. She wasnt here today either.

 

[Nephro critical care]

It's not non-consensual "approach" that's the problem; it's non-consensual sexual touching.

Presumably you've come to the conclusion that Bill Cosby did some non-consensual touching? (If not, there's no reasoning with you, so just ignore-button me now) Well, what was the public response to the first woman who accused our beloved Dr. Huxtable? The second? The third? Many of these women DID say something to their friends! Just as many of Weinstein's, Trump's, Moore's, Franken's accusers did. Those women did come forward - just not to the authorities because of how the authorities have historically reacted. Kind of like you.

Which of these women are false accusers? And what evidence do you have for your assertion?

Bill Cosby didn’t get convicted did he ? The jury (4 white women, 6 white men, 1 black man and 1 black woman [hardly a jury symphathetic to Cosby]) thought the principal accuser Andrea Constands testimony was ‘unbelievable ‘. That assault trial has been judged a mistrial. The jury felt that unless the prosecution had new evidence a new trial would be a waste of money as well.

 

[Sunny in Psych]

This ‘ me too ‘ campaign makes me so mad. Many of these women are just false accusers. There should be laws that if a woman wants to make an allegation of rape/non consensual approach she needs to make it in a certain timeframe otherwise it will not be credible.
In response to the ‘ me too ‘ campaign I propose that men should just ignore women and see how long they can tolerate the cold shoulder. We have better things to do like go out with our guy friends to a bar, watch sport, eat buffalo wings, play World of Warcraft, sleep , shoot duck , solve the theory of relativity , write the Moonlight Sonata and start World War 3. None of which involve much interacting with women.

Men who have better things to do such as go to a bar or hang out with the guys are typically not who we are looking for anyways... so, give the cold shoulder. They will likely appreciate it in the long run.

As for the #metoo campaign... it's high time women can speak up about assault. With that said, they should be punished for falsely accusing. But, on that note, #metoo, and I'm proud of those who are standing up.

 

[Psai]

No the plan is for next week before I leave. She wasnt here today either.

You already behind
Take the L

 

[Flashfan]

I am the son of a woman that was raped by a horrible boyfriend and fondled by more than one boss. She lost a job because she went to HR about it. I believe #metoo because I have seen it happen to coworkers, family and friends. I was not raised to touch a woman without consent and also to be direct when asking a woman out. How is it that so many supposedly intelligent people can't relate to the opposite sex?

 

[evilbooyaa]

I am the son of a woman that was raped by a horrible boyfriend and fondled by more than one boss. She lost a job because she went to HR about it. I believe #metoo because I have seen it happen to coworkers, family and friends. I was not raised to touch a woman without consent and also to be direct when asking a woman out. How is it that so many supposedly intelligent people can't relate to the opposite sex?

 

[thatawkguy]

how the **** did this thread go from me asking for dating advice to stories about people being raped?

 

[Sunny in Psych]

how the **** did this thread go from me asking for dating advice to stories about people being raped?

Lol!! Not fair at all!

 

[Flashfan]

how the **** did this thread go from me asking for dating advice to stories about people being raped?

We hit this at Cosby. I just happened to have an N=1.
If you can believe someone got raped, you can believe some stupid male acted inapporpriately
As for OP, just ask her out directly once the rotation is over, or almost over.