Design your own rejection letter

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Yea, the Mayo "Secondary" really bites.

'You really probably have no chance in Hell getting in here despite what you tell yourself in some quiet day dreaming moments, but hey! what the heck, now at least you can say you tried. So just send us the money and we'll wait a few weeks and then in return send you our rejection letter. How about it??'
 
Dear Comedian,


Haahhaaaheeee Heeeee Ho hooo whoooooHOOOOOO,(Stop, My side is hurting) Haaaa HHeeeeeee aaahhhhhhh Haaaaa Heeeeeeeeee Haaa haaa (tapering off) :cough: ahem! Have you ever considered standup?????


Not in this life time!!

Loser!!!!

Sincerely,

Dr Bozo and company
 
Dear Applicant,

after thoroughly reviewing your application materials, the admissions committee has reached a decision. Unfortunately, federal confidentiality statute 10054-W prohibit us from informing you of this decision. If you would like more information regarding your status, please obtain DOE form 100587-Z, enclose a $150 processing fee, and bring the completed form to the Office of Admissions. Mailed forms will not be accepted, and an appointment must be made prior to submitting your form.

If you would like to make an appointment, please download the appointment request form from our website, enclose a $50 processing fee, and submit the form in person. Please note that appointment request forms may only be submitted between the hours of 8:30 and 9 on the fifth tuesday of the month.
If you have already scheduled your appointment, be advised that you are required to produce two forms of ID in addition to your Social Security card and Birth Certificate (ID's obtained using your Social Security card such as drivers licenses will not be accepted, nor will birth certificates dated prior to 1992.)

While the office of admissions works hard to process the information request forms in a timely manner, it often takes months to complete your request. When we have reached a decision regarding your request, you will be sent a confirmation form. Upon receipt of the completed confirmation form along with the $100 processing fee, we will send you information pertaining to the admission committee's decision. This does not, however, guarentee that you will be informed of the decision itself.

Thank you for your interest in the Joseph K. School of Medicine
 
bumping!

Dear Loser, err Applicant,

*******, what were you thinking? This rejection letter wasn't even worth the recycled bathroom tissue that it was photocopied on. Thanks for the 130 bucks. The adcomms and I used that money to pay for several lunches for our dogs. Oh, and I also brought new underwear, you know the ones made by those fruits. Please tell your loser friends about us so they can send us their money. I, err mother, needs a new bra!

Thanks for your interest and most importantly, money.

Stupid.

Dean Ima Tranny PhD
whose got new warm underwear from your 130 bucks!
 
Bumpity Bump Bump!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Most amusing thread EVER!
 
Here's a twist:

Dear Admissions Commitee,

Thank you for your acceptance of my application to XYZ School of Medicine. However, I have decided to put your acceptance on hold for further review. A representative will continuously review your acceptance for the next 6 months to make an informed decision. Please do not contact me, I will contact you regarding this decision. Be aware that I might not take you off the hold list until the day before classes begin. Nevertheless, I thank you for your patience.

Sincerely,

Ehd327
 
Originally posted by ehd327
Here's a twist:

Dear Admissions Commitee,

Thank you for your acceptance of my application to XYZ School of Medicine. However, I have decided to put your acceptance on hold for further review. A representative will continuously review your acceptance for the next 6 months to make an informed decision. Please do not contact me, I will contact you regarding this decision. Be aware that I might not take you off the hold list until the day before classes begin. Nevertheless, I thank you for your patience.

Sincerely,

Ehd327
Click to expand...

Good one.
 
Dear ****head,

We got your money. Now go f*ck yourself.

F*ck you,
Dean Terrible
 
Here is my ideal Duke or Vandy letter:

Dear Mr. BoomUntilNoon,

Thank you for your interest in our fine southern institution. Unfortunately the admissions commitee has decided that you are too unconventional and outspoken for our medical school. We prefer our aristrocratic applicants to be homogenized (please note that does not include homosexuals) and prepared to adhere to the status quo. After all, we believe there is a place for everything and everything in its place... but you sir, clearly do not fit our idealized mold of a prim and proper medical student.

We look forward to recycling your application so that future applicants may grace our presence with their greatness.

We bid you farewell.
 
Dear Travellindoc,
After careful review of your application, we have finally come to a preliminary decision that there is a strong possibility that we will reject you. Therefore, you have been put on our Super, Ultra Close But No Cigar List. We realize that this decision may further compound your frustrations, but as you know, when the admissions committee member who drew the shortest straw threw all the applications down our stairway, your application was not among the few that reached the bottom first. Also, one of the Adcomm members had a dream about flying last night, so it's rather obvious that this action taken on your application is unequivocally justified. To conclude, we cannot tell you a thing about your chances of acceptance from here on, but we can tell you to continue to wait indefinitely until we have completed the egg toss. Thank-you for your continued interest in our school and you may or may not be hearing from us soon.
Sincerely,
Dr. Waitalot, PhD, MD
 
Dear Verbalassasin

We have reviewed your file and have come to a final decision. Each applicant is reviewed thoroughly. We want you to know the line that we put in our mission statement, that every applicant is reviewed with out regards to just numbers was a lie. We believe it makes us sound genuine and increases the amount of secondary applications we send out, and at $100 dollars per application. Excuse us for ranting, now back to your file. We have decided to reject you, did you honestly think you could get into medical school with numebrs like those? If you did may God have mercy on the school you do get into. We do want you to know that we had fun laughing at your application and still do want you to apply next year to our school (like it will make a difference, but hell its a free $100). Good luck and remeber this letter is not saying that you are nlot qualified for a career in medicine, fooled ya.....thats exactly what this letter is saying.



Dr. I. M. Da Shet M.D.
Dean of Admisions
 
Dear exgatr,

I can't thank you enough for applying to our school. On the day your application arrived, I brought my new puppy to work to show everyone.

Unfortunately, Bowser isn't housetrained yet, so when he pissed all over the floor, I just took your application out of the trash can and used it to soak up the mess.

Oh and thanks again for your check--I skimmed a little money off the top to help pay for my wife's neck lift. The jiggling can get distracting.

Anyways, I digress. In case you haven't figured it out by now, you suck.

Sincerely,
Dr. Haughty A. Hole
 
Dear Freakingzooming:

Congratulations on being the selective few of having the honor of being rejected by us. Your true hard work and sweatless hours dedicated to painfully typing each one of your applications, studying for those MCATs, and then reading online how miserable your chances were have demonstrated the true excellence of our rejection.

Anyways, we need more money so if you could reapply and send us another midly amusing picture, we would appreciate it.

Dr. Goodbody
 
Originally posted by exgatr
Dear exgatr,

I can't thank you enough for applying to our school. On the day your application arrived, I brought my new puppy to work to show everyone.

Unfortunately, Bowser isn't housetrained yet, so when he pissed all over the floor, I just took your application out of the trash can and used it to soak up the mess.

Oh and thanks again for your check--I skimmed a little money off the top to help pay for my wife's neck lift. The jiggling can get distracting.

Anyways, I digress. In case you haven't figured it out by now, you suck.

Sincerely,
Dr. Haughty A. Hole
Click to expand...

Classic!!!!!!! I like this one :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 
Originally posted by TravellinDoc
Dear Travellindoc,
After careful review of your application, we have finally come to a preliminary decision that there is a strong possibility that we will reject you. Therefore, you have been put on our Super, Ultra Close But No Cigar List. We realize that this decision may further compound your frustrations, but as you know, when the admissions committee member who drew the shortest straw threw all the applications down our stairway, your application was not among the few that reached the bottom first. Also, one of the Adcomm members had a dream about flying last night, so it's rather obvious that this action taken on your application is unequivocally justified. To conclude, we cannot tell you a thing about your chances of acceptance from here on, but we can tell you to continue to wait indefinitely until we have completed the egg toss. Thank-you for your continued interest in our school and you may or may not be hearing from us soon.
Sincerely,
Dr. Waitalot, PhD, MD
Click to expand...

I nominate this one as the best rejection letter yet:clap: :clap:
 
Dear applicant:

There are no words to describe how wonderful your application was, so we are forced to make one up. Scrumtulescent. Reading your application was like looking into the face of God and finding him . . . smiling. You are truly one of the greatest applicants of our time. Unfortunately, with over eighteen million applicants this year, we are forced to reject many scrumtulescent candidates, and that is what this is, a rejection. It is our sincerest hope that your application will meet with success.

Sincerely,
Dean J. Lipton, MD
 
Originally posted by Sean2tall
Dear applicant:

There are no words to describe how wonderful your application was, so we are forced to make one up. Scrumtulescent. Reading your application was like looking into the face of God and finding him . . . smiling. You are truly one of the greatest applicants of our time. Unfortunately, with over eighteen million applicants this year, we are forced to reject many scrumtulescent candidates, and that is what this is, a rejection. It is our sincerest hope that your application will meet with success.

Sincerely,
Dean J. Lipton, MD
Click to expand...

i laughed so hard i snorted.. this is great
 
Originally posted by Adcadet
November 29, 2002
The Big University Medical Center
Office of Admissions
123 Main Street
City, State, 12345

Dear Office of Admissions,


Thank you for your interest in me as an applicant. I have now completed a thorough review your admissions material. I am sorry to inform you that I am unable to consider your school further for my undergraduate medical education. Please be assured that your institution has been given personal attention. Most of the schools I am considering this year are well-qualified and are likely to provide an excellent education, but with over 100 accredited allopathic medical schools I need to be extremely selective in the process. While I recognize that this decision may be disappointing, I wish to express my appreciation to you for considering me and this decision in no way reflects on your ability to educate physicians. I wish you the best in your educational pursuits.

I want to thank you, Big University, for your interest. I acknowledge and respect your accomplishments in the areas of medical education and research, and realize that my inability to attend your medical school is a loss for me. I extend my best wishes to you as you pursue your goals.
Sincerely,


Adcadet


Ad/lmao
Click to expand...
:laugh: 😱 :laugh: :laugh:
 
Pre-Secondary

Dear Tas,

After careful review of your personal statement, grades, and MCAT score we here at U No It Med School have decided that you might very well fit in at our medical school. Please send in $100 with your secondary application (please note, it's only 35 pages long if you are in-state, 47 if you are out of state). We will then schedule an interview for you so that you can get to know us better. After all, the interview day is as much an attempt to sell our highly regarded school to highly qualifed applicants such as yourself as it is an attempt for us to get to know you better.

Post-47 Page Secondary, $100 app fee

Dear Tas,


OMFG YOU ACTUALLY FELL FOR THAT!!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHA I saw your application in the bathroom stall (under "For a Good Time, Read this!") and knew that you would never be given a second look at our medical school, so being the dean of admissions I typed up that little message on our letterhead and sent it to you. I HAD NO IDEA YOU'D BE STUPID ENOUGH TO SEND US MONEY WITH SCORES LIKE YOURS!!! Thanks SUCKER!!! That cash bought us a bunch of pizzas and booze!

Please apply again next year, we can always use 47 pages of toilet paper and extra cash!

L8R,
3L33T Dean of Admissions, MD
 
Dear Applicant,
the current GPA cutoff this year is 3.8345677865, with your GPA of 3.8295343763 unfortunately we cannot offer you a place in our medschool class entering fall 2004.
Best of luck in your future endeavours.

Sincerely.
Canadian bumblef**k admissions committee
 
lol

USbound were are you from?

I feel your pain on canadian schools, the admissions process here is ridiculous.
 
BumpBumpBump Bumpitaroosky

This is the greatest thing I've ever seen, better than cute babies or "Monty Python" or my first porno.

This is transcendent and should be gilded and hung on the wall for all future SDN'ers to see. Cheers to you all!
 
Hey Ocean11,
I am in Toronto too 🙂 Enjoying the never-ending winter. I am going to try U.S. schools this year, but I am not a resident there, so I am not sure if I even have a chance.

Good luck with you applications this year!

Originally posted by ocean11
lol

USbound were are you from?

I feel your pain on canadian schools, the admissions process here is ridiculous.
Click to expand...
🙂
 
College... yada yada yada... MCAT

Yada yada yada...

Rejected.

Sincerely
Somebody I never heard of.
 
Dear Applicant,

You are unworthy of a quick and painless end (ie. rejection), so to thank you for your generous contribution and to punish you for having the nerve to apply to our fine institution, we welcome you to the hell that is the waitlist. In the unlikely event we don't get the people we really want, we may just have to settle for you....

While you continue to be the brunt of our jokes for the next few months, we highly recommend you put your entire life on hold until the next academic year, when it will be too late for you to arrange a decent back-up plan and get on with your life. Should you end up unemployed and homeless, we wish you well in your cardboard shanty.

If you truly wish to pursue a career in medicine, why not donate your body to science.... we would love to have you as a cadaver.

Don't expect us to contact you anytime soon. We can't believe we actually wasted a stamp on this letter.

Sincerely,
the adcom
 
TroutBum said:
Hey guys, how about a twist:

Office of Admissions
University of _____ School of Medicine
1234 Main St.
Earth Capital, Earth


Dear Dean _____:

I have yet to recieve any word from the Admissions office regarding my application to the 2003 entering class. I can only assume this to mean that my acceptance is ensured, as no reasonable human could possible find it acceptable to delay word of a rejection for months on end.

I am writing to confirm my acceptance of the impending offer of admission. I want to thank you and the helpful admissions staff for all your help during the stressful and emotional application process. I look forward to joining my fellow classmates this fall. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,
TroutBum
Click to expand...


:laugh: :laugh: Sadly enough I know many people who should send this letter.
 
Dear underAchiever,
The only thing lower than your achievments is your bank account. Your check bounced! For your good or bad fortune, this means you can not buy our protection. Out of our sense of honor and in agreement with the other Medical School Families, we have sent our own Cosa Nostra Med School Hitman to personally deliver this message. He also has these three engraved bullets for you...
BANG (first one pierces lung)
BANG (second severs aorta)
BANG (third splintes inside brain)
the engravings read...
CONSIDER
YOURSELF
REJECTED
 
Hell Yeah, I like that brown streak portion. I need to start doing drugs again so I can be as witty as Chronic.
 
Desdemona said:
I think we should have a contest to see who can write the best rejection letter. I'll start, with Harvard, since they kindly opted not to interview me.


Dear Desdemona,

Thank you for the application fee to Harvard Medical School.

Is your mother a physician? NO
Is your father a physician? NO
Did your mother attend Harvard Medical School? NO
Did your father attend Harvard Medical School? NO
Did your mother complete residency training at Harvard? NO
Did your father complete residency training at Harvard? NO
Does your mother teach at Harvard Medical School? NO
Does your father teach at Harvard Medical School? NO



















Will Desdemona attend Harvard Medical School? NO

Sincerely,
Ima Pricke, M.D.
Associate Dean of Rejections
Click to expand...


Very funny! DrJ2B should see this, maybe it would cheer him up.
 
Rothgar said:
heh heh! :laugh:

At least yours are honest and to the point! Which is a lot more than I can say for some schools *cough-UTMB*
Click to expand...

Honest and to the point are not all it's cracked up to be: "We interviewed x amount of people....unfortunately you were not one of them."
-Tufts university
 
BassDominator said:
Dear Applicant,

You are unworthy of a quick and painless end (ie. rejection), so to thank you for your generous contribution and to punish you for having the nerve to apply to our fine institution, we welcome you to the hell that is the waitlist. In the unlikely event we don't get the people we really want, we may just have to settle for you....

While you continue to be the brunt of our jokes for the next few months, we highly recommend you put your entire life on hold until the next academic year, when it will be too late for you to arrange a decent back-up plan and get on with your life. Should you end up unemployed and homeless, we wish you well in your cardboard shanty.

If you truly wish to pursue a career in medicine, why not donate your body to science.... we would love to have you as a cadaver.

Don't expect us to contact you anytime soon. We can't believe we actually wasted a stamp on this letter.

Sincerely,
the adcom
Click to expand...

I'm going to make sure DrJ2b see this one!
 
Here's the one I know is coming from every single Midwest school (sorry for the GPA bragging...)

Dear Kiki the alto:
We regret to inform you that you have indeed been rejected. Why? Your 4.0 in Chemistry, while outstanding, did come from a university we have never heard of in a state we have never seen. Why, they don't even have cows! Also, the fact that you are related to several alums of our undergraduate university means jack. They have done nothing for the medical school. You have done no research, and we pride ourselves on bringing in only the finest of future researchers from universities that we actually know about, such as Harvard. Primary care is not what a doctor does, and your interest in it shows that you do not understand the medical profession.
We wish you luck at your own state university, which is where you belong and ought to be exiled for the next eight years. Hate the desert? Tough. Pin a picture of our rolling hills and green meadows on your wall. We regret that we could not accept more than one person who was not born and raised here, but we believe residents of our state are just much more qualified than you will ever be. Have a wonderful life.
Sincerely
Loser Q Cheesehead
University of XXXX
 
BassDominator said:
Dear Applicant,

You are unworthy of a quick and painless end (ie. rejection), so to thank you for your generous contribution and to punish you for having the nerve to apply to our fine institution, we welcome you to the hell that is the waitlist. In the unlikely event we don't get the people we really want, we may just have to settle for you....

While you continue to be the brunt of our jokes for the next few months, we highly recommend you put your entire life on hold until the next academic year, when it will be too late for you to arrange a decent back-up plan and get on with your life. Should you end up unemployed and homeless, we wish you well in your cardboard shanty.

If you truly wish to pursue a career in medicine, why not donate your body to science.... we would love to have you as a cadaver.

Don't expect us to contact you anytime soon. We can't believe we actually wasted a stamp on this letter.

Sincerely,
the adcom
Click to expand...



:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: That rocks!!!!
 
This got me laughing so hard, I nearly cried. :laugh:

BassDominator said:
Dear Applicant,

You are unworthy of a quick and painless end (ie. rejection), so to thank you for your generous contribution and to punish you for having the nerve to apply to our fine institution, we welcome you to the hell that is the waitlist. In the unlikely event we don't get the people we really want, we may just have to settle for you....

While you continue to be the brunt of our jokes for the next few months, we highly recommend you put your entire life on hold until the next academic year, when it will be too late for you to arrange a decent back-up plan and get on with your life. Should you end up unemployed and homeless, we wish you well in your cardboard shanty.

If you truly wish to pursue a career in medicine, why not donate your body to science.... we would love to have you as a cadaver.

Don't expect us to contact you anytime soon. We can't believe we actually wasted a stamp on this letter.

Sincerely,
the adcom
Click to expand...
 
Can you tell I was a little bitter when I got waitlisted four years ago? If anything, I learned to laugh off things like this.... hang in there, it all works out in the end.
 
Dear ZekeMD,

We thought you'd take a hint, When your interviewer showed up reeking of sewage and cigarettes, Beause you see, we couldn't possibly waste the time of a precious MD, To interview a fool like you who who we invited just to say adieu. Apparently you're even dumber than we imagined. You didn't get the joke, and even submitted materials for a financial aid package. So please stop calling to see if you've been accepted, since obviously you've been rejected.

Oh, and one more thing...
Do you remember your interviewer... Stan?
He's our local garbage man.

Regards,

Admissions
 
Dear Old American Applicant,

Have we mentioned you are old?
Have we mentioned you are American?
Have we mentioned that, as an obvious American liberal Canadian wanna be you offended your token Canadian conservative interviewer?
Have we mentioned that you are old?
Have we mentioned that you are still American and that you will always be despite any future immigration status changes?

Thank you for flying across the country to spend money in our community and waste our time. We had thought that was your GPA, not your age. Sorry.

Sincerely,

Adcom
 
Dear Loo:

We at the (insert school) feel that you are highly motivated to practice (insert profession). While your qualifications are in line with the pool of applicants for this year's class, we cannot admit you. This is not to say that you are not qualified.

Alas, this is the dilemma that all admissions committees face.

If you would like to contact (some low-level secretary) to discuss your application; please call or write on the fourth Sunday of February to attend workshops where you will be told how to improve your application and and things like that, that you already know.

Good Luck on your Future Endeavours!

And remember, God Loves You!

Dr. S.Tupid Assclown, BS Psychology
 
You stupid F*(K! What are you thinking applying to our school? Idiot.

:laugh: sorry, I'm a little bitter from the MCAT a couple of days ago. :laugh:
 
Maybe I am wrong..
midlifecrisis said:
Dear Old American Applicant,

Have we mentioned you are old?
Have we mentioned you are American?
Have we mentioned that, as an obvious American liberal Canadian wanna be you offended your token Canadian conservative interviewer?
Have we mentioned that you are old?
Have we mentioned that you are still American and that you will always be despite any future immigration status changes?

Thank you for flying across the country to spend money in our community and waste our time. We had thought that was your GPA, not your age. Sorry.

Sincerely,

Adcom
Click to expand...
 
Nope, it was in the Maritimes. I basically hung myself in the interview anyway. No biggie, I'm totally happy with where I am going. Are you planning on returning to Canada after school?
 
shamthis said:
All your base are belong to us.
Click to expand...



HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! This is the first one that made me laugh out loud!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Dear Johnny,

Thank you for your interest in joining our medical school class of successful and beautiful people.

Unfortunately it has come to our attention that you are bald and unattractive.

Thank you for your interest.

Hugz n Kisses
All Medical Schools

:meanie: 😡 :meanie:
 
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