Do you think you'll meet your wife/husband in med school?

[deuist]

i've often found myself fantasizing about meeting the perfect guy in med school. we'd study together, and not really get anything done . go out for midnight coffee runs right before tests. and we'd hold hands and stare at each other lovingly, while elbow deep in some poor cadaver's chest cavity... ... no seriously.

... and then brush the cadaver off of the table and hump like like bunnies.

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[QofQuimica]

Well, I've never proposed to Q...but I have slept with her!


(technically)

 

[austinap]

I don't know if this is just me or what, but I've always found its a bad idea to actively go looking for something like this. It just seems like you're more likely to end up in a less than amazing relationship if you're trying to get into a relationship. It seems to end in compromise too often.

As far as the who s/o in med-school thing, I'm open minded towards it. I'm not going to go into med-school thinking that it's going to be the best dating service ever, but people that get into med-school will likely have a lot in common with me, usually be pretty intelligent, and hopefully be pretty interesting people. However, as it was mentioned before, being in classes with somebody all day every day might be a little too much time together. Sure, I want somebody that I have a lot in common with, but I also want somebody that challenges me in interesting ways. I want somebody that will get me to do new and different things, I want somebody who is open minded, and I definately want somebody who loves travelling. I'm sure there will be people like this in med-school, but there are a lot of people like this all over the place too. I don't necessarily need someone that's in medicine. Actually, someone that isn't in medicine would do a lot to balance me out, and I know I need that sometimes.

I guess to say it without all the ranting, I tend to date very spontaneous, outgoing, and otherwise random girls. I can't predict the kind of girls I'm going to like. I'm not going to try to start now.

 

[MEG@COOL]

For single pre-meds? Do you think you'll meet your future husband/wife in med school? Do you prefer someone in another field? Disregard looks, personality, bank account, etc. Who's hoping that med school has other perks like meeting their McDreamy?

I think that I am hoping to meet my wife in med school. Id like to have a fellow doctor as a wife for a number of reasons:

1. They arent after my money
2. Probably not just marrying me because im a doc/prestige
3. Smart ie good breeding material, can relate to me well
4. common interests
5. other probably
6. understanding of limited availability at times
7. can cure all the STDS i currently have, seriously though... less likely to have STDS as will be more educated.

 

[Pkboi24]

I think that I am hoping to meet my wife in med school. Id like to have a fellow doctor as a wife for a number of reasons:

1. They arent after my money
2. Probably not just marrying me because im a doc/prestige
3. Smart ie good breeding material, can relate to me well
4. common interests
5. other probably
6. understanding of limited availability at times
7. can cure all the STDS i currently have, seriously though... less likely to have STDS as will be more educated.

I totally know what you mean. I hate to admit this, but I'm somewhat cynical about most women, as money seems to be a big determinant of how attractive you are to them. I mean seriously, how many times have you heard girls say they want to marry a "rich doctor".

I thought about keeping the fact that I am a doctor from whoever I will date, at least initially. I could tell them I'm a writer, which would not be a lie. This plan would probably flop in my face though...oh well.

 

[PARK8]

Its seems like fellow med-students are a pretty good pool of people to find a potential snuggle-buddy/bf/gf/future spouse or whatever....

I mean, everyone's pretty smart, you already have several things in common (friends classes career interests compassion etc..) plus its not like you have the free time to be meeting people other places, whereas there's 100-200 people right there doing what you do everyday, why not?

I'll def be looking for a girl in med school, tho I'm not sure who'll stay home w/ our kids??? but thats another topic....

Most medical schools have other schools on the same campus such as a nursing school, pharmacy school or a dental school. One of these professions have less hours and could make a suitable partner for a future doc, no?

 

[austinap]

Most medical schools have other schools on the same campus such as a nursing school, pharmacy school or a dental school. One of these professions have less hours and could make a suitable partner for a future doc, no?

Thats more of what I was thinking. The more I think about it, the more attractive someone in the humanities is to me. For some reason, I like artsy girls. Especially the intelligent, outgoing artsy girls.

 

[etf]

i want a lawyer chick that can represent me in malpractice cases, if need be

 

[MediMama23]

i want a lawyer chick that can represent me in malpractice cases, if need be

Be careful with this one, though. If things should go sour between you, she'll roast your a$$ in court.

 

[Slide]

I'm more concerned about having a healthy sex life during med school. Marriage can come after the hell years of residency.

 

[diosa428]

The dating scene is almost non-existent. Unless you go on a blind date or drunkenly hook-up with one of your classmates, there won't be much there for you.

That's my plan.

 

[DrBowtie]

One day I'm going to write a book, I swear it. But the thing is, people wouldn't believe that half of this stuff really happened.

All joking aside, it is very important to know yourself well enough to understand what it is that you really want and expect from a relationship. Any serious relationship (let alone a marriage) is going to require a ton of commitment and effort on your part (and theirs) to maintain it. At this point anyway, I have to be honest and say that I really don't want to do what it takes to successfully be part of a marriage. Bachelor #4 is a fantastic guy (we're still very close friends), but that doesn't change the fact that I just don't want to be married to ANYONE, period.

BTW, ladies, my experience is that if you come across as being desperate to get married, that turns a lot of guys off.

You should title it "A Million Little Moles"

 

[UNCbballfan]

I didn't see very many hot girls at my revisit weekend unfortunately.

 

[QofQuimica]

You should title it "A Million Little Moles"

Ixney, my friend. It's 6.022 x 10^23 of them.

 

[chaeymaey]

Thats more of what I was thinking. The more I think about it, the more attractive someone in the humanities is to me. For some reason, I like artsy girls. Especially the intelligent, outgoing artsy girls.

I'm a humanities major and while I do think that a med school dating pool does provide intelligent guys, I really want a guy that can appreciate literature and the humanities and not think of it as fluff that doesn't matter.

 

[deleted50541]

I'm a humanities major and while I do think that a med school dating pool does provide intelligent guys, I really want a guy that can appreciate literature and the humanities and not think of it as fluff that doesn't matter.

I'll settle for a woman who likes dogs, can hold a conversation about politics and current events without rolling her eyes, and can appreciate fine wines and liquors.

However, I adhere to one rule: do NOT date your classmates. It's nothing but trouble in my opinion. Nevertheless, to each his or her own.

 

[austinap]

I'm a humanities major and while I do think that a med school dating pool does provide intelligent guys, I really want a guy that can appreciate literature and the humanities and not think of it as fluff that doesn't matter.

Amen to that. Of course it's nice if someone understands why you're so burnt out all the time, but I don't think one has to be in medicine to understand that. I love literature, art, writing, languages, all that good stuff. I love medicine too, but it isn't the only thing on life, and I don't think it should be heresy on my part to say so.

I also agree that its a bad idea to date classmates. Possibly someone in a different year from myself, but not people I'm going to see every day all day. If something happens to not go right, what then? I'm just not a dramatic person, and I don't have time for that kind of dramatic stuff.

 

[thefafo]

It really comes down to compatibility for me. It doesn't matter when I meet them or where, as long as we get along and are comfortable with each other. I do like intelligent, sarcastic people, and based on most of the doctors I've met, med school is a pretty good place to find people like that.

 

[kirexhana]

... and then brush the cadaver off of the table and hump like like bunnies.

don't think that hasn't crossed my mind.

 

[deleted50541]

I also agree that its a bad idea to date classmates. Possibly someone in a different year from myself, but not people I'm going to see every day all day. If something happens to not go right, what then? I'm just not a dramatic person, and I don't have time for that kind of dramatic stuff.

Exactly. Speaking from personal experience, if the relationship ends badly, then your life can become a living hell. I can't even imagine what it would be like in med school with a 100+ people who are all mingling together in the same classes.

But dating outside your year is something I don't have a problem with at all.

 

[LabMonster]

I got engaged to my ex at age 21, which was in retrospect a very, very stupid thing to do. I think the main reason I wanted to marry him was because everyone (especially my parents) was begging me NOT to do it. (Kids, if all of your friends and family hate the love of your life, listen to them; it may well actually be YOU who is the idiot, not all of them. )

Re-emphasizing Q's words of wisdom. Been there yadda yadda...

 

[Hurricane95]

Ugh...I couldn't imagine dating another med student...God it has to get so boring so quickly. It's cool to be able to sit with your significant other and unwind about anything else but science and medicine for once. In my experience when you put a few science majors / premeds together in a group, eventually the conversation takes a turn into science and medicine. Somehow, some way. Not to mention the anal "has to be your way" personality that most of us have. While it's nice that ok, fine, they understand all the time you put into studying and later rotations and all of that, there are other people out there who are not med students who are understanding as well. I'm so glad my girlfriend is studying something 180 degrees away from my field....it's a lot better when in a relationship you complement each other in certain aspects, such as career choice. That way you get the best of both worlds. And she's 100% understanding of all the time i put into my schooling - without being premed herself. Go figure.

Ahhh...why is it that almost everyone on here believes that there is a law written out there somewhere that states, "Hear ye medical students - thou shalt not date anyone outside your field!" Come on people, the possibilities are endless...even if you want to stick to dating other medical field people, fine then, there are nurses, and PAs, and dentists, etc. If you have social skills it shouldn't be a problem to go out of your medical campus cocoon and meet people. Oh boy, some of you are going to regret it when you date amongst your classmates and then lock horns (which you will eventually, thats what happens when you are both uber stressed and seeing each other 15 hours a day, every day)...nothing seems more awkward than having to see your now ex-girl/boyfriend every day in your class....not to mention the rumors...oh boy.

Wow this is almost my longest post ever...im so bored and in a rambling mood. I actually got logged out while i wrote this. Damn. Ok ill stop now.

 

[PariPari]

i'm gonna say no. i have a thing against ppl like me, can't stand them, (yes, I annoy myself as well).
a lot of the dr-dr couples i know hit the "baby" time & then boom, it's the girl taking the "easier" job etc, and my dad ruined my life by giving me whatever i wanted/making sure i could do what i want so i will NOT by any means be "mommy tracked" so hubby can go do all the cool med stuff while i sit at home w/ his kid. not gonna happen
plus i've heard med school is like highschool, i didn't date kids in my highschool either for reasons like i know you to well & you talked about your last gf during calc study group. they were fun to hang out w/ but not datable
i'll let my parents work their magic w/ their friends & intro me to an engineer/architect/cpa/self-employed guy rather than a doctor/pharmacist/dentist/lawyer/politician about 5 yrs older than me, who doesn't have to always be around me & be all maachmaach
but that's just me

although i tend to suffer from proximity crushes but i manage to keep that to myself & get over it quickly

 

[lilmissangel]

To answer the OPs question.
I used to think so, but I've now decided against it. Everyone I know has advised me against marriage until I'm done with med school, and I can see how it would be difficult to maintain a relationship while in med school (especially with a classmate).
I'd also like to marry a non-doc. I've decided I want a chef since I dont know how to cook. I'd def want someone who can share all the household duties including time needed to raise kids.

I think playing games, ie acting one way when you really feel another, is a bigger turn off... I think if you're serious about finding someone for a real-deal could go all the way relationship, there's nothing wrong with admitting that to yourself and to someone else when the time is right (not 1st date probably) if it turns the guy off, then he's not right anyway....trust me plenty of guys are out there looking for girls like y'all

Where the hell are they hiding? Not under any of the rocks I turned over.

 

[DrHuang]

You could just be a career person till your 40 then get a trophy wife/husband. alot of people seem to be happy with this route

 

[forevalwayzz]

sure, i'll find my, except she'll more likely to be a waitress than my fellow med students.

 

[DOC1987]

Try explaining to a woman that you have 1 day off a week (during clinical years) and all you want to do on that day is sleep. Only another med student would understand.

^Haha good point...i thought of grey's when i read that. christina to meredith: "he's a VET, you can't date him! he's not even a real doctor!" anyone remember that part?

anyway, yeah hangten i would definitely like to meet a guy in med school.. i feel like (most) guys at my undergrad uni are just not, um... bf material. and the ones that are are too busy to have a gf, unless it's someone they've already known for a while. but i know some older guys that have made it to med schools and surgical residency, and that's the kinda guy i think i'd make it with. hot, smart, got his head on straight, you know..

 

[chaeymaey]

i'll let my parents work their magic w/ their friends & intro me to an engineer/architect/cpa/self-employed guy rather than a doctor/pharmacist/dentist/lawyer/politician about 5 yrs older than me, who doesn't have to always be around me & be all maachmaach
but that's just me

Maachmaach...that's so cute.

 

[adiddas125]

lol significant other.

God, I love political correctness!

Why is significant other a politically correct term??? What if your not ready to call him/her a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?

 

[45408]

I'm planning on marrying a hot blond nurse personally. She can pay all my bills in med school.

 

[deleted50541]

I'm planning on marrying a hot blond nurse personally. She can pay all my bills in med school.

I was thinking along those same exact lines.

We should form a club for this sort of thing.

 

[kypdurron5]

For single pre-meds? Do you think you'll meet your future husband/wife in med school? Do you prefer someone in another field? Disregard looks, personality, bank account, etc. Who's hoping that med school has other perks like meeting their McDreamy?

You know, I certainly hope so since I've not found anyone thus far. I mean high school and undergrad years are filled with eligible singles, it seems as though med school will be the last time one is surrounded by a large group of eligible others for a lengthy period of time. Finding Mrs. Right is WHY I want to go to medical school...I don't think my interviewer was impressed with that answer though. Ok, kidding, but I'm really not getting any younger and like many, I hope medical school will provide opportunities to meet like-minded eligible females >).

sure, I'll find my, except she'll more likely to be a waitress than my fellow med students.

Lol, that's probably true. I'll likely end up marrying the cashier at the local coffee or pizza shop given the sheer time I'll be spending with them >).

 

[MDGuy07]

I'll also marry a nurse, or waitress or something like that.

I would never marry a girl who gets into medical school, it is problems waiting to happen, trust me.

 

[ADeadLois]

I'll also marry a nurse, or waitress or something like that.

I would never marry a girl who gets into medical school, it is problems waiting to happen, trust me.

Umm...what?

 

[deuist]

Umm...what?

That's an insta divorce waiting to happen.

 

[don juan]

One day I'm going to write a book, I swear it. But the thing is, people wouldn't believe that half of this stuff really happened.

All joking aside, it is very important to know yourself well enough to understand what it is that you really want and expect from a relationship. Any serious relationship (let alone a marriage) is going to require a ton of commitment and effort on your part (and theirs) to maintain it. At this point anyway, I have to be honest and say that I really don't want to do what it takes to successfully be part of a marriage. Bachelor #4 is a fantastic guy (we're still very close friends), but that doesn't change the fact that I just don't want to be married to ANYONE, period.

BTW, ladies, my experience is that if you come across as being desperate to get married, that turns a lot of guys off.

It's not a turn off if the guy would consider marrying you.

 

[don juan]

To answer the OPs question.
I used to think so, but I've now decided against it. Everyone I know has advised me against marriage until I'm done with med school, and I can see how it would be difficult to maintain a relationship while in med school (especially with a classmate).
I'd also like to marry a non-doc. I've decided I want a chef since I dont know how to cook. I'd def want someone who can share all the household duties including time needed to raise kids.


Where the hell are they hiding? Not under any of the rocks I turned over.

If you think doctors have crazy hours just wait until you meet a prime time chef

 

[mountainhare]

If you're a guy who says in all seriousness "I'd never marry a female medical student," chances are that most female medical students wouldn't want to marry a guy like you anyway. No matter how hard it is for educated women to find a mate in today's society, no intellectual girl would settle for a guy who sees female intellectualism as a liability. Girls have standards, too, you know.

This does raise an interesting issue, though: It may be easier than in the past for women to get into medical school, but society doesn't make it easy for women with MDs and other higher degrees to find spouses or have families. Societal equality has a long ways to go before it catches up with institutional equality. Statistics still show that as women become more and more educated, it becomes harder and harder for them to find mates. Why? Because many men are willing to marry women who are less educated than they, but most women prefer to marry men who are at least their intellectual equals. For example, male medical students have the option of marrying waitresses, but female medical students are generally unwilling or unable to marry male waiters. I've heard that this problem is especially acute in non-white communities: e.g., educated black women have an even harder time finding a mate than the average educated woman. So, while I'm keeping my mind open to the possibility of meeting a guy in medical school, the depressing statistics out there aren't the sort that would make me hold my breath. I guess that all of us girls are hoping we're exceptions to the trend.

 

[Vox Animo]

My gf is worried about me leaving her for a hot doctor
I tell her if i wanted a doctor i'd have left her already.

Any other guys getting that?

 

[Docmike2006]

I found that after seeing your classmates every day for 4 years, you get pretty tired of seeing them. Seeing even more of one of those people by dating him or her? A questionable idea, at best.

 

[kypdurron5]

If you're a guy who says in all seriousness "I'd never marry a female medical student," chances are that most female medical students wouldn't want to marry a guy like you anyway. No matter how hard it is for educated women to find a mate in today's society, no intellectual girl would settle for a guy who sees female intellectualism as a liability. Girls have standards, too, you know.

This does raise an interesting issue, though: It may be easier than in the past for women to get into medical school, but society doesn't make it easy for women with MDs and other higher degrees to find spouses or have families. Societal equality has a long ways to go before it catches up with institutional equality. Statistics still show that as women become more and more educated, it becomes harder and harder for them to find mates. Why? Because many men are willing to marry women who are less educated than they, but most women prefer to marry men who are at least their intellectual equals. For example, male medical students have the option of marrying waitresses, but female medical students are generally unwilling or unable to marry male waiters. I've heard that this problem is especially acute in non-white communities: e.g., educated black women have an even harder time finding a mate than the average educated woman. So, while I'm keeping my mind open to the possibility of meeting a guy in medical school, the depressing statistics out there aren't the sort that would make me hold my breath. I guess that all of us girls are hoping we're exceptions to the trend.

Bah, quit blaming everything on society. If you want to marry a waiter and won't because you want an intellectual equal...that has nothing to do with society. It's your own personal bias. Nor does having a family have anything to do with society. What, is being treated equally not good enough for you? Do you want special consideration for having children? Obviously so, you want society to make it "easier for you to have a family." It's one thing to say that men and women should be treated equally, but something else entirely to suggest that women should be given more consideration than men.

 

[OrganLibrarian]

Bah, quit blaming everything on society. If you want to marry a waiter and won't because you want an intellectual equal...that has nothing to do with society. It's your own personal bias. Nor does having a family have anything to do with society. What, is being treated equally not good enough for you? Do you want special consideration for having children? Obviously so, you want society to make it "easier for you to have a family." It's one thing to say that men and women should be treated equally, but something else entirely to suggest that women should be given more consideration than men.

Whoa, that was quite an irate response. I think what she was trying to say is that it's far more likely that you'll see a female waitress (or any other "uneducated" person) say, "Yay! Marry me, Dr. Robert Rey!" if he so desires, than it is that you'll see a male waiter, or businessman, or Mr. Whoever without a professional degree agree to marry a female physician with that Dr. title. I don't think this is a false statement, and I also think that societal norms are partially (although not entirely, of course, individual situations may vary blah blah) to blame for this. Who says she necessarily wants an intellectual equal? I like my men muscle-y and dumb as bricks. Chill, dude. Maybe you have a small peen?

 

[Jacks Mannequin]

Brains are a total turn on.
Oh yeah, show me your MCAT score, baby.

 

[MDGuy07]

This does raise an interesting issue, though: It may be easier than in the past for women to get into medical school, but society doesn't make it easy for women with MDs and other higher degrees to find spouses or have families. Societal equality has a long ways to go before it catches up with institutional equality.

Many males, as well as myself think that society was better 50 years ago when females put their families first instead of their careers.

I want a woman who will stay at home, or work part-time if she wants, but understands the family is her main priority not her job.

Most female medical students will never accept that because they're feminists, and thus I make the point that I will most likely never marry a girl I meet in medical school.

I'll be honest with you, most men do not want to marry a woman with equal education, especially a male physician, dentist or whatever. The chances of a female medical doctor finding a male with equal education to marry them are very small.

Female medical doctors tend to be feminists (ie. won't take their husbands last name) and this is a big turn off for alot of men, myself included.

Society was better off 50 years ago ....

 

[strawberryfield]

Brains are a total turn on.
Oh yeah, show me your MCAT score, baby.

agreed!

2 of the docs I work for are married to other physicans. Why? they understand each other and are not resentful of the time occupied by the other's job.

 

[MDGuy07]

Bah, quit blaming everything on society. If you want to marry a waiter and won't because you want an intellectual equal...that has nothing to do with society. It's your own personal bias. Nor does having a family have anything to do with society. What, is being treated equally not good enough for you? Do you want special consideration for having children? Obviously so, you want society to make it "easier for you to have a family." It's one thing to say that men and women should be treated equally, but something else entirely to suggest that women should be given more consideration than men.

Women today are very selfish. Your post makes a great point.

Women EXPECT employers to give them time off to have kids, go on maternity leaves and still have their job guaranteed to them.

In divorce court, the court will rule in the woman's favor every time.

In rape cases, like the Duke case, even if a woman ACCUSES you of rape, you're immediately guilty, and even if you are found innocent, your reputation is ruined and no woman would ever want to date you.

Woman hold all of the power in society, have the rights men do, but still pull the "I'm a helpless woman" card whenever it is to their benefit.

 

[Schaden Freud]

This is why I have already made the decision to note date any girl I meet in medical school.

Most women who make it to medical school have very strong feministic views, while I have very strong traditional values. So as you can see, we probably wouldn't get along well

tis called an au pair

 

[MDGuy07]

Whoa, that was quite an irate response. I think what she was trying to say is that it's far more likely that you'll see a female waitress (or any other "uneducated" person) say, "Yay! Marry me, Dr. Robert Rey!" if he so desires, than it is that you'll see a male waiter, or businessman, or Mr. Whoever without a professional degree agree to marry a female physician with that Dr. title. I don't think this is a false statement, and I also think that societal norms are partially (although not entirely, of course, individual situations may vary blah blah) to blame for this. Who says she necessarily wants an intellectual equal? I like my men muscle-y and dumb as bricks. Chill, dude. Maybe you have a small peen?

]

No need to insult the man. Maybe you are loose? They saggy and droopy?

Hyphenate your last name when you get married let me guess?

 

[mountainhare]

I love Organ Librarian's response (i.e., the part about "muscle-y men who are dumb as bricks," not the peen part), but I just want to clarify my original post, since I think kypdurron misunderstood me... I used the word "societal" as a term to denote all biases that are not institutional or hegemonic: i.e., all biases that do not get codified into some official body of laws or regulations. You, kypdurron, seem to be using the word "societal" to denote all biases that are not individual or "personal biases." Basically, we seem to be using the same word in two different ways, and this is why we seem to disagree. I don't think we actually disagree, though. I mean, I don't think there's anything objectively wrong with women who have a personal bias against marrying waiters (although I never said that I was one of those women), but I also don't think that there's anything objectively wrong with men who have a personal bias against marrying female medical students. I'm simply pointing out that it's a two-way street: waiters generally don't want to marry extremely educated women anyway, and female medical students don't want to marry the men who are biased against them, either. So, to some extent, our personal biases are moot.

The thing about children is a separate issue entirely. All I'm trying to say here is that it's ironic that we encourage our daughters to become well-educated, and, as soon as they're well-educated, we reward them by giving them a smaller pool of potential husbands to choose from and by making it difficult for them to balance family life with their careers. Perhaps someday educated women will become more open to the idea of marrying waiters, and male CEOs will become more open to the idea of marrying female CEOs, and perhaps some day more men will be open to the idea of sharing childraising duties. (I applaud those men who already are.) I'm just telling it like it currently is.

 

[OrganLibrarian]

Women today are very selfish. Your post makes a great point.

Women EXPECT employers to give them time off to have kids, go on maternity leaves and still have their job guaranteed to them.

In divorce court, the court will rule in the woman's favor every time.

In rape cases, like the Duke case, even if a woman ACCUSES you of rape, you're immediately guilty, and even if you are found innocent, your reputation is ruined and no woman would ever want to date you.

Woman hold all of the power in society, have the rights men do, but still pull the "I'm a helpless woman" card whenever it is to their benefit.

Don't pick on me. I'm a helpless woman!