How do you keep your marriage/LTR going well while in pharmacy school?

[adma826]

Actually, the original topic of this thread was about how to make a LTR last through professional school.

I have been finding it amusing and sad at the same time how the thread turned completely around.

If I were not already married, this thread would have me considering long term celibacy for my mental health.

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[DrPepsi]

Actually, the original topic of this thread was about how to make a LTR last through professional school.

Not in my conversation with pharmdstudent which is the topic at hand. And you say that I'M the one patronizing...

 

[Tinkerbell22]

Wha wha wha what? Do you not read what comes out of this forum? "Another crackhead came to the store today", "stupid druggies wanting their pain meds early", "I absolutely hate medicaid patients". I am a little sad that you think my view of relationships affects my ability to practice pharmacy. Tisk. Who are you to judge me as a pharmacist? How many years as a pharmacist have you worked?

You're 23? Then you're definitely too immature for a relationship. Are you going to look me in the internet eye and tell me that you've completely played the field? I don't think so. It's not that I'm intolerant, it's that I hate seeing guys getting pulled into something that isn't good for them. You claim that your goals and relationships have nothing to do with each other yet you think it's okay for women to steer men off their career path just so they have a "social network"? Pot meet kettle! You aren't a guy (I presume) so I don't like it that you are think it's okay to trap a guy into a relationship that shouldn't be happening. You don't know guys because you aren't one.



I'm beginning to sound like a bitter swiss army hammer? What the hell does that mean?

How am I bitter for telling it like it is? I'm a grown man and I'm way older than most of you. I achieved what I wanted in life and I'm happier than I could ever be. If you don't like hearing what I have to say then don't respond to it. Don't be an immature child and try to tell me that I'm "bitter" for disagreeing with you...it makes you sound like a delusional teenager.

There is a lot of immaturity and judgemental views from all levels, you just happen to be one of the above group in my eyes. Telling anyone about the kinds of relationships they should be having in the way you are going about it disappoints me more than some of the above statements.

Pretty much no one agrees with what you are saying, because you're spewing assumptions as if you are just grasping at straws to somehow validate your ridiculous assertion that women should not have boyfriends if they're unsure about marriage, or have not yet reached their goals (graduated from professional school, wtf?) (since I've already graduated from 'regular college' over a year ago).

You have no clue of my dating past, former long term relationships, etc... and I challenge you to quote my posts from this thread where I say anything about asking a boyfriend to follow me to school, give up their career, or make judgments on whether my relationship should or should not be happening. Reading comprehension my friend... I wasn't even the one who mentioned social networks, so please don't extrapolate that to your disagreement with me.

How do you sound bitter? You sound like someone who was burned in a past relationship and now holds contempt for any women who goes into a relationship (God forbid) and isn't sure if they're ready to marry that guy.

....

Ever heard of condoms? By the way, I had a patient a couple of years ago that contracted HIV from her husband. Staying committed to one person is no different from sleeping around when it comes to exposure to infections. Actually quite the opposite, you're more likely to catch something from unprotected sex with one person than protected sex with 10 people.

Are you serious? Condoms are generally safe, but don't always protect against every STD, especially those which can be contracted through contact from areas left exposed after the condom is properly worn. But I'm sure you know this... I'm also sure you might know it's possible for them to break occasionally, especially when not properly handled. Your one example of infidelity really does nothing for your arguement... I live in a town that is extremely affected by HIV and AIDs and I know people who've died after contracting it from their husband. I'm not an idiot... my cousin is a doctor working in the Department of HIV/AIDs and STD prevention at the CDC in Atlanta. I know enough to make my own choices about promiscuity.

 

[rxlea]

Not in my conversation with pharmdstudent which is the topic at hand. And you say that I'M the one patronizing...

I'm stating a fact Dr. Pepsi. Threads can go off topic from time to time, but sometimes they stray into an area that does not foster good discussion. The conversation about whether or not someone should have a boyfriend doesn't really have anything to do with how to maintain a LTR while in professional school.

 

[Tinkerbell22]

Condoms don't protect against genital warts if they're present outside of where the condom fits. Wise up!
Oh, and "raw" is not a true medical term relating to sex.

Or genital herpes... and let's not forget about the ubiquitous oral cold sore. He might think I am immature... I consider myself cautious.

Sorry if I am blamed for not wanting to council patients with a giant sore on my face if I can try and help it (no offense to anyone). Sorry if I find it extremely irresponsible for a health care provider to encourage young adults to 'play the field' and sleep around before they are actually married. You must be a lot older, because you sound like an overly optimistic man from the times of "free love" and non-existent HIV.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

This thread is FAR afield of the original topic. That isn't necessarily a problem, but the fighting, name calling and squaring off against each other IS a problem. Also, if the topic gets too racy, the thread will end up moved to the Lounge. Thanks.

 

[desklamp]

Actually, the original topic of this thread was about how to make a LTR last through professional school.

Lol yeah I came back to this thread hoping for some more tidbits of enlightenment on LTRs and ended up reading about why it's better to have a booty call instead of a relationship...or something.

btw the answer to why you would have a relationship but not want to get married vs. just booty calls is because when you're in a relationship you basically have booty call on tap -_-.

 

[Ackj]

I am not opposed to living in Appalachia. In fact, I think it is one of the most beautiful regions in the whole US. The problem lies in finding a job where domestic partner benefits are available, among other things. Mayo has some of the best DP benefits I have ever seen and it would be difficult to give that up. I don't know if other documents (such as advanced directives) apply out of state if I were to move or anything. I would have to ask my lawyer about all that. Marriage grants like a thousand rights so it takes a number of documents to secure everything. I don't have that much of a problem here because my employer would allow visitation and honor any advanced directives. Also, my parents would never keep my gf from making decisions. She has been welcome in my family from the start. Other same-sex couples are not so lucky :/ and "advance directives" can be challenged in court by family members and are often won. It's really ******ed. Then there are adoption laws and since we are going to have children, that presents other issues. It is a real PITA and, for many couples, costs a lot of money to secure everthing. Luckily I am friends with the right people so my lawyer does all that stuff out of the kindness of her heart. If I could find an employer like where I work now, I would go to the East Coast in the heartbeat. We will probably end up there eventually because we have had our fill of the West Coast culture, which has been extremely disappointing and quite frustrating at times. The other day I saw a caption on CNN that said "United States vs. Arizona". I LOL'd. Like, the ENTIRE US against Arizona hahaha This place is batty but I grew up here and it sucks to be the subject of ridicule even though Arizona does nothing for my rights. I will leave this place one day (hopefully) and I probably won't look back. I am not that much of a "liberal" politically but I at least want to live around people that don't treat me like I am a piece of ****.

See, I don't particularly care about gay marriage, and I don't like straight marriage either. There should NOT be this many govt interventions on your personal life, regardless of your orientation. You should be able to live with whomever you like, give POA and visitation to whomever, benefits should be on a household (not marital status) basis, etc. That way, it doesn't matter who or what you love, because its your personal life, not your financial/ legal/ professional/ etc life.

Sure its the whole commitment to the person, and everybody is raised to want a nice big marriage with their family and friends and all that. But why should that involve all of these other aspects? Makes no sense to me. Yeah, I'll probably get married eventually, but I'm living with my girlfriend now, and that should be enough to give us rights.

 

[charfdorn]

Lol yeah I came back to this thread hoping for some more tidbits of enlightenment on LTRs and ended up reading about why it's better to have a booty call instead of a relationship...or something.

btw the answer to why you would have a relationship but not want to get married vs. just booty calls is because when you're in a relationship you basically have booty call on tap -_-.

I came back to this thread and found Dr. Pepsi banned! Did that happen because of this or something else?

I love that she (Dr. Pepsi was a she, right?) thought a 23-year-old was too immature to get married... I know 40-year-olds who are too immature to get married. It isn't about how old you are. My wife and I were both 21, and we felt we had played the field enough to know who we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with. I didn't have to sleep with dozens of other women to know I'd found the one for me. And thinking that I should seems immature to me. "Baby, I love you, but I want to make sure. Let's both sleep around for five or ten years and see how we feel then." Gimme a break.

Still, I think I'ma miss Dr. Pepsi.

 

[rxlea]

While I agree with you on most of your statement, it is much more complicated than "anyone should be able to love whoever without government intervention"....

But, that is a discussion for another day

 

[Ackj]

My first 6 year relationship with a guy who went to med school was a fail because he refused to talk to me for more than 15 minutes a day.

Isn't that how all physicians are? They're under pressure to see a new person every 15 minutes. Blame the system, not him.

 

[Ackj]

While I agree with you on most of your statement, it is much more complicated than "anyone should be able to love whoever without government intervention"....

But, that is a discussion for another day

If not for government intervention, what's stopping your and your gf from standing in front of your friends and family while a person asks the two of you a few yes or know questions before you exchange some jewelry?

 

[charfdorn]

While I agree with you on most of your statement, it is much more complicated than "anyone should be able to love whoever without government intervention"....

But, that is a discussion for another day

I think the law should allow any two consenting adults to love each other, and should afford the same legal benefits to any such couple willing to publicly proclaim such a commitment to each other, end of discussion.

That said, I'm against gay marriage in the same way I'm against abortion: I'm never going to get one.

 

[Ackj]

I think the law should allow any two consenting adults to love each other, and should afford the same legal benefits to any such couple willing to publicly proclaim such a commitment to each other, end of discussion.

That said, I'm against gay marriage in the same way I'm against abortion: I'm never going to get one.

For your sake, I hope you don't support the death penalty

 

[charfdorn]

For your sake, I hope you don't support the death penalty

Good one. And no, I don't, but not because I don't want one.

 

[rxlea]

If not for government intervention, what's stopping your and your gf from standing in front of your friends and family while a person asks the two of you a few yes or know questions before you exchange some jewelry?

I understand what you are saying, really. But society tends not to take same-sex relationships seriously and this is deep seeded. Furthermore, if something were to happen to either one of us, especially after we have children, we would not get the same government sanctioned rights that heterosexual married couples get. We cannot file taxes jointly, we are subject to additional taxation on any domestic partner health benefits (ie they count the benefits as imputed income which is then taxed in addition to the actual cost of the insurance), we cannot adopt the children of our partner in some states, pensions/retirement benefits are not granted should my partner die, there are hospital visitation issues outside of where I work, etc.etc. There are actually about 1100 rights that married couples get when they sign a legally recognized marriage license. But, so many people are opposed to allowing same-sex couples to do that. It makes for a lot of documents, legal fees, and headache for most same-sex couples and even then, not all the rights will be given unless the laws change. Heterosexual couples don't have to go through that, much less the discrimination, hatred, oppression associated with being gay. But, like I said, it is a complicated issue and probably belongs somewhere other than this thread. If you are actually interested in the topic, I can certainly point you in the direction of some good information.

 

[Ackj]

Furthermore, if something were to happen to either one of us, especially after we have children, we would not get the same government sanctioned rights that heterosexual married couples get. We cannot file taxes jointly, we are subject to additional taxation on any domestic partner health benefits (ie they count the benefits as imputed income which is then taxed in addition to the actual cost of the insurance), we cannot adopt the children of our partner in some states, pensions/retirement benefits are not granted should my partner die, there are hospital visitation issues outside of where I work, etc.etc. There are actually about 1100 rights that married couples get when they sign a legally recognized marriage license. But, so many people are opposed to allowing same-sex couples to do that. It makes for a lot of documents, legal fees, and headache f

This all needs to be removed from marriage. If I (as a straight guy) have a girlfriend (not a wife) I want to share in these things too. Marriage, which started out being a religious ritual, shouldn't be concerned. Could you imagine if somebody couldn't vote because they weren't baptized? Or what if you weren't eligible for federal aid before your bar/bat mitzva? Seems ridiculous in those contexts, so why do we make the exception for marriage?

 

[PharmDstudent]

You say that is if you had anything to do with it. If you did then he shouldn't be bragging, why would anyone brag about their SO buying their career?

He completed an apprenticeship and pays for school with student loans- like a lot of other students.

Some people just need direction...


My mother is excellent with money and fiercely independent, so I give her credit for directing me.

 

[Old Timer]

This really has been an interesting thread to read. I really can't say I'm shocked by the comments posted here. It's indicative of the way society is going. Some of it saddens me because people don't really understand what it means to be married to another person. It's not the same as living together.

The real issue is that the reasons that people marry have changed over time. As I pointed out in another thread women married for security, both physical and financial. Men married for regular food, regular laundry and regular sex. Now women can provide for themselves and men can get regular food, regular laundry and regular sex without getting married. So why get married in the first place?

Another issue is people misunderstand the difference between love and lust. It's easy to sustain a relationship in the white hot beginning when passion runs rampant in a relationship.

It's amazing to listen to the back and forth. If a woman follows a man she's a ____________ if a man follows a woman he's a ____________.Your career is important. Your education is important. Make a booty call, have a boyfriend, don't have a boyfriend. Blah, blah, blah. There is nothing in your life that will bring you more joy and happiness than a good marriage.

If everything in your life is about the self, than you are on the road to joining the USN, The United States of Narcissists. It can't always be about you. It's lonely to be by yourself. The idea of marriage is laid out pretty plainly in the Bible:

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.

Genesis 2:24

Forget the theology, what the biblical authors are telling us that marriage is a change of status. You are not just two people living together. You don't just become one flesh, you become one in a spiritual sense. What I'm trying to say is that marriage is not a 50-50 partnership where each person is responsible for 50% of of the relationship, 50% of the money, 50% of the chores. You are each responsible for 100% of the relationship. If that means you follow someone across the country, you follow them. You each do what it takes to make it work. That means you always have each other. Life is a journey and sharing the road with someone you love and someone who loves you changes the journey in ways you could not even imagine.

For those of you in a long distance relationship. It's really not that hard. If you love the other person, you do without the sex for a couple of months at a time. You speak on the phone, in short you do what it takes. How long will you really be apart? Is your need to get laid on a regular basis so strong that you would be willing to throw away a relationship? Is self control so lacking today?

I have been happily married to an amazing woman for longer than most of you have been alive. I have some perspective on what it takes to make a relationship strong and lasting.

Marriage is hard work, but like most things that take hard work, the rewards are immense and like most things that come easy, they are not usually valued or appreciated as much as those we work hard to attain.

 

[Tinkerbell22]

This really has been an interesting thread to read. I really can't say I'm shocked by the comments posted here. It's indicative of the way society is going. Some of it saddens me because people don't really understand what it means to be married to another person. It's not the same as living together.

The real issue is that the reasons that people marry have changed over time. As I pointed out in another thread women married for security, both physical and financial. Men married for regular food, regular laundry and regular sex. Now women can provide for themselves and men can get regular food, regular laundry and regular sex without getting married. So why get married in the first place?

Another issue is people misunderstand the difference between love and lust. It's easy to sustain a relationship in the white hot beginning when passion runs rampant in a relationship.

It's amazing to listen to the back and forth. If a woman follows a man she's a ____________ if a man follows a woman he's a ____________.Your career is important. Your education is important. Make a booty call, have a boyfriend, don't have a boyfriend. Blah, blah, blah. There is nothing in your life that will bring you more joy and happiness than a good marriage.

If everything in your life is about the self, than you are on the road to joining the USN, The United States of Narcissists. It can't always be about you. It's lonely to be by yourself. The idea of marriage is laid out pretty plainly in the Bible:

Genesis 2:24

Forget the theology, what the biblical authors are telling us that marriage is a change of status. You are not just two people living together. You don't just become one flesh, you become one in a spiritual sense. What I'm trying to say is that marriage is not a 50-50 partnership where each person is responsible for 50% of of the relationship, 50% of the money, 50% of the chores. You are each responsible for 100% of the relationship. If that means you follow someone across the country, you follow them. You each do what it takes to make it work. That means you always have each other. Life is a journey and sharing the road with someone you love and someone who loves you changes the journey in ways you could not even imagine.

For those of you in a long distance relationship. It's really not that hard. If you love the other person, you do without the sex for a couple of months at a time. You speak on the phone, in short you do what it takes. How long will you really be apart? Is your need to get laid on a regular basis so strong that you would be willing to throw away a relationship? Is self control so lacking today?

I have been happily married to an amazing woman for longer than most of you have been alive. I have some perspective on what it takes to make a relationship strong and lasting.

Marriage is hard work, but like most things that take hard work, the rewards are immense and like most things that come easy, they are not usually valued or appreciated as much as those we work hard to attain.

I agree that the first couple of years in a relationship are the easiest (thriving off of lust or whatever), but some people just don't believe in needing marriage to show a change of status or an excuse to follow someone, etc. I might be really young and have a lot to learn, but I know a little. I've only been in two serious relationships, yet both of them lasted 4 years or longer. I've also been single for 3 years of my adult life as well and just dated people. I know that's not a lot compared to being married for several decades or anything, but I think you can have all of the above which you described without being married. I see married couples all the time who are nothing like what you described, and I see un-married couples last a lifetime. I believe marriage was a man-made institution, unlike love and partnership which has been around since the beginning of time. Everyone's opinion on the matter is going to vary widely depending on personal beliefs and how they were raised, and I don't expect anyone to understand or change their mind based on what I, or anyone else says on a forum.

 

[rxlea]

Well said, Old Timer. There is nothing better than going home to the one you love after a long, overwhelming day to just BE together. It doesn't have to be sexual at all. I have found that the best relationships I have had have been with people where the silence is comfortable and where I don't have to explain what I am thinking because my partner just understands. There is comfort in knowing that someone loves you as you are, in all your beauty and all your imperfections. I believe "marriage" or a "partnership" is exactly like you described- coming together spiritually. And people on this forum might sit and debate what "spiritual" means or doesn't mean, but anybody who has shared some special connection with someone, even for a moment, knows what I am talking about. Getting married or deciding to be committed honors that connection, whether you do it in front of your family and friends, or your God/higher power, nature/universe, or whatever. I do think the institution of marriage serves a purpose but not everyone needs it. People can have spiritual connections outside of marriage, too.

 

[Old Timer]

I know that's not a lot compared to being married for several decades or anything, but I think you can have all of the above which you described without being married. I see married couples all the time who are nothing like what you described, and I see un-married couples last a lifetime. I believe marriage was a man-made institution, unlike love and partnership which has been around since the beginning of time.

First marriage is also a legal commitment and it's meant to not be unraveled easily. You announce your commitment to society. Notice carefully I stressed a good marriage. It's clearly better to be single or live with someone in a good relationship than have a bad marriage. Marriage is ALL-in and living together holds something back. If it wasn't there would be NO reason not to get married as you gain all kinds of financial benefits being married.

Finally, I really do not expect people to change their mind because I wrote something on the Internet. What I do hope is that some of you will look at things in a different light and think about things in a different light.

p.s. You are right, there is no comparison to being in a dating relationship for four years and being married for 27 years.

 

[Ackj]

This really has been an interesting thread to read. I really can't say I'm shocked by the comments posted here. It's indicative of the way society is going. Some of it saddens me because people don't really understand what it means to be married to another person. It's not the same as living together.

The real issue is that the reasons that people marry have changed over time. As I pointed out in another thread women married for security, both physical and financial. Men married for regular food, regular laundry and regular sex. Now women can provide for themselves and men can get regular food, regular laundry and regular sex without getting married. So why get married in the first place?

Another issue is people misunderstand the difference between love and lust. It's easy to sustain a relationship in the white hot beginning when passion runs rampant in a relationship.

It's amazing to listen to the back and forth. If a woman follows a man she's a ____________ if a man follows a woman he's a ____________.Your career is important. Your education is important. Make a booty call, have a boyfriend, don't have a boyfriend. Blah, blah, blah. There is nothing in your life that will bring you more joy and happiness than a good marriage.

If everything in your life is about the self, than you are on the road to joining the USN, The United States of Narcissists. It can't always be about you. It's lonely to be by yourself. The idea of marriage is laid out pretty plainly in the Bible:

Genesis 2:24

Forget the theology, what the biblical authors are telling us that marriage is a change of status. You are not just two people living together. You don't just become one flesh, you become one in a spiritual sense. What I'm trying to say is that marriage is not a 50-50 partnership where each person is responsible for 50% of of the relationship, 50% of the money, 50% of the chores. You are each responsible for 100% of the relationship. If that means you follow someone across the country, you follow them. You each do what it takes to make it work. That means you always have each other. Life is a journey and sharing the road with someone you love and someone who loves you changes the journey in ways you could not even imagine.

For those of you in a long distance relationship. It's really not that hard. If you love the other person, you do without the sex for a couple of months at a time. You speak on the phone, in short you do what it takes. How long will you really be apart? Is your need to get laid on a regular basis so strong that you would be willing to throw away a relationship? Is self control so lacking today?

I have been happily married to an amazing woman for longer than most of you have been alive. I have some perspective on what it takes to make a relationship strong and lasting.

Marriage is hard work, but like most things that take hard work, the rewards are immense and like most things that come easy, they are not usually valued or appreciated as much as those we work hard to attain.

Don't get all soft on us now. I'm sure this is great advice and you're a real-life sweetheart, but this is out of character for your online persona. Tell us how we're idiots and have no idea what we're talking about.

 

[rxlea]

Don't get all soft on us now. I'm sure this is great advice and you're a real-life sweetheart, but this is out of character for your online persona. Tell us how we're idiots and have no idea what we're talking about.

If people were a little more "soft" to one another, I think things would be a lot easier. This involves compassion and it is something that is hard to learn and maintain. It is easy to be a jerk on the internet where you can hide behind some silly avatar. Then again, it is often on the internet where someone's true nature can come out from time to time. Yes, the internet is full of people who lie and cheat and make **** up about their life. But, the internet is also full of people who share their opinions and innermost feelings about various things. At times, the internet can be a place where people can "be real", although I must say that in my experience this is rare. Too bad more people don't take the opportunity to open up instead of sitting around bashing people and taking out their anger for the world on internet fora. That's what video games are for

 

[Its Z]

Don't get all soft on us now. I'm sure this is great advice and you're a real-life sweetheart, but this is out of character for your online persona. Tell us how we're idiots and have no idea what we're talking about.

You're an idiot and you don't know what you're talking about!

 

[Old Timer]

Don't get all soft on us now. I'm sure this is great advice and you're a real-life sweetheart, but this is out of character for your online persona. Tell us how we're idiots and have no idea what we're talking about.

Like most human beings, I live in the duality between what the Rabbis called the Yetzer Hara and the Yetzer Hatov (the good inclination). There is a difference between somebody saying something stupid about the practice of pharmacy and somebody commenting about their views of life and love based on what they have observed. One I would call stupid (though I probably shouldn't) and the other I wouldn't.

So there are times I am a real sweetheart and there are time I am less so.... I try to be more the former and less the latter.

 

[scoobygrl79]

I might be really young and have a lot to learn, but I know a little. I've only been in two serious relationships, yet both of them lasted 4 years or longer. I've also been single for 3 years of my adult life as well and just dated people.

Whoa, Mama! Don't sell yourself short now...that is quite a bit of relationship experience for only the age of 23 ! 2 long term guys x 4 yrs + 3yrs of singlehood dating = 11 yrs! I'm ashamed to admit I have 7 yrs on you & cannot claim to be even a fraction as savvy in that dept. When did you start?

 

[scoobygrl79]

For those of you in a long distance relationship. It's really not that hard. If you love the other person, you do without the sex for a couple of months at a time.

Awww, I DID do without (...and didnt even get the action once in a couple of months at a time), I must have really loved that dangerous boy. Scoobygrl = big time Sucker-grl !!

 

[PharmDstudent]

I've left the country for an internship and been engaged. In both instances, I was hurt more than any other time in my life.

I was dumped for leaving to do the internship and built more character than humanly possible after the engagement fell through.

Marriage is nice in theory, but the damage that can result if it doesn't "go as planned" is undeniably intense.

Sure, the guy who, I bounced back and forth with and ended up dumping me before my trip, wanted me back later on, and the one that I was engaged to reluctantly rebounded to his ex... but the emotional energy that it took to convince myself that it was over nearly devastated me.

So, the emotions that have to be invested in the making and desolving of relationships are too precious to waste on relationships that may not last- with or without the ADDED stress of marriage.

 

[Tinkerbell22]

First marriage is also a legal commitment and it's meant to not be unraveled easily. You announce your commitment to society. Notice carefully I stressed a good marriage. It's clearly better to be single or live with someone in a good relationship than have a bad marriage. Marriage is ALL-in and living together holds something back. If it wasn't there would be NO reason not to get married as you gain all kinds of financial benefits being married.

Finally, I really do not expect people to change their mind because I wrote something on the Internet. What I do hope is that some of you will look at things in a different light and think about things in a different light.

p.s. You are right, there is no comparison to being in a dating relationship for four years and being married for 27 years.

Unfortunately, if I had to guess, most marriages never even make it nearly as long as you've described, and many of them don't even make it longer than 4 years... society has changed quite a bit for our generation. I'm not saying I prefer things the way they are, or the joke our society has made of marriage, but that's how it is, and I would guess this forum is a probably a good indicator of how the young adult population views marriage in general.

Whoa, Mama! Don't sell yourself short now...that is quite a bit of relationship experience for only the age of 23 ! 2 long term guys x 4 yrs + 3yrs of singlehood dating = 11 yrs! I'm ashamed to admit I have 7 yrs on you & cannot claim to be even a fraction as savvy in that dept. When did you start?

I don't really feel cheated at all. I had an amazing high school and undergrad experience, which many people I have come across don't relate to very well (they hated high school, or didn't go to college, etc). I admit I was kind of young, but I guess you could say I grew up faster than some people in my age group. I started dating my first boyfriend in 8th grade and we broke up the summer before my senior year because he graduated and I wanted to have a different high school experience. I vowed to remain single for at least 4 years, but I only managed to last 3, oh well. lol My current boyfriend was off and on at first because we lived in separate cities, but we eventually moved in together. During those three years of being single I enjoyed being a high school senior, two wonderful years in college, and if my current relationship does not work out I would honestly make the absolute best of my years to come in pharmacy school. I'm definitely not a romantic, but I'm optimistic and I'm a realist.

 

[Old Timer]

Marriage is nice in theory, but the damage that can result if it doesn't "go as planned" is undeniably intense.

You were not married and when it did not go as planned you were devastated. This is not an argument against marriage. It's an argument against living. If you go through life trying to avoid being hurt, you are not alive. Marriage is not just nice in theory. It's amazing in real life. It causes personal growth and development.

So, the emotions that have to be invested in the making and desolving of relationships are too precious to waste on relationships that may not last- with or without the ADDED stress of marriage.

How do you know a relationship will last? How does marriage add stress? Either there is no difference between being married and having a live-in or there is a difference. Which is it. What is the alternative?

Marriage is, as I have said, all in. You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You have to put yourself in a place where you might be hurt. You have to put your life in someone else's hands. If you try to live a pain free life, you are cheating yourself out of the possibility having the most precious gift in life in order not to be hurt. Not a good trade off in my opinion.

 

[desklamp]

So, the emotions that have to be invested in the making and desolving of relationships are too precious to waste on relationships that may not last- with or without the ADDED stress of marriage.

This is VERY well said. On that subject, let's say your SO wants to try a 4-year+ long term relationship with you while you go off to pharm/med/law school. But then tells you flat out that, in the future, s/he refuses to "follow" you where you may end up (even though you tell them you are willing to go where they go if you can find a residency/job there), unless s/he really likes the city you end up in. Would this long term relationship even be worth pursuing? Let's say that, s/he says there is a small chance that s/he might change his/her mindset as s/he gets older.

 

[Old Timer]

This is VERY well said. On that subject, let's say your SO wants to try a 4-year+ long term relationship with you while you go off to pharm/med/law school. But then tells you flat out that, in the future, s/he refuses to "follow" you where you may end up (even though you tell them you are willing to go where they go if you can find a residency/job there), unless s/he really likes the city you end up in. Would this long term relationship even be worth pursuing? Let's say that, s/he says there is a small chance that s/he might change his/her mindset as s/he gets older.

No, very poorly said and then very poorly argued. That's not the definition of a long term relationship, it's not the definition of any relationship. It means, I'll stay with you & have sex with you while you're here and if I'll continue to have sex with you afterwards as long as your here. But if you get a residency in Oklahoma, I'll stay here and find someone else to have sex with. The relationship you are describing is a 4 year booty call....

 

[scoobygrl79]

I don't really feel cheated at all. I had an amazing high school and undergrad experience, which many people I have come across don't relate to very well (they hated high school, or didn't go to college, etc). I admit I was kind of young, but I guess you could say I grew up faster than some people in my age group. I started dating my first boyfriend in 8th grade and we broke up the summer before my senior year because he graduated and I wanted to have a different high school experience. I vowed to remain single for at least 4 years, but I only managed to last 3, oh well. lol My current boyfriend was off and on at first because we lived in separate cities, but we eventually moved in together. During those three years of being single I enjoyed being a high school senior, two wonderful years in college, and if my current relationship does not work out I would honestly make the absolute best of my years to come in pharmacy school. I'm definitely not a romantic, but I'm optimistic and I'm a realist.

Yes, this makes a tad more sense why I'm so behind you ...I worked fulltime all through highschool so no boy...then my 1st boyfriend around 18 lasted for about 5yrs through college before I was nearly left at the altar (running off w/another gal just weeks before the big day qualifies to me ). Then I was a bitter b*tch for a few years & there aint a man in the world that would have put up w/my crap even if he had a GUN to his head (..he would begged for someone to pull the trigger...and I would not have blamed him)......haha, I couldn't care less, I was more wishing I could do Salma Hayek's table dance in From Dusk til Dawn (I'd post a youtube but is prob not appropriate, I'm generally not a rule breaker) than wishing for a silly boy. Finally, I stopped being single. So THAT'S how a 23 yr old gains more romantic know-how....

 

[Momus]

You don't need to get married to build a family and have kids...
You don't need to get married to be in monogamous relationship...
You don't need to get married to say you are in a relationship...

Define relationship?

Whether you are married or not, the couple has to face and work through the problems in their relationship. If the decision is that they want to split no matter what happen... (i.e irreconcilable differences, or whatever) What's the point in having a marriage certificate? Prolonging the process of splitting and bickering through lawyers and bureaucrat?

 

[scoobygrl79]

You don't need to get married to build a family and have kids...
You don't need to get married to be in monogamous relationship...
You don't need to get married to say you are in a relationship...

Define relationship?

Whether you are married or not, the couple has to face and work through the problems in their relationship. If the decision is that they want to split no matter what happen... (i.e irreconcilable differences, or whatever) What's the point in having a marriage certificate? Prolonging the process of splitting and bickering through lawyers and bureaucrat?

yeah, i hear ya but I think one of the main arguments is that maybe when you have the legal strings, you might work harder at keeping it going...but I agree that all should work hard w. or w/o it. I'm a bad example......I used to pack my bags over small stuff all the time (hey, I never said I wasn't a brat)...but now, same man, same small annoying stuff only difference is the marriage cert...uh, not so much. Now the lugguge is stored way deep in the basement, and I don't think "getting pissed & packing up" would leave as much of a dramatic impression if I used grocery sacks...so im ever so slightly more behaved now

 

[Its Z]

If you're for marriage...go get married and be happy.
If you're not, then don't get married and be happy.

But no sense in criticizing any of these decisions nor try to argue and convince why one is right or wrong.

Useless thread. Ban thread and delete user...or vice versa.


After all, this is a pharmacy (photography, NCAA football) forum...not a marriage/relationship forum.

 

[scoobygrl79]

I understand, Town Bully....but Ive read all the new postings on Pharmacy Threads, NCAA FB is outta season, and nobody has posted any new pics in Photography..why dont you post some for us..do you have any of big trees?

 

[rxlea]

I wonder what this forum would be like if you were making all the decisions, Z

 

[Its Z]

I wonder what this forum would be like if you were making all the decisions, Z

You will learn what it's like to live under Kim Jong Il's regime ...

 

[Its Z]

I understand, Town Bully....but Ive read all the new postings on Pharmacy Threads, NCAA FB is outta season, and nobody has posted any new pics in Photography..why dont you post some for us..do you have any of big trees?

yes I have pictures of big trees.

 

[Trankuil]

If you're for marriage...go get married and be happy.
If you're not, then don't get married and be happy.

But no sense in criticizing any of these decisions nor try to argue and convince why one is right or wrong.

Useless thread. Ban thread and delete user...or vice versa.


After all, this is a pharmacy (photography, NCAA football) forum...not a marriage/relationship forum.

Bring on NCAA football season!

 

[scoobygrl79]

If you're for marriage...go get married and be happy.
If you're not, then don't get married and be happy.

Wait...just noticed you didn't offer a booty call option.

you know like
c) go get a booty call, be happy

 

[joetrisman]

Wait...just noticed you didn't offer a booty call option.

you know like
c) go get a booty call, be happy

I believe that's implied in option b

 

[scoobygrl79]

I believe that's implied in option b

perhaps, but option B may involve right or left hands...

 

[scoobygrl79]

Nevermind...forgot those hands can be used in option A...my post was worthless

 

[Tinkerbell22]

Yes, this makes a tad more sense why I'm so behind you ...I worked fulltime all through highschool so no boy...then my 1st boyfriend around 18 lasted for about 5yrs through college before I was nearly left at the altar (running off w/another gal just weeks before the big day qualifies to me ). Then I was a bitter b*tch for a few years & there aint a man in the world that would have put up w/my crap even if he had a GUN to his head (..he would begged for someone to pull the trigger...and I would not have blamed him)......haha, I couldn't care less, I was more wishing I could do Salma Hayek's table dance in From Dusk til Dawn (I'd post a youtube but is prob not appropriate, I'm generally not a rule breaker) than wishing for a silly boy. Finally, I stopped being single. So THAT'S how a 23 yr old gains more romantic know-how....

I actually have that movie... it was surprisingly entertaining for a "vampire" movie, but maybe that's just because I Salma Kayek

 

[Tinkerbell22]

You don't need to get married to build a family and have kids...
You don't need to get married to be in monogamous relationship...
You don't need to get married to say you are in a relationship...

Define relationship?

Whether you are married or not, the couple has to face and work through the problems in their relationship. If the decision is that they want to split no matter what happen... (i.e irreconcilable differences, or whatever) What's the point in having a marriage certificate? Prolonging the process of splitting and bickering through lawyers and bureaucrat?

completely agree.

 

[Old Timer]

Whether you are married or not, the couple has to face and work through the problems in their relationship. If the decision is that they want to split no matter what happen... (i.e irreconcilable differences, or whatever) What's the point in having a marriage certificate? Prolonging the process of splitting and bickering through lawyers and bureaucrat?

It's not at all like that. Most if not all states have common law marriage. You will still have the same problems untangling as a married couple. If that was the case men would never marry as they would never have to give the woman anything. If you think living together makes the splitting easier financially or emotionally you are being unrealistic.

 

[Its Z]

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