Wow, okay, this thread has gone to the dogs. OP, in all seriousness, you need to do six things:
1. Take a year to get a job, any job, and learn to work hard, and reflect on your reasons for pursuing a career in medicine. You need to live independently from your parents, because it'll help you grow up a little.
2. If you are still dead set on becoming a physician, then try to enroll in a community college and take a full load of hard science courses to prove that your previous grades were due to laziness and not a low IQ.
3. Print out your original post from this thread and hang it on your bedroom wall so that you will see it every day and remember not to do more stupid stuff.
4. If, at the end of a year of coursework, you have aced everything, start studying for the MCAT. Refer to other threads on SDN to determine an MCAT study plan.
5. Take the MCAT. Do NOT take it until you are pretty darn sure you can kill it (>512).
6. Apply to medical school, if that's what you want. Apply DO and MD. Only apply to MD schools that look kindly on reinvention. I would wait at least four years from now to apply. You had four years of bad behavior/choices in college. Now, you need to offset it with four years of great behavior.
That's my opinion. It won't work if you don't decide to just buckle down and do what you need to do.