Marriage and Name Changing

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gujuDoc said:
Uh women gained the right to vote in 1920 last I checked. i'm not sure what you are trying to say with your post.
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:laugh:
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JimmyChitwood said:
I was not aware that women had the power to choose their last name...what's next? voting rights, too?
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lol makes me think of this random segment I saw on TV. I don't know if it was Jimmy Kimmel Live or The Man Show but I remember Kimmel was on the TV and they were petitioning the average joe passerby to end "Women's Suffrage":laugh:
 
I changed my last name because my husband's is so much shorter and easier to say. I've been married three years and it still makes me happy that random strangers look at my last name and say it correctly now. I did keep my maiden name as a second middle name. You can have as many middle names as you like, more and more forms are accepting multiple middle initials. Occasionally people misread my full name as being two last names, but that is easy to fix.
 
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I'd be pissed if my fiance didnt take my last name. Then again I don't date girls who would feel strongly about something like this
 
I changed my last after we got married (our third anniversary was last week). My maiden name is my father's last name and I don't have a very good relationship with him, and people CONSTANTLY mispronounced it (including at our wedding... by the monsignor of our parish since I was in pre-school, and my college graduation :mad:) even though it isn't difficult to pronounce. I would have had a harder time deciding to change it if I had my mother's last name, but as it is, I couldn't wait.

I am matriculating this year and since I was married before starting medical school I plan on being Dr. MarriedName. Even if we were to ever divorce, I would still keep my married name anyway since I have no desire to go back to my father's last name and I'd rather I have the same last name as my children.

I know some married doctors at my job, and while most of them have kept their maiden name in regards to their license and everything if they were single when they started practicing medicine (changing your name is a PITA and being a licensed professional makes it even a bigger PITA) but go by Mrs. MarriedName in other regards. I could not do that. I'm annoyed my stupid bank still has my maiden name on my debit card despite several requests to change it. :laugh:
 
Well I guess since this thread's been bumped I'll contribute. Keeping some element of my last name is really important to me for a few reasons: 1) I'll be the 4th generation Dr. MyLastName; 2) I have the same initials as my dad and grandpa (both doctors), so I'd like to keep that bond between us; 3) if I practice in my hometown, it'd be nice to have the name recognition. But on the other hand, I guess I'm an old-fashioned girl deep down, and I like the traditional aspect of taking my husband's name. I think he'd prefer that as well. So I think that if we decide to get married during medical school (which seems to be the plan) I'll change my last name and add my last name as a second middle name. That way I'd still have my same initials - just with another letter added on. And since my first name and his last name are both pretty short, I could write Juliedi MyLastName HisName, MD or something like that on my white coat or whatever without it being too long, so the name recognition would still be there if I end up in my hometown. But legally I'd be Juliedi HisName.

...but if we wait until after med school to get married, that might be another story. I've also heard that it's a pain to change your name on all the official licensing info.
 
gujuDoc said:
The whole dashed last names i.e. maiden-married name is also another way of getting around the whole medical licensing annoyances that come with changing names.
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Another option is not hyphenating them but just adding his as a second last name - so Juliedi Smith Jones instead of Juliedi Smith-Jones. That way you can legally use one (Juliedi Smith), the other (Juliedi Jones), or both (Juliedi Smith Jones), as you feel like it. (source: my supervisor, so you might want to check it.) If you hyphenate it, you are supposed to use both all the time. Unless you're going to be Smith-Jones or something equally short, I'd avoid hyphenation unless you're dead set on both all the time.

Since the boyfriend and I are planning on getting married before school starts or next summer, I'm gonna go ahead and change my name. It'll be easier if we have kids and he's much more tied to his last name than I am to mine. Though, to be fair, my sister's fiance is actually planning on taking our last name because he's much less attached to his name, and I think it's pretty awesome that he'd do that.
 
My husband and I spent awhile deciding what we wanted our last names to be (he was open to taking mine as well as just having his or hyphenating). So we decided on a hyphenated form but when we went to the magistrate we found out that men aren't allowed to change their last name in Austria, so I had about 20 seconds to decide what to do, and I chose my husband's last name.

I've been seriously contemplating changing my name back to my maiden name since getting into medical school. My reasons are: my father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were only sons and I'm my father's only child, his line of his last name ends with me. Also, there are no doctors in my family back at least the 5 generations I know of, and I think it would be nice to have a Dr. <original last name> in the family. My grandmother would probably do cartwheels, LoL. That being said, I'd probably change it right after matriculating so I could have any name problems cleared up before boards and licensing.
 
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I'm keeping my uncommon last name. I don't want his far to common last name.

I just like mine better...
 
My brother and his wife are both MDs. They both kept their names and it never even crossed anyone's mind that either of them should change.

Since I first learned how to say and spell my first and last names, they have been special to me. They are part of my identity. I suspect the same is true for anybody, including the girl I will end up marrying some day. Why should I expect her to throw away a part of who she is?

As far as kids, my brother's baby has our last name and I would like to have the same for my kids. That is a tradition much more widely accepted worldwide and one I like better. Although, if my wife really wants our kids to have her last name I wouldn't fight over it. What possible reasonable argument would I have?
 
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Rokitansky said:
My brother and his wife are both MDs. They both kept their names and it never even crossed anyone's mind that either of them should change.

Since I first learned how to say and spell my first and last names, they have been special to me. They are part of my identity. I suspect the same is true for anybody, including the girl I will end up marrying some day. Why should I expect her to throw away a part of who she is?
As far as kids, my brother's baby has our last name and I would like to have the same for my kids. That is a tradition much more widely accepted worldwide and one I like better. Although, if my wife really wants our kids to have her last name I wouldn't fight over it. What possible reasonable argument would I have?
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I've actually met a guy who hyphenated his last name with his wife's last name.

When he told me, I was just like...

rvf605.gif
 
patel2 said:
I've actually met a guy who hyphenated his last name with his wife's last name.

When he told me, I was just like...

rvf605.gif
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That's kinda cool, actually. I wouldn't ask my fiance to do that because our last names have the same last syllable and it'd be overkill. It sounds funny if I say it and looks even stranger in writing.
 
My husband took my name when we got married. It's a hassle to go through the process (and a lot of people don't understand why he would do that) but it has worked out fine. In another year when he takes a new job in the city I am going to med school, hardly anyone will even know/care.
 
My personal physician hyphenates her name, at least on paper...everyone just calls her Dr. 2nd part of the hyphen. My best friend, who is in HR not medicine, kept her name and added her husbands to it. (She was Gray, he is Smith, she is now GraySmtih). This is her legal name. Socially, she has no problem being Mrs. Smith. They have an infant and her last name is just Smith.
I have another friend (male) who now has his wife's last name. They hyphenated it when they got married, but then decided it was a mouthful, and didn't want their kid to have a hyphenated name, so they dropped the second part of the hyphen (his name) and just kept her name.

It really just depends on you and your fiancee and what you are comfortable with.
 
My plan is to keep my last name when I get married, unless my husband has a better last name than I do :laugh:.

I don't particularly like my last name... but I would feel kind of weird changing it. Plus unless I get married before I become a doctor, I will build my career and reputation on Dr. Mylastname.
 
booooo
 
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I don't care what a woman wants to do with her name as long as she doesn't hyphenate it, which I think is pretty stupid. Keep your old or take the new one, whatever, but don't introduce the clunky hyphenation. My children get my name, no hyphens.
 
mac_kin said:
but why did you take all the TIME and ENERGY and MONEY for a medical education - when it is not your #1 passion and you say you would sacrifice several years of your life away from it....loss of skill/experience/new practices/new technologies, networking etc.
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Because I need a job like everyone else.

But most of all - why did you take the spot away from someone - male or female - who desires nothing more in life than to become a doctor.
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She didn't take it away. She earned it. Someone else failed to beat her out in the application process, and that person has no one to blame but themselves.
 
mac_kin said:
Sorry, my written comments always come off too strong so I'll apologize in advance for any insult that might be gathered from this:

BUT WHY DID YOU BECOME A DOCTOR???

I have absolutely no issues with how a man or woman chooses to live thier life - want to be single forever, or stay at home mom forever, or stay at home dad...whatever floats your boat.

but why did you take all the TIME and ENERGY and MONEY for a medical education - when it is not your #1 passion and you say you would sacrifice several years of your life away from it....loss of skill/experience/new practices/new technologies, networking etc.

But most of all - why did you take the spot away from someone - male or female - who desires nothing more in life than to become a doctor.

My goals are medicine. I want to do research, groundbreaking medicine, and somewhere in there - a little bit of time with Doctor's without borders. Maybe I'm one of the fewer who has never had marriage/kids on the radar, and if it happens it happens, but if they come, my kids are going to daycare at the grandparents :).

I just know so many hopeful talented people who want nothing more in life than the MD - and when you hear of people who quit during residency, go straight into management, or become stay at home moms - it just bothers me.
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Sweet fancy Moses.

HighHorse.jpg
 
mac_kin said:
Sorry, my written comments always come off too strong so I'll apologize in advance for any insult that might be gathered from this:

BUT WHY DID YOU BECOME A DOCTOR???

I have absolutely no issues with how a man or woman chooses to live thier life - want to be single forever, or stay at home mom forever, or stay at home dad...whatever floats your boat.

but why did you take all the TIME and ENERGY and MONEY for a medical education - when it is not your #1 passion and you say you would sacrifice several years of your life away from it....loss of skill/experience/new practices/new technologies, networking etc.

But most of all - why did you take the spot away from someone - male or female - who desires nothing more in life than to become a doctor.

My goals are medicine. I want to do research, groundbreaking medicine, and somewhere in there - a little bit of time with Doctor's without borders. Maybe I'm one of the fewer who has never had marriage/kids on the radar, and if it happens it happens, but if they come, my kids are going to daycare at the grandparents :).

I just know so many hopeful talented people who want nothing more in life than the MD - and when you hear of people who quit during residency, go straight into management, or become stay at home moms - it just bothers me.
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Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh WHAT THE HELL????????????????

What is wrong with saying your family is always first?????????? That should be the case no matter what your career is, whether it is firefighter, EMS paramedic, cop, doctor, teacher, lawyer, engineer, architect, businessman/businesswoman, etc. etc. etc.

I'm pretty sure her number one career passion is medicine. She's just saying that it doesn't come before the people that matter the most.

ALSO, did you not read the part where she said she'd use her skills later down the road when her kids are a bit older in school??? What's wrong with that?? Some women do take a few years off to be there for their kids when they are young but go back to work when they are a bit older.

If she's used that skill to be a doctor for even later down the road then it is not a waste. its a waste to me when someone enters med school and then fails a year and then fails completely out. But even that is not predictable as these kids had high stats in ugrad so there would've been no way to predict this happening when MCAT and GPA are the only real measures we have towards predicting stuff. A waste is probably someone who enters med school and then quits a semester later as a couple people I know did. But again, even they didn't know they were going to hate it so much.

its not like you can understand how med school is without having been in medical school.
 
TheProwler said:
Because I need a job like everyone else.


She didn't take it away. She earned it. Someone else failed to beat her out in the application process, and that person has no one to blame but themselves.
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:thumbup::thumbup:

That's all. Totally agree with you Prowler.
 
booo
 
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mac_kin said:
Thank you thank you all.

Well yes family comes first BUT I disagree when someone says "I want to be a doctor" but "I want to be a stay at home mom". I think if you know all along that you really want to be a stay at home mom - even if it is for 3 years, then you need to rethink your career choices for many reasons.

The fact is, many women who decide to stay at home, never return into their careers. I don't know medical school first hand, but I would not want someone treating me who has gone from high school - > undergrad -> med -> stay at home parent, and then 10 years later decides to play doctor - you have ZERO real-world experience and have lost time in a highly advancing field.

Lets be honest, she will have one, it will get to 2 years, she'll have the second and wait for it to get to 2-3 years, that's at least 5 years out of work.

If she always knew that she wanted kids, that's great, but I think it is unfair to someone who wants to put in the time and money to become a medical professional and serve the public.
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One of the things I've always appreciated about you mac_kin is you call it the way you see it. I think there's plenty of room in the world for folks who want to stay at home too for awhile. And if you ever have kids you'll see why. We evolved having our children around us. It wasn't until the factory age that dad went off and left family at home, children with mom, and not the 70s when women left the home to work as well, placing children in the care of someone else. I'd love to simply have my boy at work with me the way he would have been if it was a 1000 years ago and I was a farmer.
 
The beauty of internet forums, mac_kin, is that you have the opportunity to think before your ideas get floated to your audience. I'd suggest taking advantage of that perk. Trying to dictate how people run their personal lives is hardly ever going to turn out well, especially when you're basically advocating that people spend less time with their families, specifically their children. You may think medicine is some holy, untouchable profession, but you're fortunately in the minority on that one. Please don't act as though everyone who chooses family over medicine is wronging the world.
 
mac_kin said:
What she should do is balance kids and work as the MAJORITY of people do.

Taking the high-road and just copping out is just that. You can say I'm on a high horse, but I think that people who have kids always make it seem so self-righteous as well.
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who are you to tell someone what they should or should not do? I have a family friend who did just this. Didn't work for several years til her kids were old enough that she could go back to work. But her education wasn't a waste and it was a personal sacrifice so she could do certain things for her kids she could not do if she was working like go to india months at a time so her daughters could learn classical dance or take her kids to their activities. I admire this woman a lot for it even though I don't always show it to her.

is it to say I'd make the same sacrifice? Probably not give up my work to do such because I guess I'm not as selfless as she was. But that doesn't mean I don't have respect for someone who does.

At least when she returned to work she was working full time. Its no different then the argument that 30 hour a week doctors are a waste according to male doctors compared to those working 80 hours a week and 100 hours a week. Again, if they choose to work less hours to balance family and home life that's their perogative. You are no one to tell them that they are a waste and took someone else's spot.

I have a lot of respect for alwaysangel because she's always given solid advice on these forums and been a pretty decent poster who has written posts that are dead on.

I am disgusted that you could get so harsh with her when you don't even know her in real life to make such judgement calls or know what she will ultimately do or not do. Just cuz she's contemplated something doesn't even mean she will go through with it. It is just her saying if it was NECESSARY she would make the sacrifice. And that's pretty damn noble of her considering the number of mothers who will put their career ahead of their kids and not balance their work life with their home life.
 
MilkmanAl said:
The beauty of internet forums, mac_kin, is that you have the opportunity to think before your ideas get floated to your audience. I'd suggest taking advantage of that perk. Trying to dictate how people run their personal lives is hardly ever going to turn out well, especially when you're basically advocating that people spend less time with their families, specifically their children. You may think medicine is some holy, untouchable profession, but you're fortunately in the minority on that one. Please don't act as though everyone who chooses family over medicine is wronging the world.
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EXACTLY!!! So many broken up families by doctors who chose their work over their family. Balancing sometimes means taking time off and going back to work when its feasible at a later date.
 
booooo
 
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booo
 
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ha
 
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but why did you take all the TIME and ENERGY and MONEY for a medical education - when it is not your #1 passion and you say you would sacrifice several years of your life away from it....loss of skill/experience/new practices/new technologies, networking etc.

But most of all - why did you take the spot away from someone - male or female - who desires nothing more in life than to become a doctor.

My goals are medicine. I want to do research, groundbreaking medicine, and somewhere in there - a little bit of time with Doctor's without borders. Maybe I'm one of the fewer who has never had marriage/kids on the radar, and if it happens it happens, but if they come, my kids are going to daycare at the grandparents
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I need a chill pill? :rolleyes:
 
a chillaxative, if you will
 
cbrons said:
the woman i marry will def be changing her name to mine
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When I got married the name change for my wife was not even an option, no hyphenation either. My wife brought it up once and I asked her "whats your mothers last name again?" and that ended the conversation.Awkward or not it came with the diamond ring I bought and the wedding I paid for.
 
Bigz said:
When I got married the name change for my wife was not even an option, no hyphenation either. My wife brought it up once and I asked her "whats your mothers last name again?" and that ended the conversation.Awkward or not it came with the diamond ring I bought and the wedding I paid for.
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lol this.

To quote the great George Costanza..."It's the same thing with the feminists. You know, they want everything to be equal... everything! But when the check comes, where are they?"
 
patel2 said:
lol this.

To quote the great George Costanza..."It's the same thing with the feminists. You know, they want everything to be equal... everything! But when the check comes, where are they?"
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To be fair, many feminists very much want to "Go Dutch" often or to pay for their own things. Many of them don't want doors held for them, chairs pulled out, gifts bought for them, or any of that.

Why are there so many gender-charged threads on SDN recently? Both pre-allo and here...
 
Bigz said:
When I got married the name change for my wife was not even an option, no hyphenation either. My wife brought it up once and I asked her "whats your mothers last name again?" and that ended the conversation.Awkward or not it came with the diamond ring I bought and the wedding I paid for.
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word
 
haha
 
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Bigz said:
When I got married the name change for my wife was not even an option, no hyphenation either. My wife brought it up once and I asked her "whats your mothers last name again?" and that ended the conversation.Awkward or not it came with the diamond ring I bought and the wedding I paid for.
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I just had to comment on this thread because i have some very strong opinions on this matter.

Bigz, I don't understand this mentality of yours. So am i to take it that you are a very controlling husband? because you fork out the cash, you are entitled to make all the decisions? In my opinion that's not a very respectful relationship.

When i get married i will not be changing my last name, and my boyfriend has already been made aware of this fact. He expressed dissatisfaction with this decision when i first brought it up, but he soon realized that essentially it will have no baring on his life and it's my name- my choice.

Also, if we ever have kids, either both of us take leave from work, or neither of us do. Why have kids if parents can't both shoulder the responsibility. I understand if one partner's job is more demanding, and they can't afford to take time off, but when both partners are of the same profession then it's not fair anymore.

And my future kids will not automatically get his last name. I will be burdened with carrying them for 9 months, my last name should at least get SOME consideration in this matter. The fact that it's "tradition" and that it has always been done means nothing to me. We're in medicine, we have to be progressive and adaptive. Things in medicine are continuously evolving and physicians need to be able to keep up and accept those changes. Same thing goes for societal values and norms.
 
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poppy0 said:
I just had to comment on this thread because i have some very strong opinions on this matter.

Bigz, I don't understand this mentality of yours. So am i to take it that you are a very controlling husband? because you fork out the cash, you are entitled to make all the decisions? In my opinion that's not a very respectful relationship.

When i get married i will not be changing my last name, and my boyfriend has already been made aware of this fact. He expressed dissatisfaction with this decision when i first brought it up, but he soon realized that essentially it will have no baring on his life and it's my name- my choice.

Also, if we ever have kids, either both of us take leave from work, or neither of us do. Why have kids if parents can't both shoulder the responsibility. I understand if one partner's job is more demanding, and they can't afford to take time off, but when both partners are of the same profession then it's not fair anymore.

And my future kids will not automatically get his last name. I will be burdened with carrying them for 9 months, my last name should at least get SOME consideration in this matter. The fact that it's "tradition" and that it has always been done means nothing to me. We're in medicine, we have to be progressive and adaptive. Things in medicine are continuously evolving and physicians need to be able to keep up and accept those changes. Same thing goes for societal values and norms.
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you appear to be the one who is controlling
 
Staradmiral said:
you appear to be the one who is controlling
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I'm not setting any limitations. i'm not giving ultimatums. i'm only in favor of fairness.

It's not fair for one person to compromise their career.
It's not fair to just give the kids the dad's name because that's how tradition dictates for things to be done. Yea, i probably WOULD give them his last name because his last name is nicer than mine:p and people wouldn't always be questioning their ethnicity if they had mine (it's a very... european name that no one has EVER heard of...) and combined our names would just sound odd/ be 10000 characters long.
 
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