Med School's hard when you're single

[sarsmon]

Sitting here late at night contemplating that my life sucks right now. No girlfriend, no sex in a quite a while, spend most of my day alone studying, no one to cheer me up at night, I can just hug my pillow. This is not normal, my early twenties should not be spent alone, we need companionship, we were built for it. Ahhh this sucks, whatever, I guess I should just suck it up and hope something comes along one day.

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[Raigon]

Sitting here late at night contemplating that my life sucks right now. No girlfriend, no sex in a quite a while, spend most of my day alone studying, no one to cheer me up at night, I can just hug my pillow. This is not normal, my early twenties should not be spent alone, we need companionship, we were built for it. Ahhh this sucks, whatever, I guess I should just suck it up and hope something comes along one day.

Actually, it may be better this way, with no children to annoy you or relationship crap when the workload is actually overload. And a relationship can obstruct you, because of emotional junk.

When you become a doctor and you're making big bucks, trust me, girls will come flocking towards you, waiting in lines and taking number slips. Just endure it, everyone's time will come.

In fact, there's a song (forgot which), where it says that God always makes pairs - that for every person he will she will always have a second half and one day you will meet that second half. Marriages that suck or relationships that fail are because you got paired with someone who wasn't your match.

Your day will come. Everyone's will. Just wait for it, and with someone as special and awesome as you, who made it to medical school, you will definitely have someone waiting for you.

Cheer up man - all of it will be worth it one day. You'll see.

 

[MossPoh]

The above is a little much. I've heard it a million times but doesn't make anything easier. It does kind of suck. Personally, I feel like I have to (and am expected to) put my social life on hold during this period. I've gone on dates but have watched it crumble after a few tries more often than not. Then you get the honor of watching half the damn class get engaged on top of that. Managing relationships is hard but if you're in a good one then the amount of stress removal and happiness far outweighs the negatives.

Nothing you can really do expect keep chugging along and squeeze time in for a random date. Just have to grow a pair, get shallow and ask random people out by gut feeling after a point.

Sorry, but that whole "just one person for you" type thing is kind of b.s. There are multiples for you. It is more a function of your own stress and lack of time than anything else now.

 

[njbmd]

You are not in a monastery or a convent. Get off campus and do something besides "crying in your ale" about what you don't have. If you don't believe that you are worth meeting someone, they are not going to want to meet you. If you were a "dud" with no social skills before you went to medical school, you will be a "dud' medical student with no social skills.

When I was in medical school, I had loads of friends and met tons of people. We were on a campus with happenings all of the time. Our school always had mixers with the dental school and the law school, thus there was no shortage of "meetable" people both in school and out. If you sit around "hugging your pillow", you are not out meeting people and doing things.

Hint: The world doesn't spin around you so get up, get out and see who is out there.

Hint: As for sex, well you can start interacting with "Hanna and her four sisters" or "Hans and his four brothers". You did this when you were in preschool so you know what to do. Good for stress relief.

 

[switcheroo]

I agree with the above poster. I'm a married medical student, and I find myself sometimes envious of the single students in my class. No relationship issues to worry about, no fights until 3am when you have to get up at 6, etc... Honestly, I think there are pros and cons of each, but it's easy for each of us to just want what the other side has (grass is always greener, and all that).

 

[Raigon]

The above is a little much. I've heard it a million times but doesn't make anything easier. It does kind of suck. Personally, I feel like I have to (and am expected to) put my social life on hold during this period. I've gone on dates but have watched it crumble after a few tries more often than not. Then you get the honor of watching half the damn class get engaged on top of that. Managing relationships is hard but if you're in a good one then the amount of stress removal and happiness far outweighs the negatives.

Nothing you can really do expect keep chugging along and squeeze time in for a random date. Just have to grow a pair, get shallow and ask random people out by gut feeling after a point.

Sorry, but that whole "just one person for you" type thing is kind of b.s. There are multiples for you. It is more a function of your own stress and lack of time than anything else now.

Well that's just a difference in perspectives and belief. We all have what something we all believe it, I suppose that's why there are religions.

Perhaps I am overly optimistic, but I guess that's because i'm in a relationship myself. Well, someone will come along - if not because there's someone out there, but because it's the law of the averages.

That should be less biased. Carry on.

 

[aggie08]

Actually, it may be better this way, with no children to annoy you or relationship crap when the workload is actually overload. And a relationship can obstruct you, because of emotional junk.

When you become a doctor and you're making big bucks, trust me, girls will come flocking towards you, waiting in lines and taking number slips. Just endure it, everyone's time will come.

In fact, there's a song (forgot which), where it says that God always makes pairs - that for every person he will she will always have a second half and one day you will meet that second half. Marriages that suck or relationships that fail are because you got paired with someone who wasn't your match.

Your day will come. Everyone's will. Just wait for it, and with someone as special and awesome as you, who made it to medical school, you will definitely have someone waiting for you.

Cheer up man - all of it will be worth it one day. You'll see.

This is an extreme idealization and not true in the least. People don't flock to you if you're a doctor, that is ridiculous. I know plenty of married people who make very little and plenty of single people who make big bucks.

I don't really agree with that first statement at all. First, being in a relationship doesn't mean you have to have kids. That's crazy. And maybe it's because my relationship is really great, but I wouldn't give up being married in med school to be single in med school for anything.

But, like others said, you're not required to stay on campus. Go meet someone!! Find people in class to study with. Med school is hard and time consuming, but you still have time to be social. You'll find someone soon enough, just hang in there and make sure you're not just sitting at home playing video games or wasting time online when you have free-time to get out and meet people.

 

[searun]

I met my girlfriend on a beach after my first year of med school. She is great, attractive and very low maintenance. I had a high maintenance girlfriend in college and you want to avoid that type of girl in med school or your performance (med school performance) will suffer.

So, get out of the med school environment, and mingle with the folks, go dancing and to concerts, have some fun, and find yourself a sweet girl. They are out there but probably not in the med school library.

Keep living your life in med school, or you will be miserable. Let your hair down and have some fun once in awhile. Laugh as much as possible. Life is too serious to be serious all of the time.

 

[JonathanMD]

Med School's hard--

^Your thread title should have just stopped there.

 

[OpalOnyx]

Med school does seem like a time where stress and consequently emotions may have the tendency to run high. Support can come in many forms - not just in the form of a relationship/significant other. Although I am single, I'm fortunate to have a great support system of family and friends... so there's someone to talk to when I'm lonely and people to hang out with when I want to take a break from school.

Human beings are social creatures and when one relationship need is lacking, others can take over to fill up that space. Maybe you should take this opportunity to form closer bonds with your friends. Someone will eventually come along but no point in moping. I hate the idea that my happiness lies at the mercy of some Prince Charming sort. In contrast, I think happiness is actually a choice we must be willing to make and take the efforts to attain.

that is all. haha

 

[howelljolly]

Actually, it may be better this way, with no children to annoy you or relationship crap when the workload is actually overload. And a relationship can obstruct you, because of emotional junk.

When you become a doctor and you're making big bucks, trust me, girls will come flocking towards you, waiting in lines and taking number slips. Just endure it, everyone's time will come.

In fact, there's a song (forgot which), where it says that God always makes pairs - that for every person he will she will always have a second half and one day you will meet that second half. Marriages that suck or relationships that fail are because you got paired with someone who wasn't your match.

Your day will come. Everyone's will. Just wait for it, and with someone as special and awesome as you, who made it to medical school, you will definitely have someone waiting for you.

Cheer up man - all of it will be worth it one day. You'll see.

That's crap.

OK, well I'm not making big bucks.

 

[NTF]

Hint: As for sex, well you can start interacting with "Hanna and her four sisters" or "Hans and his four brothers". You did this when you were in preschool so you know what to do. Good for stress relief.

 

[thesauce]

I know plenty of married people who make very little and plenty of single people who make big bucks.

This isn't contradictory to what he said. Plenty of men with a lot of attention from women choose not to settle down right away.

 

[sunset823]

spend most of my day alone studying, no one to cheer me up at night, I can just hug my pillow. This is not normal, my early twenties should not be spent alone, we need companionship, we were built for it. Ahhh this sucks, whatever, I guess I should just suck it up and hope something comes along one day.

This is rather pathetic, especially from a guy, but whatever. I'm personally built to be alone - never been in a relationship, don't want to (ever, really) - I love my independence. I'm not anti-social, but I like solitude. And I'm sort of a workaholic, and have gotten to do a lot of cool things because I'm not tied down by anybody or anything. A few close friends and my family are my rock, and even though they don't live near me, I always have them to count on, so being single in med school is suiting me great. I can't imagine it any other way, really. With all the work we have, trying to balance a relationship would suck, not to mention it would cut into my much-needed "me" time. (And I'm from the supposedly frailer sex, haha).

I suppose my only complaint is there's not more going on in the cornfields except typical college-style bar hopping, which is really not my thing. I've not really made any close friends at school as such, but I'll just move on to a bigger city for residency.

 

[deuce924]

OP it's not bad to throw yourself a pity party every now and then but you have to realize that medical school is hard for everyone. I am married and, personally, I think it is harder to be married while in medical school than single. I have a wife and a dog to come home to deal with on top of school (kids would just make it more difficult) while many of my single classmates have no limits on when and where to study and go out quite often with other singles.

Just realize that medical school is what you make it and if you are not happy then fix it.

 

[twilightdoc]

Sitting here late at night contemplating that my life sucks right now. No girlfriend, no sex in a quite a while, spend most of my day alone studying, no one to cheer me up at night, I can just hug my pillow. This is not normal, my early twenties should not be spent alone, we need companionship, we were built for it. Ahhh this sucks, whatever, I guess I should just suck it up and hope something comes along one day.

My suggestion would be to try to achieve some balance in your life. And "balance" doesn't mean an equal amount of time doing social activities as you spend studying. No question that the potential work load in med school is daunting, and you can never learn it all, no matter how much or how effectively you study. It sounds like you need to schedule in some "free time" for potential social activities, and then go places and do things where you can meet people with whom you might share some interests, and see what happens. As other respondents have said, sometimes not having a significant other at this stage of your life is easier than having one who is high maintenance and places demands on your time. And I can tell you that going through the NRMP match process is definitely simpler if you only have yourself to worry about, not couples matching or finding a city where your significant other might want to move.

 

[hikikomori]

1. Masturbate.
2. Escort services. They're good-looking and sophisticated people.
3. Get a life outside med school.

 

[ZagDoc]

OP it's not bad to throw yourself a pity party every now and then but you have to realize that medical school is hard for everyone. I am married and, personally, I think it is harder to be married while in medical school than single. I have a wife and a dog to come home to deal with on top of school (kids would just make it more difficult) while many of my single classmates have no limits on when and where to study and go out quite often with other singles.

Just realize that medical school is what you make it and if you are not happy then fix it.

I agree, especially during the clinical years. I had a long term relationship end during third year, and its definitely less stressful being single without having to maintain a relationship. But its a grass-is-always-greener thing, I think. When you're in a committed relationship, the flexibility of being single is desirable. When you're single, the companionship of a relationship is desirable.

 

[donkeyboy]

This is rather pathetic, especially from a guy, but whatever. I'm personally built to be alone - never been in a relationship, don't want to (ever, really) - I love my independence. I'm not anti-social, but I like solitude. And I'm sort of a workaholic, and have gotten to do a lot of cool things because I'm not tied down by anybody or anything. A few close friends and my family are my rock, and even though they don't live near me, I always have them to count on, so being single in med school is suiting me great. I can't imagine it any other way, really. With all the work we have, trying to balance a relationship would suck, not to mention it would cut into my much-needed "me" time. (And I'm from the supposedly frailer sex, haha).

I suppose my only complaint is there's not more going on in the cornfields except typical college-style bar hopping, which is really not my thing. I've not really made any close friends at school as such, but I'll just move on to a bigger city for residency.

you sound more pathetic than the OP

 

[swamprat]

you sound more pathetic than the OP

qft.

OP, go out with some of your med school buddies to a bar and hit on anything that walks. And/or, join match.com or participate in extracurricular activities that gets you outta the library/house. Do you have a roommate? These are all things I plan to do this fall when I matriculate. My roommates brother is in medical school and he seems to be doing all that just fine, at least as an M1.

 

[NRAI2001]

I guess one of the few benefits of going to school in the carribean... everyone is dating everyone; 1st term we called this place hook up island.

 

[howelljolly]

I guess one of the few benefits of going to school in the carribean... everyone is dating everyone; 1st term we called this place hook up island.

Yeah, that was disgusting.

 

[sunset823]

you sound more pathetic than the OP

qft.

OP, go out with some of your med school buddies to a bar and hit on anything that walks. And/or, join match.com or participate in extracurricular activities that gets you outta the library/house. Do you have a roommate? These are all things I plan to do this fall when I matriculate. My roommates brother is in medical school and he seems to be doing all that just fine, at least as an M1.

lemme guess...you're men, and probably 0-1 year out of undergrad. Which makes quite apparent why many women don't want to date guys in their early 20s. All I can say is to each their own. Speaking for females, at this stage of our life we either want a long-term commitment from a guy or want to make a career for ourselves and worry about this relationship stuff later, and I prefer the latter (from what I've seen, most of the women in my class are either married/in serious relationships, or not looking, from what I can tell). And, yes, I'm a prude, but I don't cry about it either.

To the OP, if random sex satisfies you, that's fine (just don't count on many of your female peers being responsive to that). Don't mope about it, fix it. Ok, I'm done here, I don't care what other flames come my way.

 

[TexasPhysician]

You are not in a monastery or a convent. Get off campus and do something besides "crying in your ale" about what you don't have. If you don't believe that you are worth meeting someone, they are not going to want to meet you. If you were a "dud" with no social skills before you went to medical school, you will be a "dud' medical student with no social skills.

When I was in medical school, I had loads of friends and met tons of people. We were on a campus with happenings all of the time. Our school always had mixers with the dental school and the law school, thus there was no shortage of "meetable" people both in school and out. If you sit around "hugging your pillow", you are not out meeting people and doing things.

Hint: The world doesn't spin around you so get up, get out and see who is out there.

Hint: As for sex, well you can start interacting with "Hanna and her four sisters" or "Hans and his four brothers". You did this when you were in preschool so you know what to do. Good for stress relief.

Amen! OP - What are you doing studying all the time? Go have fun.

Med school has been some of the best years of my life. Don't quit living because of med school.

 

[sarsmon]

Thanks for all the replies and the advice. Yeah i have to get out more and stop pitying myself. And I guess I seem pretty pathetic to some people here, but I'm normally fine, I was just depressed last night, we're all like that from time to time no? And I have considered that married folk and people in relationships have it tougher, balancing the relationship and all, so I guess it equals out in the end.

 

[aggie08]

This isn't contradictory to what he said. Plenty of men with a lot of attention from women choose not to settle down right away.

Keep on thinking becoming a doctor will fix your personality, you will be sadly disappointed in the end to find out people care about more than your profession.

And you're not going to make that much money anyway. Not enough to have women flocking to you, sorry. Hugh Hefner may have enough money to make women forget he is old and dirty, but you won't as a doctor.

 

[username456789]

Amen! OP - What are you doing studying all the time? Go have fun.

Med school has been some of the best years of my life. Don't quit living because of med school.

This isn't meant to single TP out, but I've never understood why people don't understand that there is a wide array of people that enter medical school, with very different learning styles/capabilities and very different goals.

Consider: the idiot savant with his eye on Peds is going to have a very, very different medical school experience than the slower learner with his heart set on Derm.

 

[basupran]

Relationships are great but a break-up can do a lot of harm during med school.

 

[RySerr21]

Sitting here late at night contemplating that my life sucks right now. No girlfriend, no sex in a quite a while, spend most of my day alone studying, no one to cheer me up at night, I can just hug my pillow. This is not normal, my early twenties should not be spent alone, we need companionship, we were built for it. Ahhh this sucks, whatever, I guess I should just suck it up and hope something comes along one day.

No doubt there are people of the opposite gender in your class that feel the exact same way. Figure out who those people are (maybe most of the single ones?) and let the magic happen.

 

[dikoerastenie]

Keep on thinking becoming a doctor will fix your personality, you will be sadly disappointed in the end to find out people care about more than your profession.

And you're not going to make that much money anyway. Not enough to have women flocking to you, sorry. Hugh Hefner may have enough money to make women forget he is old and dirty, but you won't as a doctor.

I don't think so. You do make enough $ as a doctor to make virtually any woman happy. But in addition you have the confidence that most upper-middle class professionals do not have. As a medical student you can come to lecture at 9am and tell the hottest girl in your class that you can't stop staring at her. She will not take it in a negative way, trust me. When you're a medical student it is completely different from being a lawyer or a managing director at a bank. Your relationships are not based on power. You may give off more confidence than a banker without coming off as a douchebag. Trust me.

 

[howelljolly]

I don't think so. You do make enough $ as a doctor to make virtually any woman happy. But in addition you have the confidence that most upper-middle class professionals do not have. As a medical student you can come to lecture at 9am and tell the hottest girl in your class that you can't stop staring at her. She will not take it in a negative way, trust me. When you're a medical student it is completely different from being a lawyer or a managing director at a bank. Your relationships are not based on power. You may give off more confidence than a banker without coming off as a douchebag. Trust me.

What?

 

[dude1344]

I don't think so. You do make enough $ as a doctor to make virtually any woman happy. But in addition you have the confidence that most upper-middle class professionals do not have. As a medical student you can come to lecture at 9am and tell the hottest girl in your class that you can't stop staring at her. She will not take it in a negative way, trust me. When you're a medical student it is completely different from being a lawyer or a managing director at a bank. Your relationships are not based on power. You may give off more confidence than a banker without coming off as a douchebag. Trust me.

 

[Velocity]

Sitting here late at night contemplating that my life sucks right now. No girlfriend, no sex in a quite a while, spend most of my day alone studying, no one to cheer me up at night, I can just hug my pillow. This is not normal, my early twenties should not be spent alone, we need companionship, we were built for it. Ahhh this sucks, whatever, I guess I should just suck it up and hope something comes along one day.

Well if it helps, I can tell you that you're not alone. I'm a graduate student at a medical school, and I've seen countless comments scrawled on the library walls and study desks about being lonely, being horny, people feeling like they're losers, etc.

If you want to enter a relationship, there's nothing stopping you. You won't be able to have a relationship like people new to dating in college did, though - obviously you need to remain diligent about your work and you won't be able to spend 100% of your time with your significant other.

You'll also need to work a bit harder at your relationships. Medical school is a very stressful time, in part because there's very little downtime for yourself. By entering a relationship you will arguably be signing away what little free time you have (along with some time that wasn't free, I'd guess). As you probably know, a successful relationship involves a lot of give-and-take, and at this point you probably don't have much to give. Communication, always key in a relationship, is going to be really critical here. You'll need to work hard at being more tolerant and patient than you might otherwise need to.

Of course, if you end up dating another medical student, then things could be really high-stress for the both of you. Good communication (and good personal compatibility) count for a lot.

It's certainly worth thinking about this now. As difficult as medical school is, things won't become much easier during your residency (certain aspects may become more difficult). While I respect the opinions of those types who want their personal life to be their work life, I'm of the mind that it's healthy to have both separate, and it sounds like you'd like that as well. Right now you can't separate both, but you can still work on setting up your personal life for a few years down the road when you'll begin to have free time again.

As a disclaimer, all of the above are just my opinions. I'm happily married and my wife is a second-year in medical school, so I have some idea of the stresses of what it's like (but I won't even try to say that I know what it's like - that's one that you can't know until you've experienced it for yourself). Everyone is different, every relationship is different - ultimately we each have to find out what's right for ourselves. Try not to become too frustrated or depressed. Just keep your eyes open, and if an opportunity comes your way, don't be shy about grabbing it.

 

[username456789]

I don't think so. You do make enough $ as a doctor to make virtually any woman happy. But in addition you have the confidence that most upper-middle class professionals do not have. As a medical student you can come to lecture at 9am and tell the hottest girl in your class that you can't stop staring at her. She will not take it in a negative way, trust me. When you're a medical student it is completely different from being a lawyer or a managing director at a bank. Your relationships are not based on power. You may give off more confidence than a banker without coming off as a douchebag. Trust me.

You need to do fewer drugs.

Or more. I can't decide which.

 

[SSkels]

Having a significant other in a professional program is hard. I speak from experience. My boyfriend is three years ahead of me in school and when he started pharm school it was a real strain on our relationship. His time was completely occupied by school and his friend circle became limited to the people he was in class with. This is really hard for people, like significant others, who are on the outside of this circle. Now that I've started medical school it's gotten better in some ways and worse in others. Finding time for each other involves scheduling, even though we live together. I'm glad for the support he provides and having someone to talk my day.

My advice, for what it's worth, is this. If maintaining an established relationship has been this difficult I'd imagine starting one during this time would be extremely hard. If you're like me you practically live with your study group and your school friends can probably finish your sentences if not read your mind. Relationships take time to develop, and this might be time you don't have right now. Expand your circle of friends, see if you can find time for them first and maybe you'll stumble into someone who gets what you're going through and can handle being with someone who can't give them as much time as they may want.

Good luck in life and love both.

 

[hrandani]

To the OP:

You need to reread this thread and take a particularly hard look at what the women have to say. And it's going to be obvious, because they are the ones who are totally not at all empathetic; because they literally have no idea what it is like to be a dude and to have to actually work like a dog just to get a girl to give you the time of day. I know this to be true in my heart, because if it were up to women to start relationships we would all die alone.

Bottom line, if you have the time to whine to yourself about being lonely, you have time to go out and mack on some uh.... ladies. Because that's how it's done. Sac up, get out there and make some regrettable decisions!

I'd like to leave you all with a quote from Socrates in the face of my impending ban: "Let a man marry or let him burn [with celibacy], either way he will regret his choice."

 

[ABCZXX]

To the OP:

You need to reread this thread and take a particularly hard look at what the women have to say. And it's going to be obvious, because they are the ones who are totally not at all empathetic; because they literally have no idea what it is like to be a dude and to have to actually work like a dog just to get a girl to give you the time of day. I know this to be true in my heart, because if it were up to women to start relationships we would all die alone.

Bottom line, if you have the time to whine to yourself about being lonely, you have time to go out and mack on some uh.... ladies. Because that's how it's done. Sac up, get out there and make some regrettable decisions!

I'd like to leave you all with a quote from Socrates in the face of my impending ban: "Let a man marry or let him burn [with celibacy], either way he will regret his choice."

Hey OP, this guy speaks the truth so I quoted him! Also, I will swallow my pride and let you know that I have turned to internet dating websites and after three months I found a girl who gives me GFE from halfway around the world. She lives in the Philippines, is 4 years older than me, speaks English as a second language and is attractive. We email each other every single day and I try to uplift her life. I don't know if that is specifically what she does for me, but it's a win/win situation! I always try to reinvest twice as much effort into making her life feel the way I would want my life to feel. I have not been lonely a single day and I have all my social needs and intimacy needs and companionship needs met over the internet, lol. I know this might make me look like a desperate nerd who has never had a girlfriend before (which is not true, I've had 1 girlfriend when I was 19 ) but I think I have found the perfect balance between being single and having a girlfriend. I am nerdy, wear glasses, and am 25 pounds overweight yet managed to find a "cure" for the same thing you mentioned in your OP. Send me a PM if you want to know any more advice. I wake up to emails like this one every day because I write her emails each night that are twice as doting and loving! It's a tough feat to pull off but I am a prolific writer and I "guided" her into fulfilling all my unmet needs--someone who has a tacit covenant to write thoughtful, caring, uplifting emails to each other with no-strings-attached!

Hi James!

I think you're starting to establish your connections well. I guess you're blessed to find people who have similar interest like you and seeing your potential to be someone great in the medical field. In the long run, it will motivate you to pursue your dreams and to keep believing in yourself.

Your success in anything you do is achieved because of your hard work. I'm happy just to witness how you will realize all your dreams. I know that as the day passes by, your road to success is getting closer. I just hope that you're more than prepared to handle everything and keep all things under control.

I know we barely knew each other but the constant exchange of emails between us, makes me feel closer to you than people whom I've known for years. Honestly, writing to you is like writing to my journal. It brings joy to me and releases what I'm thinking for the day. I feel comfort knowing somebody is eager to read my email and listen to my thoughts. On the other hand, reading your email every night seems therapeutical to me as it lightens my mood before I go to sleep. I feel the fun you've been going through each day as you unravel your adventures. I think you're life is more exciting than what I have.

You meet different kinds of people everyday as you join various organizations to widen your network. It spiced up your life in different angles. I just do hope that your socializing activities would not eat your time more than the number of hours you're planning to study. Hopefully, you will balance everything and juggle them up in your time table.

It is really a blessing every night to read your email. I'm not sure about the style and the pace of my emails. I just write whatever I have in my head at that moment. Don't worry about the fun stuff you include on your emails. I like someone who writes with his/her emotions. I would picture how he/she will say it when we're talking face-to-face. I know at times you're just being candid and I appreciate your effort to make me laugh and entertain me while reading your emails. Somehow, I view the kid in you that enjoys life but still focus on what he wants.

Early this evening while I was waiting for your email, my sister told me if we still have something to talk about if we exchange emails everyday. It made me think and realize that throughout the whole month, I was never been bored because you always have something to talk about. It makes me feel guilty that I don't open much topic as you do. If there's a reason why we never run out of topic, it's all because of you. You thrilled me with your stories.

Thank you for the song tonight. Although there are few stars this evening, they're enough to make me smile.

Smiling underneath the stars,
-Step-

 

[Blippy]

I'm going to be quite frank and to the point here. I have never had a girl friend and I still don't know how to talk to women. I'm not reserved but around women I really don't know how to be "smooth" I have plenty of girl "friends" but have never had a "Girlfriend" if you guys get me.

Oh and I'm not ugly or anything. In the face I would say above average but I'm pretty damn short 5'5" probably, thanks grandpa!

I was told to read those pick up artist books, but who has time with Anatomy in my face?

Also, I don't want to settle for anything less than what I'm capable of. I realize i won't get a super model, but I want at least a pretty cute chick because I'm told I'm good looking.

Oh and sorry if any of that sounded cocky!

Moderator's Note: Because of the similarity of this thread with "Med school is hard when you're single" the two have been merged.

 

[shreypete]

lol. what's this post doing on an SDN forum? You must have confused it with one of them encouragement forums.

 

[VoiceofReason]

I'm going to be quite frank and to the point here. I have never had a girl friend and I still don't know how to talk to women. I'm not reserved but around women I really don't know how to be "smooth" I have plenty of girl "friends" but have never had a "Girlfriend" if you guys get me.

Oh and I'm not ugly or anything. In the face I would say above average but I'm pretty damn short 5'5" probably, thanks grandpa!

I was told to read those pick up artist books, but who has time with Anatomy in my face?

Also, I don't want to settle for anything less than what I'm capable of. I realize i won't get a super model, but I want at least a pretty cute chick because I'm told I'm good looking.

lol.

try not to get a boner during the pelvic

 

[VoiceofReason]

lemme guess...you're men, and probably 0-1 year out of undergrad. Which makes quite apparent why many women don't want to date guys in their early 20s. All I can say is to each their own. Speaking for females, at this stage of our life we either want a long-term commitment from a guy or want to make a career for ourselves and worry about this relationship stuff later, and I prefer the latter (from what I've seen, most of the women in my class are either married/in serious relationships, or not looking, from what I can tell). And, yes, I'm a prude, but I don't cry about it either.

To the OP, if random sex satisfies you, that's fine (just don't count on many of your female peers being responsive to that). Don't mope about it, fix it. Ok, I'm done here, I don't care what other flames come my way.

I agree with your original sentiment. I broke up with my GF in college many months before med school started and I can't really imagine having another GF right now in ms2 because, like you, im an introvert and when i'm done med school work for the day i like to relax by reading by myself. Or possibly playing a game of squash with one of my bros (im male). That doesn't leave a lot of time for a serious relationship.

 

[ABCZXX]

I'm going to be quite frank and to the point here. I have never had a girl friend and I still don't know how to talk to women. I'm not reserved but around women I really don't know how to be "smooth" I have plenty of girl "friends" but have never had a "Girlfriend" if you guys get me.

Oh and I'm not ugly or anything. In the face I would say above average but I'm pretty damn short 5'5" probably, thanks grandpa!

I was told to read those pick up artist books, but who has time with Anatomy in my face?

Also, I don't want to settle for anything less than what I'm capable of. I realize i won't get a super model, but I want at least a pretty cute chick because I'm told I'm good looking.

Oh and sorry if any of that sounded cocky!

I also lol'ed to this thread becoming an encouragement forum.

I boldened the part of your post that I agree with. You should join a PUA house because unless you are entrepreneurial enough to actively take the steps on your own, you need someone pushing you and externally motivating you. I personally detest the philosophy of PUA because it will cheapen a relationship if you read a book that teaches you how to be calculating to make women find you attractive. The best type of relationship is one that forms organically and "just happens" because that is more natural. However, I'm tall and have no problems attracting women otherwise my attitude might be a lot different!

 

[Excelsius]

...When you become a doctor and you're making big bucks, trust me, girls will come flocking towards you, waiting in lines and taking number slips. Just endure it, everyone's time will come.
...

...If you were a "dud" with no social skills before you went to medical school, you will be a "dud' medical student with no social skills...

... and you will be a dud resident, and then a dud doctur with a funcy car. And the bible isn't going to help you either. You can either keep praying and dreaming or actually do something about it.

And yes, if your relationship is not compatible with your studies, then you're likely with the wrong girl.

 

[TexasPhysician]

I'm going to be quite frank and to the point here. I have never had a girl friend and I still don't know how to talk to women. I'm not reserved but around women I really don't know how to be "smooth" I have plenty of girl "friends" but have never had a "Girlfriend" if you guys get me.

Oh and I'm not ugly or anything. In the face I would say above average but I'm pretty damn short 5'5" probably, thanks grandpa!

I was told to read those pick up artist books, but who has time with Anatomy in my face?

Also, I don't want to settle for anything less than what I'm capable of. I realize i won't get a super model, but I want at least a pretty cute chick because I'm told I'm good looking.

Oh and sorry if any of that sounded cocky!

Moderator's Note: Because of the similarity of this thread with "Med school is hard when you're single" the two have been merged.

SDN is probably months away from merging with eharmony now. haha

Seriously though. The best way to learn how to talk to women is practice. Who cares if you get rejected 20 times in a row if #21 says yes?

 

[thesauce]

Keep on thinking becoming a doctor will fix your personality, you will be sadly disappointed in the end to find out people care about more than your profession.

And you're not going to make that much money anyway. Not enough to have women flocking to you, sorry. Hugh Hefner may have enough money to make women forget he is old and dirty, but you won't as a doctor.

Where did that come from? You've lost focus. Just stating that your quote didn't support your viewpoint. This has nothing to do with me. I'm married.

 

[Cybii]

To the OP:

You need to reread this thread and take a particularly hard look at what the women have to say. And it's going to be obvious, because they are the ones who are totally not at all empathetic; because they literally have no idea what it is like to be a dude and to have to actually work like a dog just to get a girl to give you the time of day. I know this to be true in my heart, because if it were up to women to start relationships we would all die alone.

if you're working like a dog to get the girl to notice you.. it's because she doesn't want to notice you. You're barking up the wrong tree, find another.

 

[Cybii]

Sitting here late at night contemplating that my life sucks right now. No girlfriend, no sex in a quite a while, spend most of my day alone studying, no one to cheer me up at night, I can just hug my pillow. This is not normal, my early twenties should not be spent alone, we need companionship, we were built for it. Ahhh this sucks, whatever, I guess I should just suck it up and hope something comes along one day.

I've had many nights like yours... but I'd rather be single than in a lousy relationship, so I just wait to see what (or I should say, who) the next day will bring.

 

[xanthomondo]

I think there's pros and cons to both sides of the story (being single and being tied up). Most people tend to focus on the negative aspects of their situation when looking at the "greener" grass on the other side.

My girlfriend is working full time now (which means no commitments in the pm/weekends). She constantly wants to do something which pressures me to go out instead of studying for looming exams. She doesn't outright say that she hates it, but I can feel her dissapointment. Either way, I'm pressured to not study quite often.

 

[smq123]

I don't know if that is specifically what she does for me, but it's a win/win situation! I won't marry this girl because she's not Korean; but, I always try to reinvest twice as much effort into making her life feel the way I would want my life to feel.

I'm a Korean female, and statements like that really creep me out. I specifically AVOID guys who seek out one race in particular.

OP - I agree with the "the grass is always greener" mentality. I've gone through med school while being in and out of a relationship. Each has its downsides, each has its pluses. But med school is hard regardless of whether or not you're single.

 

[Pianoman32]

I guess one of the few benefits of going to school in the carribean... everyone is dating everyone; 1st term we called this place hook up island.

More like Herpe Island now.