My boyfriend doesn't understand how difficult pharmacy school is... How do I help him understand?

[amont88235]

I'm in my P1 year of pharmacy school. It's going well grades-wise but my relationship is on the backburner. I do what I can but I have ADHD and studying/school is incredibly difficult for me to begin with and it seems like in order to do well and not fail out of school, the rest of my personal life will have to be in shambles. My poor boyfriend has been a trooper through this first year (we've been together a little more than 2 years) but he's constantly saying that I don't need to spend the amount of time with school stuff that I do, but in all actuality if I do less with school just to spend time with him and make him feel less neglected, I would fail in a blink of an eye! I don't know how to get through school without blinders on to everything else. It works for me. My boyfriend went to undergrad and graduated with an exercise science degree- pretty difficult subject but absolutely nothing compared to what pharmacy school has been. He says he "understands how hard it is" because he went through undergrad... He also says that because he understand how hard it is, he also knows that I don't need to spend as much time studying as I've been doing all year. He just doesn't get it! I thought undergrad was challenging too until pharmacy school started and I realized that undergrad was absolutely NOTHING comparatively. I need to know this stuff. Every single little thing that we learn we must absorb and carry forward. Not to mention we have to know this stuff for the NAPLEX... One of our biggest problems has been that he's unwilling to drive to campus to see me/have dinner with me during a study break. I have to drop everything I'm doing to see him and hang out with him which is completely unrealistic for me because if I stop I won't go back to it that day. How do I help him to understand how difficult it is even when I absolutely love what I'm learning? I wish he were still in school or pursued an MS degree so he could at least spend time with me at the library while we're both studying. Is it inevitable that my relationship will crash and burn because he always feels neglected? Help!

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[Chriskahn]

Tell him to stop being a clingy little . Make him study for one of your exams so he can see how hard it is.

 

[sosoreal]

I'm in my P1 year of pharmacy school. It's going well grades-wise but my relationship is on the backburner. I do what I can but I have ADHD and studying/school is incredibly difficult for me to begin with and it seems like in order to do well and not fail out of school, the rest of my personal life will have to be in shambles. My poor boyfriend has been a trooper through this first year (we've been together a little more than 2 years) but he's constantly saying that I don't need to spend the amount of time with school stuff that I do, but in all actuality if I do less with school just to spend time with him and make him feel less neglected, I would fail in a blink of an eye! I don't know how to get through school without blinders on to everything else. It works for me. My boyfriend went to undergrad and graduated with an exercise science degree- pretty difficult subject but absolutely nothing compared to what pharmacy school has been. He says he "understands how hard it is" because he went through undergrad... He also says that because he understand how hard it is, he also knows that I don't need to spend as much time studying as I've been doing all year. He just doesn't get it! I thought undergrad was challenging too until pharmacy school started and I realized that undergrad was absolutely NOTHING comparatively. I need to know this stuff. Every single little thing that we learn we must absorb and carry forward. Not to mention we have to know this stuff for the NAPLEX... How do I help him to understand how difficult it is even when I absolutely love what I'm learning? I wish he were still in school or pursued an MS degree so he could at least spend time with me at the library while we're both studying. Is it inevitable that my relationship will crash and burn because he always feels neglected? Help!

Talk to him
I understand his point . It can be frustrating when u like someone but is never around.
On the other hand professional school is very difficult. It requires a lot of time to succeed.
Try to make sometime for him once in a while if u can.
Time like this , the best u can do is try to communicate as much as possible with each other before u start getting distant


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[amont88235]

Tell him to stop being a clingy little . Make him study for one of your exams so he can see how hard it is.

Unfortunately, I've shown him notes etc and I send him notes on CV drugs because has to study drugs to get ACLS certified/needs to know them for his patients at his current job. He writes it off as "easy" and "you're so smart you can do anything".

 

[y0ssarian87]

I'm in my P1 year of pharmacy school. It's going well grades-wise but my relationship is on the backburner. I do what I can but I have ADHD and studying/school is incredibly difficult for me to begin with and it seems like in order to do well and not fail out of school, the rest of my personal life will have to be in shambles. My poor boyfriend has been a trooper through this first year (we've been together a little more than 2 years) but he's constantly saying that I don't need to spend the amount of time with school stuff that I do, but in all actuality if I do less with school just to spend time with him and make him feel less neglected, I would fail in a blink of an eye! I don't know how to get through school without blinders on to everything else. It works for me. My boyfriend went to undergrad and graduated with an exercise science degree- pretty difficult subject but absolutely nothing compared to what pharmacy school has been. He says he "understands how hard it is" because he went through undergrad... He also says that because he understand how hard it is, he also knows that I don't need to spend as much time studying as I've been doing all year. He just doesn't get it! I thought undergrad was challenging too until pharmacy school started and I realized that undergrad was absolutely NOTHING comparatively. I need to know this stuff. Every single little thing that we learn we must absorb and carry forward. Not to mention we have to know this stuff for the NAPLEX... How do I help him to understand how difficult it is even when I absolutely love what I'm learning? I wish he were still in school or pursued an MS degree so he could at least spend time with me at the library while we're both studying. Is it inevitable that my relationship will crash and burn because he always feels neglected? Help!

It sounds like he's saying that your program isn't as hard as you think it is, but what he's really trying to say is that you need to spend more time on your relationship. Together. Don't try to come up with ways to explain how hard your program is. Come up with solutions for how to be more present in your relationship. Have you two talked about ways to do that? You mention your grades are fine so far, so you're not struggling at the moment. Try doing a dedicated extra date night once a week. I promise you have time for that, especially if you're not working. Does he have stuff he works on for work that he brings home? Do your work together. Also, importantly, when you're with him, make sure you're fully present, not distracted by school or other classmates.

If you give more and you do poorly in school or if you give more and he still doesn't feel it's enough, talk with him about your concerns that you've made efforts but he's not meeting you half way. Could he take up an additional hobby while you're in school, join a kickball team? It's important that you support each other.


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[amont88235]

It sounds like he's saying that your program isn't as hard as you think it is, but what he's really trying to say is that you need to spend more time on your relationship. Together. Don't try to come up with ways to explain how hard your program is. Come up with solutions for how to be more present in your relationship. Have you two talked about ways to do that? You mention your grades are fine so far, so you're not struggling at the moment. Try doing a dedicated extra date night once a week. I promise you have time for that, especially if you're not working. Does he have stuff he works on for work that he brings home? Do your work together. Also, importantly, when you're with him, make sure you're fully present, not distracted by school or other classmates.

If you give more and you do poorly in school or if you give more and he still doesn't feel it's enough, talk with him about your concerns that you've made efforts but he's not meeting you half way. Could he take up an additional hobby while you're in school, join a kickball team? It's important that you support each other.


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Great advice. Thank you. I will definitely try more of this- I tried this method at the beginning of 2nd semester but consequently scored a C on the first pharm chem exam of the semester. I chalked it up to not studying hard enough or long enough. The other problem is that I feel like ADHD is a huge obstacle and it requires much more time to learn things than my classmates. Time.... I never have enough!

 

[y0ssarian87]

Great advice. Thank you. I will definitely try more of this- I tried this method at the beginning of 2nd semester but consequently scored a C on the first pharm chem exam of the semester. I chalked it up to not studying hard enough or long enough. The other problem is that I feel like ADHD is a huge obstacle and it requires much more time to learn things than my classmates. Time.... I never have enough!

Yeah, one C on one exam won't kill you, and I tend to judge how I'm doing based on how I do relative to the class average or median rather than my actual score, depending on what's reported to us. From what I've seen from my classmates, ADHD does seem to make studying require more time. That must be challenging.

Try to find methods to improve the efficiency of your studying. I don't know what kind of study techniques you use, but optimizing that will be worthwhile, especially as you progress in your program.

Yeah, talk with your boyfriend your challenges with studying and your fear of failure with school. And then tell him how you plan to be more present in the relationship. He will (or should) appreciate your vulnerability and your efforts to contribute to the relationship. Hopefully he will support you and recognize when you're overwhelmed and need to focus on school more. It will be a trying process.

Have you thought about where your relationship will go after pharmacy school? If you're still together and you consider residency, does he know that you will be incredibly busy, much more so than you currently are?


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[ldiot]

Pharmacy school is easy, you just aren't studying right. I wouldn't blame it entirely on ADHD, what you need to do is find a more efficient way to work through the material.

I know I was spending 4 hours a day studying and was still behind at one point in the semester. I was spending more time outlining the material and including every little detail than I was actively learning it. Complete waste of time. Rather than essentially reproducing the entire powerpoint in handwritten form I was able to move towards a more condensed and high yeild method. Pharmacy school isn't hard, there's just a lot of material. The key is getting through the material fast and efficiently. Sure ADHD isn't going to help but talking about it isn't going to help either.

 

[mentos]

Not to mention we have to know this stuff for the NAPLEX... One of our biggest problems has been that he's unwilling to drive to campus to see me/have dinner with me during a study break. I have to drop everything I'm doing to see him and hang out with him which is completely unrealistic for me because if I stop I won't go back to it that day.

Don't worry you won't need to know 95% of the crap from P1 year for the NAPLEX, despite what your professors say. You can study the RXPrep book for a couple months and pass, that's what every pharmacist did.

Also, if you have to drop everything you do in order to hang out with your bf and he won't come to you... Then it sounds like you need to drop him. When my gf was in grad school I would drive an hour every weekend to see her.

 

[amont88235]

Yeah, one C on one exam won't kill you, and I tend to judge how I'm doing based on how I do relative to the class average or median rather than my actual score, depending on what's reported to us. From what I've seen from my classmates, ADHD does seem to make studying require more time. That must be challenging.

Try to find methods to improve the efficiency of your studying. I don't know what kind of study techniques you use, but optimizing that will be worthwhile, especially as you progress in your program.

Yeah, talk with your boyfriend your challenges with studying and your fear of failure with school. And then tell him how you plan to be more present in the relationship. He will (or should) appreciate your vulnerability and your efforts to contribute to the relationship. Hopefully he will support you and recognize when you're overwhelmed and need to focus on school more. It will be a trying process.

Have you thought about where your relationship will go after pharmacy school? If you're still together and you consider residency, does he know that you will be incredibly busy, much more so than you currently are?


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Yes, we've talked extensively about this because I plan to complete a fellowship in clinical pharmacology after I graduate. He says that I'm going to do what I'm going to do and he'll go with me in whatever I decide to pursue- but we plan to live together at that point.

We live 15 minutes apart now and it makes it a challenge since we don't see each other even in passing on the way to school/work or before bed usually. Before we started dating, I purchased/invested in a one bedroom apartment with money from an inheritance of sorts from my father. This apartment is across the street from the pharmacy school and I bought it for the sole purpose of wanting to be able to live across the street from school and the library. We talked about living together while I'm in pharmacy school but a) he doesn't like the idea of living near campus when he's not a student and b) my apartment is a little too small for the both of us and we both like our space every once in a while. He suggested I sell my apartment and live with him 15 minutes away... I'm just not willing to sell something that I planned to have as an investment for the next 40 years just so we can live together. If I had the money I would have purchased a two bedroom where I live now, but even a one bedroom was astronomically expensive.

I'm at my wits' end trying to think of ways to make it easier but it seems that he's opposed to the suggestions I make if they're not in his best interest (e.g. if he has to drive to see me, if he has to live near campus to live with me). I don't want to say he's selfish but he kind of has been and honestly he doesn't take my course load into consideration. If I go to see him on a school night it's also my responsibility to bring/make us dinner-this includes money I don't have spent on food and even more time cut out to go to the grocery store to save money by not eating take-out. The one time I suggested that I would go to the grocery store and pick up food if he would prepare it while I go over some drug cards, I still ended up preparing the food because I was ravenous and he said he wouldn't prepare it until 9pm after a basketball game was over. Help!!!!

 

[amont88235]

Don't worry you won't need to know 95% of the crap from P1 year for the NAPLEX, despite what your professors say. You can study the RXPrep book for a couple months and pass, that's what every pharmacist did.

Also, if you have to drop everything you do in order to hang out with your bf and he won't come to you... Then it sounds like you need to drop him. When my gf was in grad school I would drive an hour every weekend to see her.

Wow. There's no chance in hell he would drive an hour to see me every weekend. You're a real trooper. My reply to a different user still applies:
We live 15 minutes apart now and it makes it a challenge since we don't see each other even in passing on the way to school/work or before bed usually. Before we started dating, I purchased/invested in a one bedroom apartment with money from an inheritance of sorts from my father. This apartment is across the street from the pharmacy school and I bought it for the sole purpose of wanting to be able to live across the street from school and the library. We talked about living together while I'm in pharmacy school but a) he doesn't like the idea of living near campus when he's not a student and b) my apartment is a little too small for the both of us and we both like our space every once in a while. He suggested I sell my apartment and live with him 15 minutes away... I'm just not willing to sell something that I planned to have as an investment for the next 40 years just so we can live together. If I had the money I would have purchased a two bedroom where I live now, but even a one bedroom was astronomically expensive.

I'm at my wits' end trying to think of ways to make it easier but it seems that he's opposed to the suggestions I make if they're not in his best interest (e.g. if he has to drive to see me, if he has to live near campus to live with me). I don't want to say he's selfish but he kind of has been and honestly he doesn't take my course load into consideration. If I go to see him on a school night it's also my responsibility to bring/make us dinner-this includes money I don't have spent on food and even more time cut out to go to the grocery store to save money by not eating take-out. The one time I suggested that I would go to the grocery store and pick up food if he would prepare it while I go over some drug cards, I still ended up preparing the food because I was ravenous and he said he wouldn't prepare it until 9pm after a basketball game was over. Help!!!!

 

[mentos]

Sorry but he sounds like a selfish little boy who only cares about himself. A boyfriend is supposed to support and encourage you through tough times like these, not cause you more stress. With all the free time he has, he should be making/bringing you dinner on your breaks, paying for groceries and doing your laundry on the weekend... I did. When you finish school and become a pharmacist you will be way above his league. Only when you leave him will he realize how lucky he was to be with you. My advice is to find a man who will take care of you. I know that's a lot to ask for in this millenial generation.

 

[ldiot]

He can't drive 15 minutes and doesn't want to live near a college? That doesn't even make sense. Plus he studied physical therapy and implied that that is difficult... what a joke. He realizes that he is selfish but diverts it by saying that you study too much. You are accepting blame for his shortcoming. I agree with @mentos do what you have to do.

 

[amont88235]

Pharmacy school is easy, you just aren't studying right. I wouldn't blame it entirely on ADHD, what you need to do is find a more efficient way to work through the material.

I know I was spending 4 hours a day studying and was still behind at one point in the semester. I was spending more time outlining the material and including every little detail than I was actively learning it. Complete waste of time. Rather than essentially reproducing the entire powerpoint in handwritten form I was able to move towards a more condensed and high yeild method. Pharmacy school isn't hard, there's just a lot of material. The key is getting through the material fast and efficiently. Sure ADHD isn't going to help but talking about it isn't going to help either.

I don't want to "get through the material fast" I want to learn everything because I believe that every single detail is worth knowing and more importantly I truly enjoy it. Condensed learning is not high yield since my classmates who study in a condensed manner have no idea what it actually means or how to apply it to other classes. I don't know what your pharmacy school was like but my professors will pick out random sentences for exam questions from a slide that would probably be considered impertinent to the main details. Furthermore, I don't appreciate your belittling me for having a thirst for knowledge and prolonged learning process.

 

[confettiflyer]

I'm thinking of a word to describe this guy and it starts with p.

 

[amont88235]

He can't drive 15 minutes and doesn't want to live near a college? That doesn't even make sense. Plus he studied physical therapy and implied that that is difficult... what a joke. He realizes that he is selfish but diverts it by saying that you study too much. You are accepting blame for his shortcoming. I agree with @mentos do what you have to do.

But thank you for this reply. This one helped a lot.

 

[deleted480308]

Tell him to put on his big boy pants and cowboy up. A relationship with you is on pharm student schedule and no longer an undergrad schedule, those are the terms and he can stop giving you crap about it or he can roll out

A boyfriend isn't worth messing up pharm school for

 

[Momus]

I'd drop him in a heart beat. Come on, why do you need to cater to his every needs? He put in 0 effort for the relationship. He sounds like a giant douche. You can find a better man than him. What makes you think he will get better when you are married? Dating is when you show the best behavior, you haven't seen the worst yet from this guy. Drop him, now.

 

[PharmDBro2017]

I'm in my P1 year of pharmacy school. It's going well grades-wise but my relationship is on the backburner. I do what I can but I have ADHD and studying/school is incredibly difficult for me to begin with and it seems like in order to do well and not fail out of school, the rest of my personal life will have to be in shambles. My poor boyfriend has been a trooper through this first year (we've been together a little more than 2 years) but he's constantly saying that I don't need to spend the amount of time with school stuff that I do, but in all actuality if I do less with school just to spend time with him and make him feel less neglected, I would fail in a blink of an eye! I don't know how to get through school without blinders on to everything else. It works for me. My boyfriend went to undergrad and graduated with an exercise science degree- pretty difficult subject but absolutely nothing compared to what pharmacy school has been. He says he "understands how hard it is" because he went through undergrad... He also says that because he understand how hard it is, he also knows that I don't need to spend as much time studying as I've been doing all year. He just doesn't get it! I thought undergrad was challenging too until pharmacy school started and I realized that undergrad was absolutely NOTHING comparatively. I need to know this stuff. Every single little thing that we learn we must absorb and carry forward. Not to mention we have to know this stuff for the NAPLEX... One of our biggest problems has been that he's unwilling to drive to campus to see me/have dinner with me during a study break. I have to drop everything I'm doing to see him and hang out with him which is completely unrealistic for me because if I stop I won't go back to it that day. How do I help him to understand how difficult it is even when I absolutely love what I'm learning? I wish he were still in school or pursued an MS degree so he could at least spend time with me at the library while we're both studying. Is it inevitable that my relationship will crash and burn because he always feels neglected? Help!

1- dump him srs
2- exercise science... lol he doesn't begin to understand difficult

My gf during undergrad (married her during pharmacy school), figured out how disciplined I had to be while doing my pre-reqs and understood that our relationship is on the backburner right now, so that our future can ultimately be better. I would stay in the library for 8hrs straight in the evening, and she would drop me off dinner just so I wouldn't have to leave my study area. I'd take maybe 15min and get back to work. She very quickly figured out what our relationship was like while I took immunology, organic, genetics.

Dump him.

 

[Natori]

I'm in my P1 year of pharmacy school. It's going well grades-wise but my relationship is on the backburner. I do what I can but I have ADHD and studying/school is incredibly difficult for me to begin with and it seems like in order to do well and not fail out of school, the rest of my personal life will have to be in shambles. My poor boyfriend has been a trooper through this first year (we've been together a little more than 2 years) but he's constantly saying that I don't need to spend the amount of time with school stuff that I do, but in all actuality if I do less with school just to spend time with him and make him feel less neglected, I would fail in a blink of an eye! I don't know how to get through school without blinders on to everything else. It works for me. My boyfriend went to undergrad and graduated with an exercise science degree- pretty difficult subject but absolutely nothing compared to what pharmacy school has been. He says he "understands how hard it is" because he went through undergrad... He also says that because he understand how hard it is, he also knows that I don't need to spend as much time studying as I've been doing all year. He just doesn't get it! I thought undergrad was challenging too until pharmacy school started and I realized that undergrad was absolutely NOTHING comparatively. I need to know this stuff. Every single little thing that we learn we must absorb and carry forward. Not to mention we have to know this stuff for the NAPLEX... One of our biggest problems has been that he's unwilling to drive to campus to see me/have dinner with me during a study break. I have to drop everything I'm doing to see him and hang out with him which is completely unrealistic for me because if I stop I won't go back to it that day. How do I help him to understand how difficult it is even when I absolutely love what I'm learning? I wish he were still in school or pursued an MS degree so he could at least spend time with me at the library while we're both studying. Is it inevitable that my relationship will crash and burn because he always feels neglected? Help!

Just a heads up....I'm a married undergrad going through the same thing that you are. Let's just say that I already know what I will need to do when I reach MD school. You already know what you need to do too, and I understand that it's difficult, but it is necessary. One day you will look back on this and realize you made the right choice.

 

[DrZeke]

Yes, we've talked extensively about this because I plan to complete a fellowship in clinical pharmacology after I graduate. He says that I'm going to do what I'm going to do and he'll go with me in whatever I decide to pursue- but we plan to live together at that point.

We live 15 minutes apart now and it makes it a challenge since we don't see each other even in passing on the way to school/work or before bed usually. Before we started dating, I purchased/invested in a one bedroom apartment with money from an inheritance of sorts from my father. This apartment is across the street from the pharmacy school and I bought it for the sole purpose of wanting to be able to live across the street from school and the library. We talked about living together while I'm in pharmacy school but a) he doesn't like the idea of living near campus when he's not a student and b) my apartment is a little too small for the both of us and we both like our space every once in a while. He suggested I sell my apartment and live with him 15 minutes away... I'm just not willing to sell something that I planned to have as an investment for the next 40 years just so we can live together. If I had the money I would have purchased a two bedroom where I live now, but even a one bedroom was astronomically expensive.

I'm at my wits' end trying to think of ways to make it easier but it seems that he's opposed to the suggestions I make if they're not in his best interest (e.g. if he has to drive to see me, if he has to live near campus to live with me). I don't want to say he's selfish but he kind of has been and honestly he doesn't take my course load into consideration. If I go to see him on a school night it's also my responsibility to bring/make us dinner-this includes money I don't have spent on food and even more time cut out to go to the grocery store to save money by not eating take-out. The one time I suggested that I would go to the grocery store and pick up food if he would prepare it while I go over some drug cards, I still ended up preparing the food because I was ravenous and he said he wouldn't prepare it until 9pm after a basketball game was over. Help!!!!

He sounds like a jerk...

"If I go to see him, I have to bring him dinner or cook"
"He won't ever come to campus to meet me for dinner for a study break"

He sounds unsupportive. You're in school, he isn't. Sounds like when he isn't working he has free time, then he should be the one cooking or helping out.

In terms of your ADHD... You should have developed coping mechanisms by now that allow you to study more efficiently. Unless your undergrad was so easy that you just weren't efficient but it didn't impact your life. If you aren't on meds, consider it. If you have health insurance, get in with a psychologist or psychiatrist and say it's proved a challenge now that you have more coursework. Adult ADHD is really and sometimes when the work is piled on or even once you have kids, a job, and other activities it's unmanageable without help from a therapist and/or meds.


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[297point1]

It is little wonder that so many students in the mid-level and upper level professional programs (medicine, dentistry, pharmacy, law, etc.) end up marrying each other- it's a combination of familiarity of what is necessary to get through the program plus vicinity/convenience (sitting in classrooms with each other for 2-4 years segregated from the rest of society tends to narrow the pool)

OP: drop that zero.

 

[DrZeke]

He can't drive 15 minutes and doesn't want to live near a college? That doesn't even make sense. Plus he studied physical therapy and implied that that is difficult... what a joke. He realizes that he is selfish but diverts it by saying that you study too much. You are accepting blame for his shortcoming. I agree with @mentos do what you have to do.

Lol I thought she said exercise science... That's not even PT. PT is post undergrads


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[y0ssarian87]

Wow. He doesn't sound supportive at all. I know we're only getting one side of the story, but that's an important reflection of how you feel about his effort in the relationship. This needs to be addressed stat.

Before I started pharmacy school, I lived with my boyfriend (in CA). I had terrible prerequisite grades, and thus I applied broadly. I didn't apply to CA schools, as most of them look only at grades and not the PCAT (which I did well on). Additionally they're expensive as hell. After receiving multiple acceptances spread across the country, I opted to go to school in Baltimore. It was the least expensive option, situated in a place geographically where I would have many opportunities. It just made the most sense for me.

Of course my boyfriend is saddened that I left, but he's been incredibly supportive. We had been seeing each other for 4 years when I left to do the long distance thing. It felt like a big step back, and I wasn't very optimistic about long distance. Through our collective efforts, we have succeeded in making it work and are starting to talk about plans about living together again after school. He is currently doing an accelerated MSN program in mental health on full scholarship plus a stipend that he started when I left. We will finish school at the same time, and that helps us plan for the future after school. He has agreed to move with me to wherever I do post-graduate training, though he and I have talked about which places work best for both of us, and that has helped me make my selections.

While we've been in school, it's been difficult, but we see each other fairly often, though. Our school schedules don't line up, which is kind of cool. I've been able to go to LA on my breaks, and he's been able to come to Baltimore on his breaks. Because our breaks don't line up, we see each other more often. We've been able to see each other several times a year, with usually no more than a couple months between visits. Because our breaks don't line up though, it also means we're visiting the other person while they're immersed in school or at a conference. When I go there, not only do I try to see all my undergrad friends, but I'll also try to cook for him or run errands if he has exams or work to do. Likewise when he comes here, he makes me coffee and cooks me dinner and midnight snacks when I'm pulling all-nighters. When we're apart, we make concerted efforts to do Skype "study parties", and we discuss the patient cases we encounter at school and at work. We also try to talk about our needs, desires, aspirations and our concerns going forward. It helps us create a picture of our future together after pharmacy school.

Honestly, I haven't found pharmacy school to be that difficult. It has been challenging mostly in that I have been involved extensively in work and extracurriculars. That takes away from time I can spend talking to my boyfriend, and makes it challenging to coordinate times to talk when there's a 3 hour time difference. My boyfriend has also been supportive of my involvement in student organizations and at work despite the fact that it makes our schedules more complicated, as he knows that these are important factors in consideration for post-graduate training. Also, we support each other working, because it means we have money to buy tickets to see each other.

I feel as though he has supported me while I've been in school, and I think he feels the same way. We have both had to make sacrifices to make things work, though we've both been "back-burnered" for school. Despite that, I've travelled to CA for weddings on weekends before med chem exams. I've gambled and gone out to CA, missing school on times where I could get cold called. But each time I've done so, it was a very calculated decision. "I'm acing med chem? I can afford to do less well on this exam and still pull off an A." "Oh, the in-class participation is less than 2% of my grade? Eh, while that's about a fifth of a letter grade, the chances of me getting called on are slim."

While this works for us, I don't expect it to work for everyone. What I would expect is for both parties to come to a consensus on how much effort is going to be put into the relationship by each person. This should be reevaluated on a regular basis to ensure needs are met.

The fact that you both feel unsupported is a really bad red flag. You'll need to talk to address that. Best of luck.


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[bulldog1123]

Pharmacy school is easy, you just aren't studying right. I wouldn't blame it entirely on ADHD, what you need to do is find a more efficient way to work through the material.

I know I was spending 4 hours a day studying and was still behind at one point in the semester. I was spending more time outlining the material and including every little detail than I was actively learning it. Complete waste of time. Rather than essentially reproducing the entire powerpoint in handwritten form I was able to move towards a more condensed and high yeild method. Pharmacy school isn't hard, there's just a lot of material. The key is getting through the material fast and efficiently. Sure ADHD isn't going to help but talking about it isn't going to help either.

Sorry a little off topic from the OP's issue but could you elaborate on your condensed, high yield method please? It would be very enlightening.

 

[TheBlaah]

Sorry a little off topic from the OP's issue but could you elaborate on your condensed, high yield method please? It would be very enlightening.

I'm not that guy, but here's my method. Generally I obtained either a copy of the previous year's notes or shared note-taking duty with competent classmates. I don't listen to the video (not an audio learner anyway, but listening to it is very time-consuming). On my first pass-through, I take the time to thoroughly read and understand the material (the reason behind it, how it works, ect). I add on any notes I think may be helpful in review after I've understood a more difficult concept. I then spend the subsequent reads reviewing the main concept and memorizing some of the smaller details.

Basically, this method allowed me to skip the majority of classes (whenever there was no in-class assignment). Took me around 4-5 hours to completely prep and study for an exam. Sometimes it went up 9-10 hours for high-volume/difficult courses for P3 year. Overall, it ended up working well for me and I generally made it into the top 10%.

 

[gwarm01]

Dump him, get through school, then find someone who is on your level.

 

[RxPreceptor]

Make him do a pharmacokinetics test with no equations given and free response only...what, he doesn't memorize the half life of every drug in existence? APhA sample questions are a good example for the PK chapter...throw in some nuclear pharmacy questions too....same rules also. No calculator might be considered as cruel and unusual punishment though

 

[Amicable Angora]

It's that exciting time to get a new boyfriend!

 

[monkieez]

He probably makes a good point that you are studying too much and I would recommend becoming more efficient so that you have more time for extracurriculars and internship experiences as P2 when the material will also get harder. However, it does not sound like he is worth making more time for HIM as he does not make time for you and support you. He seems to want all the fun parts of the relationship without inconvenience to himself, so of course he wants you to focus less on yourself. Like asking you to sell your property.

In pharmacy school, my boyfriend would also complain often that he did not get to spend enough time with me with how much I was working and then the craziness of pharmacy rotations that were 50 miles away (with very bad traffic). He was quite (understandably) upset when I matched to an out-of-state residency program (there was no way for him to move to this area) but to his credit he has been flying out once a month to visit me (which includes some awful red eyes and no direct flights) because we are committed to making it work and I plan to move back soon (because it goes both ways). The point is that I think it's convenient for your boyfriend to say that he will move when the time comes for your fellowship but the reality is that he is just saying that so he can be entertained for now because he's not even making that 15 minute distance. Consider if he really would follow you across the country and you might as well not waste your time now. You are too young to make concessions for your career, pharmacy school is not something you can pause/do over.

However, when you do meet the right person who makes time for you, I do think it's good for yourself and your relationship to have date nights or dedicated times when you aren't studying. It's not healthy to be studying 24/7. Remember that you are a professional student, not a scholar.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

Break up with him. Delete facebook. Marry a physician.

 

[MatCauthon]

I don't want to "get through the material fast" I want to learn everything because I believe that every single detail is worth knowing and more importantly I truly enjoy it. Condensed learning is not high yield since my classmates who study in a condensed manner have no idea what it actually means or how to apply it to other classes. I don't know what your pharmacy school was like but my professors will pick out random sentences for exam questions from a slide that would probably be considered impertinent to the main details. Furthermore, I don't appreciate your belittling me for having a thirst for knowledge and prolonged learning process.

Just reading what you wrote here shows me that you have a lot to learn about how to study more efficiently. The point of learning is not to remember every detail. Condensed learning doesn't mean you skip the details. It means that you condense the material into a mental map. Once the mental map is created, smaller details can be added into the picture. Organizing material into categories and creating a framework is the best way to create understanding, retention, and long-term memory. Very complex subject matter can usually be condensed into a just a few pages of carefully drawn out study guides. Making drawings, comparing/contrasting, outlining key concepts, and anticipating potential exam questions are all part of mastering subject material. There are many books/materials on study methods and accelerated learning. They all highlight these principles.

Perhaps devoting some of your passion to learning about learning will help you achieve a higher level of efficiency and success than you previous thought possible.

 

[Caffeine QAM]

That he's not willing to make concessions for you, who seems to be the busier of you two, despite only being 15 minutes away while furthermore holding you to those expectations instead is not a good sign of the future, should your relationship continue. This is not just a temporary thing. If he can't make sacrifices for your relationship with each other during a tough time now, what security do you have that he will do so in the future?

Life is no cakewalk. When times get tough, are you going to have a partner that's supportive or one who expects you to take on all the burdens?

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[lane one]

Just a heads up....I'm a married undergrad going through the same thing that you are. Let's just say that I already know what I will need to do when I reach MD school. You already know what you need to do too, and I understand that it's difficult, but it is necessary. One day you will look back on this and realize you made the right choice.

Ice cold.

OP: Time to go fishing.

 

[PharmtoCS]

Being either lazy or needy isn't good, but it looks like he is being both here. Next time, make him take the effort to come see you, and make sure you don't have any food ready. See how he reacts.

 

[Dalteparin]

I agree with what everybody else has been saying: DTMFA! (Dump the Mother F---er Already!) This guy sounds like an overgrown teenager Maybe this will be the wake-up call that gets him to grow up, but even if it isn't, you're better off without him.

 

[PharmDBro2017]

OP still hasn't dumped him.

In for updates.

 

[panasoniku]

We live 15 minutes apart now and it makes it a challenge since we don't see each other even in passing on the way to school/work or before bed usually. Before we started dating, I purchased/invested in a one bedroom apartment with money from an inheritance of sorts from my father. This apartment is across the street from the pharmacy school and I bought it for the sole purpose of wanting to be able to live across the street from school and the library.

You purchased property with your inheritance! You're in pharmacy school. If he can't appreciate the hard work you've done so far and how well you played your cards, then he needs to go.

 

[MackandBlues]

why do you need to cook dinner for him? and go shopping for food with your money? doesn't he have a job now? Sounds like he's taking advantage of you. Do you want to put up with this type of behavior/situation for the rest of your life? people can change but most don't.

 

[Chalupa_Batman86]

Pharmacy school isn't that difficult. Paying off the loans and making a 20-30 year career out of pharmacy is by far exponentially more difficult!

 

[holymolys]

Aye pharmacy school is stupid easy if you don't care about residencies, I didn't even want to do one but got sucked into the competitiveness of my crazy class during the 1st 2 years... Should've spent more time working and networking instead

 

[gwarm01]

I can't agree with the people that say pharmacy school is easy. It's a lot of info, and depending on your background and the testing culture at your school it can be very difficult. I had a lot of classes with essay style exams, or at least multiple choice questions with a lot of "A is correct. B is correct. A and B are both correct but for the wrong stated reason. A and B are correct for the wrong reason, and C is incorrect but for the right reason" style of answers that always found a way to toss in that one situation you weren't 100% on.

I think it is based on individual learning styles. I was very much a middle of the road student, but in clinical practice I quickly rose to the top simply because I gained more from practical experience than from trying to memorize a power point. Context was always important for me.

 

[Caffeine QAM]

I can't agree with the people that say pharmacy school is easy. It's a lot of info, and depending on your background and the testing culture at your school it can be very difficult. I had a lot of classes with essay style exams, or at least multiple choice questions with a lot of "A is correct. B is correct. A and B are both correct but for the wrong stated reason. A and B are correct for the wrong reason, and C is incorrect but for the right reason" style of answers that always found a way to toss in that one situation you weren't 100% on.

I think it is based on individual learning styles. I was very much a middle of the road student, but in clinical practice I quickly rose to the top simply because I gained more from practical experience than from trying to memorize a power point. Context was always important for me.

I suppose it might be considered easy for some to pass and get by with minimum competency. For those who want to be competitive for post-graduate training or want simply want to get a lot out of their education, it can be difficult just by virtue of how much they push themselves. I imagine most students try to do well rather than settle to coast by and pass, which is why they find it difficult (my guess). That said, everyone has a different experience...some will have to work harder than others, and those that found it easy are not necessarily any better than those who had to work much harder to get the same results.

 

[BidingMyTime]

It works for me. My boyfriend went to undergrad and graduated with an exercise science degree- pretty difficult subject but absolutely nothing compared to what pharmacy school has been.

Um, no, "exercise science" is NOT a difficult degree, and your boyfriend is completely clueless. Why why he think a a BS degree would in any way be comparable to a PharmD degree.

He says he "understands how hard it is" because he went through undergrad... He also says that because he understand how hard it is, he also knows that I don't need to spend as much time studying as I've been doing all year.

He doesn't understand, and he obviously doesn't care about you, because he is not listening to you.

How do I help him to understand how difficult it is even when I absolutely love what I'm learning?!

You won't, he sounds quite selfish. You probably won't believe me, and you will probably ignore this, but you need to learn to set clear boundaries. Statistically, most relationships don't last, even after marriage. Your grades, your college degree, your career, that will follow you forever. It will follow you long after your boyfriend is gone.

Yes, relationships have to be give and take. But when a boyfriend is asking you to give up time that you know you need to study for school, then that boyfriend is asking to much. (same if it was a girlfriend doing the same.)

Tell your boyfriend that 1) you aren't married and you aren't going to be until after you graduate 2) that your college must come first in your life for the next 4 years and that he will come second.

He can either accept that, or he can move on. And *you* need to accept whatever he decides. If he leaves and it was really "meant to be" (which is unlikely), then "the fates" will bring you back together again after you finish college.

Statistically, you won't regret putting your college education first over a boyfriend. Statistically you will highly regret putting your boyfriend first over college.

I'm older and more jaded now, I do remember being young and thinking if a relationship didn't work out I'd probably never have another. Or that some guy was my only true "soulmate" and I'd never meet another. Both were untrue for me, and they are undoubtedly untrue for you. Even if it goes against your grain and gut, put your college education first. You know in your head that this is the right decision, so do it.

*edited to fix numerous typos*

 

[CetiAlphaFive]

I'm in my P1 year of pharmacy school. It's going well grades-wise but my relationship is on the backburner. I do what I can but I have ADHD and studying/school is incredibly difficult for me to begin with and it seems like in order to do well and not fail out of school, the rest of my personal life will have to be in shambles. My poor boyfriend has been a trooper through this first year (we've been together a little more than 2 years) but he's constantly saying that I don't need to spend the amount of time with school stuff that I do, but in all actuality if I do less with school just to spend time with him and make him feel less neglected, I would fail in a blink of an eye! I don't know how to get through school without blinders on to everything else. It works for me. My boyfriend went to undergrad and graduated with an exercise science degree- pretty difficult subject but absolutely nothing compared to what pharmacy school has been. He says he "understands how hard it is" because he went through undergrad... He also says that because he understand how hard it is, he also knows that I don't need to spend as much time studying as I've been doing all year. He just doesn't get it! I thought undergrad was challenging too until pharmacy school started and I realized that undergrad was absolutely NOTHING comparatively. I need to know this stuff. Every single little thing that we learn we must absorb and carry forward. Not to mention we have to know this stuff for the NAPLEX... One of our biggest problems has been that he's unwilling to drive to campus to see me/have dinner with me during a study break. I have to drop everything I'm doing to see him and hang out with him which is completely unrealistic for me because if I stop I won't go back to it that day. How do I help him to understand how difficult it is even when I absolutely love what I'm learning? I wish he were still in school or pursued an MS degree so he could at least spend time with me at the library while we're both studying. Is it inevitable that my relationship will crash and burn because he always feels neglected? Help!

Let me guess...

He's also jealous of the guys in your class and doesn't want you to go to parties?
Everyone knew a couple like you guys in pharmacy school.

The fact that you made this thread seems to indicate that you already know what you have to do.

 

[Mad Jack]

Find a medical student to date instead, you'll have all the free time in the world to focus on your studies.

 

[ChalupaBatman86]

This is some serious Bridget Jones Diary s**t right here, I need some ice cream

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[CetiAlphaFive]

This is some serious Bridget Jones Diary s**t right here, I need some ice cream

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HAHAHAH,

 

[Jibby321]

I'm in my P1 year of pharmacy school. It's going well grades-wise but my relationship is on the backburner. I do what I can but I have ADHD and studying/school is incredibly difficult for me to begin with and it seems like in order to do well and not fail out of school, the rest of my personal life will have to be in shambles. My poor boyfriend has been a trooper through this first year (we've been together a little more than 2 years) but he's constantly saying that I don't need to spend the amount of time with school stuff that I do, but in all actuality if I do less with school just to spend time with him and make him feel less neglected, I would fail in a blink of an eye! I don't know how to get through school without blinders on to everything else. It works for me. My boyfriend went to undergrad and graduated with an exercise science degree- pretty difficult subject but absolutely nothing compared to what pharmacy school has been. He says he "understands how hard it is" because he went through undergrad... He also says that because he understand how hard it is, he also knows that I don't need to spend as much time studying as I've been doing all year. He just doesn't get it! I thought undergrad was challenging too until pharmacy school started and I realized that undergrad was absolutely NOTHING comparatively. I need to know this stuff. Every single little thing that we learn we must absorb and carry forward. Not to mention we have to know this stuff for the NAPLEX... One of our biggest problems has been that he's unwilling to drive to campus to see me/have dinner with me during a study break. I have to drop everything I'm doing to see him and hang out with him which is completely unrealistic for me because if I stop I won't go back to it that day. How do I help him to understand how difficult it is even when I absolutely love what I'm learning? I wish he were still in school or pursued an MS degree so he could at least spend time with me at the library while we're both studying. Is it inevitable that my relationship will crash and burn because he always feels neglected? Help!

Lmfao.

Don't be dramatic. Pharmacy school is not difficult.

 

[FunnyPharm2019]

wow, don't listen to all these people criticizing the way you study. perhaps they missed the part where you said you are pursuing a fellowship. perhaps they missed the thing about ADHD. perhaps they settled for C's and are now stuck in the retail grind hating their lives (perhaps all of the above).
bottom line: when your boyfriend asks you to prioritize him over your professional education, he is keeping you from becoming the best version of yourself. when you love someone, you want to see them succeed, even if it's a little inconvenient for you while they're making it happen.
I can't offer you a solution because I've been in your shoes many times and I always end up breaking off the relationship. I guess what keeps me going is the confidence that one day I WILL reach my goals, no matter how many guys would rather have me visiting and cooking for them instead. and if along the way I find a guy who actually encourages me in my pursuits and is proud of what I've accomplished, then, that's just icing on the cake I guess.


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