Dear Committee on Admissions:
I am in receipt of your letter notifying me of my rejection from the Pritzker School of Medicine. I regret to hear that the applicant pools size is causing you duress. I would have thought that such marked interest in your school would only nurture your pretention. With an application fee of $75, certainly our $585,000 donation makes some of your very difficult decisions easier. Should I expect to see my name inscribed on the next medical research building you erect? Please see its proper spelling below.
I want to thank you, Committee on Admissions, for taking upwards of 15 minutes evaluating my application. And for providing the most insincere, rudest administrative staff I have ever encountered. Perhaps someday you will recognize that stellar MCAT scores and flawless GPAs alone do not a good physician make; they merely inflate your statistics. I extend my best wishes as you pursue other, more numerically-appealing applicants to share in your pomposity.
Sincerely yours,
zipmedic, M.A., CCEMT-P