Pre-med/Med student LDR Tips?

[gatorgirl1997]

I am a third-year pre-med undergrad (planning on applying summer 2019 and starting med school in Summer 2020 if all goes well) and my SO is starting M1 (4.5 hour drive from me) tomorrow. We've been dating for 2 years now, he went to my undergrad school, and we are from the same hometown. We were long distance (4 hour drive apart) for half of his gap year, and lived together for the other half of his gap year.

We were able to manage the long distance during his gap year, but long distance obviously won't be the same due to the stress and difficulty of med school. We will probably be able to see each other for holidays since we are from the same hometown so that is a plus, but we both would like to make this relationship work. Any recommendations for managing LDR?

Also, I know med school is much more difficult than undergrad, so what are some realistic expectations I should have for a LDR with a med student?

We are ~hoping~ that my med school will be close to his residency, but that is out of our hands as it depends on his residency match and my med school admission decisions

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[trobinsonmd]

I am a third-year pre-med undergrad (but not graduating until 2021 due to major) and my SO is starting M1 (4.5 hours away from my school) tomorrow. We've been dating for 2 years now, he went to my undergrad school, and we are from the same hometown. We were long distance (4 hours apart) for half of his gap year, and lived together for the other half of his gap year.

We were able to manage the long distance during his gap year, but long distance obviously won't be the same due to the stress and difficulty of med school. We will probably be able to see each other for holidays since we are from the same hometown so that is a plus, but we both would like to make this relationship work. Any recommendations for managing LDR?

Also, I know med school is much more difficult than undergrad, so what are some realistic expectations I should have for a LDR with a med student?

We are ~hoping~ that my med school will be close to his residency, but that is out of our hands as it depends on his residency match and my med school admission decisions.

From someone who has been through LDRs with multiple people --

realistic expectations: expect far fewer frequency of hangouts, because your SO will have significantly less free time. should still be able to find ten mins a day for a phone call or facetime though... I don't know how you guys communicate primarily, but if you guys text frequently throughout the day, it will probably be harder to do that too. it will take a lot of understanding on your end to be able to accommodate this new arrangement...

tips: when I went into med school, people told me LDRs were a bad idea, and I basically told them that they did not know what they were talking about and told them to let me handle my own business... turns out, they were right and I was so wrong. In 90% of cases, I would say an LDR is not the play, because it is really hard to manage and it is stressful to manage... the 10% of the time that they do workout is when both parties are extremely committed to one another and they schedule their hangouts in advance. best tip -- make sure you guys are always both on the same page wrt expectations and time management... there is nothing more toxic in a relationship than being on different pages and not knowing what each party expects from the other

 

[Gurby]

Pretty much everyone in my class in relationships prior to med school either got married/engaged or split up during M1. No harm in giving it a shot, but just be warned...

 

[sunshinefl]

Pretty much everyone in my class in relationships prior to med school either got married/engaged or split up during M1. No harm in giving it a shot, but just be warned...

I pretty much saw the same. Everyone in my first year class either elevated their commitment, or broke up. I’m in the former camp.

 

[Obscure]

We were able to manage the long distance during his gap year, but long distance obviously won't be the same due to the stress and difficulty of med school. We will probably be able to see each other for holidays since we are from the same hometown so that is a plus, but we both would like to make this relationship work. Any recommendations for managing LDR?

Also, I know med school is much more difficult than undergrad, so what are some realistic expectations I should have for a LDR with a med student?

Well, be honest with yourself. Is this a relationship that had problems during the time you did long distance? If yes, be aware that the demands of medical school are likely to exacerbate these stresses.

That's not to say that it's impossible, but be real about what's going to happen. I was in a 4 year relationship prior to medical school, and we've managed to do two years of medical school long distance when she's a 3 hour flight away. And it's been tough, for sure, but we're both in med school so we also just get it.

Just be realistic about what you're getting into. The SO's time is going to be less, and its very likely that there will be days that you're annoyed and upset at him because you're not in a position to understand. If he can deal with that, and you can make an effort to understand that, you'll be fine.

4.5 hour drive ...isn't all that much though, is it? That's a weekend trip easily. Or did you mean flying, because that's obviously different lol.

 

[ciestar]

Pretty much everyone in my class in relationships prior to med school either got married/engaged or split up during M1. No harm in giving it a shot, but just be warned...

Also saw much of the same. And couples that formed during M1 are now getting engaged, too.

 

[gatorgirl1997]

Well, be honest with yourself. Is this a relationship that had problems during the time you did long distance? If yes, be aware that the demands of medical school are likely to exacerbate these stresses.

That's not to say that it's impossible, but be real about what's going to happen. I was in a 4 year relationship prior to medical school, and we've managed to do two years of medical school long distance when she's a 3 hour flight away. And it's been tough, for sure, but we're both in med school so we also just get it.

Just be realistic about what you're getting into. The SO's time is going to be less, and its very likely that there will be days that you're annoyed and upset at him because you're not in a position to understand. If he can deal with that, and you can make an effort to understand that, you'll be fine.

4.5 hour drive ...isn't all that much though, is it? That's a weekend trip easily. Or did you mean flying, because that's obviously different lol.

I meant 4.5 hour drive

 

[aprilfools]

M2 here who is dating another M2 at a school around an 8-9 hour drive away. We've been dating for almost 3 years. There would be no point in doing this if we didn't have plans to get married at some point in the not-so-distant future, so make sure you're both on the same page with that.

I don't believe that you need to either break up or put a ring on it if one of you is entering med school though. I don't understand how doing so, in my situation at least, would make any sense. Doesn't change the fact that we're 8-9 hours away, have a crapton of work to do everyday, are both in debt from loans, and it doesn't change the date where the relationship can stop being a LDR (finishing M4-->couples match). Most importantly, if you are in a strong relationship, it shouldn't change your commitment to the other person. To be totally honest, I think if you have that attitude (put a ring on it now or break up) at the start of M1, I think you should have the answer to that question already.

Just want to re-iterate what other people are saying re: expectations. You need to be okay with the fact that you will be seeing each other less than you'd like to, and there will be days where you don't get to talk at all despite making every effort. My SO and I are very independent, but I definitely miss her a lot. You need to make extra effort to make your SO a priority, but you both need to understand that your SO is not your only priority.

This should go without saying, but it is obviously super important for each of you to have your own friends as well.

 

[gatorgirl1997]

Thank you everyone! Since we lived together before he left for med school, it's hard adjusting from being together all the time to not really seeing each other at all. It's only the first day of classes so we've been able to talk, but I know that won't be the case during his exam weeks. I am going to try and use this time for personal growth, instead of being overly clingy, and speak to him about our expectations of each other when I see him next weekend. We haven't spoken about marriage (some people say it's only worth having a LDR if you'd marry someone) but to be honest, i'm turning 21 and he's 23, so we're not at that stage in life yet lol. I will also be occupied with the application cycle starting next spring so maybe it won't be as bad as I think