PippyPony

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@Momokeen do you have any joint friends who you can ask for help with pulling her away?

I have been in her shoes before and it is really anxiety-inducing to feel like you're being abandoned by your partner-in-crime, especially for things like labs where people tend to stay in defined groups. When my best friend started ditching me, it was a horrible feeling to walk into a lab/group work situation to find that there wasn't even a chair for me anymore :(

BUT -- if other people had been proactive about including me, I would have felt a LOT less clingy. (This did eventually happen, in part because our lab groups got switched up so that my other friends were added to the mix of possible partner options, hallelujah).

Could you get some of your joint friends to step up and offer to pair up with her?

I would also say DO NOT ghost. It is incredibly confusing to feel less engagement from someone who's always been there for you & not understand why it's happening. In my case, it made me actually feel like I was going insane for a while (and it probably came across that way, too, unfortunately).

If you need an explanation, come up with something beyond "I need space," because that doesn't tell them anything they don't already know from how you've been slowly pulling away, and it can make things so much worse.

For example... tell her you're changing your career focus and are nervous you've pigeonholed too much, so you really feel the need to network with more people before you leave school. Or take the personal route -- find someone you want to date and ask for your friend's help on looking available (kind of like the opposite of a wingman). Or tell her that you are feeling like you get jointly excluded from things because you are so close that people see you as a package deal, and while you appreciate that you have each other's backs, you want both of you to have the opportunity to make more friends while there is still time to do that in vet school.

Something -- anything -- other than silent avoidance or rejection without any tangible reason.

Lastly... if you end up getting the space you need, try to toss her a bone on occasion by purposefully including her. Doesn't have to be all the time, but it can go a long, long way in helping her feel acknowledged and will likely cut down on the static cling even more.
 

Momokeen

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Thank you for sharing your experience @PippyPony! We definitely have mutual friends, but the problem is that they are all small animal track and we are livestock track. So we all have different schedules and people are not always at lunch, etc. As for stuff during labs, there are only 6 of us in our track so no one is ever left without a partner and everyone is great to work with. I understand your point, but I feel like I'm so close to the boiling point that its hard for me to be around her at all. And it's really hard for me to make an excuse about being at lunch alone if there are other friends I want to eat with, she just invites herself. Like one of my other classmates and I arranged to take our dogs to our arboretum at lunch one day and she overheard me telling someone else and she said "OH I think I'll join you!!" I also can't really say I'm doing a different career path because we are both doing a track for that career path 4th year and doing an externship for it and I'm planning on doing a PhD related to it out of vet school, so I'm pretty locked in :). It's really hard when someone is SO overbearing. Like I will not go to social events outside school because I know she will be there and it makes me not want to eat lunch with people if I know she's going to be there. I really do understand your point though and thank you for helping me to see it possibly from her side. I really don't want to hurt her, but I think I'm at the point of self preservation right now and I'm really trying to pull out of that mindset. But it's hard...
 

PippyPony

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Thank you for sharing your experience @PippyPony! We definitely have mutual friends, but the problem is that they are all small animal track and we are livestock track. So we all have different schedules and people are not always at lunch, etc. As for stuff during labs, there are only 6 of us in our track so no one is ever left without a partner and everyone is great to work with. I understand your point, but I feel like I'm so close to the boiling point that its hard for me to be around her at all. And it's really hard for me to make an excuse about being at lunch alone if there are other friends I want to eat with, she just invites herself. Like one of my other classmates and I arranged to take our dogs to our arboretum at lunch one day and she overheard me telling someone else and she said "OH I think I'll join you!!" I also can't really say I'm doing a different career path because we are both doing a track for that career path 4th year and doing an externship for it and I'm planning on doing a PhD related to it out of vet school, so I'm pretty locked in :). It's really hard when someone is SO overbearing. Like I will not go to social events outside school because I know she will be there and it makes me not want to eat lunch with people if I know she's going to be there. I really do understand your point though and thank you for helping me to see it possibly from her side. I really don't want to hurt her, but I think I'm at the point of self preservation right now and I'm really trying to pull out of that mindset. But it's hard...
Are there no other people in the large animal track? edit: I see you said only 6, which I agree is tough.

Honestly if she's excitedly inviting herself along to group activities, then she probably has no idea that there's a problem. Can you make plans with any of those other people 1:1 without her knowing about it? Unless she's the only one excluded from a whole group, that shouldn't hurt her feelings any more than if you said you had already made plans to go to the dentist or meet with a professor during lunch.

And, I'm sure this is going to come across as more harsh online... but if having her join something as benign as a group dog walk is that big of a deal and pushing you into "self-preservation mode," then my advice is to chillax and get over it, because there are more important things to spend energy on in life than seething about a walk in the park. Like, really shouldn't be that a big of a deal for a group of adults to adopt an inclusive c'est la vie mindset, especially if you're making plans in a public place. Even more true if you're worried about burning bridges in what can be a very small field at times.
 
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PippyPony

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In other news, I am genuinely thrilled that we have more daylight, but I just noticed it's 2am and I told myself I'd try to go to bed by 10. Eeep. Tomorrow is going to be roughhhhhh
 

Momokeen

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Are there no other people in the large animal track?

Honestly if she's excitedly inviting herself along to group activities, then she probably has no idea that there's a problem. Can you make plans with any of those other people 1:1 without her knowing about it? Unless she's the only one excluded from a whole group, that shouldn't hurt her feelings any more than if you said you had already made plans to go to the dentist or meet with a professor during lunch.

And, I'm sure this is going to come across as more harsh online... but if having her join something as benign as a group dog walk is that big of a deal and pushing you into "self-preservation mode," then my advice is to chillax and get over it, because there are more important things to spend energy on in life than seething about a walk in the park. Like, really shouldn't be that a big of a deal for a group of adults to adopt an inclusive c'est la vie mindset, especially if you're making plans in a public place. Even more true if you're worried about burning bridges in what can be a very small field at times.
I said there are 6 of us in our track. No I think she is oblivious that there is a problem. And not really as far as lunch is concerned - like I said before she follows me.

And yeah I feel like that is unnecessarily harsh. As an adult I should be allowed to have my own personal space and hang out with other people without her having to be there. It was not a group thing, it was something my other classmate and I were doing together, just us. She interjected into a private conversation that she was not involved in to invite herself. And its not just ONE thing, its the compounded effect of having class with her EVERY DAY, her moving to sit next to me when she used to sit in the front in class EVERY DAY, following me to eat lunch with me EVERY DAY, being surgery partners, among other things that she has said that have been personally offensive to me even though she doesn't realize it. I have talked with our mental health counselor that is dedicated to us vet students and he highly recommended I get some space from her and he did not say that I needed to "suck it up and chillax". I appreciated your previous comment, but not so much this one
 
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PippyPony

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I said there are 6 of us in our track. No I think she is oblivious that there is a problem. And not really as far as lunch is concerned - like I said before she follows me.

And yeah I feel like that is unnecessarily harsh. As an adult I should be allowed to have my own personal space and hang out with other people without her having to be there. It was not a group thing, it was something my other classmate and I were doing together, just us. She interjected into a private conversation that she was not involved in to invite herself. And its not just ONE thing, its the compounded effect of having class with her EVERY DAY, her moving to sit next to me when she used to sit in the front in class EVERY DAY, following me to eat lunch with me EVERY DAY, being surgery partners, among other things that she has said that have been personally offensive to me even though she doesn't realize it. I have talked with our mental health counselor that is dedicated to us vet students and he highly recommended I get some space from her and he did not say that I needed to "suck it up and chillax". I appreciated your previous comment, but not so much this one
Sorry. I am a person on the internet who has no personal experience with the situation, so my advice/comments are based on superficial information only. If they don't apply, then please ignore them :) The counselors at your school are a much better resource anyways -- I'm not remotely trained to support people like that, so even if I did have first hand knowledge of the situation, I still wouldn't presume to claim I know what I'm talking about lol
 
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Momokeen

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Thank you for that. Sorry this situation just gets me so fuming. And I’m really generally an easy person to get along with. My introvertness just requires that I get space from people like her and I’m not getting it :(. Back in first and second year when we were in different halves of the class and mostly just saw each other outside of school things were great!


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PippyPony

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Thank you for that. Sorry this situation just gets me so fuming. And I’m really generally an easy person to get along with. My introvertness just requires that I get space from people like her and I’m not getting it :(. Back in first and second year when we were in different halves of the class and mostly just saw each other outside of school things were great!
Maybe she will get to clinics and spontaneously decide she really wants to specialize in grass-eating pocket pets, and then go her separate way. They're kinda like farm animals, only smaller, right...? ;)
 
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Momokeen

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Maybe she will get to clinics and spontaneously decide she really wants to specialize in grass-eating pocket pets, and then go her separate way. They're kinda like farm animals, only smaller, right...? ;)
Hahaha one can hope


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Caiter92

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I said there are 6 of us in our track. No I think she is oblivious that there is a problem. And not really as far as lunch is concerned - like I said before she follows me.

And yeah I feel like that is unnecessarily harsh. As an adult I should be allowed to have my own personal space and hang out with other people without her having to be there. It was not a group thing, it was something my other classmate and I were doing together, just us. She interjected into a private conversation that she was not involved in to invite herself. And its not just ONE thing, its the compounded effect of having class with her EVERY DAY, her moving to sit next to me when she used to sit in the front in class EVERY DAY, following me to eat lunch with me EVERY DAY, being surgery partners, among other things that she has said that have been personally offensive to me even though she doesn't realize it. I have talked with our mental health counselor that is dedicated to us vet students and he highly recommended I get some space from her and he did not say that I needed to "suck it up and chillax". I appreciated your previous comment, but not so much this one
Honestly, that sounds like she thinks you two are really close, and she would probably be horrified to find out how annoying she is coming across.

if you need space from her, that’s totally fine and understandable. But I agree with pippy to not just ghost her or ignore her completely. Someone who you think is your best friend just totally ditching you is so hurtful. And pulling away that dramatically with her not knowing why is going to make her cling on way harder.
 

StayingPositive2017

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If you don't want to invite her, then make plans via text not in her proximity. If she asks you what you are doing over lunch tell her you already have plans and that you can plan to do something another day. Remember that she likely feels you pulling away subconsciously and is trying to keep things as they are. Maybe you are her only friend. You are going to have people in your career and at your future jobs that you don't like but that want to be liked by you and be involved in events. You aren't going to be able to quit every job to get away from them. Start practicing still being kind when establishing boundaries now. This is a life skill that will be vital to your career.
 

sheltermed

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Hey now, I don't think Momo implied wanting to ghost nor be unkind about the situation. I feel like that's why she came to us in the first place, to get some ideas about how to approach this with kindness. She even expressly stated she doesn't want to hurt this person. Maybe a tad bit harsh in describing the situation in general, but I definitely think she acknowledges the situation is delicate and will be handled with care.
 
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capri1722

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I lost my voice this weekend and I have a presentation on Thursday. Thinking I should see a telemedicine doctor to get some prednisone.

Update: he prescribed a short course of prednisone, fingers crossed I can get this cleared up enough to not sound like a frog on Thursday!
 
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awesomenessity

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A minor rant: The pasture Diego lives in is super grazed down right now, after being eaten on all winter. Barn owners didn’t up their hay to compensate fast enough. Diego has now lost a bunch of weight in the last few weeks which makes me sad. Poor skinny boy. Now I’m gonna have to drive out every day to feed him high fat feed until the spring grass comes in he loves it but my fuel bill does not lol
 

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Today is the first day I think I've acknowledged that my Europe trip may not happen.

Which really sucks because I don't know the next time I'll be able to have 3 weeks off ever. With Italy shutting everything down and that being where we fly out of... It's not looking good.
 

that redhead

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Today is the first day I think I've acknowledged that my Europe trip may not happen.

Which really sucks because I don't know the next time I'll be able to have 3 weeks off ever. With Italy shutting everything down and that being where we fly out of... It's not looking good.
I’m sorry :( my mom is probably going to have to cancel her trip to Ireland with her sister in May. She has trip insurance but still, what a bummer.
 
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I’m sorry :( my mom is probably going to have to cancel her trip to Ireland with her sister in May. She has trip insurance but still, what a bummer.
Trip insurance isn’t covering my trip to Japan :( Air Canada isn’t allowing refunds, just exchanges which I can’t do because I have no clue my schedule next year so I’m probably out $200 for the ticket(cancellation fee)
 

britzen

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Today is the first day I think I've acknowledged that my Europe trip may not happen.

Which really sucks because I don't know the next time I'll be able to have 3 weeks off ever. With Italy shutting everything down and that being where we fly out of... It's not looking good.
I have two international externships planned for this summer. Coronavirus here I come! :eek:

If anybody needs me, I will most likely have landed myself in some type of quarantine. :bag:
 

kcoughli

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I’m sorry :( my mom is probably going to have to cancel her trip to Ireland with her sister in May. She has trip insurance but still, what a bummer.
My mom just had to cancel her trip to Ireland with her mom and sister. It totally sucks.

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allygator13

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Today is the first day I think I've acknowledged that my Europe trip may not happen.

Which really sucks because I don't know the next time I'll be able to have 3 weeks off ever. With Italy shutting everything down and that being where we fly out of... It's not looking good.
Yerp, my husband and I were supposed to go to Italy and Greece end of April. Our flights still haven't officially been cancelled because Delta for whatever reason has suspended other flights to Rome except out of JFK, which is where we're leaving from, but is it worth it if everything will be shut down? And will we be able to travel back and forth from Italy and Greece easily? Probably not. So trying to decide if we change our tickets to go somewhere else and how much can we get refunded from our other reservations. It's all so obnoxious and upsetting :(
 
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that redhead

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Yerp, my husband and I were supposed to go to Italy and Greece end of April. Our flights still haven't officially been cancelled because Delta for whatever reason has suspended other flights to Rome except out of JFK, which is where we're leaving from, but is it worth it if everything will be shut down? And will we be able to travel back and forth from Italy and Greece easily? Probably not. So trying to decide if we change our tickets to go somewhere else and how much can we get refunded from our other reservations. It's all so obnoxious and upsetting :(
That’s the thing, even if you can still go, I’m not sure it’s worth it with everything closed up :(
 
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flameshock

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I didn't have anything booked, but I can definitely sympathize. My partner and I's plans were to go to Asia this summer....obviously not happening. Then we were considering Europe, but now..

Just wanted to have a nice trip before internship doom.
 
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allygator13

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I didn't have anything booked, but I can definitely sympathize. My partner and I's plans were to go to Asia this summer....obviously not happening. Then we were considering Europe, but now..

Just wanted to have a nice trip before internship doom.
Yeah :( I saved pretty much my whole 2 weeks of vacation this year to go on this trip, and have no idea when I'll be able to take a good chunk of time off again with residency starting in July. So I REALLY want to travel somewhere if possible... I'm thinking Brazil is our back-up plan. They're aren't too affected yet....
 
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Trip insurance isn’t covering my trip to Japan :( Air Canada isn’t allowing refunds, just exchanges which I can’t do because I have no clue my schedule next year so I’m probably out $200 for the ticket(cancellation fee)
UPDATE: air Canada had to move my return flight because lack of people flying made them combine two flights. Because of the change in itinerary I was able to cancel at no cost
 

SARdoghandler

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Yerp, my husband and I were supposed to go to Italy and Greece end of April. Our flights still haven't officially been cancelled because Delta for whatever reason has suspended other flights to Rome except out of JFK, which is where we're leaving from, but is it worth it if everything will be shut down? And will we be able to travel back and forth from Italy and Greece easily? Probably not. So trying to decide if we change our tickets to go somewhere else and how much can we get refunded from our other reservations. It's all so obnoxious and upsetting :(
Wow we had similar itineraries! Haha we were doing 3 nights London, 2 weeks Greece, 3 nights Rome.

London and Greece are looking ok right now but so many places are closing historic sites and museums... And that was what we were going for!

Our hotels so far are mostly refundable, it's just the 2.5k worth of flights... That would hurt to lose
 
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Yerp, my husband and I were supposed to go to Italy and Greece end of April. Our flights still haven't officially been cancelled because Delta for whatever reason has suspended other flights to Rome except out of JFK, which is where we're leaving from, but is it worth it if everything will be shut down? And will we be able to travel back and forth from Italy and Greece easily? Probably not. So trying to decide if we change our tickets to go somewhere else and how much can we get refunded from our other reservations. It's all so obnoxious and upsetting :(
Find out your cancellation policy for sure!! I basically came to the conclusion two or three weeks ago that my vacation to Japan wasn’t gonna happen but Air Canada has a $200 cancellation fee (not really a fee per say they’ll give you the value back above 200). However their cancellation policy is that you can cancel up to 45 minutes before the flight departs. So I waited and they didn’t change the decision right away but eventually things changed and I got a refund for my entire flight.
 

PippyPony

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they just moved all classes at my school to online-only until at least the end of the semester :eek:

and of course this is happening when I am not in class anyways any more lol
 

mmmdreamerz

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they just moved all classes at my school to online-only until at least the end of the semester :eek:

and of course this is happening when I am not in class anyways any more lol
Same. Except we still have another month and a half of classes. They canceled our surgeries too.
 

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It's not a Europe trip but my trip to Vegas was just kiboshed due to concern around being in populated areas :( I wanted a break before clinics and now I'm not sure when I'll get another one.
 

Barkley13

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Not yet same but they sent an email saying they're trying to move to online classes and all our professors don't think we'll be coming back to class after spring break
 

PippyPony

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Coopah

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My professors are trying to move everything online even the CBLs and such. The administration just sent an email saying let us know if you're quarantined otherwise show up.
 
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PippyPony

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we booked a trip to Florida for spring break (supposed to leave this week), but I won't be completely devastated if we don't go.

The weather here has been soooo nice and we paid for everything with points, so it would stink to lose those, but it's not the same as losing $. I feel bad for all of you who are cancelling big trips :(
 

mmmdreamerz

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altadama

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Just jumping on the band wagon complaining about travel. Looking like my fiancé and I might have to cancel our honeymoon. We weren't leaving the country, but even domestic flights are being cut back. And he works for an airline that's starting to furlough people...so even if we could potentially fly we probably can't manage the trip if he gets put on unpaid leave indefinitely. :(
 

vetmedhead

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I feel bad because I'm definitely that "millennial buying cheap flights thanks to coronavirus" meme, but it's only back home and really just that I found a cheap flight a day earlier than I had originally scheduled

It sucks so bad to have a ton of travel get cancelled. I find travel stressful enough and the thought of it getting cancelled, having to try to recoup hotel/flight costs, etc makes my stomach hurt
 

capri1722

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they just moved all classes at my school to online-only until at least the end of the semester :eek:

and of course this is happening when I am not in class anyways any more lol
Oh god it just now hit me that my school might do this and if they do I'll be screwed. I'm really bad at self-motivation. Like I missed a class the first week of the semester and only watched the Panopto the day before the first exam. Physically going to class is the main reason I learn anything.
 
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Oh god it just now hit me that my school might do this and if they do I'll be screwed. I'm really bad at self-motivation. Like I missed a class the first week of the semester and only watched the Panopto the day before the first exam. Physically going to class is the main reason I learn anything.
Can you team up with a classmate to “have class”? If you schedule a meet up time to get things done it can help. At the beginning of any online class I usually make a schedule when I am “in class” and stick to it until I’ve found my groove. Or forever if Its boring and I lack motivation
 
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capri1722

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Can you team up with a classmate to “have class”? If you schedule a meet up time to get things done it can help. At the beginning of any online class I usually make a schedule when I am “in class” and stick to it until I’ve found my groove. Or forever if Its boring and I lack motivation
It might be difficult to team up with a classmate because I live far from campus (~90 min by public transit or 30-45 min driving) and therefore far from most of my classmates. I like the idea of having "in-class" time though.
 
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Coopah

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Just got this email from the school about not moving to remote learning like other schools.

"The campus recognizes the special nature of graduate and professional instruction and has empowered us to meet the goals of the directive in the ways best suited to our students and curriculum. Accordingly, the Associate Dean of Professional Education, and the Curriculum Committee and Clinical Education Committee, together, have provided guidance to faculty and students to ensure that students are safe and able to meet their educational goals while we preserve the world-class quality of our education. "

If that's not the most pretentious thing you've heard today I think you need to move :laugh:.
 

vetmedhead

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Just got this email from the school about not moving to remote learning like other schools.

"The campus recognizes the special nature of graduate and professional instruction and has empowered us to meet the goals of the directive in the ways best suited to our students and curriculum. Accordingly, the Associate Dean of Professional Education, and the Curriculum Committee and Clinical Education Committee, together, have provided guidance to faculty and students to ensure that students are safe and able to meet their educational goals while we preserve the world-class quality of our education. "

If that's not the most pretentious thing you've heard today I think you need to move :laugh:.
We got an email today saying that they're going to have somebody on every rotation wipe down all doorknobs and such every two hours lol
 

Momokeen

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Veterinary Student
Just got this email from the school about not moving to remote learning like other schools.

"The campus recognizes the special nature of graduate and professional instruction and has empowered us to meet the goals of the directive in the ways best suited to our students and curriculum. Accordingly, the Associate Dean of Professional Education, and the Curriculum Committee and Clinical Education Committee, together, have provided guidance to faculty and students to ensure that students are safe and able to meet their educational goals while we preserve the world-class quality of our education. "

If that's not the most pretentious thing you've heard today I think you need to move :laugh:.
Their idea of ensuring our safety is making sure we have hand sanitizer in every room


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WildZoo

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Veterinary Student
We just finished doing this at the clinic where I work :rolleyes:
We did this at my externship last week but it was because FOUR PEOPLE were out with the flu
I'm still shocked I didn't get sick
 
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