I know that you aren't the only single one. You are probably feeling alone and just alert to people talking about spouses and girlfriends and boyfriends. Many of the relationships you see are in transition, too, meaning they won't always be together. Sometimes if you are feeling tense about it, it's hard to put your best self forward in social situation someone because you are stressed over it. My husband and I met just when we each pretty much gave up on finding someone...we were in the relaxed mode and just having fun. So, just relax and be glad for the good things and have fun. Just let things happen! I know some people will advise online dating. It may work, but I don't know much about it. My advice is to just relax and meet people and see where it takes you. Good luck and be happy!
RANT HERE thread
- Thread starter flyhi
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I hope none of my single classmates ever think I'm rubbing it in their face when I talk about my husband...
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You should head over to the allo thread where every guy is like, "How do I get teh babez wen I has no time?" And stuff like that. I was browsing through and it might actually be a good pool of intelligent guys who don't want to date within their class and who understand the time and effort involved in a medical degree! 👍
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I don't mind being single. I actually kind of like it. I'm not very good at commitment, the word freaks me out. I just get annoyed being the 3rd, 5th, 19th wheel. I'm also over this one girl who starts everything she says with "my boyfriend..." Seriously, get your own life, viewpoints, and ideas! Guess I need to figure out who the single people are in the class and hang out with them.
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Re: dating.
I've been single for a very long time, and I'm comfortable with it, except for when people invariably ask me when I'm going to get a boyfriend/girlfriend. 🙄 (Being single is not a pathology!) I don't think they realize that I am with the same 62 people every single day, and I will be with them for 4 years. And I see that having the ability to make any relationships immensely difficult.
TT - I've gone through periods where I felt my paired-off friends were rubbing it in my face, but I made sure to stress to them that if I got a little irritated, it was my problem, not theirs and I would remove myself from the situation. I was going through some psychological emotional stuff at the time.
ETA: My rant - Physiology. I am going to die.
I've been single for a very long time, and I'm comfortable with it, except for when people invariably ask me when I'm going to get a boyfriend/girlfriend. 🙄 (Being single is not a pathology!) I don't think they realize that I am with the same 62 people every single day, and I will be with them for 4 years. And I see that having the ability to make any relationships immensely difficult.
TT - I've gone through periods where I felt my paired-off friends were rubbing it in my face, but I made sure to stress to them that if I got a little irritated, it was my problem, not theirs and I would remove myself from the situation. I was going through some psychological emotional stuff at the time.
ETA: My rant - Physiology. I am going to die.
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Contrary to popular belief, there are plenty of times in life when relationships are a totally inappropriate use of time.
Between school, work, pets and basic human requirements for private time, I just don't have the emotional capital to pursue a real relationship. I've tried a few times over the last year or two and it's an exercise in depressing futility.
Regardless of how understanding of your situation a significant other claims to be, they're bound to be frustrated by the time commitments and prioritization of your life.
The ladies, (or the gents, I assume) think it's quirky and eccentric, the first few times, to take a backseat to studying or work, but the novelty fades pretty quickly. Then it's ultimatums and crying, until you're single again.
My recommendation: date. Don't Date. Low key, casual, pseudo-romantic socializing works for me, at least for now. Maybe when my life is a little more stable I'll revise that, but it's a waste of time to try and pull off anything more now.
Between school, work, pets and basic human requirements for private time, I just don't have the emotional capital to pursue a real relationship. I've tried a few times over the last year or two and it's an exercise in depressing futility.
Regardless of how understanding of your situation a significant other claims to be, they're bound to be frustrated by the time commitments and prioritization of your life.
The ladies, (or the gents, I assume) think it's quirky and eccentric, the first few times, to take a backseat to studying or work, but the novelty fades pretty quickly. Then it's ultimatums and crying, until you're single again.
My recommendation: date. Don't Date. Low key, casual, pseudo-romantic socializing works for me, at least for now. Maybe when my life is a little more stable I'll revise that, but it's a waste of time to try and pull off anything more now.
I'm not doing as well as I did last year. It looks like I'm on the track to getting straight B's this semester 🙁. It stresses me out SOOO much because so far (second year) I've received nothing lower than an A-, and only two of those in one year. I'm not saying this to brag I'm saying this to let you guys know my perspective of the situation. The semester isn't over yet, but it looks like I'm going to end up with more B's than I hoped for. I just want to know am I overreacting (even if I do get straight B's)? perhaps someone knows where I'm coming from or has been there?
Thanks everyone
Thanks everyone
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That does sound kinda depressing... have you tried dating someone who's equally as busy?
I personally have a baaaaaad habit of putting relationships first (school second)... and tend to fit school to whenever timeslots I have leftover from my relationships (SO + friends). Screws me over big time once in a while. So it works tremendously well when the partner is extremely busy. If I know what days they're going to be free (and know that they're not going to spontaneously want to hang out), it's much easier to set that time aside for me.
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You are most definitely overreacting. Bs are not the end of the world. Cs are not the end of the world. Hell, I failed a class and still got into vet school. I'm fairly certain that I had the lowest undergrad GPA entering my class, but I'm pulling out As and Bs on vet school exams. Granted, I had some issues during undergrad that affected my performance, but the point is...Bs are not bad. Calm down and get your study on. Or calm down and don't forget to enjoy college.
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My first three years of UG, I had 0 As. First year mostly A-'s. Second + third year, mostly B+'s. That was like a 3.4 gpa... and it made me kinda sad because I was working really hard, and I wished my best was better. All of the sudden started pulling off solid A's my senior year, and it all worked out! So seriously... don't worry about B's. Even a couple C's won't kill you. In fact, if you're complaining about A's and B's you're in danger of getting tarred and feathered on this forum.
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I hope that, with my co-workers, too.
It's hard to not talk about your significant other when they are a major part of your life.
I get that it is hard to hear it all the time and can make you feel judged, but I would guess the majority of people don't know that it bothers you. Sorry you fee bad about it though, Bearby. A bunch of people in pour class went together to formals - without significant others a lot of the time (lots of people had long distance relationships or were single).
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How about maybe asking if you and your friends can just go out without +1's once in a while? I have a feeling they don't mean to rub their relationships in your face, and they prob don't even realize that it bothers you.
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Eh. I'm comfortable like this.
I 'date' when there's time, and don't when there's not. No commitment, no stress. It's not quite as emotionally useful as a real relationship, but it'll do for now.
I do the same thing you do. Relationships get priority, whether it's subconscious or overt. And I can't really afford to let much of anything slide these last two semesters. And it's always so easy to just say 'F**k it, I can work tomorrow and hang out tonight'.
I definitely envy those of you who have an understanding significant other who can tolerate you. Sadly, I don't have the time or energy to screen applicants for that quality, currently.
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Screen? Oh c'mon, how many candidates can there possibly be that would put up with you.
*ducks and runs*
In rant land, anatomy is about to kick me in the nads tomorrow. (Literally, since that's part of the test.)
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We had that test last week - thorax, abdomen, and pelvis
Our teacher was angry that our class average hasn't been below an 88 so he made it ridiculously difficult. The TAs and assistant instructors were not pleased. I'm not sure why doing well is a bad thing. It's the complete opposite of what we've been taught our whole lives. Do well and you will be...punished?
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Well I think hes worried that other faculty/deans will think he is being soft on you guys and he does not want any attention.
In terms of being single during school I really would not worry much about it. I am assuming I will be single just because of the large time committment vet school requires. Unless that person is also in the vet program or a program of equivalent difficulty, very few people will tolerate it for long. I think alot of those relationships you talk about were formed well before they started vet school and it is much harder to start a relationship during vet school. I am assuming I will not find someone during vet school. Remember you dont have to go to the formal and going alone is ok too.
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Just gonna throw out this curve ball,
F*** yeah, long distance relationships!
I know nobody wants to hear that, but... it's really workin' for me right now. I am a single work-horse all week, and then about once a month I slack off for a whole weekend with my manfriend.
Choosing an OOS vet school and dating people before you leave is likely to lead to this scenario, as I found out...
F*** yeah, long distance relationships!
I know nobody wants to hear that, but... it's really workin' for me right now. I am a single work-horse all week, and then about once a month I slack off for a whole weekend with my manfriend.
Choosing an OOS vet school and dating people before you leave is likely to lead to this scenario, as I found out...
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I've been with my "manfriend" 🙂laugh🙂 for a while, so it was kind of a given that'd we'd be LD. It's been fine so far but it is starting to wear on me not getting to see him as much as I'm used to. Six weeks was fine but the ten weeks from that holiday until break are...awful-looking. I know it's best, because we're both busy and I'd put him before studying, but it does suck. If I got to see him once a month, though, perfect!
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What I hate is the babies and pregnancies. Fracking everyone one is now getting pregnant and having kids, or already has kids. Thanks for reminding me I'm not even married yet, folks. Half of my facebook friends are babies, rings or cats, if you know what I mean.
It's not that I want the status of engaged/married/preggers etc (a lot of people ARE obsessed with just having that label or status). It is just a reminded that I'm still alone in life, failed relationship after failed relationships, and somehow I feel like I messed things up. I'm tired of hearing "Oh, but you're beautiful/smart/funny/etc, I can't believe you're not married yet!" *headdesk* (you would not believe how many times I have heard that. No, folks, it's not a compliment. I don't want to hear it). Even the dude I am seeing now said he "can't believe someone hasn't already snatched me up and put a ring on my finger". OMGWTFBBQ stop, people!
(Disclaimer: this is by no means an actual slight against my married colleagues. I love em. I just get internally frustrated with my lack of success whenever I hear "Oh guess what I'm pregnant!" Or someone brings their kid to a conference, or someone gets engaged and is flashing their ring)
I've been told I'm too picky
Being picky is a good thing! So many times I meet a friend (female) who is so great and smart and everything, and then when she introduces me to her husband, I can't believe that she could be married to such a jerk. Better to be without a husband than settle for someone who is not right for you. As for babies, I do think there are a lot of pregnant people these days...not your imagination. Maybe we're in the middle of a baby boom. It's also hard to be around when everyone is telling their pregnancy/childbirth/cute toddler stories. It kind of makes you sick when you don't have kids of your own. But when/if you do end up having kids, you'll be one of those telling the stories, too. Every person's life goes its own way. You are very busy now doing other things that are important to you. Stay picky and do the things you love.
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THIS. (except I'm guilty of the cats part...). Everyone else is getting married, buying a home, having kids, and dogs, and horses... and here I am... just a student with no end in sight. Every time I talk to anyone I haven't spoken to in a while, it's "oh, when are you and minnerbeau getting married???" or "when is minnerbeau going to propose???" AND I WANT TO PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE.
The answer ends up being probab not for a few years, if it ever happens. And then awkward silence. And then the inevitable "why???" AND I WANT TO PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE AGAIN.
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Yep. Try being in your early thirties and married for 8 years. EVERYONE either has babies, is pregnant, or is trying because "time's running out". They have houses and families and yadda yadda, and here I am an unemployed student hoping to get into vet school so I can move into a studio apartment away from my husband because he can't leave his job.
My dad asked me point blank the other day if he was ever getting a grandchild (I'm an only child). I said yeah, sure, after I pay off my student loans. I'll be in my fifties then! The sad part is that we'd really like to have kids, but more and more it's looking like it's not in the cards for us.
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I'm sorry, the caps made me laugh
And the "Minnerbeau" idea From what I know of you on this forum, I can't imagine you getting made enough to punch someone in the face. Maybe the Assistant Mod position will help you get some anger into you!My folks are starting to get on my case again about it. When my dad gets too drunk he starts talking about how much we wants to see me " settled down and happy with a nice young man" Duh, Dad, you think I don't want that too? Is it my fault that things keep crashing and burning? At least I can commiserate with the current prospect. He's pushing 30 and unmarried (which is definitely an oddity where we both live) and evidently he gets the so do you you have a girlfriend yet blah blah blah crap as well.
I don't mean to sound like I actually dislike those people that have found someone whom they can spend the rest of their lives with, or have been blessed with kids. I'm happy for them. It's just my own reaction to it is, to be honest, jealous. I can't help it. And these aren't people who have been out of school, etc. These are people who have been through, and are currently in, the same grueling academic process as I, and have still been able to seemingly effortlessly make it work. Out of 7 other residents, 5 are married (2 with kids and one expecting), one is in a very serious relationship, and only one is single. Wat!? I want to find a partner in crime, dammit 😡
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Why are they even asking this? Shouldn't it be a surprise for you? Something you don't know? I don't wanna know when my bf is proposing to me. That'd take away half the fun because you're already expecting it..
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Worked brilliantly for me last year too.
edit: And I don't understand why it makes you guys so jealous that other people do things like have babies and post on the book or tell you about it. I mean, who cares what other people are doing? When I see that people I know are getting married or having kids, I will admit that the first thing I'm guilty of thinking is "aw crap, now they won't be fun anymore."
But I guess I'm wired differently. Gauging success in life (not reproductive success - yes as a geneticist I am acutely aware of the difference, haha) by whether you have reached some arbitrary societal standard of wearing a ring on the right hand or having sex without birth control a sufficient number of times to produce another human being; I'll never get it. I guess it's some deep biological impulse and that makes some sense, but if so I am more and more glad every day that I appear to be some kind of genetic mutant that has no desire to produce another generation.
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A) So people that don't get into veterinary school, really want to, and see tons of other who do aren't supposed to feel down or even subconsciously jealous sometimes? Come on, it's natural.
B) Listen to what I said. It isn't about status. Or just attaining some arbitrary societal goal. It is something I actually want for ME. There is a difference. If you don't want to be married or have a family, that's totally cool. Everyone's definition of success it different. My definition is finding someone to be happy with, to take on life with, in addition to my career goals. So I'm just a sucker buying into society's rules because I have a desire to find someone? A partner, a best friend, someone I can be happy with for the rest of my crazy life? Not as far as I can tell - it's what I want for myself, not something I want to rub in people's faces. Just because you may not want something doesn't mean other may not genuinely want it, and NOT just to be able to show it off/reach the societal expectation of "success"
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This is exactly how it is with my beau! We have been dating for six years, so even my eye-doctor is asking me when he is going to propose! This is getting ridiculous! My mom let it drop that she "wouldn't mind some grand kids soon". Don't these people realize that they are making your moment into a "Finally it happened" thing instead of an "I'm so happy for you two!" moment.
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Here's my issue with what you're saying, on a strictly philosophical level. Why would it be a goal to find "someone" you're happy with? Why not work on being happy enough by yourself that you don't feel terribly jealous when others show you their rings or post their baby pics on FB, and if you actually find someone that you think might make you happier, then work on that as it comes? Your analogy to vet school and being jealous about that is flawed IMO, because saying "I want to find 'someone' to get married and have kids with" to me is like saying "I want to get into some graduate or professional school and have a career." It's very generic of a life goal, and can lead to a lot of problems IMO - like either the pickiness you say you've been known to exhibit, or on the other extreme being so desperate that one ends up settling.
All of that said, I understand in practicality things don't always work like they logically ought to, especially when it involves emotions. The world would be kinda boring if it did, honestly. But one thing I've always tried to keep really close to myself is to be happy with what my situation in life is, even when I'm working to improve or change it. Maybe it's arrogant, but if I feel like whatever I'm doing today is the best thing that I could possibly be doing today, I'm not real likely to care what others are doing.
It may be shocking news to you all that internally I'm an optimist. 😉
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Yeah, I do understand what you mean. Too often, people make finding someone their ONLY, or most important, need. And there, I suppose, is the difference. I guess a better way of expressing it is that it isn't something I NEED. It's something I WANT. Does that make a little more sense? I'm happy enough by myself - I've been through enough to realize that if you don't have that, you don't have much at all. And indeed, like you said, your number one focus should always be yourself. I'm insanely happy doing what i do, and couldn't imagine doing anything else. I have a nice place to life, great pets, etc. It's not a necessity, but it is something I would very much like to have. I don't spend my days actively/desperately looking for someone, but I do take them as they come. I have never looked back at anything in my life and wished it hadn't happened, even the bad stuff - because then, I would not be the person that I am today. And I like the person that I am today.
No way, you grouchy b**** 😉
this whole relationship discussion we have going on is very interesting.
i've been single my entire life and have never had a boyfriend, or even gone on a date with anyone, and currently i've been really debating how happy i am being single. sometimes i'm glad that i don't have to deal with some of the drama that i see many of my friends deal with, but when i see that everyone from high school is engaged/married/settled down, i kinda wish i had that sort of special connection with someone. people are always surprised that i've never been in a relationship and really, i've been so focused on vet school from the start of college that i wasn't going to let a relationship get in the way of that (as selfish and stupid as that sounds).
i've been single my entire life and have never had a boyfriend, or even gone on a date with anyone, and currently i've been really debating how happy i am being single. sometimes i'm glad that i don't have to deal with some of the drama that i see many of my friends deal with, but when i see that everyone from high school is engaged/married/settled down, i kinda wish i had that sort of special connection with someone. people are always surprised that i've never been in a relationship and really, i've been so focused on vet school from the start of college that i wasn't going to let a relationship get in the way of that (as selfish and stupid as that sounds).
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Oh don't be so sure. One of the biggest fights I had with my bf was over the fact that I punched him so hard on the head that it almost knocked him out. Beware my iron fist! (In case you're wondering though, this was not a domestic violence incident. Really an unfortunate accident... just sayin 🙄)
Right? Right???? It's like what'd they want to hear, "I'd love for him to propose right now, but I'm just not wife-material..."???
lol, I think we have this back and forth at least once a year. But for me, it's not so much a status thing as it's something that I feel like I sacrificed to go to vet school, and it makes me bitter hearing about how everyone else is living that dream of mine because I'm a bitter person like that. It's always been my dream to have a household of mini-minnerbelles and loyal canine companions (and parrots and others) with a loving and supportive partner. It just kinda came at odds with the whole becoming a vet thing, at least for me... and I know I'm relatively still young and everything's still possible and all, but it hurts a lil inside every time I'm reminded that perhaps I've hurt my chances of achieving it. All the what ifs that pop up just because I haven't secured it yet. It's really not logical, but I guess that's what happens when you have a womb that's itching to plop out a mini-person 😛.
I think I'd be just as bitter had I decided to forgo vet school to start a family, and then saw all my friends go to vet school and become vets. Perhaps I should work on my ME ME ME attitude 😳. However, I don't regret one bit that I didn't mush together both of those goals at once because I'm a weanie and I def couldn't handle both. In the mean time, I will continue to live as if my kitty cat were my child. le sigh...
I think it's hard to "do it all" at the same time--go to vet school and have children to take care of. I know there are some people who do it, but I don't know how they manage being pulled in two different directions with two major priorities. It seems that something has to give. For me, I had my kids when I was very, very (did I say very?) young. Only now that they are grown can I consider going to vet school. I guess I'm just the opposite of those of you who are doing career first. I've always been on the side looking at all the people with great careers while I've been "just a mom". I don't regret being a mom since I love my kids more than anything in the universe and wouldn't trade them for all the degrees or careers out there. But now that I don't have that to do anymore, I'm ready to concentrate on myself (selfish for once in my life).
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This reminds me of the Mini Babybel Cheese 👍
My rant is entirely unrelated, but I really am irked when people use phrases that came out of some terrible situation (like "drinking the Kool-Aid").
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Mmm, delicious minibelles...
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My rant is that Minnerbelle's name is way too adaptable - Minibelles and Minnerbeaus, while mine's useless.
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My rant is that Minnerbelle's name is way too adaptable - Minibelles and Minnerbeaus, while mine's useless.
As is mine
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My rant is that Minnerbelle's name is way too adaptable - Minibelles and Minnerbeaus, while mine's useless.
Challenge accepted.
Chilt (too easy) for mini-Trilt.
and
WhtsDoneFrequently for WTF's beaus.
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WhtsThBeau'sFrequency? Has a little double entrdre to it!As is mine
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WhtsDoneFrequently is by far the winner, there, I think.
Chilt makes me think of chiggers. Which, with me being more on the Nyanko train of thought toward children, might be rather suitable... ;P
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Are you implying I'm a ho-bag? 😀
However, I suppose current beau IS done frequently....
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