RANT HERE thread

[kitzsuna]

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Since we’re a big bacteria lab, we have a separate room in the basement where I do my cell culture, so I get to turn on music and line dance while my cells are centrifuging/ trypsinizing

Having my headphones in all day is the ONLY perk of my lab job lol

I genuinely miss my old job where I would be doing electroretinographies on rats all day and I’d just live in the dark with my phone and kindle in their red cellophane bags. It was so relaxing lol. Coworkers called me queen of blood and darkness because I was best at rabbit phlebotomy and ergs haha

 

[cardamom23]

A local event venue with gardens and beautiful mountain views is hosting a Mother's Day high afternoon tea event. Guess how much tickets are?! $4,100 for a table of 8 persons. I may as well make my own shortbreads and cakes and sammies and brew my own tea and call it good.

 

[JaynaAli]

$4100 is a very ugly number and not easily divisible by 8. Why not $4000 or $4400. We can create a cheaper alternative event and charge half and still make great money. I wonder what in the world costs that much? Is it for charity?!

 

[PrincessButterCup]

On the other hand, I once left my PIs genetically engineered cancer cells sitting in trypsin for like 3 hours and they were totally fine.

Wtf cancer cells, there's no reason to be this hard core

 

[cardamom23]

$4100 is a very ugly number and not easily divisible by 8. Why not $4000 or $4400. We can create a cheaper alternative event and charge half and still make great money. I wonder what in the world costs that much? Is it for charity?!

Right?! The description says: 10am-Noon, wear a fancy outfit and a big hat if you wish, cakes and pastries will be served. No indication of charity, not indication of anything extraordinary! I’m in shock 😂 we don’t live close to the city either, we live in a rural rodeo and wheat town!

 

[overcastkidjuno]

A local event venue with gardens and beautiful mountain views is hosting a Mother's Day high afternoon tea event. Guess how much tickets are?! $4,100 for a table of 8 persons. I may as well make my own shortbreads and cakes and sammies and brew my own tea and call it good.

For 4.1k I expect them to revive the queen herself and have her personally brew and serve you tea.

 

[vampyrica]

i thought i was getting better coming to terms with axel’s diagnosis but idk why i’m freaking myself out over the worst possible scenarios. i didn’t think this was something i’d have to navigate right now. the fact that i have to wait until tuesday for his surgery and then longer to get histopath results is eating my alive. i keep making myself physically sick thinking about this. he is supposed to come camping this summer and explore the state with his family, he is supposed to see me through vet school, he is supposed to eat the goldfish crackers off the floor when i drop them, he is supposed to kick me in the middle of the night because he is running so damn fast in his sleep.

he is supposed to be here for a long while longer, and even if there is a small possibility he won’t, is killing me. he’s the first dog i’ve ever truly cared for on my own. my world revolves around him. i plan my days around him. everything i do is for him. i cant imagine going through the next four years without him. now i’m freaking myself out by thinking back to all the times he’s ever been ill and convincing myself he was sick all along. i need to sleep, but i can’t because i’m torturing myself thinking that this time next week he may not be here.

i hate this and i wouldn’t wish this upon my worst enemy. this is actual hell

 

[battie]

i thought i was getting better coming to terms with axel’s diagnosis but idk why i’m freaking myself out over the worst possible scenarios. i didn’t think this was something i’d have to navigate right now. the fact that i have to wait until tuesday for his surgery and then longer to get histopath results is eating my alive. i keep making myself physically sick thinking about this. he is supposed to come camping this summer and explore the state with his family, he is supposed to see me through vet school, he is supposed to eat the goldfish crackers off the floor when i drop them, he is supposed to kick me in the middle of the night because he is running so damn fast in his sleep.

he is supposed to be here for a long while longer, and even if there is a small possibility he won’t, is killing me. he’s the first dog i’ve ever truly cared for on my own. my world revolves around him. i plan my days around him. everything i do is for him. i cant imagine going through the next four years without him. now i’m freaking myself out by thinking back to all the times he’s ever been ill and convincing myself he was sick all along. i need to sleep, but i can’t because i’m torturing myself thinking that this time next week he may not be here.

i hate this and i wouldn’t wish this upon my worst enemy. this is actual hell

Please please please keep in mind that Mct is the most common skin cancer for dogs and the majority are cured with surgery. Something like 65-70%. Even if he is a grade 3/high grade, he will still be here next week. Even the week after that. And the week after that. There are options.

Don't go into this cycle of anticipatory grief before you have to. I did that with my Golden for **6 months**. It affected me at work, in my marriage, as a mom. It was part of the root of a huge fight with my husband that blew up. It was horrible.

Yes, your guy has cancer. But you also have options beyond surgery, pending how it turns out. This is not an immediate death sentence and you need to work through that cause you need to take care of yourself.

 

[vampyrica]

Please please please keep in mind that Mct is the most common skin cancer for dogs and the majority are cured with surgery. Something like 65-70%. Even if he is a grade 3/high grade, he will still be here next week. Even the week after that. And the week after that. There are options.

Don't go into this cycle of anticipatory grief before you have to. I did that with my Golden for **6 months**. It affected me at work, in my marriage, as a mom. It was part of the root of a huge fight with my husband that blew up. It was horrible.

Yes, your guy has cancer. But you also have options beyond surgery, pending how it turns out. This is not an immediate death sentence and you need to work through that cause you need to take care of yourself.

i know, i’m trying to hold out hope that’s going to be one of the majority and that everything is gonna be fine and that there’s no other lumps. but now i’m borderline gaslighting myself into thinking his skin tags, and warts and moles are all connected and that he’s just riddled with it.

i’m feeling all his lymph nodes and gaslighting myself that something is there. we’re going in to get pre-op bloodwork done today and i have a list of like 30 questions to ask the doctor. the weather is pretty gross today so no fun walk at the park, but we’ll spend the day together and get ready for my partner’s visit this weekend. i’ll have the chance to go out and be normal. tuesday is gonna suck though ugh.

 

[supershorty]

@vampyrica You're welcome to message me at any time if you need to vent/need reassurance/etc. I do a lot with MCTs given my job. I'll reiterate what bats said above. 🫂

 

[battie]

i know, i’m trying to hold out hope that’s going to be one of the majority and that everything is gonna be fine and that there’s no other lumps. but now i’m borderline gaslighting myself into thinking his skin tags, and warts and moles are all connected and that he’s just riddled with it.

i’m feeling all his lymph nodes and gaslighting myself that something is there. we’re going in to get pre-op bloodwork done today and i have a list of like 30 questions to ask the doctor. the weather is pretty gross today so no fun walk at the park, but we’ll spend the day together and get ready for my partner’s visit this weekend. i’ll have the chance to go out and be normal. tuesday is gonna suck though ugh.

Part of it is actively trying not to be your dog's doctor. It's hard when we know what we know. But when you have the intrusive medical thoughts, you just have to either literally or figuratively back away. Stop palpating things. Stop looking things up. Drug yourself to sleep. Etc.

This is one of those things where you have to actively be a normal person rather than a veterinary person.

I'm with you on surgery. I can't even be in the same building. My pittie has had both knees and her MCT surgeries. The golden had a splenectomy. I wasn't anywhere near the hospitals they were having surgery.

 

[HorseObsessed]

i thought i was getting better coming to terms with axel’s diagnosis but idk why i’m freaking myself out over the worst possible scenarios. i didn’t think this was something i’d have to navigate right now. the fact that i have to wait until tuesday for his surgery and then longer to get histopath results is eating my alive. i keep making myself physically sick thinking about this. he is supposed to come camping this summer and explore the state with his family, he is supposed to see me through vet school, he is supposed to eat the goldfish crackers off the floor when i drop them, he is supposed to kick me in the middle of the night because he is running so damn fast in his sleep.

he is supposed to be here for a long while longer, and even if there is a small possibility he won’t, is killing me. he’s the first dog i’ve ever truly cared for on my own. my world revolves around him. i plan my days around him. everything i do is for him. i cant imagine going through the next four years without him. now i’m freaking myself out by thinking back to all the times he’s ever been ill and convincing myself he was sick all along. i need to sleep, but i can’t because i’m torturing myself thinking that this time next week he may not be here.

i hate this and i wouldn’t wish this upon my worst enemy. this is actual hell

I really, really hope he will do all these things with you. It sounds like his chances are fantastic! I’m wishing the very very best for him. I also hope you have some strategies to manage your stress in this difficult moment!

 

[vampyrica]

i know continuing to vent here isn't helping anything, and i'm sorry to put all of this emotion out on people on the internet. you guys feel like the only people in the world who can relate to this situation right now and understand what's going on in my head. i know using my medical brain is doing more harm than good, i just cant help but feel like i've failed him. i take him to the vet 20x a year. just in the 10 months we've been in colorado, he's been to the vet 14 times. i give him his medications, i check his body for new lumps and bumps all the time, i trialed him on diets because he couldn't go two weeks without diarrhea. i thought i did everything right, i don't understand how i could have or why i ignored this lump and passed it off as a lipoma. i guess i subconsiously thought "it cant be my dog, there's no way it could happen to my dog", which is just poor mentality.

i can't bare not knowing what's going on inside his body. his bloodwork in december was unremarkable, same with october, and his abdominal ultrasound was clean in october. i'm gonna make an appt with the cvm counselors because i can't eat or sleep or do anything without thinking of him and how he's feeling and if he's hurting anywhere.

i really appreciate everyone trying to calm me down, and being supportive and encouraging. i feel less alone

 

[_rae_]

i check his body for new lumps and bumps all the time, i trialed him on diets because he couldn't go two weeks without diarrhea. i thought i did everything right, i don't understand how i could have or why i ignored this lump and passed it off as a lipoma.

MCTs are one of those things where when an owner comes in and says “it didn’t look like that a day ago!”, we believe them. They’re notorious for coming and going, getting angry, and completely disappearing even when the vet saw it at the last visit. It’s very hard to monitor something that sometimes seems to have its own free will.

 

[battie]

'm sorry to put all of this emotion out on people on the internet.

Don't be sorry when you didn't do anything wrong. If we didn't want to be involved, we'd just scroll past.

i just cant help but feel like i've failed him

How so? You literally cannot prevent MCT in put bulls. It's likely got a genetic component. It is what it is.

i thought i did everything right, i don't understand how i could have or why i ignored this lump and passed it off as a lipoma

I mean. Full grown doctors do this literally every day.

his bloodwork in december was unremarkable, same with october, and his abdominal ultrasound was clean in october.

This is a good sign!

i'm gonna make an appt with the cvm counselors because i can't eat or sleep or do anything without thinking of him and how he's feeling and if he's hurting anywhere.

You absolutely need to do this cause your spiral here is unhealthy and doesn't help you or him. He is very unlikely to be feeling anything negative because he has a 65%+ chance this is a skin tumor alone.

 

[vampyrica]

you're right, it's a harsh reality but i need to move on with my day. there's some appointments to talk to CVM counseling available, i'm going to go ahead and book one. thank you for your kind words, i really appreciate it. hopefully i'll be in the rave thread this time next week with some good news : )

 

[_rae_]

No one warned me before I got Invisalign that I would have 12 anchors on my top teeth (plus two additional rubber band hooks on my canines) and four more anchors on my bottom teeth.

I feel like sharkboy.
View attachment 417847

Less funny rant on this: it took two hours to get my attachments on, some took multiple tries. While I was still in the clinic, I lost an attachment on one of my back molars and the orthodontist said he wasn't worried about it. When I got home, I lost an attachment on one of my canines, which we unfortunately do care about. So now I have to go back Monday and get a new one put on.

Eating is excruciating right now. The constant pressure on my teeth, the rubber band hooks catching on the inside of my lip every single time I chew, and food gets stuck everywhere. I'm actively avoiding eating, which as someone who has a not so great relationship with food and also eats to handle my own emotions, is distressing. I'm currently feeling intense regret, and as if everyone made this seem like no big deal when I feel I was not at all prepared for the reality.

 

[apoptosis09]

Less funny rant on this: it took two hours to get my attachments on, some took multiple tries. While I was still in the clinic, I lost an attachment on one of my back molars and the orthodontist said he wasn't worried about it. When I got home, I lost an attachment on one of my canines, which we unfortunately do care about. So now I have to go back Monday and get a new one put on.

Eating is excruciating right now. The constant pressure on my teeth, the rubber band hooks catching on the inside of my lip every single time I chew, and food gets stuck everywhere. I'm actively avoiding eating, which as someone who has a not so great relationship with food and also eats to handle my own emotions, is distressing. I'm currently feeling intense regret, and as if everyone made this seem like no big deal when I feel I was not at all prepared for the reality.

I'm sorry, that's really frustrating. I feel like the first few months with braces were the worst for me. It does get better imo

 

[katiemcat]

i know continuing to vent here isn't helping anything, and i'm sorry to put all of this emotion out on people on the internet. you guys feel like the only people in the world who can relate to this situation right now and understand what's going on in my head. i know using my medical brain is doing more harm than good, i just cant help but feel like i've failed him. i take him to the vet 20x a year. just in the 10 months we've been in colorado, he's been to the vet 14 times. i give him his medications, i check his body for new lumps and bumps all the time, i trialed him on diets because he couldn't go two weeks without diarrhea. i thought i did everything right, i don't understand how i could have or why i ignored this lump and passed it off as a lipoma. i guess i subconsiously thought "it cant be my dog, there's no way it could happen to my dog", which is just poor mentality.

i can't bare not knowing what's going on inside his body. his bloodwork in december was unremarkable, same with october, and his abdominal ultrasound was clean in october. i'm gonna make an appt with the cvm counselors because i can't eat or sleep or do anything without thinking of him and how he's feeling and if he's hurting anywhere.

i really appreciate everyone trying to calm me down, and being supportive and encouraging. i feel less alone

Please don’t be hard on yourself over this. I passed off my old guys amelanotic melanoma as “probably another hemangioma” as he has actinic dermatitis and it wasn’t.

You noticed it was changing and sought further care. That’s more than 90% of pet owners do right there.

 

[katiemcat]

4 more weeks of clinics and I’m graduated…. I’m so tired…….

I’m on equine ambulatory next 💀