Regrets about my rank list...

[mangos3]

In a moment of panic about 20 minutes before the rank list deadline, I started second guessing my choices and moved my #4 program first to #3, then to #2. Almost immediately after the 9pm deadline had passed, I already began regretting my decision and spent the next several days agonizing over my stupidity. Now, I know there is nothing that can be done at this point to change my rank list (...right??), but I thought it might help to find some support, advice, etc. on this forum. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and have it turn out ok? Is it possible to switch to another program within the same specialty after matching? I know that everyone makes mistakes, but it seems like the medical field is particularly inflexible and unforgiving when it comes to allowing for second chances...

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[hematopoiesis]

I had my rank list completed and certified by the first week of February. It sat there, unchanged, until a week before rank day. I made one minor adjustment, but was overall very happy with it.

Then rank day came and went, no sweat.

Then, the day after rank day, I started FREAKING OUT. "Oh my god, my rank list is totally wrong--I'm gonna have to move across the country and I really should have put this program here and that program there," etc, etc, etc.

What I'm trying to say say is--I'm pretty sure that there is a pretty normal amount of anxiety and unease that come with these few weeks between rank day and match day. I'd hazard a guess that most people are feeling some amount of dread right now.

Try and wait at least until Match day when you actually know where you're gonna be before you go about re-evaluating your entire career plans because of this.

Best of luck, try to remain calm. I recommend whiskey.

 

[mangos3]

Thanks for the reassurance. When I say "agonizing over my stupidity," it was BAD. I mean multiple episodes of crying, not being able to eat, not being able to sleep more than 4 hours/day for 6 days straight. It's only within the last couple days that things have normalized a bit. I felt like I had just given up my last four years of hard work in med school for a program I wouldn't be happy and if I matched there, I would only have myself to blame for moving it to #2. The worst thing was that my rank list would have been perfect the way it was if I had just left it alone. I wish I hadn't panicked and messed around with it at the last minute. I even said aloud to my sister, who was in the room trying to help me at the time, "It's probably not a good idea to make all these changes last minute" but I obviously wasn't thinking clearly and moved things around anyway. I hadn't even considered moving my #4 to #2 previously until that moment when I changed my list and re-certified at 8:52pm. 8:52pm!! You have no idea how many times I've played those last few minutes over and over in my head and have been kicking myself over it.

In the last couple days, I've been trying to tell myself that things happen the way they do for a reason and that who knows? Maybe I'll end up matching at my #1 and all this fuss will have been for naught. In any case, whiskey sounds like a grand idea. Or maybe a nice glass of red wine.

 

[newdude2009]

Thanks for the reassurance. When I say "agonizing over my stupidity," it was BAD. I mean multiple episodes of crying, not being able to eat, not being able to sleep more than 4 hours/day for 6 days straight. It's only within the last couple days that things have normalized a bit. I felt like I had just given up my last four years of hard work in med school for a program I wouldn't be happy and if I matched there, I would only have myself to blame for moving it to #2. The worst thing was that my rank list would have been perfect the way it was if I had just left it alone. I wish I hadn't panicked and messed around with it at the last minute. I even said aloud to my sister, who was in the room trying to help me at the time, "It's probably not a good idea to make all these changes last minute" but I obviously wasn't thinking clearly and moved things around anyway. I hadn't even considered moving my #4 to #2 previously until that moment when I changed my list and re-certified at 8:52pm. 8:52pm!! You have no idea how many times I've played those last few minutes over and over in my head and have been kicking myself over it.

In the last couple days, I've been trying to tell myself that things happen the way they do for a reason and that who knows? Maybe I'll end up matching at my #1 and all this fuss will have been for naught. In any case, whiskey sounds like a grand idea. Or maybe a nice glass of red wine.

I wouln't sweat it. I also agonized over my rank list, but in the end you end up where you meant to be. Sometimes you have to trust the system.

 

[hematopoiesis]

Thanks for the reassurance. When I say "agonizing over my stupidity," it was BAD. I mean multiple episodes of crying, not being able to eat, not being able to sleep more than 4 hours/day for 6 days straight. It's only within the last couple days that things have normalized a bit. I felt like I had just given up my last four years of hard work in med school for a program I wouldn't be happy and if I matched there, I would only have myself to blame for moving it to #2. The worst thing was that my rank list would have been perfect the way it was if I had just left it alone. I wish I hadn't panicked and messed around with it at the last minute. I even said aloud to my sister, who was in the room trying to help me at the time, "It's probably not a good idea to make all these changes last minute" but I obviously wasn't thinking clearly and moved things around anyway. I hadn't even considered moving my #4 to #2 previously until that moment when I changed my list and re-certified at 8:52pm. 8:52pm!! You have no idea how many times I've played those last few minutes over and over in my head and have been kicking myself over it.

In the last couple days, I've been trying to tell myself that things happen the way they do for a reason and that who knows? Maybe I'll end up matching at my #1 and all this fuss will have been for naught. In any case, whiskey sounds like a grand idea. Or maybe a nice glass of red wine.

Chances of this are probably pretty good.

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament--sounds like the last week has been pretty rough. There really is nothing you can do right now, unfortunately, so the best plan is to figure out a way to get your mind off it for a bit. Someone once said "worrying is just praying for something you don't want to happen." Stop worrying, and start focusing on the positive--you have that #1 spot you would be happy to go to. And there is probably a good reason why you moved that #4 up to #2, even if it feels now like the wrong decision, some part of you thought it was a good idea--go with that thought for now and then forget about it for a couple weeks.

Best of luck!

 

[Medikit]

Things won't be so bad if you match at your #2 or even #4. You don't really know a program until you meet your fellow residents and start working there.

Conversely your #1 rank won't solve all of life's problems and set you on the golden road to eternal happiness. It might not even be the best program for you.

Internal Medicine is just three years of your life. People have matched at their last choice residency program or even scrambled but still were able to find fulfillment and success.

 

[CanIMakeIt]

So your new list was:

1. Hopkins Bayview
---------------------------
2. U Maryland
3. Harbor-UCLA
4. Jefferson
5. Scripps Mercy
6. Cedars-Sinai
7. Tufts

I would say you made a better choice by putting Maryland over Jefferson 🙂. Relax. there is nothing you can do now. More than likely you ARE going to match at your top choice and as others have said your time at your program will be dictated by your fellow residents.

Good Luck!

 

[mangos3]

Thank you, everyone, for the encouraging responses! And props to CanIMakeIt for actually pulling up my rank list, hah. I made a few other minor adjustments, but yeah, that's close to what my rank list was. I had Jefferson as my #2 originally and changed it to Maryland. I know it's not the end of the world, but it sure felt like it at the time. I won't elaborate on all the reasons why I felt like Jefferson would have been the better choice in retrospect since I've already dwelled on it enough, but out of curiosity, why do you say that putting Maryland over Jefferson was the better choice?

 

[gutonc]

I won't elaborate on all the reasons why I felt like Jefferson would have been the better choice in retrospect since I've already dwelled on it enough, but out of curiosity, why do you say that putting Maryland over Jefferson was the better choice?

Because it is an objectively better program than Jeff. Now the B'more/Philly thing is an issue. And whether it would be a better program for you is up for debate.

 

[cardsorbust]

Thank you, everyone, for the encouraging responses! And props to CanIMakeIt for actually pulling up my rank list, hah. I made a few other minor adjustments, but yeah, that's close to what my rank list was. I had Jefferson as my #2 originally and changed it to Maryland. I know it's not the end of the world, but it sure felt like it at the time. I won't elaborate on all the reasons why I felt like Jefferson would have been the better choice in retrospect since I've already dwelled on it enough, but out of curiosity, why do you say that putting Maryland over Jefferson was the better choice?

That is a good looking list there. You could be really happy at any of them but especially the top 4.

 

[Medikit]

Dude U Maryland is an awesome program. If you end up there you're gonna love it.

 

[Adelaida]

I just want to corroborate the above. I interviewed at most of the programs on that list but one. I really liked jeff and Maryland. Maryland in my opinion is definitely stronger than Jeff. As mentioned above, the only thing is the baltimore vs philly argument. But even considering that, I'd pick UMD over TJ easily.

Good luck, anywhere on that list quite honestly is a good deal.

 

[ForeignBody]

Just be glad that when you were screwing around with your list at the last minute... that you didn't lose power, get a blue screen of death, or the NRMP servers went out. Hard to believe you would risk something bad happening.

 

[sooku]

Dude U Maryland is an awesome program. If you end up there you're gonna love it.

Honestly, I don't see the point of agonizing over something you can't change.
If you're wondering if there is any way to appeal the match, you should ask the NRMP.