...unlike the mainmatch, the soap is not favoring the applicant...the power here shifts and is now in the hands of the programs
Although it might feel that way, this isn't exactly true. In fact, it's the opposite.
There are many more SOAP applicants than SOAP spots. So, at the end of the process (regardless of what process we use), there will be candidates with no spots, but all spots will be filled by candidates. So, in that way, the "power" is in the hands of programs.
But, with the way SOAP works, programs can only offer the number of spots they have, and then applicants can get multiple offers, pick one, and that leaves programs open for another round. So, actually, applicants have much more "power" in SOAP than programs.
Kinda depends upon how you look at it, and how you define "power".
So how does the POST SOAP process go if you are still unmatched and no SOAP?
They release a list of programs with unfilled positions on nrmp and then we are free to contact the programs without fear of match violation via telephone, email or whatever? And what do we say? Can i get your unfilled position that I saw on NRMP? Sorry for the questions that may seem silly.
Yes. Post SOAP, the unfilled list becomes open and you can contact anyone you want, any way you want. However, not all programs will fill all slots, so even if the list says a program has an open spot, they may not. You contact programs via email/phone, and ask if they are still accepting applications for their open spot. Be prepared for lots of negative answers.
I want to make sure I understand the SOAP process so I don't mess this up like I somehow messed up the match despite ranking 14 programs (sigh). I had 5 phone interviews today, in two different specialties (neither speciality is what I originally applied to). I am getting the feeling from talking to these program directors that they basically need to hear me commit in order to get an offer. One PD even gave me her cell phone number, told me to call/text her if I want to go there. Maybe I am just cynical based on what went down in the match, but how could I possibly trust that she isn't full of crap? Am I honestly supposed to "pick" some place and go after it or am I supposed to aggressively pursue all leads like they are all my first choice? How does this even work? Part of me is still holding on to the hope that a program in my intended specialty contacts me, but bottom line is I need to match. No research years or what not for me.
First, you didn't "mess up the match". If you ranked all 14 programs and didn't match, you wouldn't have matched no matter what order the rank list was. I don't know what happened that you didn't match -- that's worth pursuing if you don't SOAP successfully (and perhaps worth exploring in any case). You should see if there are any friendly programs that could give you feedback on your interviews. If you have a "home program" that's the best place to start, they might give you feedback. But I would wait until SOAP is over.
Regarding SOAP strategy, I agree that you should be 100% positive with every interview. regardless of your real feelings on the matter, you want to ensure as many offers as possible. Yes, this puts your own interests in front of "what's best for everyone" but that's the way the world is. The match is designed to deal with this problem, but not SOAP. So if you're asked, every program is your top choice -- and that's true, because it might be your only choice. It's unfair of programs to ask you.
That said, I understand why programs ask. You don't want to offer spots to people who won't take them, because then you might lose your 2nd choice to another program that offers them in the 1st round. But that's life.
Interview tip. This may be obvious but if any program asks if you’ve received any other calls say NO. I made the mistake last year of not realizing why they asked me. I was taken aback and out of not knowing what else to say and not wanting to lie I said yes (thinking they were just gauging other programs’ interest in me). I realized later that they asked me this to see how likely It was I would accept their first round offer. They want to fill in the first round as much as we want to get an offer in the first round. Even though I received another offer, I may not have had to move if I answered that question with a simple “No”. I hope you all get lots of calls today!
Same as above, you want all programs to think you're their #1, and only, choice.
My significant other has matched (we did not do couples match) and interviewed a program that currently has 14 vacant spots. would be considered a violation if he contacts them?
Yes, it is. And we don't find out whom we got until Thursday (although unless the NRMP changes that cutoff, we will now know before the 2nd round). If you're sure your partner matched there (he/she ranked it #1 - in that case they matched there unless they were not ranked by the program), you should put that somewhere in your application, presumably in the PS.