An Apology to Medical Students

[Stagg737]

If you can’t identify with residency making you feel like a worse person than you truly are...

Well...

Then you probably haven’t done residency yet.

—

Again - I don’t get it. She’s apologized. She’s given a bunch of examples of how she thought she failed. The criticisms here of her apology not being good enough are kind of ridiculous

I never said I can't identify with feeling like a worse person than you really are, or even acting like it. I'm saying that it's easy to say you're sorry, but without acting on that apology it's meaningless. If she were really sorry she would reach out to students she screwed over individually, not write about it in some self-serving article to make herself look or feel better (which it seems like she didn't given the whole "nod" thing she wrote).

I mean, good on her for recognizing she was crappy, but as far as an actual meaningful apology the format seemed neither genuine or appropriate to me.

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[VincentAdultman]

What a bizarre response to a seemingly harmless blog.

My take on reading it was that she was pretty clearly personally and professionally unhappy, didn’t do a good job of teaching or looking after students, and realizes in retrospect that she wishes she could have done better.

Presumably that’s part of why she left OB.

I don't disagree. Still think you can get a decent meal in five days.

 

[KnuxNole]

It'd probably be almost impossible to reach out to every student she made feel bad. So, she decided after all these years to express her thoughts in writing. And to nod at the one person she did manage to find. There are residents who fail to teach or probably gave some scut work, but they won't be able to find the tons of students later to apologize. They might do the same, or do a Facebook/instagram/snapchat post about it.

The way some in the comments section of her blogpost are reacting acted like she made students cry, snatched their weaves, and threw coffee on their face.

 

[Perrotfish]

Again - I don’t get it. She’s apologized. She’s given a bunch of examples of how she thought she failed. The criticisms here of her apology not being good enough are kind of ridiculous

There are two basic reasons people say that they're sorry:
1) Apologizing for their behavior (ex: 'I'm sorry I forgot to call')
2) Using the form of an apology to express sympathy for circumstance beyond their control (ex: 'I'm sorry that you got cancer')

As anyone who has every had a significant other knows, one of the most reliable ways to make yourself look like an ass is to use the second form of apology when you should be using the first (ex: 'I'm sorry the truth offends you' instead of 'I'm sorry that I was rude')

I think that is how some people are reading this blog post. It reads as her expressing sympathy for the fact that this is how medical school works, rather than expressing regret that she wasn't a better resident. Honestly I'm sympathetic to her point of view (if that was what she intended), because particularly in the more demanding residencies I'm really not sure that residents have a practical option to be good teachers, but I can see where it would come off as offensive.

 

[ThreeCheers]

An apology that includes some excuses is still an apology. I am sure there are ways to write it better, but there is no point in splitting hairs.

It's not about people making inferences. Read the comment I responded to again. It's about people here saying they have hard time forgiving her even though she hasn't done any harm to them personally. i think the author of that comment realized how it came across and clarified it better in his next response.

Btw, yes, you can infer anything about anyone on the internet filled with anonymous users who are saying ridiculous thing. Way different from someone outing themselves in a much more personal and not a very positive way.

Idk man maybe I’m being overly cynical here. I just can’t imagine a scenario where I feel deeply personal remorse about how I treated people and thinking the best course of action is to write a flowery blog post complete with a cutesy ending. I think that’s why people are skeptical.

I don’t mean to harp on her personally so much as the larger issue, which is malignant residents in general. Behaviors like snapping at students for reasonable questions should not be normalized. Residency rarely brings out the best in people, but the truly malignant residents I’ve come across were never nice or well-adjusted people to begin with.

 

[Neopolymath]

Without getting into more nuanced debate, I've noticed that the world is full of two types of people. The first type thinks that because they are having a bad day or are in a bad mood or whatever excuse they use that particular day that they can be useless prick toward others. The second group of people separates these things from how they treat other people in general and understand that it's not everyone else's problem to put up with.

My mom (and my job) taught me early on not to be a gigantic POS like the first group of people. Obviously some people never learn this. It's a shame we all have to deal with it as a result.

 

[IslandStyle808]

If you can’t identify with residency making you feel like a worse person than you truly are...

Well...

Then you probably haven’t done residency yet.

—

Again - I don’t get it. She’s apologized. She’s given a bunch of examples of how she thought she failed. The criticisms here of her apology not being good enough are kind of ridiculous

Its not just residency, you have these situations in life. You don't need to go through residency to understand this.

I understand you are giving her the benefit of the doubt, and that fine. However, you have to see from the side of those who are skeptical. We have seen these moments not just exclusive to those who have done residency but with people in general.

When I was a T.A. during my graduate school years I had many moments where my the program director of the lab I taught would just lashout, a most of the time was either very trivial or not my fault at all (usually this). This would happen even in front the the teaching interns I was in charge of. However, I never once passed my frustrations onto my T.I.s. I would get an apology once in a while from that same program director, but he still keeps venting his anger whenever something pisses him off. Which is why saying your sorry and not doing something to change yourself "those situations" doesn't mean you have actually reflected.

She could be a change person as an attending (because the stress is off), but you put her back into residency (when the stress is on) she could become that person she apologized for all over again. If you are sorry about something you have change yourself in that stressful situation. It doesn't mean much if you change when you are not in those stressful situations. This was my problem with her apology.

 

[Neopolymath]

Its not just residency, you have these situations in life. You don't need to go through residency to understand this.

I understand you are giving her the benefit of the doubt, and that fine. However, you have to see from the side of those who are skeptical. We have seen these moments not just exclusive to those who have done residency but with people in general.

When I was a T.A. during my graduate school years I had many moments where my the program director of the lab I taught would just lashout, a most of the time was either very trivial or not my fault at all (usually this). This would happen even in front the the teaching interns I was in charge of. However, I never once passed my frustrations onto my T.I.s. I would get an apology once in a while from that same program director, but he still keeps venting his anger whenever something pisses him off. Which is why saying your sorry and not doing something to change yourself "those situations" doesn't mean you have actually reflected.

She could be a change person as an attending (because the stress is off), but you put her back into residency (when the stress is on) she could become that person she apologized for all over again. If you are sorry about something you have change yourself in that stressful situation. It doesn't mean much if you change when you are not in those stressful situations. This was my problem with her apology.

Sorry is just an empty word if anyone besides my closest friends/family says it to me. I hold myself to a super high standard in life and don't accept saying a few words as currency against doing something ****ty. It is a meaningless phrase in our society.

 

[LittleRichard]

Apology not accepted.

 

[KnuxNole]

People usually either have two options: Saying sorry or not saying sorry. At least she tried. The other option for her was to just go about her life and ignore it. I know the ideal solution is to be sorry by "doing", however for a lot of people, there isn't any way to show that. In this case, in hindsight, she could have written about positive experiences.

Or I guess a 3rd option. She could have made a post with the hashtag #sorrynotsorry, and bash students, and probably make people enraged even more.

 

[kb1900]

Does something bad/reprehensible

Apologizes vaguely over th

People usually either have two options: Saying sorry or not saying sorry. At least she tried. The other option for her was to just go about her life and ignore it. I know the ideal solution is to be sorry by "doing", however for a lot of people, there isn't any way to show that. In this case, in hindsight, she could have written about positive experiences.

Or I guess a 3rd option. She could have made a post with the hashtag #sorrynotsorry, and bash students, and probably make people enraged even more.

nah she could have done plenty of things that would’ve made more of an impact than this flowery blog post.

She could have protected students from instances of mistreatment in the future. She could have reached out to the clerkship directors. She could have at the very least given perfect evals. She could commit to working for better educational experiences for rotating students in the future. I’m sure others could come with a list of better actions she could’ve taken.

None of these were mentioned in the blog post. Which is why I think most people interpret her apology as self-serving and cathartic in intention. Actions speak volumes; apologies about a patterned behavior mean little to nothing for the receiving side

 

[Stagg737]

People usually either have two options: Saying sorry or not saying sorry. At least she tried. The other option for her was to just go about her life and ignore it. I know the ideal solution is to be sorry by "doing", however for a lot of people, there isn't any way to show that. In this case, in hindsight, she could have written about positive experiences.

Or I guess a 3rd option. She could have made a post with the hashtag #sorrynotsorry, and bash students, and probably make people enraged even more.

Or she could have written e-mails directly to the people she mistreated stating that she realizes how much she sucks and ask the people she actually screwed over for forgiveness instead of making a PR move. I think many people realize it's too late for her to actively improve herself in that setting, but this blog post seems more like a politician's apology after they get caught than an actual apology. Personally, if I'd been one of her students and read this without her actually saying something to me I'd be kind of pissed and think she was fake (which she may or may not be).

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Does something bad/reprehensible

Apologizes vaguely over th

nah she could have done plenty of things that would’ve made more of an impact than this flowery blog post.

She could have protected students from instances of mistreatment in the future. She could have reached out to the clerkship directors. She could have at the very least given perfect evals. She could commit to working for better educational experiences for rotating students in the future. I’m sure others could come with a list of better actions she could’ve taken.

None of these were mentioned in the blog post. Which is why I think most people interpret her apology as self-serving and cathartic in intention. Actions speak volumes; apologies about a patterned behavior mean little to nothing for the receiving side

Do we know she didn’t do any of this? That she wrote a flowery blog post doesn’t preclude her from doing anything else.

 

[kb1900]

Do we know she didn’t do any of this? That she wrote a flowery blog post doesn’t preclude her from doing anything else.

no but anyone is free to speculate based on the fact that she didn’t mention a single positive action she took

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

no but anyone is free to speculate based on the fact that she didn’t mention a single positive action she took

Or we can not speculate since we don’t know. I don’t post on here every time I take a ****, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen

 

[kb1900]

Or we can not speculate since we don’t know. I don’t post on here every time I take a ****, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen

How often do you think people that treat others poorly in a patterned behavior (due to all the “reasons” in her essay) go out of their way to make things right after each individual they treat poorly??

 

[xffan624]

How often do you think people that treat others poorly in a patterned behavior (due to all the “reasons” in her essay) go out of their way to make things right after each individual they treat poorly??

I got an e-mail from a girl in high school who was a b1tch to me at times for no particular reason apologizing for her behavior . I friended her on facebook afterwards. Kinda got sick of the constant posts about what she had for breakfast and the antivax conspiracy stuff and stopped following her, but the gesture is still appreciated.

 

[valid username]

We have no reason to assume every day was a bad day.

People who acknowledge their mistakes often perceive their shortcomings to be more than what others perceive them to be. The fact that she can itemize some of the things she did wrong suggests that it was not the norm.

She also remembers a lot of good things about the student. It's a big leap to assume she was always a jerk. For all we know, she is itemizing four bad moments that stand out to her.

If I were to itemize all the little moments that were bad from each fellow or resident, I could probably come up with similar lists. However, there were far more good moments than bed. I don't feel any of them were malignant. Not even close.

(Disclaimer: Had one attending that was malignant, but his problem was sexual harassment.)

 

[Boricua27]

What this article is basically saying is if you are an over-worked, unhappy, bitter resident who treats medical students poorly...just say sorry and it is all good.

thanks for tl;dr