My boyfriend is not supportive of my being pre-med

[cloverpie]

I know, you must be thinking "Ewwww."

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now. I recently got quite serious about going to medical school and even though I've entertained the idea in the past two years, he didn't really take me seriously because I wasn't taking it seriously either. He's always maintained that medical school isn't right for me because I don't enjoy every class I take or because I get frustrated at the long, hard road ahead with no guarantee. It's got to the point where he feels "insulted" that I am taking summer classes while he is in California because I should have listened to him! Should I be questioning my motivation or is he being wrongfully discouraging?

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[Dr Trek 1]

I know, you must be thinking "Ewwww."

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now. I recently got quite serious about going to medical school and even though I've entertained the idea in the past two years, he didn't really take me seriously because I wasn't taking it seriously either. He's always maintained that medical school isn't right for me because I don't enjoy every class I take or because I get frustrated at the long, hard road ahead with no guarantee. It's got to the point where he feels "insulted" that I am taking summer classes while he is in California because I should have listened to him! Should I be questioning my motivation or is he being wrongfully discouraging?

I would re-examine why you are even in a relationship that lacks support.

 

[SuzieQ3417]

I know, you must be thinking "Ewwww."

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now. I recently got quite serious about going to medical school and even though I've entertained the idea in the past two years, he didn't really take me seriously because I wasn't taking it seriously either. He's always maintained that medical school isn't right for me because I don't enjoy every class I take or because I get frustrated at the long, hard road ahead with no guarantee. It's got to the point where he feels "insulted" that I am taking summer classes while he is in California because I should have listened to him! Should I be questioning my motivation or is he being wrongfully discouraging?

Both. You should definitely question your motivation for wanting to go into medicine, because it is a big investment in terms of money and years of your life. Some people get into the profession and realize it is nothing what they expect, but feel trapped because of all the time they spent getting there, so you need to explore as much about the career as is possible. Have you shadowed doctors, talked to med students, read articles about problems in healthcare, etc?
As for your boyfriend, I think he is being a little harsh. Hopefully he is simply acting in what he thinks is your best interest (even if he is wrong). Have you told him how he makes you feel? Tell him you are serious about going into medicine and want his support. It's much easier if you have someone encouraging you throughout the process. He should be proud of you for taking the initiative and enrolling in summer classes. It sounds like he is being a little selfish by wanting you to stay with him instead. Just my $.02

 

[Virgil]

I know, you must be thinking "Ewwww."

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now. I recently got quite serious about going to medical school and even though I've entertained the idea in the past two years, he didn't really take me seriously because I wasn't taking it seriously either. He's always maintained that medical school isn't right for me because I don't enjoy every class I take or because I get frustrated at the long, hard road ahead with no guarantee. It's got to the point where he feels "insulted" that I am taking summer classes while he is in California because I should have listened to him! Should I be questioning my motivation or is he being wrongfully discouraging?

So when exactly did he purchase you?

 

[Bluntman]

Sounds like the dude's jealous.

 

[fpr85]

Hey -- the boyfriend could be right. He does know you better than a bunch of people online. Discuss it with him, ask him 'why', for all you know he may be the help you're looking for.

 

[Virgil]

Hey -- the boyfriend could be right. He does know you better than a bunch of people online. Discuss it with him, ask him 'why', for all you know he may be the help you're looking for.

Agreed. Question your motivations sincerely (only you can do this), discuss it with people who have known you for a long time, and finally make a decision after weighing all options. If he is still against it, lose the baggage. It's your life.

 

[Rafa]

Sounds like a bit of a controlling fellow. All I can say is that if you let him be the reason you don't apply to med school, you'll never know if you could have gotten in without him.

 

[Will Ferrell]

He's always maintained that medical school isn't right for me because I don't enjoy every class I take or because I get frustrated at the long, hard road ahead with no guarantee. It's got to the point where he feels "insulted" that I am taking summer classes while he is in California because I should have listened to him! Should I be questioning my motivation or is he being wrongfully discouraging?

he sounds like a douche. he's just afraid you'll be making more money than him.

no one enjoys every class they take.

everyone gets frustrated.

he needs a better arguement of why you shouldn't become a doctor.

 

[Zoom-Zoom]

Anytime you enter a long-term commitment to something (ie: medicine) I think it is normal and healthy to question your decision and make sure it is right for you. I think the fact that you are even posting your concerns shows that you are sincere about going this route. People usually argue for what is in their best interest... And there are lots of (selfish) reasons why he might not want to support your decision to go to med school...the biggest one being that you will most likely split up unless you're engaged or married already. Decide what you want to do and go for it, otherwise you'll regret letting someone else make your decisions.

 

[dbhvt]

I know, you must be thinking "Ewwww."

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now. I recently got quite serious about going to medical school and even though I've entertained the idea in the past two years, he didn't really take me seriously because I wasn't taking it seriously either. He's always maintained that medical school isn't right for me because I don't enjoy every class I take or because I get frustrated at the long, hard road ahead with no guarantee. It's got to the point where he feels "insulted" that I am taking summer classes while he is in California because I should have listened to him! Should I be questioning my motivation or is he being wrongfully discouraging?

I'm sorry, but this is bull****, and you know it or you wouldn't be posting. He feels "insulted" that you are taking summer classes?! You really don't need this. Sorry, this stuff just gets me worked up. I ended up dropping a 5 year relationship because of this kind of thing a couple of summers ago. She told a friend of mine she secretely was hoping I would fail summer orgo. We were engaged.

Edit: Ok, so my advice is to realize this: your boyfriend maintaining that medical school is not right for you, or getting insulted that you are taking summer classes, those things are about him, not about you. The whole horrible summer of 2004 was a big mess for me, and I'm amazed I made it out unscathed, but the positive thing that came from it is, I realized our life goals were not in sync then instead of 5 years down the road. Now I don't have to deal with divorce and partial custody and all that stuff. I realize you've been with this guy for a while, but you really need to think about what is right for you, individually. If that meshes with this guy, fine, if not, say goodbye earlier rather than later. And let me reiterate, regardless of whether you decide your life goals mesh with this guys', I would think seriously about how he's handling this situation, because it doesn't sound promising.

 

[fpr85]

I'm sorry, but this is bull****, and you know it or you wouldn't be posting. He feels "insulted" that you are taking summer classes?! You really don't need this. Sorry, this stuff just gets me worked up. I ended up dropping a 5 year relationship because of this kind of thing a couple of summers ago. She told a friend of mine she secretely was hoping I would fail summer orgo. We were engaged.

Actually the way I interpret it, she really must've loved you. She knew that if you did go onto medschool your relationship would slowly crumble and eventually go out the door... I guess you just sped that up sooner.

 

[jbone]

So when exactly did he purchase you?

Dump his a$$.

BTW, virgil where the hell have you been? Haven't seen your prancing thingy lately. Bone missed ya!

 

[Bluntman]

BTW, virgil where the hell have you been? Haven't seen your prancing thingy lately. Bone missed ya!

Serious! That prancing thingy is my favorite!

 

[thedelicatessen]

It's your own life; you don't need your boyfriend to be so negative like that. If he won't support you in this major endeavor, how do you think he'll treat you in the long run?

 

[MollyMalone]

At first I thought that maybe there was a chance that he was well-intentioned, but being "insulted" because you're taking summer classes against his advice?

Anyone else read Dan Savage?

DTMFA!!!!!

 

[Virgil]

I know, you must be thinking "Ewwww."

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now. I recently got quite serious about going to medical school and even though I've entertained the idea in the past two years, he didn't really take me seriously because I wasn't taking it seriously either. He's always maintained that medical school isn't right for me because I don't enjoy every class I take or because I get frustrated at the long, hard road ahead with no guarantee. It's got to the point where he feels "insulted" that I am taking summer classes while he is in California because I should have listened to him! Should I be questioning my motivation or is he being wrongfully discouraging?

"Bah! I am "insulted" that you pursue education over ME, woman! Now go make me a sandwich!"

You should be very, very thankful. Within minutes of witnessing this thread, our very own Chuck Norris, M.D., prescribed ONE ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE HEAD, prn (as needed) for whenever Controlling Boyfriend feels insulted.

I doubt your local Walgreens will be able to fill this prescription.

 

[Virgil]

Dump his a$$.

BTW, virgil where the hell have you been? Haven't seen your prancing thingy lately. Bone missed ya!

Oh, I've been around. Just waiting...for the right moment to pounce.

 

[Zoom-Zoom]

Oh, I've been around. Just waiting...for the right moment to pounce.

Virgil, I've got a fever, but the only prescription is more cowbell. Now I'm conflicted.

 

[funshine]

I know, you must be thinking "Ewwww."

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now. I recently got quite serious about going to medical school and even though I've entertained the idea in the past two years, he didn't really take me seriously because I wasn't taking it seriously either. He's always maintained that medical school isn't right for me because I don't enjoy every class I take or because I get frustrated at the long, hard road ahead with no guarantee. It's got to the point where he feels "insulted" that I am taking summer classes while he is in California because I should have listened to him! Should I be questioning my motivation or is he being wrongfully discouraging?

I'm probably just repeating what everyone else has been saying, but here goes:
Your post shows me that you're probably already questioning your motivations, which is good...to a certain extent. Some people are just more prone to self-doubt, and they'll always wonder whether they're really cut out for the long road ahead. I'm that way myself, and I know that the last thing I needed in college was unsupportive friends who constantly told me I was "studying too much" and just "not cut out for medicine." The long hours in lab/library were tough, but I succeeded b/c I believed in myself, and thank god I had many other friends who were very supportive. Bottomline is, the people close to you should stand by whatever decision YOU choose for yourself. The last thing you need right now is someone you confide in to be unsupportive and even downright discouraging! You can tell your bf all this, and if he continues to be discouraging, then drop him immediately.

 

[ShyRem]

clover, my husband would NEVER think of not being supportive. He listened to me in my hard classes, was my cheerleader when I was tired, my shoulder to cry on for each and every rejection letter, and he's willing (hell, he's EAGER) to move 2000 miles away and get $200K in debt for me to pursue my dream. (ok, maybe his dream of retiring early and being a house-husband, but hey, it's all good.)

Dump him. There are better fish in the sea.

 

[Chuck Norris]

I know, you must be thinking "Ewwww."

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now. I recently got quite serious about going to medical school and even though I've entertained the idea in the past two years, he didn't really take me seriously because I wasn't taking it seriously either. He's always maintained that medical school isn't right for me because I don't enjoy every class I take or because I get frustrated at the long, hard road ahead with no guarantee. It's got to the point where he feels "insulted" that I am taking summer classes while he is in California because I should have listened to him! Should I be questioning my motivation or is he being wrongfully discouraging?

Definitely seems like this relationship is on the rocks.
What are you doing friday night?

 

[butmylipshurtrealbad]

Serious! That prancing thingy is my favorite!

What IS that thingy?

 

[crazy_cavalier]

Definitely seems like this relationship is on the rocks.
What are you doing friday night?

z0mg when Chuck Norris entered this thread my internet browser immediately jumped off my desk and round-house kicked me in the head!

 

[willow18]

Bump...errrr...I mean DUMP!

 

[red dot]

i'm sorry i didn't even read your post.

dump him.

 

[shortyganoush]

(ok, maybe his dream of retiring early and being a house-husband, but hey, it's all good.)

Yeah, my boyfriend now dreams of being a house-husband too. In his words, I can be like the controversial head honcho UC Medical faculty that get paid hundreds of thousands in "bonuses". That way he can play golf all day with his dad at Torrey Pines. But my dad's invited too of course.

 

[pattayapus]

Bump...errrr...I mean DUMP!

haha, talk about awesome avatars...yours certainly is a sight to see...it's 1:12 am, though, and i think i'll have nightmares...thanks

 

[gary5]

Your boyfriend is a loser. He wants to prevent you from achieving more than him. If you have good grades, then go ahead and investigate medicine as a career. If you decide to do it, keep the career and drop the boyfriend. Then, no matter what you decide, consider dumping this loser anyway.

 

[OSUdoc08]

I know, you must be thinking "Ewwww."

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now. I recently got quite serious about going to medical school and even though I've entertained the idea in the past two years, he didn't really take me seriously because I wasn't taking it seriously either. He's always maintained that medical school isn't right for me because I don't enjoy every class I take or because I get frustrated at the long, hard road ahead with no guarantee. It's got to the point where he feels "insulted" that I am taking summer classes while he is in California because I should have listened to him! Should I be questioning my motivation or is he being wrongfully discouraging?

Break up with him. He've obviously not going to support you when you are a physician. You are simply wasting your time with him now.

 

[OSUdoc08]

Yeah, my boyfriend now dreams of being a house-husband too. In his words, I can be like the controversial head honcho UC Medical faculty that get paid hundreds of thousands in "bonuses". That way he can play golf all day with his dad at Torrey Pines. But my dad's invited too of course.

Why would you date someone who is too dumb/lazy to get a job?

It shouldn't be a money issue. It should be a "letting your mind/body rot away" issue.

 

[TracksuitsRock]

Why would you date someone who is too dumb/lazy to get a job?

It shouldn't be a money issue. It should be a "letting your mind/body rot away" issue.

So is every housewife dumb and lazy too, or does it just apply to men?
Sorry but I don't get your post at all.

 

[Roy7]

Everyone seems to be kinda harsh here - no one but her knows what her boyfriend means, why he's saying something, or any dynamics of their relationship.

Maybe the guy genuinely thinks she's making a mistake, and only wants whats best for her? Its like, if my girlfriend told me today that she wants to be a professional football player instead of anythign else - I wouldnt be all that supportive - because I know her, and am just being realisitic. When she said he wants to be a house husband she was joking (I think).

Maybe it is a jealousy thing, but honestly no one online knows.

Talk to him about it, and make a judgement call. Your career is more important than any relationship now, and if you're serious you're going to need his support. If after hearing your feelings he stillll isnt supportive then you may need to let him know that its either he support you or you leave him.

 

[psipsina]

Why would you date someone who is too dumb/lazy to get a job?

It shouldn't be a money issue. It should be a "letting your mind/body rot away" issue.

My husband is also planning to stay at home when my income increases, and in no way do I think he is dumb or lazy. We both agree that children need one parent home, regardless of what gender, especially in the pre-school years. Since my career won't allow me to take a few years of, he has volunteered for this role. If you have ever spent and entire day caring for children then you know the word "lazy" cannot possibly describe it, especially if you are doing a good parenting job and really being involved in your child's daily activities and then doing chores on top of this. As to the dumb comment, mine plans on working on writing a novel in this time. My husband is brilliant (actually his IQ is higher than mine) but in an artsy creative way, just because his interests can be explored on his own doesn't make them any less intelligent or interesting. Your assumptions that anyone who would chose to stay home is dumb and or lazy show that you have no understanding for people who make life choices that are different from your own, and this will make the task of understanding your patients very difficult for you. The type A personality who is willing to work 70 hour work weeks for the prestige and accomplishment they will feel is not the only road to a happy life, you should try to see how other paths could be the right ones for other people, and honor them for making the right choice for themselves.

 

[BaylorGuy]

I know, you must be thinking "Ewwww."

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now. I recently got quite serious about going to medical school and even though I've entertained the idea in the past two years, he didn't really take me seriously because I wasn't taking it seriously either. He's always maintained that medical school isn't right for me because I don't enjoy every class I take or because I get frustrated at the long, hard road ahead with no guarantee. It's got to the point where he feels "insulted" that I am taking summer classes while he is in California because I should have listened to him! Should I be questioning my motivation or is he being wrongfully discouraging?

Get rid of him...anyone who is not supportive of your cause to pursue medicine shouldn't be in your life. Talk it over with him and see what his real reason is. If he doesn't give you a good/real reason or you feel that he wont be supportive in, lets say, 3-4 years, then i wouldn't even deal with him. Kick him to the curb.

 

[masterMood]

my advice? Have an affair with a doctor and/or dentist, and find which one of the three is the best. If you like only one of them, cheers for you. If you like all of them, keep them along for the ride!

Your post says I am dating a Kevin Federline clone. Don't get preggerz by him, do the dump, be a bachelorette (or bachelor) for one last time in your life before you become a doc, because you're pretty much guaranteed that you will be married. This is true, because women's electronegativity is much higher than guys, and thus you see a greater proportion of women being married than men.

(insert "you need to get laid" comment here)

 

[thegenius]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now. I recently got quite serious about going to medical school and even though I've entertained the idea in the past two years, he didn't really take me seriously because I wasn't taking it seriously either. He's always maintained that medical school isn't right for me because I don't enjoy every class I take or because I get frustrated at the long, hard road ahead with no guarantee. It's got to the point where he feels "insulted" that I am taking summer classes while he is in California because I should have listened to him! Should I be questioning my motivation or is he being wrongfully discouraging?

How do you expect any of us to answer that question? This is just something that you guys need to work out.

 

[ShyRem]

OSU, when I'm ready to be working my husband will have worked almost twenty years as a cop. He's earned the right to stay home.

Actually, he's thinking of going back to school and taking classes in music or culinary arts, or automotive, or history, or anything else that catches his eye. It's not like he's saying he's going to stay home and watch soap operas - he wants to do woodworking, build a gazebo, garden, get some horses so he can get up at 5 am and pitch hay and muck stables. He likes being at home doing laundry, cooking, all those 'honey-do' projects.

 

[omgwtfbbq?]

have a serious talk with them, and then, when you're done, lose him.
Its possible he may have your best interests at heart, or what he THINKS are you best interests, but if he's trying to get you to follow what he thinks is best for you by being nasty and basically mocking you, then it doesn't matter what his intentions are, he's being a big big selfish jerk.

i don't agree with what others here have said about having self-doubt about medicine and talking to family and friends who know you well. my entire life i've been into art. i've been a writer for ages. i was going to go become an author and a teacher. when i switched to a biochem major and got myself into med school almost everybody i know let out screams of protests. I was the "arsty one" I was the one who could be relied on to always cartoon people's birthday cards, help edit their papers, hand out short stories. When my friends saw my moments of glory they usually involved me at a podium reading aloud from my work. NOT smiling over my finally perfecting a suture stitch. Friends were not very happy with me. They griped about my not being able to go out as much, they griped about my not being as avaliable, they even moaned about the fact i seemed to be actually interested in what i was doing and it may not be a phase ...... people have expectations of what you need to be, and they like it to be constant. what matters is what YOU have expectations of becoming. So it goes with your boyfriend. it sounds like he just doesn't want you to change, or he's unwilling to deal with the pressures of adapting. well, when it comes down to it, you're still who you are even if your schedule is different and your focus changes. if he isn't willing to be kind to you as you adapt to a different focus (which will be harder for you than your friends, and you don't need people who make it harder) then you need to DTMFA! go. be free Lose him. there are guys out there who are self sufficient and independent enough to deal with a busy woman.

 

[shortyganoush]

Why would you date someone who is too dumb/lazy to get a job?

It shouldn't be a money issue. It should be a "letting your mind/body rot away" issue.

He's actually an engineer now making 15K more than me out of school. There's a decent chance that with academic medicine, he'll always be making more. But he has the golf dream, and I day dream about the lottery . What can I say?

 

[masterMood]

but in academic medicine, don't you work like 20 hours a week, make 150k a year, with full health benefits, stock rights, among other investments, etc? That's a pretty good deal to me.

 

[Law2Doc]

but in academic medicine, don't you work like 20 hours a week, make 150k a year, with full health benefits, stock rights, among other investments, etc? That's a pretty good deal to me.

What are you talking about? You work many times more hours than you are suggesting. i.e its a low pay high prestige job. Unless we are thinking of a different job.

 

[45408]

I'm sorry, but this is bull****, and you know it or you wouldn't be posting. He feels "insulted" that you are taking summer classes?! You really don't need this. Sorry, this stuff just gets me worked up. I ended up dropping a 5 year relationship because of this kind of thing a couple of summers ago. She told a friend of mine she secretely was hoping I would fail summer orgo. We were engaged.

There would've been years that I would've been upset if my (now) fiancee had taken summer classes, because summers were the only time we had together for more than a weekend or so. The background circumstances are important though.

 

[OSUdoc08]

So is every housewife dumb and lazy too, or does it just apply to men?
Sorry but I don't get your post at all.

If they have no children to care for, then yes.

If you are old, as ShyRem mentioned above, then I suppose it is okay. However, I will be a physician when I am 26. That is NOT old enough to retire.

 

[CTSballer11]

What are you talking about? You work many times more hours than you are suggesting. i.e its a low pay high prestige job. Unless we are thinking of a different job.

You got it right. You not only have to see patients but you teach and supervise residents, and you also are expected to carry out various research projects. The pay really depends on the specialty. My uncle was paid very well as a cardiothoracic surgeon working at an academic medical center.

 

[Pewl]

OP,

Why are online asking about this! This should be your own decision! Don't listen to a word that any of us says. =P

 

[Vox Animo]

if you don't go to medical school because of him, it is something you might hold against him for the rest of your life. and that will make for a terrible one

decide whether or not its right for you, not for both of you. You are meant to be, you both will find ways to cope.

 

[Moto]

Path to and through medschool is hard enough when you have support. Why have an additional obstacle. Evaluate your commitment to go through with this, and don't let anyone stand in the way.

 

[cloverpie]

Okay, a little bit of context here...

He and I are currently doing long-distance. He feels that he needs the summer with me because he's going crazy without seeing me. Um, not seeing him isn't on my top ten list of favorite things either. We see each other once a month though. I had planned a summer internship where I would be able to spend 7 weeks with him. He claims we need three months because he needs more time to confirm that he is "able to make sacrifices for me." I don't need that time for him, however. He asked me to take out a loan for summer classes next year and said he'd help me pay it off down the road. I told him that it would put me behind for the MCAT. He just thinks it's very easy to get a loan. Right, when his sibling is in community college and mine is attending an Ivy League school for undergrad, he forgets that there tends to be ahem, financial difficulties. My parents were even willing to help financially for me to take summer classes (I attend an out-of-state institution that hits us hard tuition-wise) and I just felt guilty.It's not fair to place that financial burden on them when I have other options. Also, my mom and he don't get along so he really can't visit. It sucks because I know that I am willing to move near him once undergrad is over. It's one goddamn year. Why is he balking on "making sacrifices" for me now?

In short, there is an underlying lack of support because of my complaining about the amount of work involved ("no passion") but it's not as if I'm totally blameless here either. This is driving a real rift between us. What do you think?

 

[dogdayafternoon]

My boyfriend is not supportive of my being pre-med

cloverpie,

I suggest you dump him and date me. I'm supportive of everything you do. I'd love to take a ride on the cloverpie express.