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Hi everyone,
Just some thoughts I wanted to share today.
Does anybody else get to senior year of college and just...dwell on everything from the last three years, every mistake, every good and bad thing. Forever. To the point were you can't think about the now.

Also- I just realized this. Our online personalities are often so different than how we are in real life- you would never guess how shy I actually am IRL. I post on here so much bc anonymous forums are...so easy to use. It's like socializing w/o the stress.
 
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Hi everyone,
Just some thoughts I wanted to share today.
Does anybody else get to senior year of college and just...dwell on everything from the last three years, every mistake, every good and bad thing. Forever. To the point were you can't think about the now.

Also- I just realized this. Our online personalities are often so different than how we are in real life- you would never guess how shy I actually am IRL. I post on here so much bc anonymous forums are...so easy to use. It's like socializing w/o the stress.

I’m the same on here as I am irl. If anything, I’m more reserved on here.

I also try not to dwell on things. You can’t change the past.
 
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I’m the same on here as I am irl. If anything, I’m more reserved on here.

I also try not to dwell on things. You can’t change the past.

@mwsapphire
I feel similarly. Pretty much the same as in person.

In terms of dwelling on the past, yeah it's a real struggle. You've been trained for years to learn from your mistakes, identify weaknesses, and figure out how to approach problems better. Obsessing over this, although a boon to academics, will ravage your mental health. Do what you can to gain correct perspective: you're flawed. We all are. Thinking about your mistakes is only helpful if it's going to help you avoid making them in the future. Otherwise it's morbid introspection.

I suffer from this greatly. Most days are battles. Sometimes the best solution is to just distract yourself until you are more calm. Pick up a new hobby, learn a language, do a crossword puzzle. It might feel like laziness, but sometimes it's what's actually best for you. And talk to friends you trust. Listen to them when they tell you what they value about you. Who cares what academics think? There is much more to you than activities, grades, and essays.
 
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@mwsapphire
I feel similarly. Pretty much the same as in person.

In terms of dwelling on the past, yeah it's a real struggle. You've been trained for years to learn from your mistakes, identify weaknesses, and figure out how to approach problems better. Obsessing over this, although a boon to academics, will ravage your mental health. Do what you can to gain correct perspective: you're flawed. We all are. Thinking about your mistakes is only helpful if it's going to help you avoid making them in the future. Otherwise it's morbid introspection.

I suffer from this greatly. Most days are battles. Sometimes the best solution is to just distract yourself until you are more calm. Pick up a new hobby, learn a language, do a crossword puzzle. It might feel like laziness, but sometimes it's what's actually best for you. And talk to friends you trust. Listen to them when they tell you what they value about you. Who cares what academics think? There is much more to you than activities, grades, and essays.

There’s a difference between learning from your past and dwelling on your past. In the military we are constantly reviewing “lessons learned” and trying to improve. It’s when you can’t move on or focus on how to improve because you’re stuck focusing on your mistakes that it can hurt your mental health. Learning from your mistakes is important for growth. Dwelling on them is not. Gotta let go.
 
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There’s a difference between learning from your past and dwelling on your past. In the military we are constantly reviewing “lessons learned” and trying to improve. It’s when you can’t move on or focus on how to improve because you’re stuck focusing on your mistakes that it can hurt your mental health. Learning from your mistakes is important for growth. Dwelling on them is not. Gotta let go.

Yeah, exactly. I may have read myself into the situation a bit. If I wasn't clear, I meant that academically we learn the process of learning, but it sometimes goes unregulated in our lives and we can't move on from the mistakes. I agree with what you said.
 
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Yeah, exactly. I may have read myself into the situation a bit. If I wasn't clear, I meant that academically we learn the process of learning, but it sometimes goes unregulated in our lives and we can't move on from the mistakes. I agree with what you said.
But for me...what's especially scary, is realizing all the good things that happened as a direct ( and less easy to figure out-indirect cause of those mistakes), and then realizing I had to make those mistakes or undergrad wouldn't be the same.

I'l give you the cliffnotes version- I withdrew and retook orgo. Sometimes I dwell on it- then I realize every good thing that happened because of it. One indirect thing- I took this elective last fall, stem cell biology, and I chose to take it as a junior and not a senior. I didn't realize it wouldn't fit into my schedule senior year, but I think part of the reason I took it was i took Orgo II fall of junior year. That professor was amazing, and the best influence I could have had at that point. Sometimes I think if I never retook orgo, I may not have taken his class, and geez. That would have made college very,very different.
 
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But for me...what's especially scary, is realizing all the good things that happened as a direct ( and less easy to figure out-indirect cause of those mistakes), and then realizing I had to make those mistakes or undergrad wouldn't be the same.

I'l give you the cliffnotes version- I withdrew and retook orgo. Sometimes I dwell on it- then I realize every good thing that happened because of it. One indirect thing- I took this elective last fall, stem cell biology, and I chose to take it as a junior and not a senior. I didn't realize it wouldn't fit into my schedule senior year, but I think part of the reason I took it was i took Orgo II fall of junior year. That professor was amazing, and the best influence I could have had at that point. Sometimes I think if I never retook orgo, I may not have taken his class, and geez. That would have made college very,very different.

Why did you withdraw?
 
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Why did you withdraw?
I was doing reallly poorly, studied for that class like gen chem, sorry I shoulda made that clear.
So anyway, retaking kinda indirectly led to meeting the best prof I've ever had who was the exact influence I needed at that stage of my life. As much as I dwell on that mistake, it almost scares me that it may have resulted in me meeting this professor.
 
I was doing reallly poorly, studied for that class like gen chem, sorry I shoulda made that clear.
So anyway, retaking kinda indirectly led to meeting the best prof I've ever had who was the exact influence I needed at that stage of my life. As much as I dwell on that mistake, it almost scares me that it may have resulted in me meeting this professor.

So you were doing very poorly in the class, realized you were studying for it the wrong way, then withdrew and retook it and did better? How is that a mistake? The mistake would have been to continue doing the same thing and ended up with a poor grade and then having to retake it anyway.
 
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I’m the same on here as I am irl. If anything, I’m more reserved on here.

I also try not to dwell on things. You can’t change the past.

Hard to say. I think a lot of people think they are the same, but it's hard to really say that. That could be a matter of intent, in that we don't feel we are acting differently or trying to act differently. But likely you are in some way, or even if not, likely people view you differently online than if it was on the phone, skype, in person, etc. It can be surprising how we can feel like we are "being ourselves" online, only to be vastly underestimating how "not yourself" you are coming off or how differently people are viewing you than what you are used to.

I am 100% genuine and sincere here, and mostly speak my mind entirely here and in person, but I know that I am received differently in both scenarios. Quite so.
 
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Hard to say. I think a lot of people think they are the same, but it's hard to really say that. That could be a matter of intent, in that we don't feel we are acting differently or trying to act differently. But likely you are in some way, or even if not, likely people view you differently online than if it was on the phone, skype, in person, etc. It can be surprising how we can feel like we are "being ourselves" online, only to be vastly underestimating how "not yourself" you are coming off or how differently people are viewing you than what you are used to.

I am 100% genuine and sincere here, and mostly speak my mind entirely here and in person, but I know that I am received differently in both scenarios. Quite so.

I guess. The only difference really is that my sense of humor is much dirtier and darker in real life.
 
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I was doing reallly poorly, studied for that class like gen chem, sorry I shoulda made that clear.
So anyway, retaking kinda indirectly led to meeting the best prof I've ever had who was the exact influence I needed at that stage of my life. As much as I dwell on that mistake, it almost scares me that it may have resulted in me meeting this professor.

So you were doing very poorly in the class, realized you were studying for it the wrong way, then withdrew and retook it and did better? How is that a mistake? The mistake would have been to continue doing the same thing and ended up with a poor grade and then having to retake it anyway.

I'm wondering if it's.... sometimes it sorta disturbs me the idea of "how easily" my life could have gone onto a different and not as "awesome" of a track, had it not been for something that I might have otherwise avoided as a mistake, but was a mistake I made nonetheless. Hard to explain.

I think it might be trying to reconcile judgment and choice vs the chances of fate or forces outside our control.

Like, how am I to navigate to the best outcome if avoiding mistakes, which of course is natural to do, would keep me from it? The reality is that you can't and you can't really know. You can't know which "mistakes" will have good outcomes and which bad for sure. We go through life then not really knowing what is a "mistake" and what is a happy accident. Could this challenge feelings of control we have over life? Sure. Is it a natural part of life, and one we must wrestle with and learn to face? Yeah.

OP, for all you know, if you hadn't met that professor, you might have met someone and had an even "better" experience. At the same time, it's very hard to say what effects or "life trajectory" or events or whatever have, until you're basically looking back on your life at any point, and the story isn't really over until you're dead/about to die. Even then, cause/effect isn't clear.

Maybe meeting that professor will seem like a really important factor in getting into medical school. You will think your dreams are coming true. Then you suffer a workplace injury that leaves you with incomplete use of your hands and feet and you live the rest of your life in daily pain. What then? But had you not gone to medical school, how would you feel then?

This sort of thinking is basically madness.
 
I'm wondering if it's.... sometimes it sorta disturbs me the idea of "how easily" my life could have gone onto a different and not as "awesome" of a track, had it not been for something that I might have otherwise avoided as a mistake, but was a mistake I made nonetheless. Hard to explain.

I think it might be trying to reconcile judgment and choice vs the chances of fate or forces outside our control.

Like, how am I to navigate to the best outcome if avoiding mistakes, which of course is natural to do, would keep me from it? The reality is that you can't and you can't really know. You can't know which "mistakes" will have good outcomes and which bad for sure. We go through life then not really knowing what is a "mistake" and what is a happy accident. Could this challenge feelings of control we have over life? Sure. Is it a natural part of life, and one we must wrestle with and learn to face? Yeah.

OP, for all you know, if you hadn't met that professor, you might have met someone and had an even "better" experience. At the same time, it's very hard to say what effects or "life trajectory" or events or whatever have, until you're basically looking back on your life at any point, and the story isn't really over until you're dead/about to die. Even then, cause/effect isn't clear.

Maybe meeting that professor will seem like a really important factor in getting into medical school. You will think your dreams are coming true. Then you suffer a workplace injury that leaves you with incomplete use of your hands and feet and you live the rest of your life in daily pain. What then? But had you not gone to medical school, how would you feel then?

This sort of thinking is basically madness.

Right. It's a waste of emotional energy and time, because things happened how they happened. You wouldn't be where you are or who you are if you took a different path.

I was just saying that I don't think withdrawing when you're doing ****ty in a class and then revamping your study style and doing well the second time is a mistake to dwell on. That's something you should learn from as having made the right decision and to use that info in the future.
 
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I guess. The only difference really is that my sense of humor is much dirtier and darker in real life.
I also believe that we are "different people" with different people, in the sense that each of us is extremely complex, and then you put us in certain scenarios and with different people, and we call upon different parts of ourselves, not even consciously. It's natural. Some of the time, it's not even who you were to begin with, you learned or grew in some way to change for the demand or where you put yourself.

SDN me is not the same as Dr. Me or daughter me or pro femme domme me. Some of that is situational, by choice, and makes total sense, that "of course you're not the same, but they're all you!"

Yes and no, in my view.

This idea of being different people with different people, I picked up from a movie. I think it was Playing by Heart. If we are different people with different people because of what they bring out in us, then we have to ask ourselves if we like who we are when we are with someone or in a situation. To take it further, one might say that part of what we love about someone isn't just who they are, but who we are when we are with them.
 
I was doing reallly poorly, studied for that class like gen chem, sorry I shoulda made that clear.
So anyway, retaking kinda indirectly led to meeting the best prof I've ever had who was the exact influence I needed at that stage of my life. As much as I dwell on that mistake, it almost scares me that it may have resulted in me meeting this professor.

Not to sound dismissive, but it sounds like you have too much time on your hands if you're thinking about different forks your life could have taken and worrying about what would have happened it they didn't. Like she said, you can't know what would or wouldn't have happened. Maybe you have trouble focusing on what's in front of you?
 
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I also believe that we are "different people" with different people, in the sense that each of us is extremely complex, and then you put us in certain scenarios and with different people, and we call upon different parts of ourselves, not even consciously. It's natural. Some of the time, it's not even who you were to begin with, you learned or grew in some way to change for the demand or where you put yourself.

SDN me is not the same as Dr. Me or daughter me or pro femme domme me. Some of that is situational, by choice, and makes total sense, that "of course you're not the same, but they're all you!"

Yes and no, in my view.

This idea of being different people with different people, I picked up from a movie. I think it was Playing by Heart. If we are different people with different people because of what they bring out in us, then we have to ask ourselves if we like who we are when we are with someone or in a situation. To take it further, one might say that part of what we love about someone isn't just who they are, but who we are when we are with them.

My wife would tell you I’m pretty much the same with everyone lol. But I get what you’re saying.
 
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My wife would tell you I’m pretty much the same with everyone lol. But I get what you’re saying.
Yeah what sucks is that I'm so much me online, that I just can't quit on SDN and it hurts sometimes, especially since I think it's quite different in real life. That or it's easier for the haters to avoid me IRL than on SDN :shrug:

I'm not always popular with Type A types. You know, with my Type B play line citations ;) I'm definitely way towards type B spectrum for med professional types, but being a doc I'm still way type A for the gen pop.
 
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Not to sound dismissive, but it sounds like you have too much time on your hands if you're thinking about different forks your life could have taken and worrying about what would have happened it they didn't. Like she said, you can't know what would or wouldn't have happened. Maybe you have trouble focusing on what's in front of you?
Eh, I wouldn't go that far. I don't know what OP is going for or needs in this situation.

On one hand, I will say I think these feelings are totally natural as one comes to the end of a major chapter in life or coming to some changes, to feel a kind of existential whatever and feel a bit plagued by these questions. Coming to forks in the road in the immediate future will of course prompt consideration of past forks, and not all of that consideration will be comfortable, and some can be counterproductive for the moment.

I'm thinking of some approach-avoidance conflict, which is considered pretty standard.

So if OP needed some reassurance on that front, here's some validation.

OTOH, what to do will depend on how much distress this is causing, dysfunction, and how time limited it is. My hope is that voicing this and getting some thoughts and support will help it pass.

I'll share some thoughts on coping mechanisms.
 
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Sometimes when we ruminate, doing something to distract ourselves is exactly what not to do.

Consider the 12 Step program Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families, which I'm always plugging. I recommend their literature highly, if not meeting attendance.

Does this rumination represent some sort of negative self-talk that you have learned? Or a pattern you learned somewhere along the line? To what extent does this have to do with feeling control/out of control as you face life challenges?

Where you find dysfunction in your coping mechanisms, I think these are reasonable questions. Are you addicted to control? What are your experiences with change? What models have you had in life regarding these things?

Do you or your family practice forms of "feeling stuffing?"

Basically, I caution people about rumination. Sometimes that is what it is on its face. Sometimes, it represents a negative coping mechanism for feelings of a lack of control, because there can be an almost superstitious belief that focus on what we cannot change will bring things under control.

However, sometimes when feelings clamor at you, it's because you're attempting not to feel certain things. The more you run from some of these uncomfortable feelings, often the more they will plague you. Blood will have blood. Feelings will make themselves felt sometimes. But when you deny them fruitful outlet, they can sort of come out in these unproductive side alleys.

An exercise I learned, was to take time to feel feelings. Don't try to distract yourself, don't do anything you would typically do to take yourself away from it. You can go sit in your closet. Just be silent and still. Maybe journal. Set a timer if you wish, so you don't feel like the discomfort will never end. That is a way to ensure this stays productive, because you will only be spending so much time on unbottling these feelings. Focus exactly on the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge them. Know that they are OK and normal. There are no bad feelings. You deserve positive affirmations no matter what these feelings are, or what they tell you.

Sometimes you are not upset about what you think you are upset about. So don't try to rationalize this too much. I'm sure the Big Red Book or others can better explain how to get in touch with your feelings and concerns at the root of all this.

Sometimes it can feel like if you turn and face these feelings, they will never end, they will get bigger and bigger. That is actually rarely the case. Practice sitting with your feelings and not running from them will pay dividends. A psychiatrist once told me "dreading is worse than doing." Many people are spending 90% of their waking hours involved in some activity meant to control their feelings in any other way rather than feel them completely. Because they dread doing so, that the pain of feeling will be more than the pain they are in by running. Burying, running, is exhausting, costly, and while you seek control of these feelings, you are actually giving up all control because your life becomes about running, and less about what will make you healthy.

Before someone points out that OP is already ruminating and focusing on their feelings, I would point out that there's actually a chance this is stemming from something in their life they are not directly facing, that won't go away on its own, hence the rumination.

So I suggest to many people, learn to ruminate properly. Give yourself a certain amount of time a day, to just be a freaking mess. After that exercise, there's things to do to transition from that place to addressing these issues positively. However, it cannot be done without facing the feelings first.

Given where I think a lot of rumination comes from, I think this is a reasonable intervention to try early on. Because "trying not to" ruminate, is not working. That's what rumination is, lol, being unable to take yourself away from thoughts/feelings. So quit trying. See what happens when you just let it take its course. You may feel worse in the short term, but that be what happens on your way out of this.

The worry is that you'll be so much worse off. No, you're giving yourself a reasonable way out of a cycle. Most people really will not be worse off trying this technique, because even though you may feel worse doing this, you will either feel better, or very likely able to return to your previous maladaptive coping mechanism/pattern to deal. Which you were already doing. Most people are not opening up a Pandora's box they can't close again.

Embracing uncomfortable feelings and not running with distractions, has been one of the best things I have ever learned. Do I still have the bravery to apply this to a lot of things? Have I stopped running? No. But that doesn't mean that this hasn't been a very powerful tool for me.

Why go off here? I'll give a real life example in my next essay at some point.
 
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An exercise I learned, was to take time to feel feelings. Don't try to distract yourself, don't do anything you would typically do to take yourself away from it. You can go sit in your closet. Just be silent and still. Maybe journal. Set a timer if you wish, so you don't feel like the discomfort will never end. That is a way to ensure this stays productive, because you will only be spending so much time on unbottling these feelings. Focus exactly on the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge them. Know that they are OK and normal. There are no bad feelings. You deserve positive affirmations no matter what these feelings are, or what they tell you.
YES I totally do this. Feeling feelings makes me feel human again and then I can process and move on with my day without compartmentalizing and having it turn into a whole "thing" later.
 
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I know all I've done is rant thus far- but this is really bothering me.
I had minor blepharitis over the summer ( eye infection caused by clogged oil glands at lash line), so flaky, burning, red , itchy skin near eyes, lots of puffy-ness, and stinging, watering eyes. I went through a course of antibiotics and an eye wash regimen I have been keeping up with, and it wen't into remission. But now. It's back. Swollen and red and stinging eyes and itching skin. Great. Uncomfortable and UGLY.
 
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