One time at
band summer camp when I was 16, my roomie and I were having a random convo after lights out, and I heard the most disgusting noise (like a saliva fap fap fap fap), but it stopped when I stopped talking. Me, an intellectual, just straight up went, "Dude! What's that noise? Are you ****ing jacking off?" He went "Noooooooo." I went "Oh ok." But it continued. Ugh.
Then towards the end of the 3-week camp, during the afternoon one time after we got out of class (this was nerd camp where we're in class for 7 hours every day), I walked into our dorm room and he was just standing there staring at me. We locked eyes. I thought it was just weird he was just staring at me all still so I went "What????" That's when I broke eye contact and looked down, and broseph straight up had his **** completely out, and ... it was happy to see me. KFC. I left the room extremely confused, since if you're changing your clothes normally you wouldn't be right by the doorway, so I left to give him some privacy. To this day I have terrible gaydar, but this is one of those memories that's burned into your skull and makes you wonder.
The end. Thanks for coming to my #tedtalk.