RIP Kernel OSU CVM c/o2017; My friend & Classmate.

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Virginger

Virginger

Oregon State c/o 2017
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I thought I would just put it out there because I do not know how to grieve & I just cannot say it out loud in person anymore. Kernel has passed away. She was an amazing person, a beautiful person inside & out, & a talented artist. It is 3 am, & I have work tomorrow, but I just cannot stay asleep. I am filled with so much rage towards my university; it feels like they killed her because she got injured in the 3rd year curriculum, which made it difficult to excel at the remaining coursework, & the school just did not have a support system in place to help her following that injury. I do not think I will ever forgive my alma mater for their hand in this outcome; this was preventable. It pains me to think about those horrific feelings she must have experienced to make such a permanent decision.

It feels like posting this sensitive information on the forum may help me grieve. I met her here during vet school applications (she was so kind & supportive), then we meet in person the first time after interviews for vet school, & then we went into vet school as comrades & friends because we had bonded through this forum so much prior to starting school. I was so happy that I got to really know her; this is such a loss to the veterinary community because she really was going to be an amazing veterinarian.

Several times this year I thought about calling her to get beers with her during 4th year, but I assumed she would be too busy with 4th year clinics. The lesson is, ALWAYS call & check, even if it has been awhile. Life is so short, live it to the fullest & do not hesitate to reach out to others, even when you think thing must be going well.

I beg anyone who is considering suicide to contact a friend or family member, or really just ANYONE at all. This should NOT be a regular event in our industry, we need to offer & accept help. I would have dropped everything & gone to be with her if I had only known that she was feeling that way.

Also, vet school is a terribly competitive & grueling environment, EVERYONE should do their part to limit that competitive side to them & be supportive of ALL their classmates. We need to build a better self-loving environment in school, from the students to the faculty & administration. At some point we will all probably feel so utterly worthless, & I can only hope that there will be an emotional support system to help bring us up from those darkest days & hours.

RIP my amazing friend, I only wish I had more time with you.
 
This hurts my heart. Both SDN and the veterinary community have lost another beautiful soul and I still feel pretty powerless to stop it. Thanks for sharing this, Virginger. My thoughts are with you and all of the Oregon crew. If anyone is ever in a dark place, my PM box is always open.
 
I’m very sorry about your friend. I hope you and her family are able to find peace.

If anyone reading this is struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide, and you don’t know who to talk to you can message me.

It does get better, and there are things in life worth living for. I promise.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1800-273-8255
 
This is so devastating. I've lost someone extremely close to me to suicide, and I know how difficult it is. Please, anyone, feel free to reach out to me if you need anything at all.
 
My sincerest condolences for the loss of your friend and classmate, @Virginger.
This is terribly sad news. I definitely remember Kernel hanging around the SDN forums. As @DVMD mentioned, there simply aren't any words. To all those on the forums, please consider joining the following organization in support of our colleagues: Not One More Vet Homepage (Not one more vet). So sorry.
 
I have no words that will take your pain away..... but I'm so sorry.

I don't know the situation, but in general, I think those who spend their lives helping the helpless are often so compassionate that they feel everything very deeply and it can seem like too much to bear sometimes. It really could have been any of us. Thank you for speaking out.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
 
I really wonder if the veterinary schools or AVMA actually give any ****s about the vets actually within the field. It seems that few and far between are there actually any resources for vet students who are struggling. The AVMA doesn't talk about it. It just makes me sick that so many struggle so much in this field and those who should be leaders in the field do jack ****ing **** to address the problems.
 
Thank you all for so much support over this tragedy, SDN has always been a wonderful community for support & advise. I have also been very lucky to have very good friends, especially at Banfield (which I loving nicknamed evil empire); but really through, I have had the most close knit, loving, & supportive group of co-workers at Banfield so far (of all the other jobs I have had, for reals). In times like these, it is so important for all of us to surround ourselves with that emotional support moving forward.

-----

@katashark, I am sorry for your loss too; let me know if you ever need someone to talk to about Kernel (I will PM you my FB info, I think I know 2 of your classmates quite well). I know OSU can be a really tough school, & that it is not necessarily a great environment for people like Kernel & I who have anxiety & depression. I am always happy to offer some coaching with how to maintain you confidence while attending OSU.

-----

On another note, the funeral will be closed, only for family. My alma mater is having a memorial with an open mike, but I am so angry with them that I do not know if I should attend for risk of speaking my mind; I know I will be emotional and I still want to sit for a residency in the future, so I do not want to blacklist myself by being very openly critical of the school. It is really sad that I feel that I have to sensor myself because of career expectations & goals, when this is the time I & others should be able to speak most frankly about the condition of our very small community. I struggle, because we cannot more forward with taking critically analytical look in the mirror as to how we have fail so many in the veterinary community; once we realize where those weaknesses are & we start to address them, then maybe we can finally curtail this horrible/tragic phenomenon.
 
Oh no.....🙁

DVMDream said:
I really wonder if the veterinary schools or AVMA actually give any ****s about the vets actually within the field. It seems that few and far between are there actually any resources for vet students who are struggling. The AVMA doesn't talk about it. It just makes me sick that so many struggle so much in this field and those who should be leaders in the field do jack ****ing **** to address the problems.
Click to expand...

I think the goodwill is there, but the right kind of action really isn't. Like....wow this is bad, we should do something!! Er.....something.....

Step 1 is admitting there is a problem, Step 2 is taking action. We're still only in the very beginning of Step 2, and that's frustrating considering we were stuck on Step 1 for so long to begin with.

The resources for vet students in particular tend to be scarce - we're usually in the boat of vying for time with a huge population of undergrads at the general university counseling centers, for example.

It's even harder for graduate students as well. At least people are talking about all the **** professional students go through....the soul-crushing lifestyles of many GTAs/GRAs often goes ignored. Many don't even feel comfortable taking advantage of the actual university resources - I mean, what if you run into one of your students at the counseling center, for example? Gossip and stigma spread fast.
 
Virginger said:
Thank you all for so much support over this tragedy, SDN has always been a wonderful community for support & advise. I have also been very lucky to have very good friends, especially at Banfield (which I loving nicknamed evil empire); but really through, I have had the most close knit, loving, & supportive group of co-workers at Banfield so far (of all the other jobs I have had, for reals). In times like these, it is so important for all of us to surround ourselves with that emotional support moving forward.

-----

@katashark, I am sorry for your loss too; let me know if you ever need someone to talk to about Kernel (I will PM you my FB info, I think I know 2 of your classmates quite well). I know OSU can be a really tough school, & that it is not necessarily a great environment for people like Kernel & I who have anxiety & depression. I am always happy to offer some coaching with how to maintain you confidence while attending OSU.

-----

On another note, the funeral will be closed, only for family. My alma mater is having a memorial with an open mike, but I am so angry with them that I do not know if I should attend for risk of speaking my mind; I know I will be emotional and I still want to sit for a residency in the future, so I do not want to blacklist myself by being very openly critical of the school. It is really sad that I feel that I have to sensor myself because of career expectations & goals, when this is the time I & others should be able to speak most frankly about the condition of our very small community. I struggle, because we cannot more forward with taking critically analytical look in the mirror as to how we have fail so many in the veterinary community; once we realize where those weaknesses are & we start to address them, then maybe we can finally curtail this horrible/tragic phenomenon.
Click to expand...

It sounds as though you would really benefit from speaking to a professional about your feelings. I don’t think the event is worth going if you’re going to sit and fume the whole time- that’s no good for you mentally. Speaking out is important but in a time of high emotion you may come to regret it, for a variety of reasons.

Is there a way you can organize and event away from the school for her friends that can’t attend the funeral? That may help direct your energy and provide a less official atmosphere to grieve.

I’m with WTF- I don’t think it’s any one person, group or thing’s fault that this is happening and I certainly think schools and AVMA care, they just haven’t yet taken the steps forward because no one really knows what those steps should be.
 
I just received a notification from this thread, so I am bumping it. I am tired of losing people who are sensitive to the cruelty involved in this world. A reminder to always reach out to not only our loved ones, but any stranger that may be having a bad day. If we can offer an act of kindness, perhaps that is a little more light to balance out a scale that has been tilted towards darkness.
 
I didn't really feel that a new thread was necessary and there is not another one that seems appropriate to add this to

We found out yesterday that a veterinarian who had just finished his radiology internship at our school passed away in a similar fashion. I knew him better than a large portion of my classmates because only about 6 of us worked in radiology, and he was involved with a lot of our training. I didn't really know him on a personal level, but he was nice and quirky, always coming to work wearing a bow tie. You could say "the bow tie guy" and you would know who it referenced.

I don't know why it happened, and why now, and suppose never will.

I also have to say that aside from my grandfather when I was 9, I have not personally heard of anyone that I've known to die, this is the first since then. It's strange.

He was from C/O 2018 Ohio State and I offer condolences to those from Ohio that were his friends, at least one person here is from the same class
 
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