Rude student host pre-interview... Advice?

[ChaChaDocta]

Hi All, just a quick question.

I had set up a student host for the night before my interview, and canceled 2 days before because I a friend who lived in area offered me a place to stay at the last minute. In our previous conversations, she had been very short with me, and was not warm or welcoming at all, in stark contrast to my friend who was elated that I might spend the night (I'm flying in from Wisconsin to Dartmouth). I know it was a little rude to cancel with such short notice, but I feel like she over-reacted. Email conversation is as follows:

Hi ***! Sorry for the short notice again, but won't be staying the night tomorrow, something else came up. I'm very grateful that you're offering to host us interviewees, though! It's much appreciated!

Best Wishes,
******

******,
It sounds like you're incapable of planning ahead. I just want to let you know that this kind of behavior is quite disrespectful and reflects poorly on you.

-***



I'm worried that she might go talk to the admissions office or something before my interview or that I might see her at the interview and be rude to me. I replied to her again apologizing and again thanking her for offering her home, but I'm still worried that this will affect my interview.

What should I do?

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[BluePhoenix]

Wow. I don't really have any advice, if I were offering to host someone and they got a last minute offer from a friend, I'd probably just wish then luck with their interview and ask if they had any questions. I think the host's behavior might make me a little sketched out about the school. It's not as though you had arrived and then ditched her that night or not said anything and just not shown up at all. You may want to mention it to the school, after your interview of course, because they might want to know that one of their students hosts was being rude to an applicant and that doesn't reflect well on the school.

 

[jr doctor in sd]

Hi All, just a quick question.

I had set up a student host for the night before my interview, and canceled 2 days before because I a friend who lived in area offered me a place to stay at the last minute. In our previous conversations, she had been very short with me, and was not warm or welcoming at all, in stark contrast to my friend who was elated that I might spend the night (I'm flying in from Wisconsin to Dartmouth). I know it was a little rude to cancel with such short notice, but I feel like she over-reacted. Email conversation is as follows:

Hi ***! Sorry for the short notice again, but won't be staying the night tomorrow, something else came up. I'm very grateful that you're offering to host us interviewees, though! It's much appreciated!

Best Wishes,
******

******,
It sounds like you're incapable of planning ahead. I just want to let you know that this kind of behavior is quite disrespectful and reflects poorly on you.

-***



I'm worried that she might go talk to the admissions office or something before my interview or that I might see her at the interview and be rude to me. I replied to her again apologizing and again thanking her for offering her home, but I'm still worried that this will affect my interview.

What should I do?

To be honest, it sounds to me like it's the type of person who does stuff to kind of show it off...as in she was being a host possibly just so that she could say oh yeah i host students...yeah im nice . so when you cancel, it's a big hit to the ego...and she obviously takes it the hard way. If it was me, i'd be either indifferent or even relieved if a student cancelled on me (even with short notice - but apologizing of course) because if i all of a sudden found myself with a few more hours of free time (who doesnt want that?)...id take it.

If I was you I would not worry - she probably was blowing off some steam via the internet on you haha...and it would have made her extremely upset I think to go and voice her opinion about you to the interview committee...id think from the looks of her email it looks more like shes not rooting for you to get in (but we are at SDN!) but probably wouldnt go farther than that...then again she was pre-med at some point...

 

[theNEWgirl]

do some schools pay student hosts or something? if her incentive was money, I can see how she would flip out on you like that

 

[LikeClockWork]

First off, I don't think student hosts have any real sway with the Adcoms, so you're probably okay there. Secondly, I don't think it's exceedingly bad taste to cancel with only 2 days notice. I feel like it would be different if you were trying to get a student host at the last minute instead of just canceling because that would take much more effort on their part. As it is, the host now has a free night. Now I suppose she may have rearranged her schedule to accommodate you, which would be frustrating that you canceled. Really though, all you can do at this point is apologize, which it seems you've done as adequately as possible.

I know that many interviewees get small gifts for their hosts (i.e. $10 Starbucks giftcard) so if you're REALLY concerned, you could go ahead and send her one anyway. It could include a note that says you'd already gotten this for her before plans changed and it's just a thank you for being willing to host you in the first place. I don't think this is at all necessary, but if it makes you feel better then go for it.

 

[Polynikes]

This is what my response to her would be:


"LOL at you."


And yes, I would use the LOL...

 

[jr doctor in sd]

Likeclockwork's idea about sending a little trinket is definitely something that this..."host" would appreciate (cant use bad words or ill get kicked off SDN).

If i was you though, i'd save the 10$ and get you and your girlfriend a latte' for doing so well to get interviews and work hard. AND you'll still have ~2$ left on the card to send my way when you're done.

 

[Polynikes]

I know that many interviewees get small gifts for their hosts (i.e. $10 Starbucks giftcard) so if you're REALLY concerned, you could go ahead and send her one anyway. It could include a note that says you'd already gotten this for her before plans changed and it's just a thank you for being willing to host you in the first place. I don't think this is at all necessary, but if it makes you feel better then go for it.

That's ridiculous IMO.

No way would I kiss someone's ass like that. Who cares if that person is upset?

At the end of the day, that host doesn't have to go out of his/her way to let you stay there for one night.

Whatever...

For some reason, this really pisses me off...

 

[jochi1543]

Likeclockwork's idea about sending a little trinket is definitely something that this..."host" would appreciate (cant use bad words or ill get kicked off SDN).

If i was you though, i'd save the 10$ and get you and your girlfriend a latte' for doing so well to get interviews and work hard. AND you'll still have ~2$ left on the card to send my way when you're done.

Yup! $10 is too much to spend on a crappy person. She'll never be satisfied, anyway.

 

[cpa2md]

Be thankful you didn't actually stay with this person...I can hear it now. What??!! you didn't bring your own toilet paper?? What poor prior planning...you should've known better! You'll never do well on an interview if you don't plan better than that!

 

[LikeClockWork]

Yup! $10 is too much to spend on a crappy person. She'll never be satisfied, anyway.

I'm not saying I'd do this, and I completely agree with jochi and Polynikes that it's placating this host. However, the only reason I suggested it was to make the OP feel better, not the host. If it will help the OP to not worry about it when waiting to hear from the school after the interview, then I'd say it's money well spent. Just for the record, I DO NOT condone pandering to jackasses.

 

[armybound]

how would it inconvenience her to have her couch open now? it may be last minute, but I doubt she had planned a special evening out for you or something.

screw her.

 

[spanamit]

I think the most important thing for you is to not let the rude behavior of this host get to you. You can't let one bad apple ruin the school for you.

If I were you, I would shrug off the ***** and have a kick-ass interview. Show the host by getting into the school.

 

[utahjazz]

Don't let it distract or bother you... just be glad you didn't have to spend any time with such a rude person! I highly doubt she will (or even could) do anything to jeopardize your chances at the school. Good luck!

 

[Depakote]

I wouldn't bother trying to pander to the student host.

If you're legitimately concerned that the host may sabotage you, you can provide copies of the e-mails to the admissions office and let them see the conversation in context. If not, then I wouldn't worry about this any further and focus on your interview.

 

[AnesthesiaMD]

I'm worried that she might go talk to the admissions office or something before my interview or that I might see her at the interview and be rude to me. I replied to her again apologizing and again thanking her for offering her home, but I'm still worried that this will affect my interview.

She knows who you are?

 

[ChaChaDocta]

Be thankful you didn't actually stay with this person...I can hear it now. What??!! you didn't bring your own toilet paper?? What poor prior planning...you should've known better! You'll never do well on an interview if you don't plan better than that!

I had kind of gotten that vibe when she first responded to host me, was very short with her response, which is another reason I was happy to stay with a friend.

My main concern here is running into her at the interview! Dartmouth has a small class ~80 students, and I have a distinctive first name... what if I get her for a student interview or something? I guess I just try to be as polite and apologetic as possible, and hope she doesn't make a big deal out of it. You know, you just try so hard to make every little thing perfect so your interview is set, right down to your shoes, and I'd hate for something petty like this to negatively affect my interview or the adcom's decision.

 

[jochi1543]

I had kind of gotten that vibe when she first responded to host me, was very short with her response, which is another reason I was happy to stay with a friend.

My main concern here is running into her at the interview! Dartmouth has a small class ~80 students, and I have a distinctive first name... what if I get her for a student interview or something? I guess I just try to be as polite and apologetic as possible, and hope she doesn't make a big deal out of it. You know, you just try so hard to make every little thing perfect so your interview is set, right down to your shoes, and I'd hate for something petty like this to negatively affect my interview or the adcom's decision.

Can student hosts even interview? I think it'd be a conflict of interest...they couldn't interview someone who stays with them overnight.

 

[ChaChaDocta]

She knows who you are?

She has my name, age, where I'm from, and I was communicating with her from my work email address (I love getting paid by the state ) and so she has my work address and phone number too. Hopefully she's too busy with being a med student to harrass me or anything crazy like that. If she's bitter, though, I wouldn't put it past her to put her $0.02 in to the adcom...

 

[ChaChaDocta]

Can student hosts even interview? I think it'd be a conflict of interest...they couldn't interview someone who stays with them overnight.

Good question?!?

 

[ChaChaDocta]

I think the most important thing for you is to not let the rude behavior of this host get to you. You can't let one bad apple ruin the school for you.

If I were you, I would shrug off the ***** and have a kick-ass interview. Show the host by getting into the school.

Oh that'd be great. I'd love to spend the next few years in a small school in a small town with this lovely "host"

You're totally right, though. I've heard really good things about the school and the community there, so I'm hoping to go in with a fresh slate and not let this girl bring down my experience there.

 

[XerxesMD]

I had kind of gotten that vibe when she first responded to host me, was very short with her response, which is another reason I was happy to stay with a friend.

My main concern here is running into her at the interview! Dartmouth has a small class ~80 students, and I have a distinctive first name... what if I get her for a student interview or something? I guess I just try to be as polite and apologetic as possible, and hope she doesn't make a big deal out of it. You know, you just try so hard to make every little thing perfect so your interview is set, right down to your shoes, and I'd hate for something petty like this to negatively affect my interview or the adcom's decision.

This is a somewhat difficult situation you are in, and I think the host's response was very unreasonable. IMO the chances it will affect your application is slim. It's human nature to imagine the worst case scenario in which she might tell the adcom or end up as your student interviewer, but I think both of these are extremely unlikely if you really think about it. First of all, how do you know she's even interviewing applicants? And even if she is, the chances that you would have to interview with her is pretty slim.

Best of luck.

 

[CheifSaab]

I would write her an email going off on her.... it seems like she doesnt have any friends or something and she was soo looking forward to hosting you. Tell her that you changed your living arrangments as a favor towards her...because you know she is busy and what not and you felt like you didnt want to be a burden.....

OR this all could be a test....maybe she wants to see how you react on email to her and she is trying to push your buttons...maybe its her period or she failed an exam and she is taking out her frustrations on you.... You never know ......Just be calm nice and yourself...


West side

 

[jochi1543]

I would write her an email going off on her.... it seems like she doesnt have any friends or something and she was soo looking forward to hosting you. Tell her that you changed your living arrangments as a favor towards her...because you know she is busy and what not and you felt like you didnt want to be a burden.....

Wow, BAD advice.

 

[Jolie South]

Wow, BAD advice.

yea, seriously. just because her host acted like an arse, doesn't mean that the OP has to.

 

[thoffen]

She probably went through some effort to find a host for you on short notice and is disappointed you canceled on her on shorter notice. I would be to. However, there's nothing to be done about it.

 

[lilzelda2]

Forget about the host and concentrate on your interview...I highly doubt the med school committee would care about what some student thinks of a prospective student....

And who cares if u see her and shes rude to you, your trying to become a doctor and not bestfreinds with some random chick....and don't send her a gift also don't send a bad e-mail, b/c that can reflect badly on you.

 

[ChaChaDocta]

She probably went through some effort to find a host for you on short notice and is disappointed you canceled on her on shorter notice. I would be to. However, there's nothing to be done about it.

I hear that, but I was going to get there around midnight (late, I know but flight comes in at 11 tonight), sleep on her couch, shower and leave in the morning. Not a big deal, and I really am appreciative of those who let us random interviewees "invade" their homes I just feel like a student who volunteers to be a Host should be a little more open, friendly, and welcoming. Maybe I'm just expecting too much, and after all this, I'm more likely just to reserve a hotel next time I travel for an interview. At least they post their cancellation policy and don't get sassy when you have to cancel

 

[thoffen]

I hear that, but I was going to get there around midnight (late, I know but flight comes in at 11 tonight), sleep on her couch, shower and leave in the morning. Not a big deal, and I really am appreciative of those who let us random interviewees "invade" their homes I just feel like a student who volunteers to be a Host should be a little more open, friendly, and welcoming. Maybe I'm just expecting too much, and after all this, I'm more likely just to reserve a hotel next time I travel for an interview. At least they post their cancellation policy and don't get sassy when you have to cancel

That's because a hotel wants your business.

In all honesty, is this thread about cancelling a stay? Or is it really about being able to accept criticism?

 

[ChaChaDocta]

That's because a hotel want's your business.

In all honesty, is this thread about cancelling a stay? Or is it really about being able to accept criticism?

If her criticism was warranted and valid, I'd accept it graciously. However, I really don't feel that it was. I mean, how was she to know that I didn't have a death in the family or canceled my interview altogether? I think her response was uncalled for and maybe she should re-consider being a student host. I'd hate for future interviewees to get stuck with her and have a bad experience because of it. So in all honesty, I think this is a valid issue to discuss and not a personal flaw that I felt like broadcasting.

 

[Finian]

I'm not sure who this "bad apple" is but she is definitely not representative of the current first years.

Please let the administration know so they can remove her from their hosting list and reassure you that you did nothing wrong. With a tiny class of 73, Dartmouth invites very few people to interviews and strives to put together an interesting, eclectic class. They would be very concerned if a prospective student was treated so rudely by a host.

Try not to judge the institution by this one student's behavior. It is a wonderful school with many happy, supportive students.

 

[Phoenix.]

Personally, I'd let it go for now. I think that your host definitely over-reacted, and I think you acted perfectly fine. However:

1) If you happen to get her for a student interviewer (which you shouldn't), I would definitely go straight to the admin office and let them know - don't wait to call after your interview is over and you've left; and

2) I would forward that exchange or just email admissions after a final decisions has been made on your app to suggest that they might not want to have future interviewees stay with that particular host.

Good luck, and try to forget about that nasty host for now.

 

[ChaChaDocta]

Alright, I'm off to the airport! THANK YOU sdn'ers for your advice and support. Hopefully all goes smoothly and this "Host" won't be an issue from here on out. I'll be sure to update this thread if I have a run-in with the dark side of Dartmouth

 

[amph119]

Honestly if she does try to bring that up that is pretty low. Best of luck to you!

 

[thoffen]

If her criticism was warranted and valid, I'd accept it graciously.

It was definitely overreactive. But... I very much doubt that most of the criticism you're going to be receiving in medicine will be warranted and valid.

 

[pedro4199]

I think how quickly you are able to locate a host, how nice they are when you are there, if they are cool, etc., all reflect back on the school in important ways. When considering a school as a whole, your experience with the student host(s) (if any), could end up weighing into your decision heavily. If the school hasn’t done a good job recruiting student hosts, it just makes them look bad.

 

[indo]

email them back and tell them to stop being such a *****.

 

[HanginInThere]

"I just want to let you know that this kind of behavior is quite disrespectful and reflects poorly on you."

You haven't given us the full history of your emails back and forth, so we don't have the context leading up to this comment. But regardless of what you might have done, it certainly isn't a student host's place to talk to you this way.

Her tone is unprofessional and negatively affects your preception of the school. The interview process is about Dartmouth selling itself as well as you selling yourself, and the admissions office doesn't want this to be how they are represented.

If it were me, I'd assume she won't take this any further. Try to shrug it off, don't worry about it hurting your application, and don't judge the school too much based on this one interaction. (Let your friend show you around and give you a feel for the "real" Dartmouth.) I don't remember whether the med students do interviews at Dartmouth. Both of my interviewers were facutly members, but maybe that was just the luck of the draw. I'd also expect that the hosts, the tour guides, and the interviewers (if they have any) are all taken from different pools - but maybe not, since it is a small class.

On the other hand, the admissions office works hard to make sure you are judged fairly. [On my interview day, one of the other applicants had an interivew that only went like 15 minutes, instead of the normal 30+. When she mentioned it to the rest of us, someone in the admissions office heard her and set her up with another interviewer so she'd be sure to get her chance to present herself.] If you get any kind vibe that your not-host went out of her way to badmouth you, I'd definitely recommend you present your side. Maybe bring along a printout of the full exchange, just in case?

If you don't think she's going to say anything about you, I'd probably let it go at that. You're right that it is a small community, and you don't want to add drama to your application if you can help it. And if you do end up at Dartmouth next year, you sure don't want come in with someone already bitter at you. I guess if you end up going somewhere else, maybe then you could feel safe letting the admissions office know about this. Getting back to my original point, they'd definitely appreciate being told that this is how this person is representing them - and they'd probably decline to use her as a host/guide/interviewer in the future.

 

[JaggerPlate]

thumbdown

Lameo ... like you already didn't have enough to focus on with the interview. This person seems a bit passive agressive, and I don't think he/she would have said that to your face. Best of luck.

 

[Isoprop]

take the high road. don't email her back. just ignore the message. from what you say, it sounds like she's overreacting.

i wouldn't worry about the host "sabotaging" your chances of getting in. honestly, what can she do? comlain to the adcomm that you canceled staying over 2 days before your interview? how is that going to reflect on her personality "tattling" on you like that?

 

[ScienceJunkie]

Hi ***! Sorry for the short notice again, but won't be staying the night tomorrow, something else came up. I'm very grateful that you're offering to host us interviewees, though! It's much appreciated!

Best Wishes,
******

******,
It sounds like you're incapable of planning ahead. I just want to let you know that this kind of behavior is quite disrespectful and reflects poorly on you.

-***

whaa? what kind of dick does this?

geez...i lose hope in the future generations of doctors...

 

[badasshairday]

I have yet to stay with a student host... Do they expect you to bring your own sleeping bag, pillow etc.

 

[87138]

I have yet to stay with a student host... Do they expect you to bring your own sleeping bag, pillow etc.

It varies. I stayed with hosts who said "just bring whatever stuff you need for your interview and toiletries, etc, and we've got an air mattress and some sheets for you. I also stayed with a host who asked that I bring my own sleeping bag and pillow.

 

[Concubine]

Sounds like she or he was pissed they didn't get the free lunch for being a student host. Send her a few dollars so she can buy a meal.

 

[nick_carraway]

Wow. Tough break, OP. I seriously don't see how this affects the student host enough to berate you. I mean, what's the most that the host needed to do? Clean up? Look decent? Maybe--maybe make plans for dinner? And she gets this worked up about it? I mean, she should be grateful that you didn't show up, if anything. Now she's got a clean house to feel good about.

I'd be happy for an applicant if they had friends in the area to chill with. I mean, interviews are supposed to be fun and if you can see old friends during your trip, then more power to you.

Very strange, IMO. I agree with others just to let this go for now. What she should have learned and what you can from this experience, is don't make enemies in life and especially not in medicine. The world's a small place and you never know who someone knows or when you'll run into them again.

 

[PeepshowJohnny]

I think the smarter thing is just to let it all slide (and only start responding if you encounter this student and for some weird reason she starts lobbying to not accept you or something).

However, as someone touched on, Darthmouth isn't just interviewing you, they're trying to sell the school as well. If you want to "get" this person, forward the correspondence to whoever is in charge of setting up student housing. Give them the whole spiel about how you were offended by this exchange and don't think this person gives prospective students a positive view of the Dartmouth experience. You run the risk of being a malcontent, but I guarantee you the school will NOT take a grumpy medical student potentially turning competitive students away from their school lightly, and WILL give this person a kick in the ass.

 

[viostorm]

I'd not attend that medical school and forward it to their office of admissions. If that school takes jerks like that and you have the opportunity to go somewhere else I would.

 

[jochi1543]

BTW, I wonder if that person is on SDN and read that...that'd be hilarious.

 

[nick_carraway]

BTW, I wonder if that person is on SDN and read that...that'd be hilarious.

That was my first thought. Maybe she'd learn a little something from our reaction, though. The OP should be so lucky.

 

[cyclingmo]

Don't worry about it. Just do your thang and you'll be great!