How long was that pregnancy - just the two months??And please watch how you document relationships --- you can cause an attending to spit a drink through their nose when you write,"patient has been in a long term (2 month) relationship with her Baby-Daddy and states..." --- nope, not kidding one iota...
- I think I'll lean towards the latter assessment: "lucky" - if he done such a good job of it, I don't see why he'd need to see multiple surgeons in the aftermath!While surgeons were shocked at his drastic action, one praised it as a “textbook” job, though others said he was simply lucky.
Rule 1: all guns are loaded.When you and your wife of 30 years are driving home from dinner and she says it's dangerous for you to keep your pistol in the center console it is a good idea to grab said .357, put the barrel under your chin, say "aww hell it aint even loaded", and pull the trigger. It is ONLY a good idea if, in fact, the pistol is not loaded. If so, the bullet will cause damage breaking your maxilla, blowing out your orbit, rupturing your globe, and exiting just south of your eyebrow. Also, make sure to do this to the side of your face which is home to your non-blind eye.
Apparently this is a thing.I thought the selling point of Immodium was that it's not psychoactive?
That seems like a pretty misleading page to uro if the nail simply went through the suprapubic region and into the bladder.When checking to see if a nail gun is empty on a construction site when you are about to go to lunch, do not point the nail gun at your pubic region and pull the trigger. This can lead to having a nail embedded in your suprapubic region and down into your bladder. If you have done this, you can expect to be the man of the hour with EM attendings, residents, med students flocking into your room to look at your nether regions. This will also cause the Urology service (attendings, residents and anyone rotating through their service at that time) to run gleefully down to the ER after receiving the page regarding a "nail through the penis" to see if this is really true. Urology will quickly lose interest once it's determined that, no, the nail did not, in fact, penetrate the penis and missed all the vital structures. The med students will think it's cool and talk about you for a few days.
And remove your contact lenses and don your glasses *before* cutting the peppers. Your 'morning after' eyes will thank you.I just remembered another one:
If someone gives you a ziploc bag of dried ghost peppers, don't try to show off your manliness by eating the entire contents of the bag in their presence. You will go to the hospital later that night with severe stomach pain.
This was related to me by a friend who I get hot peppers from to make hot sauce. He had given some peppers to someone else we both know (which doesn't surprise me he'd eat the whole bag of peppers) and told me that's what happened and warned me to never try to do the same. I assured him that although I enjoy making extremely potent hot sauce with them, I never use more than a few drops of it on my food. I'm well aware that ghost peppers are way up there on the "OH MY GOD MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE!!!" scale.
Also, while we're on the subject of homemade hot sauce, never cut up hot peppers without wearing rubber gloves. The first time I ever made hot sauce I was using relatively mild jalapenos, but didn't have any rubber gloves and didn't think about using them. The pepper oil left my fingers with a warm sensation, and eventually after washing my hands dozens of times it finally went away. However, later that evening while getting intimate with my wife, she started to complain that it started to burn "down there" and we realized the oil was still on my fingers. Never again without rubber gloves, and even with rubber gloves never rub your eyes.
It's a hole on the bottom of the body that you use every day but can't see without a mirror. It's easier to see the moon."Whatever you were doing that ended in you igniting the hairs surrounding your anus is not good idea."
Sage advice from the A&E Dept: what amazes me is the doctor apparently said this with an entirely straight face... (second hand account from a technician colleague who witnessed said patient and his... um... condition.
Can anybody explain to me the fascination with the human anus? You'd think after we developed all this cool tech and medical advancements and started blasting people to the moon... that surely the human anus would have lost its exploratory appeal?
But what about my other orifices? I use them every days as well and struggle to see all of them as wellIt's a hole on the bottom of the body that you use every day but can't see without a mirror. It's easier to see the moon.
I'll see your cannabis snorting and raise you a list of interesting things a diagnosed schizophrenic former acquaintance of mine has injected in some rather misguided attempts to get high (at least there's one saving grace, he couldn't hit a vein to save his life) ...Today, I learned you can snort weed.
Why you would choose to do this, on the other hand, is unanswerable.
Well he didn't actually go directly into his eye, somehow he managed to poke the needle of the syringe down the side of the eyeball, near the Caruncula I think it's called. End result still looked like something out of a horror movie once the eye started bulging out of its socket.
Youch! That's nasty!When teaching your young Cub Scout how to whittle, do not use your trusty razor sharp combat knife which served you faithfully in deployments all over the known Planet Earth to demonstrate proper whittling technique. Especially do not do this in shorts, outside, on the porch, sitting in your favorite chair with your legs crossed, lest you demonstrate to your CubScout that it is possible to slice into your flesh so thinly that it rolls up like a wood shaving from a planar and teach him a whole new vocabulary along the way.....lots and lots of bleeding but no sutures required....
EpicThings learned from a patient with CC "a spider bite on my ass":
1. If normal anal play just isn't doing it for you anymore, the obvious solution to this problem is to order a fancy, exotic tarantula from a fancy, exotic tarantula seller, and then proceed to somehow coax and/or shove said arachnid into your rectum. (a more accurate CC would have been "spider bite in my ass")
2. Spiders become very upset when this happens, and they will bite you multiple times before expiring, lost somewhere in your lower bowel. No, EMS will not look for it for you. The pay grade isn't nearly high enough. Some things are best left to physicians.
3. While it is helpful to know the exact species of said spider you've "shoved up your arse because YOLO", this information is not very useful when you've waited THREE DAYS after being bitten to call the Boo-boo Bus.
4. Yes, that anal discharge is not normal. Yes, it is probably related to being bitten by the spider (....geez). No, it will not go away on its own. No, there is not something you can put on it, but thanks for noticing the "for external use only" instructions on the bug bite cream.
Guy ended up losing everything up to the transverse colon. Not sure exactly what he was going for. Sadly, all of this might've been a little easier to understand if he had irradiated the spider first. "Poop-in-a-Bag Man" is not nearly as catchy as "Spiderman".
That is... more immaturely hilarious than it should have been But less than it could have been... I see that you refrained from describing this Code Brown in detail, even as it was C Diff upgraded ...it'd gag a maggot. (Ok, maybe only Pseudomonas would)#2 If you have C Diff. , HCV , pneumonia and dementia loudly demand that you be released so you can go home and have cake , end your demand by violently passing gas and ****ting yourself.
'Duchebag pneumonia'... I'm dying#3 Never take your large metal pendant off for a chest x-ray no matter what . That way your doctor can admire your film and recommend to IM the diagnosis of duchebag pneumonia.
What ever happened to @docB? Anyone know? Was a great poster, alway had sober, thoughtful advice, but hasn't been on here in 3 years.Tonight I learned yet another helpful life lesson from one of my patients. If you're on the street corner selling coke and you see the cops coming to bust you don't eat all your coke. Having been taught this valuable lesson I will now know better than to do this and wind up going to the ER in handcuffs, seizing uncontrollably, aspirating my vomit and doing all of this with a white powder moustache looking like and ad for "Got Coke?"