WW Speed Round Sign-ups & Game Thread

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Contingency lynch Lissa since I'm making dinner right now. I should be back in time, though.
 
Caia said:
I'm afraid I cannot close yet.
Click to expand...
images
 
Caia said:
So.....anyone have a joke?
Click to expand...
A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too."

The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man.

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."
 
I found this joke on-line but I don't get it.... please explain:

Mrs. Bronson's kitty isn't feeling well - a bad case of
constipation. She takes it to the vet, who gives her a new
kind of laxative.
"Give her about six teaspoons of this, and she'll be
better in no time."
Mrs. Bronson does as she's told and returns a week later.
The vet asks, "How's your calf?"
"I don't have a calf. It was my cat who wasn't feeling well."
"Well, how's your cat doing?"
"I'm not sure. The last time I saw her, she was heading
toward the north end of town with ten other cats. Five were
digging, three were covering, and two were scouting for new
territory."
Click to expand...
 
****contingency lynch bi***
 
another vet joke <this one i get>

One hot July day we found this old straggly cat at our door.
She was a sorry site. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny
and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, and put her in
a carrier and took her to the Vet. She had no name so we named
her ***** cat. The Vet decided to keep her for a day or so and
said he would let us know when we could come and get her.
My husband, the complainer said, "OK, but don't forget to
wash her, she stinks."
My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. He calls my hubby
El Cheap-O, and my hubby calls him El Take-O.
The next day hubby had an appointment with his Doctor, which
is located next door to the Vet. The Doctor's office was full
of people waiting to see the Doctor. The door opened and in
popped the vet and announces to my hubby, "Your wife's ***** is
finally shaved and clean. She now smells like a rose. And by
the way, I think she is pregnant. God knows who the father is!"
Click to expand...
 
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