Dear kitten,
You may not have noticed because you are so lighthearted and carefree, but the days here seem to stretch on and on...almost as if they last a day and a half of real time. I will be an old dog by the time I get out of here!
I have decided that the blue furred people must be part of a strange vampire cult that enjoys collecting poop. They keep taking my BLOOD out of the plastic tube thing and storing it away. Then one time, they took some of my poop, and I watched as they saved it in this weird little container. They carried it away to "test" it, but I didn't even see them sniff it first. How can you test anything without sniffing it? I wonder if they have any intelligence at all, or if they are just robots. They have not responded to my requests for toys and better food.
Still, I have stopped trying to chew the plastic tube from my leg. It is not as fun as chewing my toys, because the odd blue & white humans tell me to stop and make me wear the cone of shame when I chew too much. (It's confusing...I think I am feeling stronger the longer it is attached?)
To save myself from dying of puppy boredom, I have tried to listen hard for sounds coming from other enclosures in case there are ideas for how we can escape this place. I have decided that there are some furbeings who I like, and some who I do not like so much. I will share them with you so that you can befriend the ones who could help us es-ca-pe. (So you know, kitten, that is human code for "escape". F
unny thing is, it's spelled just the same way...)
Kitten, here are furbeings who may be friendly to you (but again, it is always better to be safe than to make too many new friends):
- The itchy dog with the tiny crawly bugs
- The one who smells of snow
- Another very sick furbeing who the humans call Jilary
- The princess with the bird picture on her cage
- The zoo animal
- The one who smells of athletic ponies
I don't know these furry ones well enough, and so cannot say...but I think I feel better about the ones at the top than the ones at the bottom:
- the one from canada
- the one who makes the cow sounds: moooooo
- the cat with lynx-like features who yowls and yowls
- the one who sees things in the night
- the one whose name sounds a little like "catpurr" (caitpurr?)
- the mad pirate
- the one with the great smelling butt
Here are the furbeings who I am not sure you would be wise to trust. The ones at the bottom of the list are the ones who seem the most scary to me and make me want to tuck my tail and whine:
- the one who smells delicious, like she lives on a farm and gets to roll in goat poop
- the old kitty who is always eating but is still skinny
- the one who helps puppies and kittens to be born
- the cat who ate the flowers (those flowers aren't even tasty!)
- one whose name sounds like "meow" but in japanese (see, I am a multi-lingual puppy! told you I was smart!)
- the mysterious one who the humans call "NSFW" (I haven't seen him around too much, maybe he went home?)
I heard some of the strange people saying the human word "lynch." I don't know this command yet. I do know "sit" "high five" "lie down" and "stay", because I'm a good pup! I was practicing a fun trick called "bang bang play dead" before I was brought here where I get to lie down, roll on the floor with my feet in the air and look silly. It makes my people laugh. Does "lynch" mean the same thing? I will try it with one of the furbeings who have been grumpy to me. Maybe they will be more fun if they can learn some new silly tricks!
Lynch NSFW