Currently, I've been
long-distance with a girl for 6 months and counting. We are planning to move in together this September.
I have to say that even though we're long distance, being with her brings sooo much happiness and meaning to my life. In fact, I can say with certainty that we're closer now than we were before we went LDR.
the vast majority of long distance relationships have been failures...actually all of them.
-suraq
I definitely understand where you're coming from. I have a few friends who have told me that LDRs are not worth the effort. But I believe that relationships usually don't fail due to going long-distance. It is because relationship problems become magnified when it becomes long-distance. There are a few common reasons why certain relationships fail when they go distance:
(by the way, I believe the following applies to all relationships, not just long-distance. These problems only become more obvious when a relationship goes distance)
1. If your relationship is based on superficial factors such as physical attraction, status, or money, it will fail. The beauty about LDRs is that status, money, beauty are much less of a factor. If you a person who is passionate about life, filled with depth, and genuinely interesting, being long-distance will only make your partner want you even more. But if you just rely on the superficial aspects of yourself to keep your partner interested, then you're partner isn't going to get much out of this relationship and may feel compelled to seek greener pastures.
You may never realize how superficial your relationship is until it goes long distance. That's one of the reasons why I consider this to be the ultimate test of whether you and your partner are meant to be together. In the past, I have been in a relationship where I dated a girl during the school year and after I went home for the summer, I realized that our relationship was mostly physical. I didn't feel deeply connected to her and by the end of the summer we had drifted apart.
2. Insecurity and mistrust will guarantee that your LDR fails. You're not the only guy in this world. She will meet new friends (some of which are guys and some of which don't have the noblest of intentions!).
I'll give you examples from my own experience of some of the things I've come across:
-MCAT instructor who tried to game my gf (haha total abuse of power here)
-valentine's gifts from her guy friends and ex-boyfriend
-various facebook messages from guys saying 'you look sexy', asking her out on bike-rides, etc.
-one douchebag even tried to play 'boyfriend breaker' by sending me messages making fun of me, hoping to incur a jealousy.
Now ask yourself honestly, would you be comfortable knowing/hearing about these things? Would it make you feel insecure? Do you trust that your girlfriend to make the right decision? It's normal to feel a bit uncomfortable, but
don't let your own insecurities turn into the need to control your partner. I've seen really bad instances where a friend of mine kept questioning his GF about what she was doing on a certain night and the guy-friends she was hanging around with.
Remember that your partner is free (and so are you) to choose who to be with. It's just you both have chosen to be with each other. But you should not go about trying to restrict his/her choices. Remember that you are the person she chose out of all the douchebags in the world.
3. If you're not dedicated, your LDR will fail. If you are under the belief system that long-distance relationships aren't worth the work and are prone to failure, then guess what? You're probably going to end up proving yourself right. But let's face the facts, an LDR is going to take even more effort then a normal relationship. You will have your own life. You will have your own friends. You will be busy. You will notice other girls. Other girls will notice you.
It's also a matter of how much work you put into it.
The more you put into a relationship, the more you will get back. On the downside, the more you put into a relationship, the more you will be hurt if things work out. There's really no way around this one. Love can be painful; at times it can make you depressed; it can even make you hate yourself. But love is also the most wonderful thing in the world if you happen to find it and are lucky enough to hold on to it. It's important to let your partner knows how dedicated you are and how much you love them. Recently, my girlfriend and I have gone on a cruise of the Caribbean together and are planning to go on a road-trip across the states (We're Canadian btw). I just find that doing stuff like this is really refreshing and gives a good break from the constant longing.
Now.... I know what I've written is really cheesy romantic stuff and a bunch of guys (especially those self-professed pick up artists) are just waiting to bash me. But when did being romantic become equated with being desparate and lacking confidence? Obviously some people here have read 'The Game' and have adopted the book as gospel. I believe that being genuine with a girl is the best way to go about it. There is nothing wrong with believing that your girlfriend is the person for you. It doesn't make you immature and it doesn't necessarily indicate that you're inexperienced. I am comfortable with putting a lot of value into my relationship.
Eventually every successful relationship must reach the phase where you both believe that the other person is the person for you. Ask yourself if you would really consider marrying someone if you didn't genuinely believe that.
How can you "hit and quit" if you are in class with them EVERY FREAKING DAY
