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Mellow out dude, It was a joke.
(I invite you to put me on "ignore" because you obviously aren't a fan).
Desperately need help on dating
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(I invite you to put me on "ignore" because you obviously aren't a fan).
I don't completely agree with this.
Yeah, for mating there's gonna be some physical parameters that matter more than if you were just a meeting of minds to be friends and watch the last ep of GOT.
I've talked to a lot of girls and we seem to agree that "pheromones" (really the latest evidence on HLA compatibility and how the nose knows this) is more important than a guy's face. We've had chats on how we've frankly shocked ourselves going by the faces of some hildebeasts we couldn't get enough of. Face doesn't matter as much when you have your face buried in someone's armpit. Or lower.
Height? Yeah. Height is associated with all sorts of subconscious biases that seem a touch hardwired in. There is a sexual dimorphism in our species, and on the whole part of what makes a woman feel "feminine" is a certain amount of difference in size. Men are less sensitive to these things because their evolution has supported spraying it all over the place, so the little details like, "If I'm 5'8" and I mate with a dude that is 6'0", according to this equation I learned in med school it's statistically likely we'll have girls that are 5'8" and boys that are 6'0", how's that for winning??" just don't seem to compute like I think it does in the subconscious of the female.
I'm not looking to make midget children with the genes and the few eggs I'm gonna pop out of the basket. Here I'm spelling it out but I'm convinced this is sorta what's behind the preference for taller dudes. And it's all relative. My friend is 5'0" and she is totally happy to date dudes that are 5'4" that I'd have to bend over to hug like a child. That's just not sexy to me.
Body? No one likes a fattie. Sorry. That's just culture and I would argue since we know it's unhealthy, again, that's a tough one. Can you really blame women if we've been subject to a process of evolution and selection where we want strong men? Lean muscle speaks to health, the kind of health that is attractive to ladies. Or at least muscle. There's a range of how solid some guys are under what I think is an acceptable level of chub. A little bit of manhandle doesn't bother me and it doesn't bother a lot of women. Total myth the supposed importance of a six pack. Frankly I think it matters more to dudes.
I think age plays into the beginning part of your post. My tolerance for bull**** for a hotter dude has been played out. Hotness will no longer excuse **** behavior in my playbook.
I want a nice guy. I want a guy that remembers my ****ing birthday and gets me a card. Carries heavy things for me, pushes the cart at the grocery store and opens doors. I don't want to hear about how I'm treating a man like a pack horse by wanting these things. I think everyone should play to their strengths. Mine isn't carrying heavy stuff. But if you need someone to get on their knees to get some "housework" done than that's me. Makes sense, I'm shorter and closer to the ground in my described arrangement. But traditional gender roles don't freak me out because I'm just that empowered of a woman.
As for games, I don't know what the **** that means. I do know that most women don't want to be used for sex. I think most women if the sex is good would rather get that on lockdown than move along to the next adventure in awkward fumbling that a lot of first time encounters are. The problem is most of the guys really good at sex someone has already gone out of their way to get it on lockdown. A string of one night stands cannot turn a brah into a good lover. So the dating scene ends up being a merry-go-round of dudes that think because they keep pulling down ***** that they're good in the sack, when the reality is they're just not getting repeat customers. But they lack proper training, and they're never gonna get it because they suck. So they continue on.
Mostly, I want a dude that can keep his hands to himself and be my friend. If I want the D, well, I know where it is and it doesn't take an MD to find it.
I have attached a venn diagram for the convenience of OP and future posters who come across this thread
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I believe people are having sex too early on in relationships. Of course the guy wants to have sex with everything that moves but should girls do the same?
Tl;dr
Girls should know themselves. They are the ones who control whats going to happen. Guys should never force themselves into a woman.
Girls shouldn't lie and claim to be ok with a casual relationship involving sex, especially when these particular girls attempt to use sex to manipulate the relationship in an attempt to make it more than was initially set to be. It Might work for a virgin or
Someone like the OP, but it won't work for every guy.
FYI, I did a quick glance at Crayola's verbal diarrhea and saw something about one night stands - this was not a one night stand.
I have attached a venn diagram for the convenience of OP and future posters who come across this thread
Well, yeah.
That's not a novel concept. It's like the girl hotness and craziness curve.
The idea is that you start out along the far right and do things (verbally, through actions) that swing you to the middle as the relationship progresses and then by that point the woman's got you trapped after sex. Bam, in a relationship.
I'll never invest my heart into a girl within the first 6 months of a relationship. My personal anecdotal experience tell me it takes up to 6 months to know if the girl is hiding enough crazy along the way to make it worth it. Can't hide crazy for a full 6 months, and if one is able to, congratulations she's your match.
Am I the only one here who finds higher earning women more attractive? I don't want some stay at home mom whose in a parasitic relationship with me.
Genetics is not a single generational equation. If you and he each have a short parent, or even a few short grandparents, those genes are hanging out there and there's a very decent chance your kids will be short. Even dog breeders know they have to pair up desired traits MULTIPLE generations to have any confidence in a litter. I doubt your med school told you quite what you describe. Odds are better, but to get to "likely" you've always got to look at the lineage.
I have attached a venn diagram for the convenience of OP and future posters who come across this thread
I know this was just meant as a joke but I hate things like this. Being nice is not the same thing as being shy and awkward nor is being confident the same thing as being a jerk.
I love a high income earner and definitely don't want a stay at home mom. Actually, I don't want kids either. DINK power couple all the way (and preferably not in the same profession)
46 yo just texted me saying she'd be down with just sex. I told her no, that she needs to just start seeing other people.
well dude you sound slightly misogynistic with your statement. What is it crazy? Why all women have to be crazy deep down? if you feel like you can't invest your heart into a girl within the first 6 months because you are guarding yourself to see if she has any flaws, that's not how love works (but ofc you aren't even looking for that) that's why relationship nowadays won't work. Men are expecting the gorgeous, perfect body waist/hip ratio, face, dumb girl that has no personality (oh god if she did she is a manipulative crazy bitch) and isn't after your money, and laugh at all your jokes and never fights or argues with you, you are always right in everything, and loves oral, anal and sex 24/7, and its a great cook, and loves working out, and thinks you have the biggest D ever and worships you and your ego all the time.
and if that's what you want you are the one that need a little lesson on reality hun! because then you'll **** all the girls in the world and sadly be alone at the end of the day. because no WOMAN would be like that no matter how many movies tell you that women exist. for guys like you exist the well trained gold diggers that will play that fantasy for you for how long it takes and then get half of your apartment and car and heart with a divorce. 🙁
not trying to teach you on how to live your life since apparently you are a master MR. tuckermax but, realize you are approaching life and dating the wrong way. and HOPE OP can see that.
Well there is a bit of you that should have known a 46 yo is very unlikely to be looking for a casual relationship...and the fact that she was looking to define the relationship in a week reinforces that thought...and she is not going to really be down with just sex... She's just hoping she can change your mind...
Basically, my post was, you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong. Short enough for you?
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Did I say yes? Beezy be cray
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Yeah you're wrong too.
Clearly you don't know how genetics works either.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-l...alth/expert-answers/child-growth/faq-20057990
It was something similar to this, and yes, I butchered it. All I remember was using the heights I described (I'm 5'8" and prefer men who are 6'0") and I thought it was interesting that the numbers predicted as statistically likely were the same!!
And yes, I did account for the fact that everyone on both sides of the family were quite tall as there was a specific man in mind when I did the calculation.
It's a guesstimate and my only point is that we are a species with sexual dimorphism. Some women are able to get past the height thing and others can't. Some of it could be biological, some cultural.
In gradeschool I got made fun of for being tallest in class, and I guess the teacher's seating chart was **** because the kids behind me threw **** in my hair bitching they couldn't see the chalkboard over my head. Boys at the junior high dances didn't want to dance with me because I was taller than them.
This started from kindergarten a lifelong tendency to slouch (which I'm paying for the habit now) and some self consciousness about my height, because boys didn't catch up until later.
Sure, I like being tall now, it's considered a plus. But I like guys that are taller than me so at 5'8" (which is taller than average for a woman) I don't feel like an Amazon or have to deal with any lingering issues on that account.
I don't thing that's weird or strange, I think it's natural.
Who says they would be parasitic?
What if they were disabled? I guess that makes them a parasite. I hope for your sake no such thing happens. People are more than their net worth.
There's a prenup for that.
Ask mpdoc2 he's well versed in that.
I like how you took what I said and swung the pendulum so far off that it's having a hard time returning. Emotional beings.
I don't need my D to be worshipped nor do I need my ego polished.
46 yo proved that she's crazy. So are some of you.
Currently going out with a 30 yo. Let's just say that it's been almost a week since we went out and about 2'weeks since we been talking on the phone and I haven't felt the urge to blow my brains out like I have with some of you and this 46 yo divorcee x 2-3. No she's not a model nor is she a 10. But she's reasonable and appreciative and she listens like I listen to her.
It's wrong to take time to know someone before becoming emotionally invested? Girls should do the same. Suddenly that's mysogynist of me, though. The lack of an investment and time is WHY divorce rates are so damn high.
My cousin married some chick within a few months of meeting her. Fell madly in love with the her before she up and took his money and ran away with her boy toy. It's not the most usual but it happens, I warned him. He's a slow learner though. Poor guy.
I've done a lot of reading on relationships, and here's the thing: people actually can't keep the mask up that long, and if you're as guarded as you say here, you're going to have a hard time even connecting to where you really do get to know someone.
Also, it doesn't take 6 mos to know. Things tend to start out as good as they will ever be, before resentments etc. brew, so that's a powerful indicator right there. People just aren't sensitive enough to the red flags and are horny, so typically they look past the things that are going to be the defining conflicts of the relationship. In hindsight, most people can identify that the person wasn't right and they should have walked away even well before the 6 month mark.
That's like saying it was easy to tell a patient was decompensating several hrs before they actually did. It's easy to play Monday morning QB
Men are just as manipulative when it comes to sex. And they can do that without applying physical force.
And sometimes the girl isn't lying, but studies suggest that the wiring is such that good sex makes people feel attached. This is the classic way that NSA and FWB goes wrong. I'm not saying that women shouldn't have some insight to recognize this as a risk of casual sex and take responsibility for those feelings, just that I hardly think it must mean they are intentionally lying or playing games. People's feelings can change, and sex is a powerful changer of feelings.
And I don't see why it's on women to be the "ones to control what's going to happen" when it comes to sex. Just because it's offered doesn't mean you have to take it. You can have just as much insight into the potential of what can happen re: feelings as I decribe above. Shouldn't we all look out for each other? Sure she's responsible for her feelings, but why does that mean you can't be responsible too?
I'm with @mpdoc2 that people are having sex way too soon.
Yeah. I know how my mind works and I know before having sex if sex is going to mess it up for me or not. I act accordingly. Pin the sexual responsibility back onto the guy though. What's up with that?
So all 46 yo women who have been divorced 2-3 times are looking for long term relationships now? So when a woman says something we have to mind read and realize that they actually mean the opposite? Ha!
What I suggested was that BOTH people have responsibility - and why shouldn't they? It takes two to tango.
What you suggest is having NO responsibility, that's different than me saying it's a shared one.
How about a little bit of personal responsibility that everyone these days seem to forget about?
D4L, that's my point. She might have meant it at the time that she wanted casual but
1) lacked insight that that's not what she really wanted
2) thought she could pull off casual and the experiment failed
3) you rocked her world and now she's infatuated. I've seen the studies that show that the infatuated brain when they think about their partner their brain lights up just like a coke addict's brain does when they think about their next hit. She might not have had insight into the potential for this, or really, you won her over. So I guess get down on her for having feelings?
I've said it already, son, if you're doing it right she's gonna keep wanting to hit that crack pipe. This is simple biology, deal with it.
I'm sorry if not everyone is capable of keeping to casual sex as easily as you wouled like.
that's what I just said - for both people to take personal responsibility
you chose to have sex with a living being with feelings - now you're being inconvienced by them. Take some personal responsibility for that.
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Don't call me son.
Um no.
I can understand if casual sex lasted say a month or two and she developed feelings. This was one week
All I'm still hearing is "you did this to her now it's your fault"
She came running back for more and I turned her down, multiple times, after I told her it wasn't gonna work well
Don't refer to my posts as verbal diarrhea.
And I don't mean that you did this to her and it's your fault.
The issue is that sex is a touchy one, and you didn't come off well in this thread to some people in talking about this woman's feelings, IMHO
Posts or just that one post? Pretty sure it was just that one post. Or are you just that insecure because everyone rags on your posting style?
Btw, it was, slick.
I don't care what y'all think about my posting regarding this topic. You're one of several women in this thread acting overly emotional and then later return to like my posts. Calm down and think about it. It's not my responsibility for what a girl feels after sex. She should not have engaged in sex if she can't control her emotions. Period.
Actually, it doesn't take that many orgasms to feel over the moon for some. I'm not sure that her age and multiple marriages were any assurance that she would be more mature about all this. It does sound a bit immature on her part that she's not rationalizing that well and trying to pin things down in a week.
It's just, why complain? Someone was all over your D and now they have some hurt feelings, whether or not you think you should have them. Have some compassion in between patting yourself on the back.
I'm just not
that your forays into trying to obtain casual sex are not going off as easily as you would like.
Yeah, actually, it hurt my feelings. I have feelings. But you don't really care about the feelings of other people.
Pat yourself on the back for that one too.
Actually, it doesn't take that many orgasms to feel over the moon for some. I'm not sure that her age and multiple marriages were any assurance that she would be more mature about all this. It does sound a bit immature on her part that she's not rationalizing that well and trying to pin things down in a week.
It's just, why complain? Someone was all over your D and now they have some hurt feelings, whether or not you think you should have them. Have some compassion in between patting yourself on the back.
I'm just not
Hey, I ended it. It's not breaking my heart and I'm not a slave to her kitty... I'm not the one begging for a do-over.
This. Makes you sound like you're gloating that you got sex and the feelings are one-sided, sounds like a power trip.
Trying to help you here. Maybe that's not how you meant it.
I don't need your help.
Clearly it became a one sided interaction the moment she came back begging for more. Yes, begging.
I wasn't complaining about it - it was an update and it was me inferring how nutty she is. She thinks I haven't figured out her game at this point? If I was a complete dirt bag id milk it for as long as I could until it was a complete emotional **** show
The human brain is cued to form pair-bonding relationships in association with sex. Oxytocin, dopamine. All that stuff. It happens automatically whether you tell yourself this is a 'friend with benefits' (or whatever) or not. This is the reason why 'casual sex' is really a misnomer. It's never actually casual. Yes, you'll see all sorts of people trying to rationalize it and convince themselves that you can fix all of problems associated with randomly having sex with people by 'better communication' etc etc, but you actually can't. I think most psychotherapists in the trenches ultimately come to realize this.
The number of people in our society (of both genders) that have been broken to some degree based on the assumption that you can just 'casually' go around having sex with random people with zero consequences is awfully high. It truly brings out some of the worst things in our culture and society.
The number of people in our society (of both genders) that have been broken to some degree based on the assumption that you can just 'casually' go around having sex with random people with zero consequences is awfully high. It truly brings out some of the worst things in our culture and society.
How high is this number of people? I don't seem to have encountered them in any significant capacity.
The level of hyperbole is intense
So I think I finally get you Lol.
You are just a guy. And since guys only think with their Ds you just took what she was giving to you. Regardless of anything. And I suppose the lesson here for us girls is to not engage on casual sex or any kind of sex before 6 months since thats how long will take him to figure out if you are crazy or not and then decide to coincidentally realize it wasn't working afterwards.
And ofc this advice would be for us emotional women that desire real connections with people and dont just go out there to catch herpes and HPV as a benefit for the friendship but with just a little luck you might add a non faked orgasm that would make us feel slightly bit better.
I guess I was kinda naive thinking men were more complex than this but happy to learn and prevent some heartbreakings.
Sent from my SM-N920V using SDN mobile
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uh, what?
I liked your last post as an olive branch because it was the first not douchey thing you had to say about this woman.
Because that's what you guys like to tell yourselves.
Holy crap what happened to this thread. It started out with some awesome life advice and then devolved into this.
@Doctor4Life1769, I wish you the best in life but you frankly come across as a broken person that probably finds meaningful connection extremely challenging.
You have a glib self-awareness that you use a shield ("I'm a tad narrasistic"), a preoccupation with "stats" and outward symbols of value (like your list of women by age and occupation), a flair for theatrics instead of simply being who you are ("say you're a male dancer and go with it" or "never ever act like a girl is better than you"--maybe you could instead "act" like women are your equals as a goddamn human beings?), and a clear desire to project some image X about yourself, like with your dating "strategies" that seem more about convincing us how awesome, confident, and bro you are than actually helping anybody else.
I think you're lonely. I think you sometimes feel resentful. I think you sometimes feel frustrated at how unfair things are--about how women are just out for money, looks, and power and couldn't possibly be attracted to who you actually are. So you play games. Theatrics. Projection. But those awful feelings are not the fault of any woman or women in general. They're your fault. They're your fault because you're not just a "tad narrasistic"--you're frankly narcissistic. Narcissism is being a character in your own movie. Lead or supporting role. Doesn't matter. Only the image matters. But the problem is that narcissism is a barrier to meaningful human connection: the kind of connection where you can simply be who you. That's the kind of connection that everybody should strive for in life, with their partner, friends, and family.
Realistically, I'm not going to convince you of anything. And I'm sure you'll glibly ignore this post. Not my concern. I hope you get therapy, and I'm sorry if you're hurting or feeling lonely. Enjoy your orgy of sexual escapades if that's your thing.
Why I felt compelled to say something:
1) You've been outrageously misogynistic.
2) You're doling out awful advice that's guaranteed to set people up for misery, either in themselves or in those they end up hurting as a result.
3) Your posts demonstrate a lot of red flags. Friends, if you see these things, run. Or hit it and quit it. But don't expect any kind of healthy, meaningful relationship to emerge.
4) Some young idiot is going to read your advice and buy the fantasy about how awesome you are.
Young idiot, I'm speaking to you now: When fantasy meets reality, well, fantasy does what it needs to survive. What does that mean? It means you'll either flake or bail or get angry, because you'll be afraid of being found out that you aren't as awesome, confident, and bro as you project--and instead of simply being okay with it (like most healthy, normal people are) you'll just quit while you're ahead. Not a recipe for happy relationships.
@singlelifeforever: I hope you're meeting people and feeling less alone. Everyone struggles with relationships, even the ones who say they don't.
@Doctor4Life1769, I wish you the best in life but you frankly come across as a broken person that probably finds meaningful connection extremely challenging.
You have a glib self-awareness that you use a shield ("I'm a tad narrasistic"), a preoccupation with "stats" and outward symbols of value (like your list of women by age and occupation), a flair for theatrics instead of simply being who you are ("say you're a male dancer and go with it" or "never ever act like a girl is better than you"--maybe you could instead "act" like women are your equals as a goddamn human beings?), and a clear desire to project some image X about yourself, like with your dating "strategies" that seem more about convincing us how awesome, confident, and bro you are than actually helping anybody else.
I think you're lonely. I think you sometimes feel resentful. I think you sometimes feel frustrated at how unfair things are--about how women are just out for money, looks, and power and couldn't possibly be attracted to who you actually are. So you play games. Theatrics. Projection. But those awful feelings are not the fault of any woman or women in general. They're your fault. They're your fault because you're not just a "tad narrasistic"--you're frankly narcissistic. Narcissism is being a character in your own movie. Lead or supporting role. Doesn't matter. Only the image matters. But the problem is that narcissism is a barrier to meaningful human connection: the kind of connection where you can simply be who you. That's the kind of connection that everybody should strive for in life, with their partner, friends, and family.
Realistically, I'm not going to convince you of anything. And I'm sure you'll glibly ignore this post. Not my concern. I hope you get therapy, and I'm sorry if you're hurting or feeling lonely. Enjoy your orgy of sexual escapades if that's your thing.
Why I felt compelled to say something:
1) You've been outrageously misogynistic.
2) You're doling out awful advice that's guaranteed to set people up for misery, either in themselves or in those they end up hurting as a result.
3) Your posts demonstrate a lot of red flags. Friends, if you see these things, run. Or hit it and quit it. But don't expect any kind of healthy, meaningful relationship to emerge.
4) Some young idiot is going to read your advice and buy the fantasy about how awesome you are.
Young idiot, I'm speaking to you now: When fantasy meets reality, well, fantasy does what it needs to survive. What does that mean? It means you'll either flake or bail or get angry, because you'll be afraid of being found out that you aren't as awesome, confident, and bro as you project--and instead of simply being okay with it (like most healthy, normal people are) you'll just quit while you're ahead. Not a recipe for happy relationships.
@singlelifeforever: I hope you're meeting people and feeling less alone. Everyone struggles with relationships, even the ones who say they don't.
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@singlelifeforever
I found this website that I think offers some pseudosciencey based things on dating, and a lot of it I think is VERY practical
http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/07/make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you/
it has good tips for seeing if a girl is into you, tips on being a better kisser, there's a questionnaire for establishing closeness, etc.
I found this website that I think offers some pseudosciencey based things on dating, and a lot of it I think is VERY practical
http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/07/make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you/
it has good tips for seeing if a girl is into you, tips on being a better kisser, there's a questionnaire for establishing closeness, etc.
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