You could break up with someone ON your anniversary if you needed to, and no one would call you "evil", especially in your situation. Another manipulation tactic to scare you back into submission.
I think it's a joke you think you're in a position to judge my relationship based on 2-3 points I've made on a forum.
Now that is interesting, because it reads to me like an attack on the behavior of overworking, rather than on the worthiness of the person themselves. Eg:
Please get off of this thread. You are being very counterproductive and harmful to OP.
Ah, my mistake trying to learn about what I am missing here.
It's a lot of "little" things that together paint a very disturbing picture. In addition to suggesting others wouldn't want to put up with her study schedule (which is blatantly untrue considering how many pre-meds, medical students, and physicians are in long-lasting, healthy relationships), he's shouted at her, called her vile names, and even threatened to isolate her from others.
You're seriously comparing a drinking/drug problem to a fantastic work ethic..?
I know you're trying to "understand", but your last post was full of victim blaming...there are plenty of resources online that explain in detail what emotional abuse is, I suggest you do a little Google searching
I don't even think he's really trying to understand. Seems more like he's having fun playing devil's advocate/acting naive.
I think you're right, and it's totally inappropriate for someone to try to get their Friday night kicks on a thread about a very, very serious topic
The best way to learn the error of a position is to try to defend it and fail, for me at least. I apologize if I've upset you. It really did strike me as different than "you could never be worthwhile to anyone else."
My example was meant to point out the difference between you are worthless and this behavior will drive people away, not to compare the severity or even say they're the same type.
I suppose there's no way to convey it through a screen, but I'm not a troll. Its clear to me that there's consensus the guy is abusing her, and I'm trying to nail down what tips people off, since it didn't jump out at me. I am guilty of approaching as a skeptic to understand, sure, but whoever wants to call me genuinely a victim blamer or sadist is off the mark.
If this is really the best way you learn, you're going to piss off a lot of people down the road in your professional life...
IRL I'm better at knowing when to shut up and agree because the smarter people said so, rather than because I've understood.
I have plenty of real world experience with abusive relationships which is why I'm so hesitant to throw the word ''abuser'' around.
Posting your stats doesn't leave much open for interpretation; you either have those numbers or you don't. Posting that your bf said something without much of any context is totally open to interpretation and I don't think it does anyone any good to jump to the conclusion that OP is being abused.
I really don't like giving relationship advice, especially on the Internet, but he clearly feels neglected. You can tell him until you're blue in the face that he's important but scheduling him into 4 hour blocks doesn't really support that. When I was in college, my bf and I were inseparable, so I have a hard time believing that 8 hours is all you can muster up. We find time for the things we enjoy. If you feel like you don't have time for him then that could be an indicator that you're just not that into the relationship.
Huge red flag. First: Do you want to be with someone who would tell others you are evil? Relationships are two way streets, and if you're having doubts now, it's only going to go downhill.
Uh yeah...2-3 hours each week is not ''lucky'' in a healthy relationship. When you're in a long term relationship not everything is a planned ''date'', but just spending time together is enough. I am fiercely independent (so much so that it's caused problems with family and previous boyfriends), and I would not stay in a relationship that only gave me 3 hours a week (unless it was long distance or some other unusual circumstance).
I think his perspective is pretty clear. He wants more say in what you do with your time and he's resorting to questionable (at the very minimum) methods to express this. He even suggested that you alter your career plans for him. It'd be different if you were an utterly miserable pre-med who actually needed an alternative path.
We aren't just casually deciding to label OP's boyfriend as an "emotional abuser". We are labeling him as such because he has displayed the clinical, psychology field-established red flag signs of an emotional abuser. There is no speculation of abuse when someone threatens you with "if you leave me, you won't find someone else, so you BETTER not leave". He is trapping her in the classic way emotional abusers trap their victims. I know words like "abusers" and "victims" carry a heavy connotation for physical violence, but we as future providers need to recognize the legitimacy of "invisible" abuse in the form of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. And OP has not been emotional about this at all, she's been quite rational, which is why I'm inclined to believe every word she has said.
You CLEARLY have not read this entire thread, she has been trying to leave and every time she tries he breaks her down and basically forces her to stay. She can't leave right now, she has tried. If you think OP's boyfriend's comments and behavior is normal in a relationship, even for a clingy selfish dingus (which the boyfriend is way more than just a clingy, selfish dingus), you might have a very misconstrued idea of how respect, boundaries, and communication are supposed to work in a healthy relationship. OP's relationship is not healthy, and it is 0% her fault that she hasn't been able to end it yet.
lol quit diagnosing people based off a few Internet posts. My understanding of a healthy relationship is fine, given that I've been in one for years. I just disagree with your subjective assessment and (hasty) conclusions.
Are you blind? We have linked to the signs of emotional abuse and OP's boyfriend fits the description like a glove. I'm really not sure why you're defending him, OP clearly needs to leave this relationship, and your posts have tons of reasons to make her doubt herself. Whether you want to believe he is an emotional abuser or just a ridiculous, clingy person, this relationship needs to end. I really don't understand why you're trying to counter everyone's attempts to encourage OP to find the inner strength she needs to up and leave this a**hole.
I think you must be the one skipping posts, as mine have clearly stated that the OP needs to leave the relationship. And since when did calling someone a selfish clingy dingus count as defending them? Lol you must be confused.
I never said you weren't telling her to leave him. But saying this: "I'm not blaming OP, but there does seem to be an issue here of OP seeing nothing wrong with her behavior and everything wrong with her partner's" sounds a lot like victim blaming and could make her backtrack and think that she is actually the one at fault. She already has expressed confusion over what is and isn't her fault. All I was trying to say is that OP doesn't need to hear anything that sounds even vaguely victim-blaming right now.
